Tag Archives: Family Supports

#TransformationTuesday – Family Supports = Co-Dependent Supports (Or Even Worse Types of Relationships!)

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In this installment of Transformation Tuesday, this one makes me really cringe.

I have written in the past about “family support”, why should a disabled child be only entitled to family as a support, as the state has pushed the Community Based Supports? Why should siblings feel the need to be obligated to take care of their disabled siblings at the expense of their own individuality, even if they deny or not even realize it? Why is it immediate family, what about the child’s cousins that don’t-get-them?

With the rise of autism moms, the so-called “sharenting”, the publications like the Age of Autism, and other mommy-bloggers like Finding Cooper’s Voice and Carrie Freckin Cariello it seems to me that it would be illresponsible to call out the bullshit that is “family supports’ and really call it co-dependency. While this clinical word is pretty clinical, and so few are aware of this mentality, I think mix in with co-dependent siblings and parents who almost make it a rite of passage to go to the courts the moment the hiarchial child turns 18 to get full guardianship so they can control their child like they’re a still a perpetual baby.

In drafting this piece, I came across this video last week from a podcast featuring Dr. Ed Adam’s, an expert on enmeshment. Also known as emotional incest or even covert incest. Dr. Adams even argues that emotional incest is worse than sexual in nature. If you see content from autism parents or Age of Autism those parent writers often talk about their now adult children with very personal details without much consent and not much guilt. There seems to be a fetish to the female audience about their autistic daughter’s menstrual cycles  as if autism could block menstruation or something perverted like that. Or another mom talking about their kid’s “crapisodes”.

These non-consenting children even if they have severe cases of autism, does rob them of any originality.

 

Taurus Mother, (I don’t Take Astrology Literally… Only When Necessary)

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Part two of a previous narrative

a magnet with the text that describes "Taurus (the bull)" “self indulgent” “materialistic”, “self centered” , “self righteous”, “jealous and possessive” This is now more of my mother.I sometimes wonder if this happens when a Taurus ages.

I took this in between mother’s birthday of April 25th and before Mother’s Day. I don’t support believing in astrology as a primary form of judgement… this magnet alarmed me more about folks that are Taurus that isn’t just hot headed. Things like “self indulgent” “materialistic”, “self centered” , “self righteous”, “jealous and possessive” This is now more of my mother.
I sometimes wonder if this happens when a Taurus ages.

I know other people who are Taurus too, and they live on their astrology, but the irony was I would bitch about my Taurus mother to the Taurus support staff then I’d rather her to my Taurus mother, which was almost like I was living a threesome!

It’s not really funny when you live in it. It’s not to say as a Pisces I do the same stuff, but I would argue its a state vs. situational. I could be a hot head if I deal with the same sons of bitches that don’t get me, but if I indulge, I try to be responsible. In this magnet I found at Newbury Comics, all listed descriptors described my mother, and again not that I take astrology literally, only when it hits you.

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On Reserves (August – September 2023)

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Just over a couple weeks taking a 2 night stay in Keene, my grandmother started to develop her issues that resulted her untimely death in late September. For more than 1/2 of August, she had stayed at the nearby hospital. The 2nd stay was for 2 straight weeks going into September. Then not only 4 days later, she got brought via ambulance, then was basically on her death bed, unbegntost to us, then about a week later (would’ve been a day earlier but due to the alleged storm that was Hurricane Lee, the homebound trip via a private ambulance, and little would I know that it would be three days later she’d be gone.

This narrative is not about my grandmother, but I am not also trying to come off as a victim or whining. This story is what happens when you have no one else to fall on, but then you become someone else’s “rock”, being the default manly figure, to a guy that’s already been depleted. Hence, why I refer this to being “on reserves”.

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The Crap that is “Family Supports”

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For many years I have been familiar with the “Family Support” system. It’s exactly what you think it would mean, the family about the individual with a disability without the individual’s attention or presence. The siblings and other family members seem to have this obligation that they are supposed to be the only primary support for that individual. So what does that mean? A lot of stress to occur… so where do they go for respite?

Before COVID-19, there used to be annual conferences, again for the protected-class that is “family support” people, caretakers, parents, siblings, etc. For many years, I’ve been in arguments of why the hell the family should be the primary caretaker of a disabled hierarchal child? Where are family friends? Where is a friend-like figure? Where are cousins? Why the hell should families be the only ones?

For them families feeling obligated to take care of the hierarchal disabled child, this could be extremely taxing. As a result then you get parents that become cockier in age, with the dreams they’ll outlive their kids or hope to bury them because they won’t have to worry about who takes care of them.

What if I told you this could also apply to higher functioning people? What if I told you my family thinks they are obligated to take care of me? Can’t have a bae (err a “date” since I don’t even think I’ll be getting a temporary girlfriend at this point), can’t I have a bestie be there during one day a week or some crazy shit? Why is it ones I can’t eff with?

Maybe it’s by design. But I sure as hell hate “family supports” just as I fucking hate “nuclear families”. They can suck it!