It really shouldn’t be a Breaking News story where the newsroom bell shouldn’t go off. Your heart had already been broken when you were in school age, and even if there was an off limits romantic relations with your teacher, even when you are an old adult, special needs professionals of any age group, would rather work with your types “on the clock” and then not want to be in any relationship off the clock, hence the second tier in this mock lower third.
I am not a kind of guy who likes to talk “dirty” subjects. I am not kind of guy who acts childish if someone had put a penis into a vagina and laughs about it. I am also a guy who would never talk vulgar to his peer gal friend. I’d never use phrases like “boner” even if its in the common lexicon of the twentysomethings.
I find the subject on sex a very scared subject and a very intimate manner. It’s to the point where I was very hesitant of learning sex from my mother. I felt like it was very controversial over graphic nature to talk about it. My sex ed IQ might be much lower, though I know the basics about it.
I also don’t talk about it to my primary care doctor (or PCP in the health insurance lingo.) He’s kinda like a brotherly figure, similar to a guy who used to work at my school, but that relationship never went beyond that. (Albeit he left the school the same year his father passed away, which I think messed him up seriously for many years.) That same guy I felt comfortable talking about, like girls. I know that boundary is very thick to women of course. Even if I am not that close, I do have concerns about my sexual health, but I have kept it secret for so long. At this point, it might not be worth it to mention given how long I have not mentioned about a specific personal issue with me.
However I have stayed away talking about girls to my mother, more in the last couple of years. That has been a sacred subject to the point I built a Chinese firewall. Often it was the SSDD, same stuff, different day. Another was to migrate any teasing. Also crushes – isn’t that expected for teenagers? Sometimes if a girl at a specific time of my life that was such prevalence, I would bring it up to my mother. Often I keep that a separate and personal issue.
Presently there was a girl at the local grocery store who works as a cashier that I started to have feelings. Why? Because she shows at least some, some interest (i.e. acknowledging my presence in a friendly way.) I wanted to go on specific days or shifts to see her. At the last time I have seen her was probably a month ago. The last 2 weeks, I had to compromise with my mothers schedule. It might had been one week, but I was trying to push one of the last few weeks.
I’ve tried to keep this crush as secret as possible. Yes, I find her cute, and not only that, it’s because she’s friendly. You don’t see that anywhere south of the Pemigwasett River and north of the I-93/95 split and west of I-91 in Mass. I’ve said this before, you can’t get away from the snobby brats that have infested Central New England.
I’ve learned that in this lawyered up, cry baby, ambulance chasing society that people don’t comment on speculation, such as if companies are merging, and rumor against a company or person or something else that isn’t based on pure fact. I personally build myself on being the most complaint individual in society with the strongest moral and ethical, and compliance standards. So with that, I find crushes in a legalese way of “speculative relationships“. Isn’t a crush something of a grey manner? Would it destroy your reputation, or the other girl’s reputation? If yes to both of those questions, then it would be some form of a speculative relationship. Therefore, I shouldn’t have obligation to disclose that i am going to the local grocery store at a specific time, because I want to see my crush (even if she probably is a trashy girl off the clock) and any admission could destroy my relationship or hers. (albeit, a “crush” is a one way relationship.)
Again, back to the subject in hand, it is important for me to have a firewall between my different people in my life in terms of sex and specific details about romance. Sex to me is a personal, very sensitive issue. Some times the thought is very glamorous, sometimes its just too graphic and literally messy. All this of course based on just opinion and not fact. I’ve asked my self so many questions about sex, and I’ve mentioned this prior to in the “Slutty In the Head” theme.
I am a little more open here, because I try to talk about the subject manner with proper class and respect on the issue. Part of it is because I find it a serious manner, than something more casual. It might be because I am a serious guy,
This is yet another problem I have struggled (maybe others can relate.) You try to go out to public places (retail, restaurants, etc.) and the objective is to socialize with a stranger. The problem is when you realize there is an opportunity, you just immediately fumbled the football.
This problem can be one or more of the following:
This has happened on several occasions within the last 3 months. One was at the local fast foot joint, where I have a “fake” ID badge. Its not that fake, I had a IT services operation and while it wasn’t incorporated legally, but I wear it with an accompanied lanyard to look like I was “busy”. But I didn’t take the business seriously for reasons not worth going. The guy asked me how was “work”? I fibbed and said “good”. For all I know, he was just doing his own personal SOP of being nice to the customers.
Another case was I went to a mall store around the time when the Boston Bruins was in the Stanley Cup, so sometime within the last month. I was wearing my Bruins hat, and the girl at this store was complementing me about my hat, while I was in the store she essentially was flirting with me and asking me if I was excited about the series. I came off like I was a “casual fan” when in fact I am a true fan. For all I could say in return in complete sentences was that I told her I liked her belt she was wearing and how sexy it looked.
And most recently, a cashier at the local grocery store had shown interest in me. No, not romance or crushes, but just an acknowledgement in a friendly way of my presence. (If you know what I mean, you understand what I had to deal with for many years.) The last time I saw her was about a few weeks ago, because I have missed her on her shifts in the last 3 weeks. Its rare for a grocery store let alone the Northeast where someone is friendly with their customers and not rush to put the pizza in the same bag as the chicken. The problem is how can I go that next step into the “small talk”. I’m not like an Asperger type where I hate it, its really how to execute it, and how could I ask her out (if that’s even possible.)
I seem to never find the right time to act when I have an opportunity to interact with the outside world without having much fear. The problem for me is how chronic this social anxiety almost literally freezes me up without getting cold hands or feet.
I think it comes from my upbringing of low self esteem, a lack of confidence of my professional interactions, and just the baggage of carrying my autism and all the negativity that the disorder has been wrongfully portrayed in the public.
It’s rather interesting how people today are lacking relationship skills and not just social skills ether. I blame this on airplanes, the Web and just the acceptation that its okay to screw someone and jump around jobs like its no ones business.
I’ve been using Match.com for nearly a couple of months and I do not like to engage a user that lives in New Hampshire but lived in Colorado for a decade or someone who lives in Boston who came from the Midwest and loves everything about Boston. Simply, I know there is more to New England than the City itself. I love Springfield, Hartford, Providence, Burlington, and Worcester! Isn’t that a surprise!
(Of course, I withheld Portland or Augusta because Maine sucks – I’ve been there enough to say they are weirdos and hicks – that’s why I don’t visit there that often!)
I digress.
However, this kind of busy lifestyles doesn’t work well with someone who has difficulty transitioning from one place to another. I rarely moved in my lifetime, only about 3 or 4 miles of where I spent most of my first 23 years of my life. When I was 23, it was about 12 or so miles that I moved from the previous town I lived in.
The problem in three words? Lack of Loyalty.
I grew up in New Hampshire, and traveled around the region, I wouldn’t trade this area for anywhere else. I have some, and I say some pride of where I live. Many of my peer groups does not have such level of some respect.
And this to me is a problem. The Millennial generation (i.e. the synthetically autistic types) are still acting like teenagers as some in this generation are 36 years old. For some reason we have allowed the vast majority of the normal functioning population to act like autistics while my group are expected to function as normal as possible. Which explains why marriage is much later and having children at a later age is happening. Dare I say having a child in their 30s can cause birth defects or even disabilities like autism. Even worse north of 40? These childish people are relying on unreliable technology to have children at a later age.
Again, I am probably making a low educated opinion on this, but craved stability since middle school. Even when I rarely moved physically, I went to several schools in almost every 2 years. The staff in the schools had a very short shelflife too. Again, they were the twentysomethings figuring their lives out with the most mission critical job required of such lack of responsibilities. On top of the very young age, the other excuse was “they need to start somewhere”.
Though I feel that loyalty the lack thereof is a roadblock to future relationships for me. How can I get “locked into” a relationship if the girl wants to move to California or Houston or some other random place in 2 years?
I can’t live such life anymore. I can’t imagine anyone living like that.
Would someone get charged for a Felony if he asked a girl out that he didn’t really know? Would it be just because he doesn’t “look” like the other guys?
This is a very confusing task for someone like me to do. There is of course the many pseudo-science things like “social capital”, “social pyramid” and the other cautious practices, because you know we can’t assume that everyone with a developmental disability would appear to be “normal” because we have to stereotype them as big, fat ugly young men.
And of course we got both men and women professionals or others that have to be skeptical to protect each others safety, the fear of course of the other person complaining against us!
The problem is there isn’t any positive social skills teaching us how to get young ladies, only because there are many excuses such as its not the paraprofessionals’ responsibility of teaching how to hook up with someone, and more excuses. (and I say this gender specifically since many cases of autism and other DDs are 95% males – and of course I feel ashamed sometimes of being a guy since we are easy targets to get bullied by girls.)
I’ve heard the various ideas of places to meet other people like at the grocery store. Sure that’s a great idea – only if you don’t live in a snobby town and most of the people aren’t walking the carts as couples.
The other theoretical suggestion is well maybe flirt with the cashiers. Which makes me question at what point do you go forward? How do you do small talk (I have difficulties NOT because of my autism, but I was trained settle of socializing with snobby people.) How many weeks or months would you suggest to ask her out? What if I found her Facebook profile and she appears to be a bad girl but she acts nice on the clock? Should I assume that shes taken? (since all good looking girls are taken, good girls are taken and bad girls are not)
The logical response to all of this is to just go on Match or some other dating site since in like 30 years you’d look like you grew up in a sheltered life or that you are very old to remember how people met each other before the Web.
I don’t know because I never had any strong support to do so, only the depressing skepticism and skiddish kinda responses. This is how I tackle it: no one would want to date me, to assume that girl is taken, and assume she’s a badass. I don’t make an ass out of u and me, because 99% of my encounters involve with bitches who can’t control her emotions or has some excuse to dislike me. And 1 and 50 occurrences I deal with the opposite gender, I get some positive reaction. And that 1 and 50 cases happen probably 1 in 3 months.
I am simply confused. Trying to find my next best friend should not have to require being taught from someone with a PhD degree and requiring so much freckin structure.
My family doesn’t like dogs. I won’t say they hate them, but they don’t like them. My folks have a strong case of OCD (as well as undiagonsed cases of ASD) and since dogs are dirty and can sometimes be unruly, I have been raised to not really like them.
On my Match.com journey, there are many girls on there who ether have dogs or demand that their date likes dogs. And some of these girls are probably 70% compatible.
Who woulda thunk that “man’s best friend” would be the dealbreaker finding my future best friend? Oh wait, I wasn’t meant to have someone in my life. I was here for my mother and she’ll probably be around till my dying day (gawd willing) since my mother had me young. And I forgot, no “normal” functioning girl wants to date a guy with autism.
Match.com’s app tells me that “women are attracted to confidence.”
Oh really? I have found “confidence” to be arrogance. You know like the ol’ MySpace bumper sticker that said “Confidence… is what makes a girl sexy.” That really should had read “Confidence…is what makes a girl slutty.”
I am so tired of how there is so much standards for men as women can do whatever the fuck she wants and gets away with it whether its her monthly period or her “social capital” or whatever freckin excuse that can make her arrogant.
I have gotten myself locked into another 3 months worth of a subscription to find my future friend forever, but that hasn’t gotten to well. Not that my profile is “negative” you see, its always the girls who tease and want the attention but fail it miserably when an opportunity knocks, on her door you see.
It’s that time of the year where I need to close out the previous fiscal reporting year of my finances. Depending on what accounts I have, I close it at the end of February or the end of May. Some of this reporting is for annual audits for some of benefits I receive.
Regardless, I put the various accounts in separate piles the scan them into a large PDF file then I send it to my mother for her responsibilities.
Last year, I’ve gone out a lot such as restaurants and fast food joints and many, upon MANY trips to the local Dunkin Donuts, where there I had a crush on one of the girls who worked there. That particular shop closed recently and I don’t know where she was reassigned or left the franchise.
I do know I have many of those receipts in the last 13 or so months. On top of that, factored in the other trips like the pizza joints before I was turned off by one girl that worked at that place where Facebook profile showed party girl status and another girl at another joint appeared to be married, and a little snooty too and the other usual places as well.
I wrote earlier last year about the possible cost of trying to get a girl to like me. This liability also had extended in my general expenses (Gen Ex) such as the local used book store (where that girl was allegedly in a relationship with a bf according to her Facebook profile) the local Savers, often getting things to basically just to hit on them which 99% of the chances were slim to none.
2012 was a year where my spending was totally out of control – only to impress them with zero outcomes.
I’ve never told anyone about my hidden agenda, and previously I had mentioned the possible costs. At that time, I knew I was a little excessive and now I’m seeing the actual damage.
The financial impact of trying to get some acceptance to society can be very costly, and what’s so sick is this can be prevented if people stop making developmentally disabled people being targeted as looser, or ghetto creeps or a looser living in his mother’s attic.
This year I have been more cautious in spending, coming to the realization that no one would want to be in a lifetime relationship of someone suffering with an autistic disorder.
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I’ve heard from other people who have been more romantically experienced compared to this writer that girlfriends can become a distraction. I can’t independently confirm that obviously. But my friend from high school had changed my relationship because of his girlfriend, though I guess he and others aren’t the only ones.
If you are a geek that likes to watch The Big Bang Theory, a show that kinda mocks the super high functioning autistic community, you probably got a kick last Thursday night (if you watch it on CBS like me.) The super Asperger character was in competition of writing a term paper (or something like that) with his competitive friend. The Dr. Sheldon Cooper character started to feel not so smart because of his counterpart writing a better paper. Well it turns out his counterpart said if he was spending a lot of time with Amy, his girlfriend. He also bragged about his alleged sex life, in which Sheldon doesn’t like or wants to do.
I’ll leave out the technical information, as you could go onto the CBS’ website and see the clips, I just want to keep this post general to people who might not watch that program. (If you are a reader from outside the United States, please consult to your local network’s listings/website to find the show in your area.)
But it is rather funny, even the most intelligent, but socially retarded individual could have his life disrupted due to being in a relationship.
But again, I do not know, because I have never been in any romantic relationship other than having endless crushes.
If there is a such thing as a relationship status called “crushes” then that’s the only closest relationship outside of my family.
Another word is infatuation, meaning one is foolishly in love with someone. Crushes are well known for someone with ASD, as in some cases
I’ve dealt with it since I was 12. Some of them were highly intense and caused mass devastation in the years that followed. And it can be severe. In many cases with ASD individuals is teachers, since many students are male and are in a 98% male educational establishment. And of course we cannot date teachers as that is immoral and illegal even when you are in that gray years of 18 to 21.
But I’ve gotten a LOT of grief throughout the years of having a crush on somebody. If I can redact part of my past, I would, but you can’t fully redact history.
I’ve learned to gag myself about talking about crushes in order to protect my reputation, since I am one that gives a damn about his reputation. Obviously I try to not be as obvious, and I’ve learned to try to tone down my feelings. I don’t talk about, just like how I just mentioned (hence the “gag’), and I just zip it. I’m not a homosexual, but I observe the “don’t ask, don’t tell” practice. If someone asks me if I have a crush on someone, I don’t say just like I shouldn’t say I have a crush on somebody.
Why?
Because if I do, then the crush becomes one large superstorm and it just get out of control and then the storm comes by with shame, anger and guilt.
And sure people may pick on me as a form of admiration, but it has destroyed my reputation.
I always happen to like the wrong people, the ones who are married or “In a Relationship” or someone with kids. And I also apparently like to repeat history and never learn from my mistakes, since I keep having infatuations with different people. Maybe because I have been so accustomed to a one-way relationship and having the PDD label tattooed on my forehead that I feel that will be the only relationship I can have, even if its strongly unhealthy.