The phrase “cutover” is a term derived from the telecommunications industry , customer equipment world is to switch from one network to the other, whether it’s a a Centrex network to a PBX phone system, from one carrier to another, etc.

Cutover was literal word back in the day, when a client had to have the vendor tie up literally a new wiring plant, splice it against the existing system, switch off the system while the techs would literally chop off wires then turn on the new system, This video recorded in 1984 and posted from AT&T’s Archives, shows a very large scale cutover

While cutovers can be this elaborative for a phone company, for most businesses with an on prem systems, would go through an orderly process, of such:

• Doing.a site survey, checking out the plant (the building, checking for the phone jacks (also known as “drops”, checking the paneling, (or “patch panels”), or cross connects that in way splices a phone line.
• Checking the actual telephone, checking it’s extension number (that identifies completely differently from say the jack or drop number most of the time)
• Checking what’s on the phone, programmed, if it’s a feature phone, with line appearances, feature keys, if the thing has a display
• Checking if those runs have enough wiring (this was before VOIP/Gigabit Ethernet, some phones could run on a single pair of wiring, some two, some in RJ11 or some with RJ45…)
• You match up the new devices per to the purchase order.
• You do the cutover on a pre-defined time (outside of business days, wether it’s nights or weekends)
• You install the system, the phones, etc. The installer or vendor should’ve already gotten the customer data of number and extensions, and lines beforehand during the early moments of the site survey.
• They test the phones, test calling
• The vendor/installer should’ve documented the new system and provide specific training documentation for the customer.
• The most important users (administrative assistants, operators, etc.) should have some form of training. Those people then will act as a chain of trainers, and train other users that will need to know to use the system.
• The installer or vendor will most likely take the old system if it’s out of warranty or under contract.
• Cutover process from selecting and implementing and installing the system may take up to 2 months.

In unhealthy relationships, a cutover is literally like switching from one phone system or network to another. It’s being tied into an unhealthy chain of bondage. A co-dependent relationship is much like in the Information Technology world a lock-in. And the only way to get out ether partially or entirely (the former is more applicable to both relationships to people and tech) to develop the emotional cutover. For me this resulted in many different attempts

• Start looking at your finances to see if it’s feasible live separate-to that toxic individual or individuals.
• Assess your existing stuff (yes like books, clothes, and alike) to determine if you need to let-go of those things in case you can’t fit them.
• Start implementing a separate living arrangement if you can’t presently (treat your room like it’s own apartment, or other living spaces as separate environments.)
• If you’re tech savvy, start moving your equipment into that space as if you’re separate. (for my situation, I am planning to leave my data center at my family’s home, and then VPN a site-to-site link, taking my file server, and Macs with me. I literally built up a very enclosed, skeletal network just for that remote site, while all the heavy lifting VMware instances and other things that I don’t need if say the network crashes or goes down. on either side for a period of time, because all my data will be based in that new living setup that I am testing.
• Start building more boundaries. Start to be less available. Don’t fall in for the guilt-triips, that’s notorious for co-dependent relationships. Remember, as hierarchal child, even if you’re an adult, you are not supposed to be replacement for your parent’s missing spouse. Even if you have expectations or boundaries where you are supposed to “help”, it should not be spontaneous or whenever they feel like it. As II was half way writing this paragraph, I got a call from the basement where my mother asked me to start up the lawn mower and I said “give me a minute [more like 3 minutes]”, it’s a code word of, “I’ll come, but not at this instant, I am in the middle of something and you wouldn’t like if iI did it to you.”

(Note after finishing that ‘graph, I went down. put on my sneakers to only hear the lawn mower start. “Patience young jedi” as the old woman would say.

Sadly many people with disabilities are locked in, to this bind of co-dependency, often at the receiving end because they are so perceived to be incapacitated because of their alleged disability (well many are legit, some have the intel that they are in some unhealthy bond, but are unable to communicate it.) Even typical siblings are often put into the burden of taking care of the disabled sibling, often unable to place strong boundaries because the parents had put another level of co-dependency into their relationship and trauma-bond them.

Once you realized what you got yourself into, the next move is to try to get out of it. Friends, that’s not easy, for me this emotional “cutover” has taken many years, but once to analogize the process to begin that transition, it will be easier. For me I feel like it’s a 3/4s of the way to the cutover, where installing and integration is the equivalent to finding a new place to live.