Catfish, part two

If you follow MTV’s Catfish, you know the ins and outs of people fibbing of who they are online. I’ve always found the series so interesting because many online relationships (at least featured on this program) begin on Facebook. (you know the full-name mandated unwritten social rule of the social networking road?)
This show was clearly a surprise. As someone who has a hard time keeping a suprise, I was able to not spoil ANYTHING when my mother and grandmother watched this show On Demand last Thursday. As someone who has autism, its sometimes be hard to fib.
Well, the rest is a spoiler alert if you haven’t watched it.
Last Tuesday’s episode was so interesting. The show featured Lauren, 21 year old Texan who met a guy on MySpace (I had to search what was MySpace!) 8 years ago. They also got engaged. Lauren had moved a lot when she was younger and her mother had passed away when she was 6. Lauren tried to authenticate this guy named Derek, a guy that lives in Maryland to offer him a webcam, in which he had turned down every time.
The two on camera talent  met with Lauren, whom of which had a child a couple years ago at her house and she had touted “in her heart” she “knew” that he “was the right guy”. This line alone  “the fact that I haven’t met him doesn’t matter. I know what I want”  was how she was throughout the entire episode. When the hosts Nev Schulman and Max Joseph went to dig up the information, the “Derek” guy appeared to be legitimate, and the real red flag was the phone number. When they looked up the phone number it was another man, and when they searched that person’s identity it was an middle aged black man. The guys were skeptical, and concerned about Derek
Nev and Max brought this up to Lauren and she still believed in what her heart was telling her. The father and stepmother then came to meet with the three of them, which the father was surprised that there was a crew there, and never even heard of Catfish. They also didn’t know this Derek was someone who she met online and the father had some legitimate concern for his daughter and both parents urged caution if she choose to meet them in person.
When Max and Nev went to call Derek, he got nervous too. He explained needing advance notice, a set schedule, etc. What wasn’t mentioned on the air or even at all, could possibly be very well he was skeptical about Lauren. Maybe she was too good to be true too!  As they went to Maryland and on the ride to his house, she started to get very nervous, and Max and Nev were trying to be realistic as she was getting testy of them as she felt they were trying to minimize the legitimacy of Derek.
Well, it could’ve been one the most surprising moments of the series. As they got to Derek’s house, and Lauren ringing the doorbell, she got more nervous and turned her back against the door.  Derek opened the door and came right behind her. I was surprised to see it was really him. This show was kinda like the Friendzone because they had time to kill and featured a few minutes of them in their first actual date.
Her son Mason, did come with a best friend, and the following day Derek met with Mason. They seemed to get along right out of the bat. And about the phone number? Derek had the number as long as he had it, and doesn’t know why that other individual’s name is on his number.  A live (at least on the first run on the Eastern/Central time zone)  follow up program had both of them on, and they are still together, and taking it one step at time. They hope to get married within a year.  Both Max and Nev stated that they were skeptical and they were surprised to see it was really him.
This was so fun to watch, and there were a couple good tweets
@Bunch1402  “One of the best shows ever for catfish! So happy for Lauren and Dereck. We need more shows like that one!”
but I think this tweet is going to be back to reality
@thatoneguydrew: “This last episode of @CatfishMTV brought tears to my eyes. Seeing this come to pass was worth all the sadness from all the other eps!”
This was a nice distraction from the typical depressing experiences featured on Catfish. Out of 99.99% of the such online relationship, that .1% can be a story like Lauren and Derek. Very rare in a crazy world of online relationships. This needs to be bottled up!

Facebook – “Real People” + Fake Content = No Social Accountability

It is no surprise that Facebook is not good for the overall society and of course its the few bad apples of the “normal” functioning population.
The background of this story was inspired by a recent posts of a blog I follow, Once a Month 4 Ladies, I also opined on this post.
There has been studies dating in the last couple of years that using Facebook and having friends who post over glamorous content that is only a snapshot of ones life.
It is hard to try to distill all the drama from the childish adults on Facebook.
One of my pet peeves is how people have locked down their profile down to only “friends” who can see the content. I am not saying I am a creepy and Level 3 sex offender or a stalker, but if you are keeping things private, then should you even be putting promiscuous photos on the packetwaves called the Internet?
Especially when it’s someone who posts a scandalous default picture, then gets all creeped out from all the attention. Well if you build it, people come! It isn’t my fault that someone upstairs made you beautiful! Its not my fault that your father wasn’t doing his job of teaching you how to control your assets!
The rest of the story comes from some heavy personal opinions of being raised from a not so privileged family, and someone dealing with his disorder, of being younger and more neiave than his peers. I started to see the ins and outs of the social privileged world when I was just 21 or so. And coming to such realization really disturbed me, but it was always like that, and in every society there is privileged class.
What has driven me nuts is how people who use Facebook are required to use their “real name”. Facebook has said for a long time that society’s social norms believe if you use your real full name in the real world that it should extend to the virtual world.
Let me tell you some secrets, since I live near the county where Facebook was created. There are some certain locales where people’s egos go above their “full name”. In certain affluent areas like Hahhhvahhhd Yahhdd, or Westchester County, NY, people have certain levels of social class or status. And in these certain privileged social circles, referring to someone like Mark Zuckerberg for an example is proper social protocol to refer him by his full name, because it is the uppity way of addressing someone who has high levels of social privilege.
You’ll also notice in comments, especially on embedded websites like Weather.com, where people will reply to users by their full name. If there is only one Stephanie*   in the thread, some people will refer you unwillingly as “Stephanie Brickenelli*”. Again my theory of uppity and ultra classy socialization is in my opinion just wrong.
*using a random and fictitious name
Since Facebook went live first in Harvard and later to a few other Ivy League colleges (oh, I mean University), it would explain my logic about the uppity class of “full name”. Sure MySpace or Live Journal was a screenname based system, Facebook was trying to eliminate the screen name because allegedly you could be anyone behind a screenname.
Well Catfish has clearly debunked that myth, and the worst offense is people are fibbing behind the real-name sites like Facebook!
So in these real-name social networks, people may be posting things under their real given name, but the issue is how they over focus on the positive! Their lives under their real-name are so rosey, the truth kinda gets a little twisted. And sadly, some people get caught into the over positive, that it causes people to avoid contacting them  (and my own Facebook account was over negative.)
Unlike other people, I don’t fault Facebook. It isn’t the medium, it is the message. It is the people who post things under their legal identity and they hold no accountability; from the scandalous photos to just making their lives comparable to a Cambridge, Massachusetts or Cambridge England of a socially privileged class.
However, if Facebook should deserve such criticism, Facebook opened an offline world of uppity social class and virtualized it and made everyone both online and offline a socially entitled brat, and that’s the sad truth about the [social] world that revolves around Facebook.

Personal Story: Tiaras, Beauty Queens and Biaches

I watched the Miss America Pageant on television the other weekend, and the only reason why I did was to see Miss Montana, also known as Alexis Wineman, an 18 year old who has a form of autism, specifically PDD-NOS. Some people speculated she has a form of Asperger Syndrome, but AS is technically not part of the autism spectrum disorder as of this writing. Alexis has mentioned publicly that she suffers with social issues, and has constant meltdowns.

She did pretty well regardless, and of course what you see on camera, can be totally different off camera. That applies for everyone, not for someone whose autistic.

I have to say she’s a beautiful young lady given her autism and her struggles in her early life. There aren’t that many girls with autism and ones that look beautiful.

I digress.

Continue reading

Catfish

Has anyone seen the TV series Catfish on MTV?
I channel surfed the other night can ran into that program
The show is like a documentary following people who met others online (i.e. a online relationship.) The host meets with the skeptical party member, and goes to search for the other individual, to see if the other end the person is a total fake. The host of the program will start off by looking the profile on the respective website whether its Facebook, MySpace, etc. and if there seems to be a fakeness on the profile, the producers start to look them up elsewheres.
This program meets with the crossroads of To Catch a Predator when they go to meet or ambush the person of interest. Some of these cases were the partner lied about their identity, their location, their looks, in some cases they were cheating with another person.
The last episode I seen had a guy meeting a girl online. This girl, named Melissa who appeared online, billed herself as a pretty blond “Barbie Girl” (in her words) with blond hair and blue eyes, as the skeptical partner found out she was a curvy, brunette with brown eyes and all the other attributes turned out to be opposite. Near the end of the program, the two try to come to terms.
In other episodes, its a teardripper because of the sudden reality that their online relationship was a fluke.
Has anyone else watched this program? I’m going to watch some of these OnDemand, if its on there. Its an interesting program.

Private Social Media Accounts & Destruction of Public Relationships

If you follow Wall Street or the business news, you probably heard a little scandalous post from Reed Hastings, a pompous ass C.E.O. from Netflix. Hastings used his private Facebook account to disclose financial information, that allegedly the public has a right to know.
His Facebook account (not a page mind you) is private. Allegedly the information he posted, is only visible to his friends. Again, this man is the C.E.O. of an American company that trades on the NASDAQ Stock Market, and a company that has to comply with the Securities and Exchange Commission. This is not a startup company, not a privately held business, and not something coming out of mums and dad’s basement. The man is posting data that would be expected from the latter and NOT the former. This man has a rap sheet of posting “material information” that could impact that NASDAQ traded stock, and using his blog on the Netflix website and in other venues that the S.E.C. prohibits at this time.

Sorry Reed, you can't have it both ways, keep the general public out of your postings from your PRIVATE Facebook account. Courtesy: Facebook

Sorry Reed, you can’t have it both ways, keep the general public out of your postings from your PRIVATE Facebook account. Courtesy: Facebook

I’m not going into a political issue, discussing rights and wrongs, what I will discuss is how public officials are using private accounts and using that as a backdoor to a growing world of Destruction of Public trust for a public entity (i.e. corruption.) Corruption is more dangerous to society in my opinion that anything else.
Definition:

 “dishonest or fraudulent conduct by those in power, typically involving bribery : the journalist who wants to expose corruption in high places.”

dictionary.app from my Mac.

Key word in this issue is “dishonest”. Dishonest by using something such as a private Facebook account to discuss something of allegedly financial impact to a large company.
Ok, I don’t get this. Why in the hell is a C.E.O. is allowed to have a private Facebook account? If he wants to have something like that for his position, he should contact the PR department and issue a Facebook page controlled by the PR (or in this case the Investor Relations people), to make sure he is in compliant of all laws!  C.E.O.s do not have the time to Facebook. Sorry, it is what it is. I don’t care if its 2012 or 2050 when we will allegedly be using wearable computers, C.E.O.s need to be sitting down in an office with a Windows NT issued workstation/laptop and abide by Corporate IT policies and comply with many laws whether you like it or not.

And who in their left minds think its cool to literally befriending an executive elected by company shareholders? It is a lack of disrespect! If you work in the industry or work for Netflix this shows how shallow this social society has become. And all the Silicon Valley boys who should be in jail some way shape or form for being cool, have no opposition.
I’ve said before, I grew up against the Baby Boomer generation, and when I see those people and their Millenial offsprings and how disrespecful they are and how many “friends” they have – as someone who feels that he needs to be a little scared by the big boss for a value of respect is just an utter shame!

I really am ASHAMED for seeing how many people are so “autistic” and the really autistic individuals are your old fashioned, law abiding, respectful “normal”  citizens. I can’t believe I am saying that only 5 years ago it was unknown if MySpace was going to have legs or Facebook sustaining. Now there is all these social media all over the place enabling corrupted behavior!

If I was the Federal attorney, I’d throw him in the slammer. If he is doing PUBLIC business behind a PRIVATE Facebook account, that’s a violation of SEC laws in some form. We could appreciate having less bastards in the uber world called Silicon Valley. It is YOU that are destroying the social standards!

SHAME!

How “Friends” Selfishly Communicate in the 2010s. (V.2)

My grandmothers birthday was recently. She lives in another community as we are preparing for her to move to our house by the end of the year. She is the last member of my small family to move into our new home that we have been living for the last couple of years.

We were going to plan to celebrate over the weekend, but it got postponed. I remembered her birthday on that specific day, and I sent an actual birthday card, and obviously it arrived a few days later. I need to call her and check up on the status.

My grandmother is as analog as you get (she lives in such old social standards, like sending a card that is HANDWRITTEN of a thank you via post mail. She doesn’t like the ideal of Facebook (because she’s an extremely private and quiet individual, therefore she doesn’t like how people would post their entire lives on the internet. In some ways I don’t like that because my general ideal of excessive privacy leads to troubled and corrupted lifestyles – i.e. my own personal views of local government lead me to be somewhat opposite to her views.)

She never used a computer outside of work (only using a specific mission critical app in the last decade), and she again, as an old lady prefers phone calls and letters. Because she’s a “farmers girl”, she views the world as “little” and revolves what my former town being “small town” like 5,000 people small which wasn’t the same in over a half a century ago.

Well I am someone who tends to not focus on the past (thats the family curse of afraid of change) but I try to live in a semi reasonable, but progressive society. At some point people need to adapt and stop reliving like my town is still a small town where everyone knows everybody, etc.

Now that ends to a point, and when my nostalgia comes into play.

I often don’t celebrate my birthday (and its becoming just “another day” beginning this year) because it was generally forgotten. People would not remember, often they need some aid to help them, like using Facebook – that’s if someone publicly publishes their birthdate/day online. The “friends” I used to have were really not friends. These people never seemed to look beyond your default picture or album. I had my birthdate as my handle on my MySpace, YouTube and Twitter accounts, but no one seemed to ever visit them, or even question what 3 digit number meant, especially when I used to put strong synergy across all my profiles.
They never reciprocated, and never went the extra mile (because that was dirty work for these entitled jerks.) Now granted, I did send emails, and not cards via mail. But an email is now the social standard to the old fashioned “letter” but digital and in fact is more personable than opposed to text. If you use Microsoft’s Outlook like I do, email gets stored into a computer file and can be read on any modern email client, etc.

Text messaging, however is the lowest standard for communication. Why? Its because the text messages can easily be deleted, and one touch of a button and the message disappears for good. This isn’t good if you want to keep a breakup letter for eternity as opposed to a letter or an email. Its much easier to send a half-assed thoughtful message via SMS as opposed to taking 5 minutes out of your busy life to type up and send an email birthday wish, etc. (For the record, I was never a fan of online greeting cards.)

Now back to Facebook, often if a birthday occurs, it gets published on the frontpage, then one starts the wish, then it extends to everyone else when people start to notice that trend on their News Feed. I did a test in 2010, made my birthday private, then made it public later that day. Guess what happened? These alleged “friends” wished my a happy birthday after. How fucked up is that? These same people who didn’t care that I turned 21 ether, never offered to have a drink together or what, as these people were social alcoholics to begin with.

Facebook, and all these other iDemented devices are really dumbing down the “normal” population and the groups who were forced and mentally raped of social standards, and socialization protocols, and other CAN’T dos, are actually going to be the best and the brightest because we socialize like robots by doing protocols and ettiques, while the “normal” population have an open license to be a jerk.

I try to be the good guy, and yet I get punished.

Faux “Friends”

I have mentioned earlier about how some of my “friends” made a massive fail in the last couple of years. I realized that some of the handful of friends preferred the “cyber” relationship, using ether the social networking sites or using the instant messaging client. One incident was nearly 2 years ago, before I moved to my new town, and one of my pals had asked me about some event that was going to happen about the time I had seen this individual. She asked me “did you get the invite?” referring to a Facebook invite request. I had told her that I had purged my Facebook account (and no, not “deactivate” as some think thats how you close a Facebook account down) and I was just tired of using it.
Now an alleged “true friend” would follow up (especially if you are theoretically close to that individual) ether by looking me up (you know you have to use the search function when you have 600 “friends”) or go the old fashioned way of oh I dunno, EMAIL or dare I say my 10-digit cell number?
This individual is hack, she cheated her way through being a high school teacher thanks to loopholes of the law, and being a union employee and using her “dyslexia” as her “disability” you get fruitcakes like her not screwing students with their ignorance, you get fruitcakes being a lazy-ass not trying to go a little beyond her abilities to follow up on this invite to her “friend”.
I just can’t stand people who can’t even remember one’s birthday. I think it bothers me because my birthday had been forgotten and I never got full attention outside of my family. That same year, I hid my birthday to private, leading to that day. I put it to private that evening, and I got electronic wishes from my alleged “friends.”
I don’t use Facebook because I don’t have “real” friends, and I feel using Facebook for just catching up with “acquaintances” is just useless. And would you think using Facebook just to post pictures of you behind the camera and posting things that are probably useless only to you would seem to be odd or just waste of ones time?
Politically, Facebook drives me nuts, they are taking the stuff you post and using it against you to the advertisers without your knowledge. I am not going to discuss whether or not posting pictures of one being wasted is or is not appropriate, its their own issue, not mine or yours for that manner. My issue is I can’t stand a company getting away of doing bad things and a “free market” being abused. Granted, I feel that I have to use it to reach a broader audience maintaining the Facebook pages for my two blogs.

“Can I be your [Facebook] friend?”

Well that depends on you level of the relations with that person.
At a really young age of about 18, I saw the smoke through the mirrors. That was back when MySpace was ruling the world while Friendster was on life support and Facebook was still known to the privileged elite. I knew that a “friend” on a social networking website was kinda like a Rolodex card or a “contact” according to LinkedIn.
I was setting my self up for realistic expectations. My MySpace had up to 20 “friends” partially because many went over to Facebook and by the height of my original Facebook account, I had up to 40 “friends” or “contacts”. Some didn’t friend me for reasons I have no idea, because my other friends were “friends” of various people. Even old elementary school teachers were too chicken. This was after I was 21. Wasn’t a student. Was it because I was too nasty in the past via the internet communication?
I knew when I “friended” some of my old classmates from my old town, I knew that I wouldn’t ever meet them in person again. Because I stopped seeing them once I left out of district, and you know how perceptions change as people progress and evolve.
However, the normal (or “nerotypical”) groups are the really socially demented ones. They brag about their friend count (some in the low to mid thousands!) and they are the actual “fake” ones with a “real” or “full name”. Their default pictures often  glamorize their shallow life. So I ask why is it ok for them  to be “fake” and demented while people like me who have socially awkward problems are the ones that shouldn’t be shunned? People tell me that they believe that I am a real person so why are these “fake” people getting enabled to be a plastic drama queen?
Never mind rich families (don’t matter if you are a republican Wingnut or a democratic Moonbat – because both are arrogant) that have enabled their children to give negative stereotypes of people of developmental disorders or disabilities. So if you try to friend a girl (sorry for the sexism) on Facebook, if they see your profile they may just get scared of you because they are afraid of unknown.
I’ve been burned of what I thought were my real-life “friends” that I tried to retain on Facebook as well (what’s wrong having an offline/online balance? there shouldn’t be) though in fact they treated me as a virtual person and had severely betrayed me. I had to cut these allegedly “important” people out of my life and the last year and a half after was the most painful social (in)experiences in recent memory before that leaving my local middle school and suddenly loosing contact of what were elementary “friends” a year before.
So between relationship levels, “social pyramids”, statuses, and privileged statuses, Facebook has not been successful in the last couple of years. Because I am not good for those “friends”. Simply I am a pile of dirt until I have to prove the higher social levels that I am good enough to be in their social clique.
That might had been a vague paragraph, but this is how the ellitests on autism teach (or preach) upon these individuals like moi. We have to THINK. THINK about how I am related to this friend, THINK what social level I am with, ARE these people ok to go out outside the packet-based world? ARE these people close enough to talk about various issues, should I THINK in case I screw up, if I might get pressed charges for being a creep?
These are the many “social” baggages I carry every day thanks to a small group of people making me feel useless. Or maybe I didn’t listen because I have esteem issues. I don’t know now. All I know is I am “socially” confused. This is why this blog exists.