Hi, I am the publisher behind the original WordPress.com hosted page called 2020: Hopeless Autistic, where I saw early signs of systemic failure with developmental delayed conditions in the State of New Hampshire, the state that touted the first to close an institution for the disabled population in 1991. Unfortunately, I can never prove myself wrong, and failures in the so called DD system started to fall apart by 2019 and I got directly impacted. COVID19 helped cover up the situation. And in 2021 into the present, many adults are likely in awkward situations thanks to the damned “Community Based Supports“. Ironically this “community” was not prepared to prepare the awareness to acceptance because the assumption to the experts was to just throw us out into the community and figure it out.

The views are my own and not reflective of others as I am now an ex-self advocate and write and reflect of over a decade long’s impacts of unintended consequences of politicizing disability. In the midst of the politicization, I was a planning committee member of the annual statewide family support conference until I left abruptly in no good terms in spring of 2016.  I do other things too, and I try to not consume my time on any/or platform. I used to curate an online telephony museum, but outside of ASD awareness, I am an also-ran human who does newsgathering with Lego in the attempts to teach younger folks video over film. You find me on Twitter, Facebook and on Instagram

An Alleged Autistic/A Puzzling View on Relationships

In the early 2010s, I had been behind another WordPress blog called An Alleged Autistic, later renamed The Forgotten Autistic, and another shoddy, mid twentysomething mind behind A Puzzling View on Relationships. All of these were discontinued by 2013, I didn’t leave a full identity, unlike in the Hopeless Autistic. These written works have not been seen publicly since they were unpublished by 2014. 

Please note as an originalist, a lot of the rhetoric in the past, was from a time where I was recovering from severe abuse, and trauma, resulting a complete misconception of self control. If there was some wild content that’s beyond the editorial policy, it may be edited or taken down.

Where I was (and how I saw that in today’s eyes)

2011-2013 (Just Entering Hobbling Stages)

I created An Alleged Autistic in 2011 after feeling severe post traumatic stress from school age. Even though it was nearly 3 years after graduating at 21, I also relocated, cut ties from Ltown, and on Facebook. (If you see any references of Facebook in the active sense from that timeframe, it was for the Pages I had managed, they were all nixed by 2014.) This began the path of severe depression, and began to hobble in society.

A Puzzling View on Relationships was the reaction to a series of posts from An Alleged Autistic on love, autism, etc. In 2011, I was shocked (and to this day in 2022.) Before the Snowden leaks, many Google searches passed thru to WordPress, and with Shift-Cmd-3 being used liberally, I had proof people were searching in hope, not to validate. If I find those images, I will sure be sharing it here.

Ironically, this was one of many flukes, and I burnt out almost quickly. As a result A Puzzling View and An Alleged Autistic/Day to Day with ASD ended in 2014.

2014-2020 (Checking Out of Society)

While this is a blatant no-no for even typical (you wonder why extremism is on the rise); this was misread. I had attempted to check out another adult day program, and that experience had accelerated my feelings of invalidation and severe insecurity. The Ideal Girl was actually Melanie, as our relationship had elevated into an alternative committed relationship. We were on and off for a few months before Melanie and I got married by 2014. This lead into the next publication called 2020: The Year of the Hopeless Autistic, seeing the signs of state regulations that would write someone like me off. As much as I wanted to be proven wrong, I happened to be right, and sadly, I didn’t know how bad it would be. 

From January 2015 to October of 2016, I was in a new adult day program, and it was pretty bad from almost day one. The management was very precise of how to exploit and literally treat adults like children. It had accelerated so bad, I had a crisis of a mix that involved social media (from an influencer/content creation types; the second line of command at the state police and human services and when that program knew; they discarded me as a form of punishment, as if I was making them look bad, even if I didn’t say things specifically. The content between January into April of 2016 of The Hopeless Autistic was specific to my experiences. 

Fall 2019 – March 13th, 2020

In March of 2017, I had made the mistake of attending a soft launch into a new day program, that seemed to be very progressive and ASD friendly. But little would I know bad actors in management would start to creep in. (More in that link.) There was close to pissing matches between me and my manager, and my one on one DSP. It was extremely surreal and I was in severe trauma. I got along with another DSP very well, and after the pissing match in January 2020, I then was doing just fine…

Till COVID19. On March 12th (my 33rd), the World Health Organization declared it the pandemic, the following day the State of New Hampshire declared State of Emergency. Little would I know this would be the last day of that day program. I had sent 3 individual emails of leave of absences (latter 2 was extensions) the only response I got back was when I “decided” my program by May. My neurological peers were as late as 2021 under the impression I was taking a “break”. 

Melanie also filed for divorce on February 14th, 2020 (pre COVID divorce) and the court system in the minifig world just stalled the crap. Melanie was then diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and was unable to cope with it. She committed suicide on June 30th, 2021, just over a month after her 37th birthday. We were still legally together at the time of her suicide. 

2021 – Present (Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse)

After the events of the aftermath after March 13th, 2020… I got COVID on New Years 2021. As I was isolated in my room – still trying to figure out what the hell happened, I discovered “toxic relationships” and lead myself into what was the reoccurring problem, it wasn’t just me with lapses of self-reflection, or understanding the environment around me was more autistic than me! This abuse goes as far back as 1999, when I went out of district. 

I also learned that feminism is not the inherent problem unlike the scribes in The Alleged and A Puzzling View. The toxic masculinity that is known in the 2020s from the aftermath of the #MeToo era was part of the problem. Was that to do with gender? From 2011-2014, the family was concerned that I had hatred towards women. And after the California club shooter, I really felt I had to be more careful (but being with Melanie was my safety shield because I felt safer with her.) Anyways after the last day program I noticed…

• People were really agressive
• People expected things instantaneously
• People lacked patience; lack of forgiving and lack of understanding 
• Gaslighting, minimizing self feelings, using the traits of ASD as an excuse for non compliance, excessive drama that was irrelevant and excessive manipulation. (Couldn’t be the jackass MAN-ager or the biach management wannabee, right?)

The problem wasn’t feminism running amok, it was the masculinity that was getting extended into the females that used this to aggressively put power on a vulernable person, that really caused an unfixable disaster, and I am now known to dozens of people for being self-centered, unaccounted, out of control, but the ones who kinda threw me into a situation they should’ve known better are doing just fine. They lack empathy.  But with my empathy, I am still shaken up.

Early 2022

The domestic media did the worst job in history by avoiding coverage for the typical audience. As a result, I decided to bring these old posts back to reflect and reaffirm what those unfiltered feelings really did to me to be in his mid thirties and be falsely “stuck” when the IDD system continues to write people like me off because of whatever the DSM-says-so attitude. I am allegedly autistic to many. I have to be careful how much I say, I still have to be on hyper vigilance. I cannot be vulernable as I used to be.

In 2024, certain events has transpired to the point where when the line was crossed when politicizing visible disabilities; platforming stigmatizing beliefs of ASD, and the ongoing so-called “identity politics”, “diversity, equity and inclusion” or D.E.I., and celebrating a so-called “woke” culture, the actual consequences for said actions lead to the full delegitimization of ASD to the point people like me will be further not recognized as hopeful individuals. My group has been implicitly the arms that are lifting the wheelchair-bounded individuals at the price of my own freedoms of responsibilities. It’s much like being a perpetual cheerleader without the attempt to actually compete in something. In almost 2 decades, society has turned the clock 5 plus decades to non existence.  In reality, the original title 2020: Hopeless Autistic was right on the money, just four years off, and the direction was not the way I was expecting.