Tag Archives: 2022: #OutspokenAutistic

[Multi Parts] Why Haven’t I Worked?

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I want to introduce you to a new feature that I have been contemplating for 14 years, starting with An Alleged Autistic/A Puzzling View on Relationships to the Hopeless Autistic, the story goes back to almost 20 years to the day in March. I’d rather start in 2005, when I was coincidentally turning 18 going on 15, and that still fucked up brain known as adolescence that was often shamed upon the child, the victim, the student.

§504/IEP Meeting, Spring 2005 (Undisclosed Location, Essex County Massachusetts)

Due to the interstate differences, the New Hampshire law required the student to attend their IEP meeting in full, as I was my own guardian. One of the reasons why I didn’t opt for guardianship was I thought I could use that as leverage for “advocacy” (spoiler alert, it failed)

This meeting included my speech therapist, my primary school teacher, the mis manager (er “Program Director” my mother and me including the head of Pupil Services, Brian Balke) and according to me scanning through a piece in the Useleess Leader and or channel surfing against WMUR-TV Manchester in the last couple of years, he’s the head of schools in Goffstown. Something is telling me the Fraud on Broad Street wasn’t in that meeting. I wouldn’t be surprised Bolick’s absence was by pure coincidence and nothing more (sarcasm implied)  in certain IEP meetings that were critical in nature. Other people would be in no show before and after.

At this time the team agreed the next path of my life was to go into a school to work program. I get it now, and possibly back then, but to have my entire day be entirely on life skills (that has become antiquated with the change of technology), social skills that made us extremely avoidant to dealing with superiors oh and the focus on sexual harassment was extremely stigmatizing and the force the birdie out of the nest by the 21st birthday was extremely anxiety ridden, I’d go so far to say this really lead into a turbulent 20s in my life. People who were in this position of authority had no business whatsoever.

By late spring (perhaps) May I caved in to their proposal.

I need to tell you something extremely disturbing about Balke, The head of Londonderry’s Pupil Services had the audacity to say “You’re going to get a Londonderry High School Diploma” in Spring of 2005, knowing I had repeated fifth grade 7 years before, that it was implied would graduate two years after my target year (Class of 2006) and again I was pushed to graduate later in 2008, specifically on my birthday. There was an attempt for me to get out as early as spring of 2007 but that was pushed by abuse of New Hampshire and Federal rights against the Commonwealth of Massachusetts’ own rules, which violates Federal laws.

Leading up to 2005, I didn’t feel intellectually competitive against my own typical peers in education, but I don’t even know now because the millennials are dumb as rocks. In their thirties!

The next series will be those three years where I realized at that point my life was at the point of no return and why I didn’t end my life sooner and not before I was even 20 that I knew my life had passed.

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Why I cannot Trust Any New Hampshire Professionals…(Executive Director, ABLENH)

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I really hate white collared hacks in this state. They care more about their aspirations than anyone else. Why can I say this state is narcissistic? I’d be bullshitting you!

[…] when the Merrimack Police Department came to my house on that September day, was a middle finger through proxy. It’s not the officer’s fault. It was someone who felt his career was on the line, when this plea had nothing to do with school, or his previous line of work, but he was so obsessed about his 10 year plans. […]

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8 Years and a Week Later – The Ring Leader of ASD in the Granite State Left Us…

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As I mentioned before, the horrible person who intentionally scared Granite Staters (as well as Massholes, and the rest of North America) passed away on New Year’s 2017.

I still have no respect for the woman who hated autistic boys as I suspected not only a few years before became a board cert ABA, but i wondered if she was an anti-vaxxer too. Her upper end of clients also included the Middlesex County elite who having an autistic child would’ve broken their ego. Throw in ABA treatment and the parent’s ego won’t be as fractured. On the lower end, well I was reminded I was not- enough, and the only way to fit in was to take prescription meds for fake issues, because the typical peers did illegal drugs. I had to “mask” my social economic “status”, one of the many disregards, gaslighting that Bolick was notorious of doing.

lBut what wasn’t surprising is how much her legacy has seeped into a few thousand people, there’s more feminist ABA professionals, more boy hating teachers, and thankfully less people who don’t weaponize suicide the way Bolick did, because it was people like her who said “autism and depression are separate” . Knowing later on that they do strangely go hand in hand, and because she was taught in the 1970s, she preached it well into the new millennia, but did she ever re-take a study to learn new facts? Of course not.

I am a recovering victim of her narcissistic tendencies of a professional that refused to grow and a subject worth learning wasn’t respected (that is me.) because abuse from people allegedly with NPD is so low, because no one will admit now – or at least in the near future, the level of suffering with imposter syndrome and nuanced based social skills is far from developed. As people say “you have to make it” for the adult population.

I never want to express so much hate, but I knew after my 30th birthday (my family waited as the news broke around February school vacation, that corrupt professional liked to keep her personal life so air tight… the irony!) that my group would still be haunted by Teresa Bolick from 6 million feet down under from hell as her afterlife did get exposed to thousands of other women who lust for power and control using autistic boys as to emasculate (and maybe giving some of these younger boys into trans, even though I don’t believe that’s a causation.)

This blog isn’t about everything on autism, but a subject on antiquated practices from a legacy, pre DSM-V autistic looking in. The systems were intentionally broken with no intention for it to ever be repaired.

Let that sink is as I am closer to 40 with a life experience of a 21 year iold

How People Autism/Spectrum Disorder Has Been Continuously Devalued by the Typical Population

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Editorial Note: The title has “Autism/Spectrum Disorder” because I use it interchangeably since many just use “Autism” instead these days

Gonna miss those hated Boomers when they pass on.

The younger generation (when I say “young” I say under 55. The prospects are not looking good for typical minded people as I fear they don’t want me to exist.

Gen X (the alleged Forgotten Generation) 1965-1981

Generation X was coined because they weren’t sure how to name the thirteenth generation. Struggled during the 1970s under inflationary pressures, mixed in with no-fault divorce, and other turbulent times, Xers became adults at 12, and kept to themselves into the 80s and 90s. They loved Ronald Regan’s pro-growth economic agenda (that gave everyone Black Monday, the dot-com bubble and the 2008 Financial Crisis.

Gen X was also the generation where their offsprings were cursed with a vaccine injury known as Autism. Most of this population are in the Gen Z group. Ironically no one really talks about anyone injured with a vaccine in the 1980s babies. Regardless Gen X’s favorite film Rain Man,  mixed in with their technical training on the IBM 5150 in high school, these hopeless people thought they didn’t need no stinkin education, it’s all on Google. Xers listened to their sisters like Jenny McCarthy and believed their kids autism was caused by vaccines Continue reading →

Cute Chica in the Seacoast: “She’s Kinda The Friend You Dreamed of But Never Really Had”

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What word salad as I was checking out and told the apparent new front desk gal who was only been there for 3 weeks to “protect her at all costs… she’s a keeper”. The Hotel Crush will be be described simply as a “Chica” because I know she’s Hispanic in nature, well I haven’t told you much about my fetish of Latinos, my dream girlfriend would be someone in that realm of the human race. My experience in Essex County, Massachusetts in an out of district program for 3 years says that plus I get really triggered when the stories of POTUS Trump’s Southern Border… so there’s some proof.

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#TransformationTuesday – Family Supports = Co-Dependent Supports (Or Even Worse Types of Relationships!)

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In this installment of Transformation Tuesday, this one makes me really cringe.

I have written in the past about “family support”, why should a disabled child be only entitled to family as a support, as the state has pushed the Community Based Supports? Why should siblings feel the need to be obligated to take care of their disabled siblings at the expense of their own individuality, even if they deny or not even realize it? Why is it immediate family, what about the child’s cousins that don’t-get-them?

With the rise of autism moms, the so-called “sharenting”, the publications like the Age of Autism, and other mommy-bloggers like Finding Cooper’s Voice and Carrie Freckin Cariello it seems to me that it would be illresponsible to call out the bullshit that is “family supports’ and really call it co-dependency. While this clinical word is pretty clinical, and so few are aware of this mentality, I think mix in with co-dependent siblings and parents who almost make it a rite of passage to go to the courts the moment the hiarchial child turns 18 to get full guardianship so they can control their child like they’re a still a perpetual baby.

In drafting this piece, I came across this video last week from a podcast featuring Dr. Ed Adam’s, an expert on enmeshment. Also known as emotional incest or even covert incest. Dr. Adams even argues that emotional incest is worse than sexual in nature. If you see content from autism parents or Age of Autism those parent writers often talk about their now adult children with very personal details without much consent and not much guilt. There seems to be a fetish to the female audience about their autistic daughter’s menstrual cycles  as if autism could block menstruation or something perverted like that. Or another mom talking about their kid’s “crapisodes”.

These non-consenting children even if they have severe cases of autism, does rob them of any originality.

 

The “Epidemic” of Apathy

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“Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.”— George Carlin

I’ve noticed the rise of apathy for at least two decades, nearly a third of my life. In the oughts it was subtle, but obviously when things got politicized into the Tea Party and the rise of Trump, apathy went on a multi digit uptick.

It shouldn’t be a surprise when books like The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck was popular in the mid teens. When I bought the book for the first time just last year, while I was in Portsmouth, I wanted to get sick and vomit because I couldn’t believe i would be reading a book that despite having “fuck” inside the book where if I had a shot I’d be wasted by the first couple of pages, but just the cavalier nature of not having any sympathy of empathy as it’s being legitimized is the step into the wrong direction.

The apathy rose as Covid came to be. People were highly skeptical of the science, and didn’t care if they were super-spreaders or if people died. If someone died from Covid, it was written off as well shit happens. But a couple years later, as Roe was overturned, those “shit happens” people were all in glory that the right to live at all costs was going to be reversed. It’s not the baby’s fault for being created – even if it was caused by incest!

It shouldn’t be a surprise to see that people have no sympathy for preventing novel viruses to spread or understand that conception is not a tramp wanting to be a tramp. People do not care about history, or how something worse than a common cold can cause long term issues (such as long haul Covid) or the complex nature of pregnancy, especially when lawmakers are mostly men who forgot their vague “Female Anatomy” lessons in school many decades before.

CEOs and business leaders are completely removed from the products or services they produce. They care about pocketing “profits” and feel entitled to make millions on performance, not on actual quality. We put them up on a pedestal and respect them with their rizz. But even in non for profits, CEOs are put on so much sympathy when they lack the empathy.

Managerial people are the faces that most rank and file people will see, but managerial people have to ensure resources are properly allocated to the perceived better groups of people. This leads into caveman styled tribes, us versus them, leaving more division than unity, and will often preach unity through “team building” events to get the employees to buy into the manager’s delusion. Managerial types lack the understanding of what goes on behind creating a product or service, because they are fulfilling the need of a vice president or a CEO’s demands.

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Incels? Autism? Not on my Bingo Card!

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A Puzzling View on Relationships the then ASD and relationship WordPress blog, was written in retrospect really poorly written – of course that had to deal with my anger towards women, ahem I mean narcissistic people; I written about my teenage challenges, that bled into my twenties and later in life.

Andrew Tate or Fresh & not so Fit, or the Men’s Rights Activists were never considered to be on my bingo card. Even when I saw MRA type content (such as the blog,  Boycott American Women around 2014 or some MGTOW YouTubers in 2017) little would I know that these fringe groups would merge into a large cringe group as insecure men who are toxic themselves.

 

But what’s even unexpected in my bingo card, was that autism involuntary celibates would be a strong correlation such as one expert claiming that “it must be hard for a young man with autism to understand the dating market”… wait who is the typical person and who is comparing dating to trading commodities on the CME? Do I draw intraday charts of women’s sex appeal or draw candlestick charts of her Sexual Market Value?

Whose autistic again?

I think it’s much harder now to be single than being in your mid twenties and trash some parts of feminism and take the heat for hating women, but this is at such an ultimate low. There is an attempt to discredit all autistic men as shallow and strange men, and if this was reversed (say over-generalizing typical women ) this would not end well.

Men (and sometimes women) go into groups like going to the gym or do yoga, but sometimes this community lends itself into a cult, where the deeper messaging is through cynicism and hatred to the other.  In these private gatherings, this safe space is not to express freely without judgement, its those people who feel injust to literally be protected by people that think like them, I don’t like to say like-minded, because it’s really a feedback loop.

Are gyms and yoga studios bad? No, are there people who get fit not Freaks? Of course, but are we encouraging that? No because it’s much better to create breeding ground of ammonciity, then to actually try to solve underlying issues!

Finally Saw The #WindsorGirl…AGAIN

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A Continuation of a saga of a cutie at a chain boutique store, and a follow up in the search for her

“I was having a bad morning and seeing you made my day” stated Kayla

July 1st

I had a Zoom session with my therapist who became mine following the events in the first year of the Hopeless Autistic. One of the things he wished we talked about more was girls, relationships sex or other things of this nature. Due to the recent events, and I only see him virtually on a monthly basis, that such subject was brought up. The day before, I brought this up to my friend whose doing respite, who formerly worked at my day program as a DSP. Both agreed the approach and my respite pal was agreeing that the only way to flirt is trial by error. This is unfortunately the situation so many are in.

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