I thought I’d discuss a very sensitivte topic that may be offensive or disturbing for some. If you are someone whose not feeling that hopeful for people in the U.S. to contact the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800.223.8255 or 9-8-8. That alone being a 3 digit number says a lot about our state of mental health.

I’m talking about this as a topical subject. No different than people talking about shit, sharing poop emojis, etc. Why is it OK to talk about that but not something that’s a mental health issue? Even if you have a clear mind, suicide is perceived to many as a murder to ones self, and people are interested in homoicides from a pathological point of view, so why can’t it be on suicide too?

Suicide for me has been a situation where I felt like the mere thought of thinking about it would send alarms to all the mama bears in my life. I also felt it was trial by combat. The way to prevent suicide was to scare the bejezus out of me to not do it. Another level of suicide meets hopelessness meets co-dependency was the lines often uttered by my mother of “what would I do without you?” I have suspected that this level of dependency from the mother to the son was another problem in terms of the inability to get out of a really tight relationship.

The level of touching that line of hopelessness would I would say about 9 out 10 chances the police would be contacted and I’d be in a cruiser sent to a psycho ward. Specifically in my worst yeas between 18 to 21. The prevention of self harm was actually just further fanned the flames and made the situation a heluvla lot worse. The mere thought of self harm was to raise every alarm and combat the individual like the Bolicks of the world and teachers and case managers.

What leads to suicidal thoughts is a range of unhealthy expectations set forth by support staff; An inability to balance home and school life; the staff’s neglance of understanding one can’t balance it perfectly.  As a result the reckless rhetoric by the staff can make someone feel so gloomy they can’t get out of bed on time every morning.

In my life’s in-expierences, the thought of suicide was to punish the individual, blame the person for feeling and thinking the same way, instead of trying to find the root cause and prevent the root issue, not the surface issue that is self-harm. 

This alone caused a lot of damage psychologically. The emotional imbalance that is of autism should not come as a surprise and co-morbid conditions that is autism and mental health are clearly being underreported. As a result, many of my peers are not getting the proper support because they see lost little boys to not be sad.

And this how the ugly man comes to be. Anyways I thought this would be a good start to talk about something that has been a taboo subject, and will discuss this further as a topical discussion.

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