The Acceptance phase, is something that I had to take more than 2 decades to come to. It must’ve taken a pandemic to make me think. While millions of Americans didn’t feel it was appropriate for Mother Nature to send her people to their rooms, I did (“Safer at Home”) that is. Due to the Twenty-Teens ending very rocky and erratic, I have realized things that I wished didn’t happen but it did and now I have to come to grips.
- Not Everyone will “get” ASD
This was a brutal thing, if not the most ever, and very personal to me. My paternal family has no exposure to someone like me. All they know is ADHD, that original “disability” that was “invisible”, as ADHD awareness has dialed back to the 90s, that means ASD awareness will take another decade or two of a break, which means my group will be forgotten yet again. As the oldest cases of modern history approach 3 1/2 decades (1987 is the beginning source point; of course the Karens hyper obsess from 1998 onwards.) This will be very painful, I cannot even say the word “autism” or “autistic condition” in the clear. It’s a slur against one’s self
- (Obviously) Do Not Expect a Rescue
My written works is not preaching to the choir. Anyone with a sane brain wishes someone could help them unravel their latest mistake, at least pull them out from their mistake then figure it on their own. But don’t start obsessing (or ruminating) or worse daydreaming. If you or a loved one is struggling to care for themselves, I am sorry for you. With the lack of continued awareness and the general public’s ignorance; this will not change; DSPs are not going to come in numbers, and friends and social companions are going to a tough challenge. Deal with it,
- Literally Let Go of all Negative things in Your Life
After the initial production of the #LondonderryNHExposed, I had done a sequel called Londonderry, NH Destroyed where I took nearly 4 hours of raw footage and cut it up o several short form video packages. All of the sentimental things (Valentine’s Day cards; letters, etc.) was fully shredded and in the fall of 2022 a scheduled event is to take place where send the shreddings back to where it belongs. Make sure you don’t make too much of a scene to not get captured by people or security cameras.
- Don’t Expect More, but Settle for Less
I know this is kinda play on words of advice of Dr. Phil, I really stress the importance of settling for half assed day programs, whatever the hell special ed is in 2022 and not expecting any hope of new and hopeful voices. Hell, remember that feminist podcaster that I brought up that allegedly loved men who out of the strangest coincidences had experiences with “the disabled”? Need I say more? This also ties into don’t expect a rescue and you have to settle with the fact not enough people will “get” ASD, especially the elder ones- that is people between upper 30s to late 20s. Why dream? it is such a waste of time, that doesn’t turn out to outcomes. After all, that’s what we should be aspiring to. No one is willing to do it, and worse those who are, are against ones who just want all of my group to be broken, and the “adults in the room” is – me and your loved one.
Advice on “Acceptance”: “Autism Parents”
- “Stop Whining” (signage in the office of the Former Mayor of Boston, Tom Menino)
The ones who have kids who are in their mid twenties or younger. Stop whining about the injustices. Stop complaining about what your kid doesn’t. Stop talking about bathroom talk on the autism parent blogs. Your grievances are hurting not just your kids, but everyone who has it including ones who are perceived as “high functioning”.
- Avoid using “Autism” as proper Noun
Autism is not a force of nature, so avoid writing copy of “Autism’s Impact in Adults” or “Autism’s Worse Moment”. Your child is a human with an autistic condition, while speaking the language of what should be proper is like debating religion.
- Rights have responsibilities, not all “rights” do not have protection or immunity
The reality is the Constitution does not protect the family of a right to have a typical child. Atypical children have existed since the dawn of time. Hell, even antidotes folks with Alzheimer’s can have hopeful moments. It’s not a fucking writeoff. The grievances and whining and the obscene narcissism from these Generation Xers, who often obsess on fucking Rain Man as their baseline of autism, or dreading their kid’s autism as if they are dead. I have a solution: Shut the Fuck Up Asshole.
Advice to the “#ActuallyAutistic” (Frm. Self Advocates or higher functioning types)
- Why I call you High Functioning Assholes
There’s a reason why I nickname HFA as High Functioning Assholes. You grew up in affluence by rich Caucasians; and you have made it appear you had it easy. You live in the cities, you refuse Suburbia, you refuse to even recognize the people who do not identify themselves with their condition, you refuse to identify your qualifiers (credentials, successes). You identify as “Queer Autistic He/Them”, never “Dad, Husband, @UofNH Alum” etc. You are the special-snowflakes, you are the Social Justice Warriors that certain groups despise. Because you have an alleged social defect, you were even odd for the SJWs, so you take your SJWs to make your own group and then use “#ActuallyAutistic”, you liberally slander anyone that doesn’t fit to your own political prejudices as “ableist” You hold the imperfect Corporate America at hostage, demanding they do x, y and z, but you force acceptance on others. You demand boycotts, but refuse to go into details To Siri With Love, or Bob Wright’s memoir, you destroy your enemies with emotion and without logic (which is amusing given that’s what autistic individuals are often labeled.)
- STFU on “Pride” – it’s politically dangerous!
Your “pride” is filled of narcissism too. It’s sinful with ego too. I don’t like how you tell others how they should feel, I mean you mandate what they should think. Stop writing PARAGRAPHS AND PAGES LONG of comments expecting you’re going to change someone else’s mind. That’s like being raped! Maybe I should call you all intellectual-rapists! You suck at convincing because your high functioning asshole status makes you think you’re better than everyone else. Just because you “actually” have autism doesn’t entitle you to walk the zoo like your a fucking king.
- You’re not all-that, you’re not “special” to be above the norms
You guys are deplorable. Stop acting like your shit doesn’t smell, or your stupid ass odd color hair doesn’t smell either, or tampering with the rainbow and an infinity symbol because you refuse to understand the origins of the puzzle piece, you refuse to understand it was not intended to be ableism, and conflate with Bob & Suzanne Wright’s stupidass mission.
Others (who think like your humble publisher)
Be modest. Be humble. Talk about ASD on the surface. Use qualifiers to identify tour situation “autistic condition” or “[identify the bullet points of autism without using the autism word] to justify adaptation such as work or other needs”. No one has 20 minutes to hear what your difficulties are.
When critiquing autism, keep your message on point, short and sweet. Stick to the Facts, avoid going more than 4 paragraphs if you’re in a Facebook comment war. Be constructive. If someone calls you out for TL;DR, either ignore or defend your tightly written narrative of 200 words or less. If they couldn’t take it, then it’s on them.
Lastly, on the ADA
Here in the US, the Americans With Disabilities Act of 1990 meant reasonable accommodations, so that doesn’t mean it revolves around you, you have the right to express your needs, but you should be responsible and expect you may not get always what you want. The ADA protects the basics. When the ADA was passed 32 years ago, it didn’t mean that every sidewalk would have ramps by the year 2000. It took years for the spirit of the law to be interpreted. It’s a great thing. People with both physical and quasi invisible disabilities can go to the park like everyone else. While prior to the late 2010s, going to place like Canobie Lake Park in Southern NH, you never stopped on the Sky ride and be up at the park 20 feet fearing you may fall, but one thing I took, was someone with a disability needs another ten seconds to get on the ride; for an autistic to handle being up at the apex of the ride, well then so be it. Everyone should follow a lead, and if you’re autistic, you should too.
The ADA is very complex law, that took many years to translate to something tangible for all. The ADA was the bookend of 20 years of bipartisan legislation in Congress to de-institutionalize disorders and disabilities outside of mental health, from school age to adulthood. Notice I said “bipartisan”, this included Republicans too. I really felt sad when George H.W. Bush passed away in 2018, because I knew the President at the time was clearly not looking out for my group