To my mother to whom I’ve come to my senses, lost her to an addiction to “validation” and how powerful this emotional controlled substance can do to someone.

In reality, validation is a great thing if you’re in cycle of abuse, trauma, etc. The change of relationship with my mother occurred when validation “you’re such a great mother” or “keep it up” wasn’t delivered in the same fashion on a routine basis. In her world, in the black and white thinking of there was a “good” way and a “bad” way (that may had evil interpretations) was a) improper, b) inappropriate for the IEP team to have such close relationship of the parent c) for someone who has dealt with trauma, can. be a high to addition to validation.

Such imbalances of emotional power, can lead the invisibly disabled hierarchal child to feel invalidated and the world revolving on just parent. While some people may think I was a narc, I feel that I was desperately seeking any type of validation, because i now look that I was chronically empty emotionally let alone feeling the sense of social stability.

I feel that the “failure to launch” is a real thing, but I also do not suspect it’s a narcissistic type of issue, as we are looking at this from the mind of the offspring. The only narcissistic connection that the failure to launch types, is their parent’s neglect that lead to it.

The irony is with my mother is very recently she came to realize maybe she’s self absorbed and said that. However this high (or the need of said stimuli of constant reminding) wasn’t really necessary as she has been living on Cloud Nine for almost 5 years now. Sadly, since 2020 I suspected my mother has been more empowered while I am supposed to just pull over in my 30s, feeling worse than my 20s and then not even feel my “failure to launch” as my own reality is not being validated.

Dealing with some validation in my life, I knew it was a “drug” and such “drug” can be addicting. IRL, I know I have low Vit D, low testies, and now I wonder if I have low dopamine, probably stemmed from the anxieties and stressors around me, and I am waiting that somehow it was my own fault for choosing to be living with this condition in the first place.