Tag Archives: Borderline Personality Disorder

Grieving On My Own (Because the Old Lady Wants to be Hyper Individualistic)

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I actually texted to our social worker from the hospice care shortly after Christmas trying to reach out to her to meet with the Bereavement coordinator to get the ball rolling between me and them. They provide support for one year following the death, and as i previously stated, my grandmother had less than 5 days of care on their watch.

So now we’re down to less than 8 months. Shortly after the text message, and before New Years, we received a holiday card from them, specifically with a handwritten login credentials to their portal on the very bottom. If I remember correctly, there was also a letter sent with them offering us to log in. Sadly, I’ll probably have to ask my mother for it if she hadn’t already hoarded it and piled it into a pile of papers of which I am not allowed to see.

According to my mother, she doesn’t ask help for much and she’l tough it out and look like a narcissist with someone looking empty but projecting phony substance. 

I don’t want to say much about my family at this point, but I do suspect my grandmother’s pride was abit cocky. DIY is not always the best approach.

This week, my task is to find that login information. If I have to ask my mother, so be it! I have given my mother so many miles of her maladaptive behavior and yeah she lost her mother, well I lost my grammie too! But it doesn’t excuse the matters of borderline-dysregulatia in the most toxic and emotional sense.

Can Traumatic Brain Injury Cause Personality Defects?

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Last week, the old woman was in a way teasing about her injuries to her head in her life. What surprised me was “that was before you were born, then after you were born”. I knew about a few of her potential concussions, but not the couple of situations after I was born.

It lead me to think, and I didn’t make any remarks, because in this case if I was the one making the joke, the joke would be on her because she takes everything to heart.

Can traumatic brain injuries or TBI cause personality defects?

I say “defects” because I believe that defects or “disruptions” cause a blockage to a healthy and happy relationship, or cause toxic situations, mixing the fingerprints of inability to empathize, minimize other’s reality, though will play the victim when they aren’t validated, and or have very polarizing emotions one moment, and turn the other moment, and completely black out or pretend it never existed then come off antagonistic.

But either narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder is not learned, it’s made. I am not diagnosing my mother to the world, nor do I settle on either one, but it’s a mix of both. I am also at the stage where I know what I am getting into, and walk away from the situation the reason why I am in my living areas (my bedroom or basement media production room) maybe a tell tale sign maybe I don’t want to be around you.

What still mildly angers me is why, just why the Fraud on Broad Street or other professionals who saw the toxic behaviors that people perceived of me, not realize my mother could be the same? If anything when the folks did hold my mother to account, they felt she was enabling my situational toxic traits, even if I had to live with her and I had to unlearn them…

You can’t involuntary push someone into therapy, or get help, the only thing I suggest, is to radically accept someone who may not be bad person, but a persona that can highly bombastic, but to not personalize the personality. For those individuals they blur them. You can point their behaviors out in a conversation using the dictionary definition without using the words, and obviously don’t expect people to change, something that female SPED professionals clearly never get.

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Almost 3 Years of Boundaries… Where have things gone?

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In early 2020, I started to develop the skills naturally to combat against a state full of narcissistic types, that is New Hampshire. The people who are typical and Caucasian really do feel like they can “Live Free or Die” and if you’re atypical then it’s literally Live Free or End your Own Life (just don’t post this on Facebook because they can put you in Facebook-jail for implying self-harm – to you!)

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