Hello,
As you probably know by now I no longer report on autism related issues from an autistic himself since September. I have been burnt out blogging to people who were taking advantage of my work and never contributed back. I was tired of Tweeting to people who were so smart but was so stupid to not learn how to interact with someone who doesn’t agree with them fully. That isn’t autism or Asperger’s, its just liberalism as a mental disorder. Anyways I was also burnt out trying to convince others that I could be like other people but some like this organization, and obviously this one where they have their minds narrowed to a certain demographic.
Well let me discuss what the last 3 years have lead me to (hopefully my autistic repetition/redundancy won’t be obvious.)
I moved near the end of 2010. I never moved more than 3 miles and in the same town in the first 23 years of my life. Where I live now is within 20 miles where I used to live. At the same time, I had finished school about 2 years prior and I was receiving services in a new agency, and went though heavy reflections.
Essentially my remaining soul, identity and social makeup ended.
- My social circle was really limited and to the point I should describe it as fragile. I often felt jelious and envy because I didn’t have what they had and sadly I felt like I wasn’t “good enough” for them. Wether it was coincidence or not, my friends abandoned me when I moved, some were nearly half to a full hour away where I live now.
- In January of 2011, I launched the online publication called An Alleged Autistic, because I had questioned whether or not I was seriously autistic, whether or not the autism rise was real and later questioned the autistic movement (later entitled The Forgotten Autistic after realizing an entire generation, the first generation of the autism boom was entirely forgotten.) The major Autism organizations are focusing on a second generation boom that impacts fewer people than others born around 1987 to 1993.
- After realizing a bunch of referral traffic coming from search engines with phrases like “can autistic people fall in love”, “why don’t autistic people fall in love” was the catalyst to launch A Puzzling View on Relationships in the fall of 2012. While this blog is no longer in active production, the hundreds of posts for archival purposes are timeless.
Where am I since the last year? Have I changed since the last year? Well let’s put it this way. I feel like I am technically borderline autistic meaning that I can be functioning to a certain degree, but unable to do things or handle responsibilities than to other people of my age group. I have came to a realization that I have difficulties that is hard wired in my brain that would require the most smartasses in the room to reprogram me, which is beyond impossible in 2014.
Where I am on Relationships
In 2011 I went into the multi stages of grief of loosing some friends from high school. In 2001-2005, I went through a similar process – that case was the elementary school “friends.” I put it in quotes because they weren’t my friends likely, it was a one way relationship. 2011 and 2012 was denial stages. I had to go through the process where I had to sever ties ether on my end or witness it on the other end. It was devastating.
2013 was an undocumented implementing of hitting the proverbial reset button. A lot of the focus was to get a job or find a work program. By April of this year I have been working my ass off to find a work program, and get some skills ASAP.
2014 is also the year of implementing the idea that I will never ever kiss a girl, and I won’t be in any “relationship”. What else am I supposed to say, bullshit my readers of “oh sure, there is a girl out there for you, someone in her twenties living in the Manchester or Nashua area that is so-tolerant of dating someone who is borderline autistic – by the books of course!” Sadly the reality is there aren’t that many twentysomethings living in NH because they hate the ‘burbs and they love Boston and NYC 100x more. And if there are any, they are taken, because you know the good looking girls are taken, the sweetest girls in the world are taken and the narcissistic girls and not to beautiful ones are single. For good reasons too!
Now the next implementation phase is to figure out how to live with my mother and learn to deal with her and how to co-exist in the next 5 years. I have threatened to move out on many occasions in the last year. Sadly there aren’t that many psychologists or therapists in this area (given that I live in the Greater Boston area) and yet there aren’t that many that focuses on autism, never mind adults so I can get a fair level of advice and support, etc. I say this because only someone who is an alleged expert would be the one who can help me implement the present and future feeling of a hopeless romantic and be my mothers son to grave. My mother isn’t looking to getting a man because most men of her age are fathers or they are gay or something worse. Because of this I feel that the relationship wouldn’t be threatened – for me.
The Hopeless Romantic & Autistic
I’m still a hopeless autistic, first; hopeless romantic, second. Its a really mad, mad world and it has taken nearly 4 years to figure it out. I am a “slow” person, and I am embarrassed to admit it. I don’t see a bright future. There are evil people in politics and in the special needs worlds that has made my life similar to the old USSR or the firewall that broke Germany in 2. And sadly I can’t fight against the experts who have built the wall. I’d be punished for it. Also I don’t have the energy like I used to.
All I want is to have a 1 week grace where I could relax from all of my problems. There are more problems I have dealt with this past calendar year to date which I haven’t mentioned. I really wished I could have one full year grace from all the problems, but that’s asking for too much. I’d like to spend a week in Orlando, Florida and see what makes young people so happy at Disney World, Universal Studios or Legoland – because I was unable to experience my childhood for reasons I have mentioned.
Anyways, beginning on July 17th, the publication is still in archival status and the search engines will once again be able to be searchable.
