“You can’t teach empathy through forced-sympathy”

QOTD by yours truly

The last three weeks, now on Week Three as of Friday knowing my mother got laid, was the worse thing to imagine, because I was off the last week of January with the hopes my mother would go back to work on site at least Tuesday or Wednesday or Wednesday and Thursday of that following week.

There seems to be some depression going on, because things aren’t getting done in the house, Already heard cost-cutting being projected, but the one who’s consuming the most was making the most. I was surprised to realize she was making almost $30,000 more than what i thought she made, but that was 15 plus years ago when I last knew what she made when she volunteered. The way she was bitching made me think she was making a lot less. It’s not my problem. In fact initially, she was thinking of cutting Comcast Business for herself! She refused yet again to realize why the Internet was upgraded in the first place, to have access to our network from outside the world via a “Static IP” plan, since Xfinity does not allow any ingress traffic (that means the rest of the literal world) to come in.

For the last 2 and half years, it was used for ingress for the Cisco AnyConnect VPN app that’s tied to a Cisco Adaptive Security Appliance (or ASA) for me to access my file and app servers on prem in the basement. How the hell can she keep forgetting this? She’s not that tech illiterate and I suspect it has everything to do with her being open about being so self-absorbed. And to the rest of you, without being cocky, I do have an enterprise class network with literal “servers” that do more than just storing files. I even have a Domain Controller/Active Directory instance. And to hear more of that, see a raw live stream from Valentine’s Day night.

But now I can migrate some WP sites on site for archives to save money off the hosted platform I use (justification right)?

Did My Mother Help “Kill” My Grandmother Through Getting Sucked to Her own Issues?

Since my mother has not been willing to get any help in the last couple of years, I have realized that my grandmother may had been sucked through my mother’s own grievances, may had felt uncomfortable about her presence spending “time with my mother”, and she having to perform to get her to laugh, when maybe she didn’t want to. My grandmother was known to be the listener, and I think my mother took advantage of that.

Of course a mother doesn’t want to say to their kids they don’t want to listen or they’re too much, but my mother would get mad if the undertones was getting sent. Her “sucking” either of us of her latest grievances or whatever was bugging her was emotionally consuming and extremely intensive. For the last year and a half it’s been harder on me because there’s one less person to be “sucked” into her drama that’s overblown with such grievance twist to it.

Getting “sucked” into ones emotional drama can be extremely taxing, it has done a number for me, and I can’t imagine of this had done anything physical damage to her. I suspect so.

“I don’t feel like it”

Don’t you love Xer parents who just have a convenient cop out for responsibility? Dishes aren’t getting done, the dishwasher wasn’t fixed since the summer of 2023, things that have been neglected because of things falling through or convenient rational processing of “things happen for a reason” and that they’ll fall in place because some guy upstairs has it all set up, rather than taking some ownership and accountability (whatever that phrase means today). It’s “going with the flow” and “going day by day” in a survivalist mode. Every. Fucking. Day. There is no forecast or an outlook of what to kinda expect in the next 7 days, it can be really radical.

Can I be selfish (for once)?

As the QOTD implies, you can’t force empathy through guilt based sympathy. Most often due to the stereotypes of ASD, or ASD similar disorders, is they are highly unempathic, but I guess the one way to teach them is to force sympathy make them be emotionally surrogates to the single mother that can’t trust men, so she can trust her own son to provide everything for them. The idea that I will be single myself forever, outside of personal choice at this point has been extremely depressing, but emotions I feel is illrevlent to my mother because she wants it to stay that way despite what rhetoric she spews. She can be really sympathetic to when I feel bad, but she lacks the actions because her reckless rhetoric cancels it out.

So with her being laid off just exasperates what was already surface level issues that got triggered during the pandemic, and now it’s hitting to a peak which I fear what is going to be when it goes down hill. As I said about a decade ago she’s a “weak-female” emotionally immature, and only is selective when she wants to be resilient.

I feel like I am in someone else’s institution and I want to get the fuck out. But I am restricted left and right with being denied opportunities or not-enough for many things to have more opportunities. It’s so bad I want to literally give it all up because it’s killing me inside! But no one cares because i am some self-absorbed person who was never challenged for his rigid thoughts… says almost everyone else (that seems to have toxic undertones)!

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