Category Archives: @ Work Relationships

Socialization with Strangers and the Usual Failiures

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This is yet another problem I have struggled (maybe others can relate.) You try to go out to public places (retail, restaurants, etc.) and the objective is to socialize with a stranger.  The problem is when you realize there is an opportunity, you just immediately fumbled the football.
This problem can be one or more of the following:

  • You were trained as a child, and in your late teens to not talk to strangers
  • You were told to not give out your number, as some girls/guys could consider it stalking
  • You are insecure of yourself
  • You are afraid to divulge too much  information
  • You are afraid to damage such low level relationship

This has happened on several occasions within the last 3 months. One was at the local fast foot joint, where I have a “fake” ID badge.  Its not that fake, I had a IT services operation and while it wasn’t incorporated legally, but I wear it with an accompanied lanyard  to look like I was “busy”. But I didn’t take the business seriously for reasons not worth going. The guy asked me how was “work”? I fibbed and said “good”. For all I know, he was just doing his own personal SOP of being nice to the customers.
Another case was I went to a mall store around the time when the Boston Bruins was in the Stanley Cup, so sometime within the last month. I was wearing my Bruins hat, and the girl at  this store was complementing me about my hat, while I was in the store she essentially was flirting with me and asking me if I was excited about the series. I came off like I was a “casual fan” when in fact I am a true fan. For all I could say in return in complete sentences was that I told her I liked her belt she was wearing and how sexy it looked.
And most recently, a cashier at the local grocery store had shown interest in me. No, not romance or crushes, but just an acknowledgement in a friendly way of my presence. (If you know what I mean, you understand what I had to deal with for many years.) The last time I saw her was about a few weeks ago, because I have missed her on her shifts in the last 3 weeks. Its rare for a grocery store let alone the Northeast where someone is friendly with their customers and not rush to put the pizza in the same bag as the chicken. The problem is how can I go that next step into the “small talk”. I’m not like an Asperger type where I hate it, its really how to execute it, and how could I ask her out (if that’s even possible.)
I seem to never find the right time to act when I have an opportunity to interact with the outside world without having much fear. The problem for me is how chronic this social anxiety almost literally  freezes me up without getting cold hands or feet.
I think it comes from my upbringing of low self esteem, a lack of confidence of my professional interactions, and just the baggage of carrying my autism and all the negativity that the disorder has been wrongfully portrayed in the public.

Busy bodies and busy Relationships

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It’s rather interesting how people today are lacking relationship skills and not just social skills ether.  I blame this on airplanes, the Web and just the acceptation that its okay to screw someone and jump around jobs like its no ones business.
I’ve been using Match.com for nearly a couple of months and I do not like to engage a user that lives in New Hampshire but lived in Colorado for a decade or someone who lives in Boston who came from the Midwest and loves everything about Boston. Simply, I know there is more to New England than the City itself. I love Springfield, Hartford, Providence, Burlington, and Worcester! Isn’t that a surprise!
(Of course, I withheld Portland or Augusta because Maine sucks – I’ve  been there enough to say they are weirdos and hicks – that’s why I don’t visit there that often!)
I digress.
However, this kind of busy lifestyles doesn’t work well with someone who has difficulty transitioning from one place to another. I rarely moved in my lifetime, only about 3 or 4 miles of where I spent most of my first 23 years of my life. When I was 23, it was about 12 or so miles that I moved from the previous town I lived in.
The problem in three words? Lack of  Loyalty.
I grew up in New Hampshire, and traveled around the region, I wouldn’t trade this area for anywhere else. I have some, and I say some pride of where I live. Many of my peer groups does not have such level of some respect.
And this to me is a problem. The Millennial generation (i.e. the synthetically autistic types) are still acting like teenagers as some in this generation are 36 years old. For some reason we have allowed the vast majority of the normal functioning population to act like autistics while my group are expected to function as normal as possible. Which explains why marriage is much later and having children at a later age is happening. Dare I say having a child in their 30s can cause birth defects or even disabilities like autism. Even worse north of 40? These childish people are relying on unreliable technology to have children at a later age.
Again, I am probably making a low educated opinion on this, but craved stability since middle school. Even when I rarely moved physically, I went to several schools in almost every 2 years.  The staff in the schools had a very short shelflife too. Again, they were the twentysomethings figuring their lives out with the most mission critical job required of such lack of responsibilities. On top of the very young age, the other excuse was “they need to start somewhere”.

I feel sometimes I’ve worked in the local TV news business, when one’s job security (historically) was lot worse than other jobs like working in the public sector, the phone company, or corporate jobs, and if someone got randomly fired, their career in TV news was actually “cursed”.  The Special Education world worked much like a particular Boston news station, and to use such analogy is pretty pathetic. Because no individual should feel like their classroom is a newsroom of a revolving doors of producers (teachers) or director (executive management) while the child (student) is like the viewer witnessing dysfunctional news operation.

Though I feel that loyalty the lack thereof is a roadblock to future relationships for me. How can I get “locked into” a relationship if the girl wants to move to California or Houston or some other random place in 2 years?
I can’t live such life anymore. I can’t imagine anyone living like that.

Sexual Harrassment Training

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Yes, I’m going to cover my sex harassment class on this blog.
I had actively had an IT services business up until last July. I had to shut it down (i.e. find a real paying job) since I couldn’t function with no business.
Regardless, I still on an occasion do stuff.
But my IT services business is typically sitting down and doing terminal work such as active directory, domains, and other server related stuff. I do get down on my hand and knees sometimes when a ProLiant craps out for whatever reason.
So I consider my business as corporate class. As such, I often do annual things like creating my own Acceptable Usage Policies or AUP to connect to my own network, and sometimes sign other forms like that quarterly and other things you would expect in a corporation.
So as such, I’m going to watch an online presentation and sign off after the fact.
Now I can’t speak to the normal people but in my high school, before the sex ed lessons began, we had to start off  with a sexual harassment video. (We didn’t sign forms unlike my company.)
For whatever reason, special needs people, whether or not they did something “creepy” in the past or what, we were treated as the same.
Here is a few pointers:

  • Whether or not it was intentional or not, it is illegal to harass in a sexual nature
  • Using various phrases can be illegal
  • touching in a spot that someone could be offended is wrong
  • You can look, but you can’t touch someone
  • Hugging should be limited
  • If you want to kiss a single stranger, ask first! Never Push!
  • I believe public displays of affection is wrong, and considered as sexual harrassment
  • Since I am a contractor, I can’t go and give out contact to a prospective customer, as that could be considered as soliciting for a date business relationship
  • Hostility can be very serious, if someone is witnessing (whether its at work or in the public domain) behavior like PDA or other harassing behaviors that could cause threat or harm to the couple or the harasser, it can be bad. Examples like quitting a job, blackmail or even wanting to commit suicide.
  • Such practices should extend to electronic services such as online sites, Facebook and other social media services.

Again in closing, not intended to harass people is not the point.  Sexual Harassment, or just plain embarrassment is that ones perception is the reality. Perception is Reality. Whether or not it was intentional or not, it is illegal to harass in a sexual nature
I hope you are well trained and you sign your annual form that you had been in training and you are now in compliance with corporate policies and state and local laws!
Responses on stories featured on this blog are welcome by emailing the publisher on the contact page. Such responses may be used in future stories.

The $cam Known as Valentine’$ Day

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I noticed right after Christmas, the retail shops started to move the displays of the Christmas goods, after some places had Christmas stuff right after Labor Day, and concurrently selling Christmas stuff along with the Halloween decor and candies.

So what was replaced?

Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day is the worst marketing I find more obscene than Christmas. It’s not a holiday per se, but it is a marketing machine that should make the Catholics upset.
And part of that is just the idea what defines “romance” what defines “love”.

  • Is it candy?
  • Is it cards?
  • Is it just simple admiration?
  • Should I give cards out to my family members?
  • Is it to do with solely on sexual intercourse?
  • Is having crush love?
  • Do we define girlfriend/boyfriend relationships based on the click of the mouse on their Relationship Status on a social networking website?

What is it?

I don’t know.

I do know that in the recent years, Valentine’s Day has accelerated out of control, and the definition has of course been redefined to a non-standard definition.

I will throw some rocks at Victoria’s Secret, Limited Brands, their parent company should be reporting some obscenely high profits when that quarter closes, and Barry Diller’s Match.com (which now touts only 1 and 5 relationships start on the Net) will report another obscene growth (since after all it costs nearly $200 for a subscription all paid in full on a one time bill) and he will never spin off the property, even if the site is well independently financed.
In no means, am I defending any means of welfare, or equality – but as someone who has been unemployed or underemployed, and someone who grew up by a single parent living in a privileged town where he himself wasn’t privileged, it just makes it difficult to find someone that understands my situation.

I do know Love can be a scam, and unfortunately it isn’t illegal by Federal Law to sell goods relating to  love or romance, as per to any regulatory authorities like the F.T.C., S.E.C. or the F.B.I. except you can’t do prostitution.

Wait? Isn’t whoring products about love considered in some degree “prostitution”? Then how come Limited Brands or Victoria’s Secret not getting any Federal investigation? The messaging seems to be clear, they sell underwear just so someone can fuck another – that I find illegal?

I find it illegal that Victoria’s Secret uses modeling agencies (aka subcontracting) that employs models that aren’t even American. Where’s the Feds on that?

I digress

I do find it technically illegal to be legally sell anything to do with romance or love. If only were I a prosecutor, would I love to legally  destroy companies that have destroyed society.

Suck that Alessandra Ambrosio and Mrs. Tom Brady!

Again I digress.

I just hate romance and every freckin Valentine’s Day since like 2003, its just salt in my wounds. I love bitching about this at this time every year to shut up all the slutty defenders of such day.
*

Friends – the WRONG WAY to seek new people

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The world is so perverted it makes me cry.

I feel that I do not have any futures other than working my ass off and getting money (if there is still an economy.)
The reason why I don’t have more than a few friends, is because I suffer with a developmental disability that’s messed up my brain on the inside. And for that, it has disabled my rights to have a decent expectations of life.

Meanwhile, I had seen video on YouTube on tricks from how to tell if a guy likes you, to how to tell you if a shy guy likes you to even how to talk to one and get a number and text. Like I have said before it is wrong, illegal in social standards, and is considered inappropriate to begin with, according to the experts of the autism world, who happen to be women, a gender that often give conservative guidance, avoids risks and are generally a skeptical group of people. Not so in the series of videos:

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FES_b0coXFQ

these were just a sample of what I had seen the last day or so.
Going back to my original point, I am not just talking about getting a  girl/friend, I am just saying how CAN I talk to a “stranger” and talk to them on the phone or SMS, or whathaveyou.
I can’t.

I have to be in the shallow level, do things the 18th Century way of using my existing small pool of existing relationships for them to network, because afterall I’m allegedly dumb (at least in the social department), so therefore kiss the idea of networking goodbye!
I can’t believe people can befriend strangers on websites like Facebook and in some cases become “acquaintances”, friends, close friends to a romantic partner, and maybe to marriage.
I just don’t get it.
This world of packet based communications, the web browser opening a window to the world, and all these great “innovations” (I put it in quotes because its bullshit) are really great for the “normal” people out there. But if you have any legal disability that is outside of physical, I’d suggest you sue your “doctor” for slander. Because having Autism destroys your reputation, your relationships, your future hopes goodbye.

That’s why I chose to be a corporate hustler, by forcing myself to get a job (likely in a big company) and work and work and work and work my tail off to please to the corporate execs, since afterall that’s my only talent I am putting to use for this year.
*

@Work Relationships (and boundaries)

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This post might be for the audience that has experienced or knows people with special needs.
As I am looking to start getting a job or going into a work program, I am preparing myself of how to tackle my difficulties known as socialization. For someone like me, allegedly there roadblocks of how to have an retain an “appropriate”  “boundaries” with peers, superiors, and other social “status”.
I am going in a mind set of having a [super] professional respect and boundaries with my prospective co-workers. Work is not a place to make friends, its a place where you are expected to perform and do what is expected in your job title. Often, people with autism or other disorders typically do not know what is right and what is wrong. Thats where the “boundaries” comes from.
Now there are places I have contemplating of working. I feel given my educational background of a fraction of a high school diploma* and unfortunately in the mean world of reality, people do judge you by how many “pieces of paper” you have framed. Doesn’t matter what the context is on that piece of paper, its how people judge you.  So I have settled with the idea of working in retail in some of those “cool” stores at the local malls. Since I have gotten less and less laid back (for whatever reason, since it would be improper for me narrow it down giving I have been in a real angry mood, and some of my thoughts might be totally wrong) that I might not even gel well at those places where its socially ok to be laid back and casual.
* I got a High School diploma, but I felt that I didn’t work harder to really deserve it. In my view, they overstated my grades just to give me the diploma with the intent to get need services in the future. I wanted to learn more, instead of learning to do vocational work; and I didn’t get what I felt like I needed.
Another issue is some of these work programs for special needs (like autism) have targeted the high functioning population and think they can meet the high standards. Like the last work program I was in was pretty white-collared, putting high standards (since thats how the corporate world is) and expecting to meet those demands, and have 0% mistakes.
Now I have nothing wrong about the corporate standards, as that has been part of my DNA for almost my entire life. My problem is the “high functioning” population that is often misunderstood of having Asperger Syndrome* while most AS individuals are typically normal, above normal and don’t have significant issues. So if I come off as someone with AS, then the standards go through the roof, and if I fail to meet the standards, then I get fucked by the system. Often people with AS come off as a high standards individual, such as dressed in a corporate attire in some cases.
*currently NOT part of the Autism Spectrum Disorder. The disorder has “autistic-like” traits, while individuals are known to  have”social difficulties.” Again the focus on the latter, and most cases these people don’t have delays like autistic people traditionally have. Do not believe people when they say they have Asperger Syndrome, a form of autism; which clinically is NOT. Also the official name does not have a posseive noun, referring to Hans Asperger, the doctor that coined this non autistic disorder.
Well that last sentence would apply to me. I often dress up as a corporate attire, because I was taught to be a high class individual, and have higher expectations than his peers because people had pushed me to “go to my full potential.”  Today I often dress up, and have a lanyard of an ID badge of what is now a defunct IT consulting firm that I was trying to do before I got a “real job.” Again it has been perceived that there needs to be an “image” to come off as a professional as opposed to his “normal” peers of being inappropriate, dressed over casual, or act immature, as someone like me can’t do things like that and often would be considered as scandalous.
As I go back onto the topic of “relationships at the workplace” there are laws I need to comply (no not Sarbanes Oxley or HIPAA, etc.) but laws like Sexual Harassment, Harassment and follow ethics. Again, while my “normal” likeminded group have enablement of doing things that should be called out on. Ethics is my highest point. I feel that I need to be the “good guy” and expect to have the highest respect in the workplace.
I might be a person that people may hate if I work as a Genius at The Apple Store, or a clerk at Aeropostale or flipping burgers at a Five Guys, because I have been taught to be professional, and to retain full respect of the public and my future co-workers. And I have a conclusion to make sure I put everyone up on a pedestal and respect all my co-workers as a higher level of socialization.
If I didn’t have autism, I’d probably be in Iraq or Afghanistan being in the U.S. Miltary. I seem to have military standards in me.
Call me crazy, but I am a professional with meeting high standards 24x7x365. Because I am expected to be a professional.