Category Archives: Family

Busy bodies and busy Relationships

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It’s rather interesting how people today are lacking relationship skills and not just social skills ether.  I blame this on airplanes, the Web and just the acceptation that its okay to screw someone and jump around jobs like its no ones business.
I’ve been using Match.com for nearly a couple of months and I do not like to engage a user that lives in New Hampshire but lived in Colorado for a decade or someone who lives in Boston who came from the Midwest and loves everything about Boston. Simply, I know there is more to New England than the City itself. I love Springfield, Hartford, Providence, Burlington, and Worcester! Isn’t that a surprise!
(Of course, I withheld Portland or Augusta because Maine sucks – I’ve  been there enough to say they are weirdos and hicks – that’s why I don’t visit there that often!)
I digress.
However, this kind of busy lifestyles doesn’t work well with someone who has difficulty transitioning from one place to another. I rarely moved in my lifetime, only about 3 or 4 miles of where I spent most of my first 23 years of my life. When I was 23, it was about 12 or so miles that I moved from the previous town I lived in.
The problem in three words? Lack of  Loyalty.
I grew up in New Hampshire, and traveled around the region, I wouldn’t trade this area for anywhere else. I have some, and I say some pride of where I live. Many of my peer groups does not have such level of some respect.
And this to me is a problem. The Millennial generation (i.e. the synthetically autistic types) are still acting like teenagers as some in this generation are 36 years old. For some reason we have allowed the vast majority of the normal functioning population to act like autistics while my group are expected to function as normal as possible. Which explains why marriage is much later and having children at a later age is happening. Dare I say having a child in their 30s can cause birth defects or even disabilities like autism. Even worse north of 40? These childish people are relying on unreliable technology to have children at a later age.
Again, I am probably making a low educated opinion on this, but craved stability since middle school. Even when I rarely moved physically, I went to several schools in almost every 2 years.  The staff in the schools had a very short shelflife too. Again, they were the twentysomethings figuring their lives out with the most mission critical job required of such lack of responsibilities. On top of the very young age, the other excuse was “they need to start somewhere”.

I feel sometimes I’ve worked in the local TV news business, when one’s job security (historically) was lot worse than other jobs like working in the public sector, the phone company, or corporate jobs, and if someone got randomly fired, their career in TV news was actually “cursed”.  The Special Education world worked much like a particular Boston news station, and to use such analogy is pretty pathetic. Because no individual should feel like their classroom is a newsroom of a revolving doors of producers (teachers) or director (executive management) while the child (student) is like the viewer witnessing dysfunctional news operation.

Though I feel that loyalty the lack thereof is a roadblock to future relationships for me. How can I get “locked into” a relationship if the girl wants to move to California or Houston or some other random place in 2 years?
I can’t live such life anymore. I can’t imagine anyone living like that.

Dogs

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My family doesn’t like dogs. I won’t say they hate them, but they don’t like them. My folks have a strong case of OCD (as well as undiagonsed cases of ASD) and since dogs are dirty and can sometimes be unruly, I have been raised to not really like them.
On my Match.com journey, there are many girls on there who ether have dogs or demand that their date likes dogs. And some of these girls are probably 70% compatible.
Who woulda thunk that “man’s best friend” would be the dealbreaker finding my future best friend? Oh wait, I wasn’t meant to have someone in my life. I was here for my mother and she’ll probably be around till my dying day (gawd willing) since my mother had me young. And I forgot,  no “normal” functioning girl wants to date a guy with autism.

Father’s Day and a lack of a Father in my Life

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Yesterday was  Father’s Day, where many other families here in the States give gratitude and appreciation to the fathers in their lives. Some people, who have single mothers attempt to get another day of apprecation in the form of discounted Craftsman or Rigid tools that typically are given to the fathers or dads. (I can attest!)
In a serious note, this month is often depressing for me, along with that June is a typical graduation month for high school aged people in New England, other parts do it earlier in the year because they start the school year earlier. On point, I haven’t been around my father since my early existance. He obviously was never my dad, and I do not have any memories of him, nor do I even know what he looks like! My grandfather disappeared in my life when I was in second grade.
Both men were negative figures for my mother. My grandfather was very ingorant, and also very arrogant that he knew what was right. Talk about an oxymoron! He was very narrow minded on which member of my family would be the winner and which would be the looser – while he didn’t use that phrase directly, you know what I mean. He never did anything wrong, and obviously this kinda love didn’t go to well with my mother. He didn’t care about her, maybe didn’t really love her?
My mother was puzzled about relationships too. She was trying to find someone that she felt she could love. She thought my father was going to be it. Well about a year into their relationships – my mother got pregnant, he told her that he didn’t believe it, and made some pretty derogtory comment, that he didn’t believe her, demanding her to prove it…I think you can understand the fact that my mother got screwed by this guy. According to my mother he often said “you’re stupid” “you don’t think”, etc. etc.  I cannot understand how hurtful those statements were addressed, but such “verbal abuse” was the catalyst to seperate my father out of my life and her life as well. This period of time from my own expierence with my own mother is what probably caused the emotional makeup of what my mother is today and what made her a lady.
The kind of behaivor shouldn’t been a news alert. He was the popular guy in high school, he also was the typical Southern NH snotty brat from the mid 80s standards, and he was in  athletic clubs at the local high school. He also  had many under age parties at his parents house. *you know, it doesn’t help when one is part Catholic and you know that the Catholics love to party, you know?* The funny thing was he lived in an area of the middle class, not the startup of the upper middle class which accelerated the town by the end of the 1980s, where many of those kids I knew from school would their parents move to.
I knew more about my father when I was older than 21 than I was younger. The very naive self back when I was about 8 (and this is going to sound really lame) but I really thought I randomly came here, untill some kids in school probed about my father to me. And my mother explained honestly that she was with my father for a period of time and both when their ways.
To this day, sans my naive self, I still felt like I came here randomly out of illlogic, and coming here with the intent that I wouldn’t have a father in my life. If you belive that a god or God exists, you’d think there would be logic that given how much a jackass (and I should say that even stronger – a JACKASS) why would he give me life?
What started the real troubles of missing a father was the most illogical places and time of my life. Middle school. I was in a middle school program in another part of the state, and it was my classmates, my peers and a teacher’s assistant who was just new to my program that started to basically pick on or not be discrete that my father wasn’t in my life. The last name I carry in my life is life of my father, and these students and paraprofessionals went out of their bounderies of bringing up a guy I never really knew. This was never challenged because I went to the program in Massachusetts by that July, but one or two of the staff people there did probe me about my father too.
Staff or students need to be very careful if there is no mention of the father, then it might be best to not ask. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell anyone?
And whats really sad is how society is very judgemental about the lack of a father in society. Yes I have done this subject on this blog on an often basis, but I am also aware that fathers don’t always work for all families and yes, mothers that are single should not do both roles. It doesn’t work. I am not going to even touch the welfare issue because it makes me sick. What makes me sick even more is how our newsgathering networks are not even covering inter/national events instead to being the FM/HD Talk Radio for cable news. The Fox News Networks including the Fox News Channel and Fox Business Network have been on a tirade (yes an assault) against single mothers and women being the sole breadwinners and the lack of fathers in families. This kind of content is being aired during what other networks are in a “newswheel” or the “Trading Day”. The talent ranges from Lou Dobbs, Charles Payne, Eric Bolling, to even the Chief Moonbat Commentator Juan Williams in the most recent attacks defending somewhat of the nuclear family values.
I can attest a nuclear family actually causes families to blow up and actually fall part. Maybe it is right to not focus on our families as much, but you will never hear that from FNC. Never mind they won’t hold the family accountable who lost 2 children in an NYC shooting allegedly from their nanny. Even if its an NBC employee, because FNC loves to attack people at NBC – but they won’t because that father was the breadwinner and since he’s an exec at CNBC, because heaven forbid its so socially inappropriate to say that rich people shouldn’t have the right to have children, even when the nanny will be raising the children. You’ll see more blog posts on the Krimm family having their child instead of a public dialogue if parents of all classes should have the same right of having a child. *Cue the crickets*.
Regardless a “news” operation that is supposed to be doing their duty to cover news, should not (and I MEAN SHOULD NOT) be a goddamned soap box by expressing fathers should be fathering every children. Leave it to the Web and the bloggers, and NOT what Payne and Dobbs are telling my asswipe father from the Valley (or wherever he is now) should be parenting me! It is not your GODDAMNED business to be caring about everyone else! Go do your stupid stock picks instead of being the crossdressing narrow-demographic targeted, blue collared man BUT dressed as a classy, liberal* newsman to be taken seriously! 
*Reports and targets to a mass audience of all groups, all races, all civil backgrounds, all minds, and not just the middle class or the upper middle class, unlike Bolling, Payne or Dobbs.
So yea, I miss having a father, but I try to live day to day and not be judged just because I don’t have a dad or have simialar expirences to my “normal” likeminded people of my age.

My mother

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I am going to speak as general as possible, as I do not want to exploit my family, as they don’t pefer me to write about them to the whole world. And given my traffic, the whole world does follow this blog.
Earlier tonight, my mother came home from work. On Tuesdays she works down at the Massachusetts plant. She comes home a little later than usual. I don’t know why I have a mood when she comes in. Maybe its because its a change of environment because she comes home and I’m home alone all day.
Or maybe its because I have sucked at doing chores at home. Maybe my mother sucked at being a mother. Or maybe my mother shouldn’t raised me at a young age.
Within 2 minutes after she came in, she noticed I left a couple plates on the kitchen counter. She  started to point to the dishes and was going to mention it. I felt offended, and I started to get very upset and started to throw things and started to yell at her (and swore too.) I blurted out that she doesn’t fully love me in response of why I can’t do a simple thing such as moving dishes to the dishwasher.  I lost my patience and I felt really hopeless.
She also started to say that for the last couple of years she has tried to discretely hint me of my cluttered style in the dining and kitchen areas. I can’t explain why because a) I can’t articulate, and b) I can’t explain myself.
Unlike my mother, I don’t explain things, in this example, I don’t want to make excuses and another example I don’t want to degrade or come off as condescending.
I got very upset and cried in pain after. She avoided talking to me for the rest of the night (as I did as well.)  My mother also threatened me that she was going to move out and transfer the house under my name.  She things like that all the time during an intense argument  in which they aren’t as intense as they used to be, though I have gotten more physically aggressive to inmante objects. That really hurt, because I am not trying to take over the house or my mother. I feel that this desperate remark makes me come off as a spoiled brat, which is not my intentions. And I am not trying to “insult”, to use her words herself. I am trying to be fairly critical and also expecting the words to come right back as her counter response.
She also said that she wants to live with me, but since my organization is so bad, it bothers her so much that she was thinking of moving out.
I wished I could move out, but I can’t financially.
Given my current relationship with my mother, and my realization of not understanding what she sees through me, its like – what girl wants to be living with me if I am so emotional, fragile and messy? 
A part of my brain is ether dead or not working properly. And it’s so embarrassing  I know I offend my mother, and I feel some remorse but I can’t feel how bad I ether hurt her or how bad I have disrespected her.
In anyway, this story should had explained how I suffer with my autism and how my autism effects the relationships around me.
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Sexual Harrassment Training

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Yes, I’m going to cover my sex harassment class on this blog.
I had actively had an IT services business up until last July. I had to shut it down (i.e. find a real paying job) since I couldn’t function with no business.
Regardless, I still on an occasion do stuff.
But my IT services business is typically sitting down and doing terminal work such as active directory, domains, and other server related stuff. I do get down on my hand and knees sometimes when a ProLiant craps out for whatever reason.
So I consider my business as corporate class. As such, I often do annual things like creating my own Acceptable Usage Policies or AUP to connect to my own network, and sometimes sign other forms like that quarterly and other things you would expect in a corporation.
So as such, I’m going to watch an online presentation and sign off after the fact.
Now I can’t speak to the normal people but in my high school, before the sex ed lessons began, we had to start off  with a sexual harassment video. (We didn’t sign forms unlike my company.)
For whatever reason, special needs people, whether or not they did something “creepy” in the past or what, we were treated as the same.
Here is a few pointers:

  • Whether or not it was intentional or not, it is illegal to harass in a sexual nature
  • Using various phrases can be illegal
  • touching in a spot that someone could be offended is wrong
  • You can look, but you can’t touch someone
  • Hugging should be limited
  • If you want to kiss a single stranger, ask first! Never Push!
  • I believe public displays of affection is wrong, and considered as sexual harrassment
  • Since I am a contractor, I can’t go and give out contact to a prospective customer, as that could be considered as soliciting for a date business relationship
  • Hostility can be very serious, if someone is witnessing (whether its at work or in the public domain) behavior like PDA or other harassing behaviors that could cause threat or harm to the couple or the harasser, it can be bad. Examples like quitting a job, blackmail or even wanting to commit suicide.
  • Such practices should extend to electronic services such as online sites, Facebook and other social media services.

Again in closing, not intended to harass people is not the point.  Sexual Harassment, or just plain embarrassment is that ones perception is the reality. Perception is Reality. Whether or not it was intentional or not, it is illegal to harass in a sexual nature
I hope you are well trained and you sign your annual form that you had been in training and you are now in compliance with corporate policies and state and local laws!
Responses on stories featured on this blog are welcome by emailing the publisher on the contact page. Such responses may be used in future stories.

Realization

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I’ve come to a realization that I have issues.
I was in denial for many years, most recently the last couple with pure anger and bitterness. 
Now in the recent months, I’ve come to a conclusion that I have autism.
My life is torn apart, my relationships with everyone has been destroyed.
I feel so fucking embarrassed about myself!
Something is defective in my brain! I never had an MRI before, so I don’t how messed up I am! I don’t know how real only I do know I have autism!
I don’t get love of any kinds, thats why this blog was created last summer! and I guess…I am a very litteral person even if I keep denying so. I can’t understand feelings like I used to.
People do say that autistic individuals have a hard time with relationships, and I don’t think I have much future unless I do something, something I don’t know how to approach and tackle!
In some ways I am like an android. A Data. I can’t deny the facts – I am messed up!
Oh how can someone love some autistic and not expect a full 100% love back?
So why should I have friends or a girlfriend, especially the latter? She’ll probably put me to jail as a criminal for being a psycho! Why would anyone fall in love a developmentally retarded individual?
I thought I give and give, and I get people “liking” my stories and never stalk my blog on the blog’s Facebook page. Well my “giving” should be looked at, because some people claim I receive more than I give. Again, I am fucked up in the brain!
I do know for a fact I am ASHAMED with my Autism and NOT PROUD AT ALL! I don’t belong in any place! I am a misfit!
My life ended at 12. My identity was stolen. I was replaced from a human to a robot!
Responses on stories featured on this blog are welcome by emailing the publisher on the contact page. Such responses may be used in future stories.

Fathers

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This post has since been updated
I find the “father figure” is becoming a dying breed. I think its even endangered at this point.
That’s pretty dangerous if you ask me.
As you already know I have been raised without my father for almost my entire life. As time has gone on, I’ve started to realize what the powerful role of a father is supposed to be.
Fathers are supposed to be reassuring to the mother, by not over protecting her son.
Fathers are supposed to be there for the hard times, and to reassure the family (or individuals) that things will be Ok. The father has to protect, (or even over) protect their daughter. Typically if a daughter isn’t raised by her father, the mother, wouldn’t be overprotecting her. The theories of early puberty and over maturity can attribute to the lack of a father in her life.
Fathers are supposed to have some level of authority as well.
Now I really feel that the times have gone so modern that the father has no role for his family. Fathers aren’t getting their hands dirty like changing diapers, (no pun intended) or getting down on the floor and building Lego with the son or attending a tea party in the daughter’s bedroom, or advocating for their children during budget season when their special needs children are going to fall into the cracks in coming months or years. This role has been a motherly monopoly and the fact that its all “motherly” (like excessive emotions) makes it even worse in my opinion.
The logic of the father being the bread winner is I think outdated. In recent years in the Great Recession Depression after 2008, most career causalities were the Midtown Big Banks, and mostly those were white collared and mostly a male workforce. And many of those were unemployed right in the midst of the what I call is the Great Depression. But we as a society still are sexist, because even if there is more working women, we still look down at them, and not look up to men in a different standard.
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Back a couple months ago, there was murder in New York City, 2 children died, I believe they were both 2 year olds, the cause I don’t know, because there has been a few to none follow up stories. The NYPD had questioned the various parties, and again I don’t know the details since. The parents of those two murdered children appeared to be executives and was raised by a nanny. The father recently gotten a job running the digital operations at the New Jersey based business channel, CNBC.
This job wasn’t a simple webmaster or building apps for the iPhone/iPad, but more of an executive commuting to various places and monitoring Excel spreadsheets, since this man came from Discovery Communications. I do not know anything about the mother. CNBC.com featured a 1 minute video memo on their website (see link above), after this horrific episode of crime, with the managing editor giving his condolences.
Since this has happened a couple months ago, I feel there should be a discussion about the right to have children of all classes. We typically think teenage girls to early twentysomething girls or ones that live on welfare to get bennies; but we never look at the higher class, net worth types (like this CNBC executive)  and whether or not they should have the right to have children.
Don’t get me wrong, I live in America and we should have freedom to choose, but that comes with responsibilities! If you are a desperate 20 year old to someone who is climbing the corporate ladder, you need to think twice if you want to have children. Sorry, its my straight up opinion! Having a child is a lot of responsibility, and you can’t just knock up a girl or woman and then screw her after the child is born. That logic is the same if you have a child, then see them only on weekends or twice a day. You are doing you child – your family a disservice! 
* * *
A while back, Johnson & Johnson had ran an ad campaign showing proverbial memories of parent and child and the commercial ended with the following tagline.
Having a baby changes everything.
When you reflect on that campaign, it wasn’t targeting any age bracket or what. The fact is, no matter how old you are, a baby changes your life, and your family and puts added responsibilities.
There is a growing issue in America, the lack of being a responsible and accountable citizen to society. We’ve seen this statement being repeated over and over in this past year alone. And unfortunately its men whether he’s a street loaner, to a white collared executive, the commonality is we are becoming a fatherless society. We as a society should be ashamed and we should start to ask some serious questions like are parents really committed to have children, are we really going to stay together for the long run, and not stay married for the children’s sake or am I going to be responsible for my child’s welfare?
I think that is some starting points for an open and larger discussion of the role of parents, mostly on the father.
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Responses on stories featured on this blog are welcome by using emailing the publisher on the contact page.

The $cam Known as Valentine’$ Day

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I noticed right after Christmas, the retail shops started to move the displays of the Christmas goods, after some places had Christmas stuff right after Labor Day, and concurrently selling Christmas stuff along with the Halloween decor and candies.

So what was replaced?

Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day is the worst marketing I find more obscene than Christmas. It’s not a holiday per se, but it is a marketing machine that should make the Catholics upset.
And part of that is just the idea what defines “romance” what defines “love”.

  • Is it candy?
  • Is it cards?
  • Is it just simple admiration?
  • Should I give cards out to my family members?
  • Is it to do with solely on sexual intercourse?
  • Is having crush love?
  • Do we define girlfriend/boyfriend relationships based on the click of the mouse on their Relationship Status on a social networking website?

What is it?

I don’t know.

I do know that in the recent years, Valentine’s Day has accelerated out of control, and the definition has of course been redefined to a non-standard definition.

I will throw some rocks at Victoria’s Secret, Limited Brands, their parent company should be reporting some obscenely high profits when that quarter closes, and Barry Diller’s Match.com (which now touts only 1 and 5 relationships start on the Net) will report another obscene growth (since after all it costs nearly $200 for a subscription all paid in full on a one time bill) and he will never spin off the property, even if the site is well independently financed.
In no means, am I defending any means of welfare, or equality – but as someone who has been unemployed or underemployed, and someone who grew up by a single parent living in a privileged town where he himself wasn’t privileged, it just makes it difficult to find someone that understands my situation.

I do know Love can be a scam, and unfortunately it isn’t illegal by Federal Law to sell goods relating to  love or romance, as per to any regulatory authorities like the F.T.C., S.E.C. or the F.B.I. except you can’t do prostitution.

Wait? Isn’t whoring products about love considered in some degree “prostitution”? Then how come Limited Brands or Victoria’s Secret not getting any Federal investigation? The messaging seems to be clear, they sell underwear just so someone can fuck another – that I find illegal?

I find it illegal that Victoria’s Secret uses modeling agencies (aka subcontracting) that employs models that aren’t even American. Where’s the Feds on that?

I digress

I do find it technically illegal to be legally sell anything to do with romance or love. If only were I a prosecutor, would I love to legally  destroy companies that have destroyed society.

Suck that Alessandra Ambrosio and Mrs. Tom Brady!

Again I digress.

I just hate romance and every freckin Valentine’s Day since like 2003, its just salt in my wounds. I love bitching about this at this time every year to shut up all the slutty defenders of such day.
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Love is like an Allergy

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There is little cure to allergies.
Its like you are allergic to nuts. As much as you want to be like everyone else to enjoy eating nuts without worrying about dying, you can’t have it.
That is the same to love.
My allergic reaction is I cry and melt down to tears.
Love is a known allergy to me. I call it a “neurological allergy”  Given my autism, and my miswired brain, I have a hard time understanding it. And who the hell is out there (other than an autistic girl – which are extremely rare forms of humans in this subculture)  that would want to fall in love with me?
I can’t think of any. I hear crickets.
The leadership (aka the ones who scare these people to death) doesn’t help.
I’ve never been kissed nor do I really care at this point.
But going back to the allergy part, is you have to accept your differences and lower your expectations. Like I said, I’m essentially an android that has an native app in my BootROM that can have emotions while everyone else can be heartless, careless, hateful and not be fully tolerant.
Love is a sin
Love is blind  – and its indecent
Love should be private
Love is greedy
Love is for selfish people
Love takes away of all the other things you and other people used to love.
Love is just a 4 letter word that the Federal Communications Commission should prohibit on the public airwaves of radio, over the air TV and on pay cable networks.
Its a joke!