Tag Archives: HFA

Special Report: Depression & Autism

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specialreporthx
The death last Monday of the famous actor/comedian, Robin Williams has opened yet another opportunity to discuss depression.
Robin Williams had died from an apparent suicide last Monday morning (PT) at his Bay Area, CA home. He was 63. He was dealing with financial problems, and also was dealing with his cancelation of his TV show, The Crazy Ones, likely due to low overnight ratings. Other reports claim he was dealing with an onset of Parkinson’s (unable to confirm that here.) He was in many films from Jumanji (which apparently according to the Union Leader, was filmed in Southwest NH), Mrs. Doubtfire, Bicentennial Man, voiced over the Genie in Disney’s Aladdin , and many more movies and will appear in 6 more films ready to be released in the coming year. Older readers may recall him in the 70s TV series Mork & Mindy, which was the catalyst to his career.
Williams had said in the past he was dealing with depression and went into rehab 8 years ago. He dealt with drugs and alcohol. A month ago, it was confirmed he was going back into rehab, citing “tuning up” his sobriety. In any case it was likely too late, as something caused him to kill himself last week.
It would not be appropriate to discuss – or speculate why he did it nor mentioning if he was a coward or not to do that. I’d like to turn the focus on to the topical status of depression.
Whether or not depression is part of autism, or autism causes depression, or it’s a similar but different, or it’s caused genetically (like from your crazy uncle – literally) or not, the fact is depression and autism  can go in tandem. There is no doubt about that, despite how many PhD hacks you talk to. Depression and ASD can be caused by various factors, becoming an adolescent, coming to a realization that you are “different” or just the poor execution of your support system’s ability to help you.
I know people who are in their late twenties in some level of depression. I myself have dealt with this on and off at least for the last 15 years. If you had followed this blog for the last few years, I’ve really held “the system” accountable for lot of the damages caused to me.
There is a taboo in the developmental disabled and the mental disorder community whether or not both practices should merge. Psychiatric, mental disorders and developmental disorders 3 different things traditionally. There are various methods in treating them, but they are all different. That doesn’t mean that they should come together or be recognized as dual issues. Because these disorders are so separate, the delivery system for services and support are separate. Whose to say someone with severe autism is also dealing with depression? Whose to say someone with Down’s could be bipolar? Also why are we so focused on the disorder and so worried about going to the right agency to get services or should I say the best services since in some areas, mental disorders and developmental disorders are handled by two different services?
Also its been a cliche all week long about how mental health services are not addressed properly. I’d go even further and say mental health services for people with autism are also limited too. In my area, there are a handful of psychologists that ether specialize in autism, or has a working knowledge of autism. (The other handful focuses on ADHD and Asperger’s Syndrome, which I’m leaving out because people with AS can choose to not be a odd, weird talking liberal moonbat, and act like everyone else. Sorry I don’t respect people with AS.)
Despite the contrary, New Hampshire in the downstate region is part of the Greater Boston metro region, and even in the most world class cities in the world, this area and probably even the Mass. Merrimack Valley also lacks in mental health services for dual dx’d mental and developmentally ill clients.  I blame part of the Boston snobbery that insists civility doesn’t exist north and west of I-495.
In closing, there needs to be a national discussion with trying to eliminate the stigma of depression; and another track to discuss why so many people with autism or other related disorders are falling into the cracks and why so many arrogant leaders are not realizing there is a depression problem with the autistic community. Especially in the twentysomething crowds, where many grew up in the dark ages of autism being a mysterious and unknown disorder and had parents not knowing where to go and school districts not putting focus on them. If we can’t take this opportunity to discuss this problem, there will be another tragedy that won’t get mentioned because they aren’t a celebrity.

The State of Affairs for Autism and Relationships

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There is a bunch of problems going forward for the next five to ten years for autistics and the “leadership” thereof about relationships and building friends, etc., etc.

To go into further detail of that statement; we face problems such as trying to fit every possible individual into one unified group instead of unifying 1 and 88 people with autistic or pervasive developmental disorders; secondly the research and assessment (or diagnoses) often compares us to the normal functioning peer groups; which is also an unfair and inaccurate portrayal to the autistic community.

There are a bunch of people who go around the world to speak about autism, to lecture about the subject or even speak badly (even with it being unintentional.) This problem is also a multi pronged issue too. One is the lack of editorial judgement when delivering these messages to the public; secondly the medium is the message; especially in the world of the Web and social media; and how the people take these messages. I’ve said in the past that for a long time people in the Millenial generation (born from 1977 to 2001) were the most intolerant generation of people with developmental disabilities; however that number is slowly going down – but not a lot. The problem here, is those numbers are becoming tolerant because of a career path they have chosen, not really because they want to be tolerant from the heart.

And the last point is what becomes the most dangerous part for ANYONE with autism; the message, or the medium may mislead these future professionals of the special needs industry; there is still some mixed messages that all autistics are mute and dumb, and often they are lost little bastards; and often its boys; because its only boys who are bad; and its only boys who are into science and math; and again guys are socially retarded; and that all autistics shall not have a life like everyone else because of their alleged social dysfunction; and they really should be friends with their neurological peers; and shall not even have the chance of getting married and having offspring that might reproduce another autistic.

The entire boldface was the subliminal or innuendo messaging of what is taught in college, or in professional development (bitter people training.) There is a lot of psychobabble about “social pyramid”, “social capital”, “social this” or “social that”. And many of this BULLSHIT has anything to do with social skills!

So in closing, the state of affairs for autism and relationships are bleak and will have a dark future. Not because “progressives” want to make a movement for change and acceptance; its really for people who want to be career mothers or career slanderers to make blaintely false and misleading statements that all autistics are bad, all autistics should be sent to Laconia or a state that still has a state school for developmentally disabled people. And yet we have to settle with the fact of “they are being honest” and “they are telling the God honest truth” but yet if I make a “God honest truth” I’d be charged for hate speech even if there isn’t a  hate speech law in my state.
The only option is to settle with the “facts” with the hopes these people will die to hell sooner rather than later.

Birthday

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My birthday is near and in the coming weeks I will be 26 years of age. It will be the 5 year mark where I had turned 21 and finished school on the same day. It is very scary to think how in half a decade how I have fallen apart and came to a hard realization about how I have to accept my differences, and accept my future outlooks in life. (I think you know its really about “relationships”.)
I don’t talk like I used to because I am tired of talking to slight egomaniacs. I am tired of hearing someone’s “honest” or someone pushing an agenda on me. I might be venting a little about my mother, but that’s really besides my point.
I am asking for much this year, nor do I really give a shit about it ether. As I wrote in last October, about my struggles of people remembering my birthday; I’ve just accepted the fact “its just another day”. That happened last year, I went on a trip to the mountains after doing some shopping at the state’s surplus agency getting networking gear. I brushed off the the 25th anniversary of my existence.
I am not happy about the big two-six. And this isn’t just the normal PDD obsession leading to one’s bday.  It’s actually worse.
I realize I won’t be happy. Its not because I choose not to, its because I am forced to not be happy. The leadership on the ASD self-interest has effectively slandered my group, and has effectively committed uncriminal behavior like psychological ID theft. These goddamned sons of bitches have forced me to grow up faster than my peers (since it is “normal” to still act like an adolescent at 35 years old, if you don’t have a disability) and yet these same sons – of  – bitches treat people like me as crap when they aren’t “on the clock”. These people insist we work for some corporation and be highly accountable at all times.
These freckin bastards also believe we should only fall in love in our own peer group. I’m talking about the PDD group. As you already know (I assume) the numbers of PDD male to female ratio is about 4 out of 5 male to female. I probably would say 3 out of 5 are females, since I see more of them in the adult services than I have seen in the special education. But still, I am put at a disadvantage.
My only wishes for my birthday is:

  1. Please, I ask the middle age women, who are ugly, bitter and hateful people  who act exactly the same as I just described: to stop acting as advocates for special needs! I also understand you might have an empty nest syndrome, but just stop saying for one example that autistic people can’t fall in love. DO NOT slander these people in private workshops BY CLEARLY saying its “not appropriate ” for us to attend when I feel you will painting EVERYONE with PDD with the most thickest brush to exist! Especially when WE STRUGGLE (in some cases for unneeded purposes) with RELATIONSHIPS and recklessly plan such workshop on mother fuckin’ VALENTINE’S DAY! It is your peers that have made me so mad and sad and not glad that the only life I can have is to be a fucking slave!I stand by my “fucking” beliefs, because you force me to use such needed coarse language! 
  2. I want people to LISTEN. Especially WOMEN! I don’t give a shit you have a cunt and tits, to me its sexist for me to expect me to listen to you and its fine for you not to listen to me and go off and talk, talk and talk and push your egomaniac agenda. If you want to be treated like everyone else, you have to not label yourself and act like everyone else, and sadly in this case men. (I hate using gender/age specific language, but it is these overeducated punks from Harvard, and other Middlesex County, Mass like regions around the world that unnecessarily done this reversed sexism!)
  3. As narrow-minded and possibly sexist and racist as it is, I would love to have a woman to be my romantic mate. (I can’t say “girlfriend” without being charged for “hate speech” because you can’t say a “girl” to a “woman”.) Therefore, I would like to have an adult female companion  I should just say, look into a slow relationship. For all I could know, having a romantic relationship may not work at all, and I could’ve wasted 10 years for nothing!
  4. The “experts” need to get their head out of their asses. I can’t say this enough. I also ask for paraprofessionals, professionals, teachers and other cold-hearted people between the hours of 9:00 to 5:00 local time to maybe learn that autistic people are just like you, and instead of not having friends in your outside life that are autistic, to maybe give it a chance? I’m not talking about HS aged people or current professional relationships, but have some freckin unity as we desperately need in my country! I only wished I could be integrated with “normal” Latinos, Blacks, Asians and other people of various backgrounds, and not be forced into a group I find is regressive and a group that won’t rightfully go forward according to my social, political and systemic standards.

I’ve realized I have done some bitching, but many punks in my life have no idea what they have done to me, and how its ok to not be accountable of their actions, their words and their actions. It is men with a certain social standard who have wrongfully been abused and used!
I do not hate women! And I mean that. I respect them! They are very caring people, and they have great talents! Younger ladies is rare, thirtysomethings you have better luck I only have a problem when they go on a political or systemic tirade against one social class for no realistic reason in the general population, and get away with it. Sadly, many are near or post menopausal and they generically look ugly, because they act as if they are fat and ugly.  I hate to be so biased, but since ASD and PDD individuals are mostly male, I feel so personally offended to be an adult male because we have to treat women as God.
I only ask to be somewhat happy for my Birthday. But apparently in America that is asking for too much according to all the experts I have to comply since America is now a “1984” society.
P.S. there is one other thing I would want for my birthday. To have more traffic on this blog and more discussions from my readers, because if it weren’t for you (if you even read my blogs) this blog wouldn’t exist.
End of my political/personal rant.

Slutty in the Head

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My mind can wander into the gutter, just like other guys as they can be visual and stuff like that.
I can get lusty thoughts up in my head. But of course, I have control my hormones because gawd forbid if I get a little frisky to a girl, then I have to worry about getting assaulted, etc.
Again it is a female majority, so we have to treat them as god, even though god is supposed to be a man. I have to give them high levels of respect.
Even when they dress trashy. We still have to treat them as queen bitches.
I get really offended from people like my mother who gets offended for me checking out a girl who clearly is doing it to get attention. My mother for maybe the rightful reasons has taught me to be “discrete” to visually look at a lady.

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I told ‘ya so

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If you thought the ASD/PDD community would get clobbered after the Sandy Hook Massacre, well I told you so on Friday.
The world is  A-Twitter with people not understanding that in almost every case of people with autism, there is a small number of people who may become violent, meanwhile 99% and more people are now being considered as monsters.
Do a Twitter search on just the lone hashtag, and you’ll know what I mean.
The fuel of hatred begins by having one bad experience (whether is first hand to third hand) and the ignorance just blows up from there.
 

The Pursuit of Happiness

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I had a meeting with my support team for my services earlier yesterday. I want to keep such sensitive information private, since I do not want to exploit such special needs services. Part of it is  such a political drama over the last few years. The Great Recession hasn’t helped the manners. However, the New Year is coming, and I am trying to survive a day to day live meanwhile having to deal with more and more accountability and additional people-pleasing. This New Year mentality is starting to become something I’m not looking forward to.

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Living up to High Standards

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Part of my “low self esteem” is partially because I am not up to par with my peers. I don’t want to be comparing myself to someone my own age, etc. but I am not. I have denied that for many years that I am not like my peers.
I’ve seen the alleged over-excessive content on Facebook, and even on the dating websites. I feel I can’t live up to them for them to accept me. This isn’t just a potential girlfriend, even a potential friend.
Here is my situation:

  • I come from a lower class family, that grew up in an upper class town
  • I have a high school diploma, and no experience with higher education
  • As I had traveled domestically in my teenage years (California, Texas, New York, D.C.) some of my likeminded groups have traveled the world. I have – actually seen the Mexico Border when I was in San Diego, and I have been near the Canadian border going on I-89 corridor when I was 6 or so.
  • I obviously didn’t come from a privileged family, many peers (at least in my geographical area) are
  • Given my autism, I am smart, but not in the same intellectual level as some of my peers, some would obviously think I am just odd in some of my interests
  • I live in an area where there are many people younger than I am and many people older than I am, so the middle twentysomething crowd is limited, because of the high COL or Cost of Living. Some of my peers would prefer to live in Nanny-towns like Boston, New York or even LaLa land or Florida, areas that also have the sex appeal of a highly stylized locale

So background aside, lets go to the smaller things

  • The art that I do  I suppose is decent, but probably not museum material (and I am fine with that)
  • Some may say its not fully dimensional. Maybe not proportionate enough, or I use plain ol pencils and not the snootty strength
  • Sure I may know some tech things, but don’t expect me to program C++ or code in Pearl, or do CSS to design webpages. Yup I am dumb on that regard. Sure I may know some telecom stuff, but not ask me how to do a diagram on how TDM works vs analog, vs IP vs. video or so on.
  • I don’t like going out and doing much things for fun. I’d rather be at home, doing work on my machines or watch the Fox News Channel or watch some boring documentary on TV. I don’t like distractions that much, because it detracts the attention of the pressing issues. My DNA is programmed to be vigilant (always alert, always on.)

I’ve also mentioned other concerns before such as:

  • Having odd interests for straight males like fashion or art (yeah I feel gay for doing art)
  • the ability to be around laid-back types of people, because I am somewhat of a tight person, because I just can’t stop and have fun in a depressing time and place.

Lastly, if I wanted to go to college, or get a decent job and to get the friends and future girlfriend, they all seek someone who needs to be responsible, compliant and needing credentials (whether or not its necessary – chicks and clueless bosses want that “piece of paper”) in order to be accepted in a privileged world.
Then I have to be worried about being accepted with the other’s social circle, since after all its not about them, its about his groups of buddies too. I can’t have any types of relationships with anyone if the others would not accept me and backstab behind me. Oh, did I mention the “man-child” stereotype, where men just want to use gaming consoles all day long or other “childish” behaviors that doesn’t constitute as “childlike” since the latter is a chronic issue while the former is plain ol immaturity?
The holiday season is coming fast this time around, and I am dealing with personal issues on top of having the worst year I have ever had; and I don’t have backup support system, since some of them went away in the summertime, and my mother needs to care for my grandmother, and my other family members I choose to abstain; leaving a handful of other people to take load of my day to day life.
I am lost because I have not had that partner in crime figure in a long time. I am in a desperate need to find one, and just someone who I don’t feel like I am a bothersome to.
With all of that – my conclusion is I can’t compete against people that area actually better than I am, because I am not privileged, not smart enough, not experienced enough, and I am a childish individual.
I feel so proud living life…
*

Middle Aged Women & Public Corruption

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I have strong (and rightful) hatred to women of a certain age and their day job working as public employees at ether the local school district and/or educational collaborative that operate as a public sector op.
I’ve learned from these people. Well, they are teachers, they are public servants, so I am under the impression I am supposed to lead by example.  Women tend to be skeptical. They tend to not trust people (no wonder why I am so fucked up) including the boys in the SPED classroom.  They are paranoid. They worry too much. And lastly THEY TEND TO BE PRIVATE! (which really pisses me off about people with tits and cunts.)
As I grew up in the public institutions, I couldn’t stand the overzealous policies on “confidentiality”, “privacy.” I never forget the times where a teacher and another “paraprofessional” would talk near us then say “want to go into that room” then go and close the door and then talk with the blinds wide open. I never was paranoid about teachers talking about me. Well, maybe I lied, at a certain point in my life. Its like the Chicago way of doing business. Lets close the door then talk about things that shouldn’t be talked behind closed doors. Its the underlying factor how these people start to potentially violate public records laws, or to try to play the Privacy Rules of FERPA and HIPPA over the Public’s Right to Know Laws.
These liberal union cunts also thought we were so stupid that if a kid would go crazy in another classroom on the other side of the campus and get CPI restraints, that we didn’t know what was really going on thanks to the Corruption-Enabling (overzealous privacy enabling) Hacks in our schools!
And I wonder why I can’t talk to strangers! Because I was subliminally taught to have behind closed doors conversations with people in private!
I have no respect for women. They corrupt government, and they corrupt society and fuck up the most vulnerable people in society by overprotecting us! I sometimes wonder why in the fuck god created Eve. I suppose god is a filthy old jerk.

When I see people in wheelchairs…

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Its like I wished I was them.
Every disability, whether its mental, physical, deaf or blind, they have such higher social status and acceptance level, its all good.
…but My God, if you look like an odd ball, and you appear to be a loner and you have a developmental disability, its like living in real hell! The world is so sick and fucking perverted its not even funny!
I can’t imagine what they go through (though I don’t cry and feel bad) but I sure as hell cry and feel bad for myself because developmental disabilities is apparently “still new” to understand never mind barely getting to the general acceptance level.
I don’t want to be one of those people living by their label even if I come off as such. But it really hurts me that every other disability is accepted (read: GENERALLY) and someone like me with an autistic disorder is not being accepted and people like me are treated as a imitate object like the wallflower.
Hell, I don’t call myself or this blog “The Forgotten Autistic” for nothing. I am BEING FORGOTTEN in society!

College/University Talk

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AS I promised in a post in June, I was going to write and report about how colleges are not always the best fit for people with various disorders, in this case for autism related disorders relevant to the United States.
You are better off flipping burgers at the local McDonalds and work up the ladder to a VP of the company in a few years making more than someone with a 6 year liberal arts study that won’t be applied into a few, if any serious career down the road.
For disabilities: first off, the colleges are protected only under the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990. The Individuals with Disabilities Educational Act  or IDEA only applies to the local school systems for students over the age of 3 and under 21 in 40 out of the 50 states. The IDEA (which mostly is federal funds) can make a student’s education vary lenient. However in the mean and and tough world of adulthood, the colleges are not protected by IDEA.
Their reasoning is: college is not a right or a need. Well the black and white sense, it is right, but in the abstract sense, the government’s agenda over the course of the last century has essentially indoctrinated that its a need to to go to college. Regardless whether its legally or philosophically right, can be debated forever. Providing intense services colleges aren’t required by law to provide such services.  Another issue is college is much like getting a job, you don’t have the right to get that specific job; same with college.
So colleges or universities aren’t not required to change the curricula, they are not required to change the content, they are not required to change the testing times, and also they  can only change things for “reasonable accommodations” so if you aren’t physically disabled, you can’t get a wheelchair, (if that has ever been done at the local school district under IDEA.)
Applying to a college doesn’t mean you will get into that place. It’s all about if you are the right candidate for that degree you are applying for. That goes out of the window in some cases if you have a rich daddy who has a Rolodex card who can sweet talk the school to get you in there, another negatives of “networking.”
So to make it short, getting a K-12  education is required by law, you need 12 year education, and if you have a special need, you need special education to get through those classes, confirming that college is allegedly a choice.
Another annoyance, is how states like Massachusetts that have approved laws to enable illegal aliens (citizens who are from outside this country, that have no Green card, no legal non-citizen paperwork) to get free (yes free) college education. So you can come to the States with no immigration paperwork and theoretically  make up a high school diploma here on a piece of a napkin (if you came from a “third world country”), go to UMASS Boston and ask to take the most expensive degree and not expect a bill from there, meanwhile the working families from New Hampshire, that pays extra because of the out of state tuition are getting screwed! And what about the legal “ailens” the ones who have autism like disorders? They get put well into the bottom of the queue!
Colleges and universities can really push their students to be as independent as possible. They do help students with “time management” skills,”self-advocacy” skills, and assistance for tutors in case the student’s are unable to study on their own. Lots of these things are done because the colleges are simply ignorant in providing “user friendly” (so to speak) programs for special needs, most importantly the developmentally disabled.
Not only that, the mentally ill is the most at risk, worse than people with autism or other developmental disorders. Colleges insist that their students act like adults, and in that case, if some seem to have issues, they expect given they are legal adults, to fend for themselves. There has been several tragedies in the last few years by young people in their early twenties and in these cases – mental illness actually gets caught then and not earlier. The most recent issue was in the Denver area movie theatre shooting, where apparently red flags started to show just weeks before the gunman shot there.
Another issue is colleges (both faculty and students) have traditionally accepted minorities, racial minorities, sexual orientations, various political and philosophical views, as well as people with physical disabilities. Sadly, if you have a conservative view, or you have a mental disorder or developmental disorder, or you are a white folk, colleges have not been accepting to such groups, which is disappointing.
I remember reading the local newspaper and when UNH started a minority group,  they interviewed some black (or could’ve been an Indian)  girl was so scared going into her first class because of the prejudice of her classmates. While I am loosely quoting that article, but what about the autistic groups? There are individuals that I wouldn’t be surprised to know they had similar experiences. From people I have talked to who work for that Institution, they have crafted some programs, but that includes that dirty word known as “self advocacy”
Unfortunately, at the end of the day, the unions, the extreme leftie moonbats are still controlling the college systems, and meanwhile the most vulernable citizens of society, the working class, the ones with special needs are getting screwed by the elitists. The real “adults” are the people that are most vulnerable; meanwhile the normal peers and the union preachers are the ones that whine and bitch about how this country sucks, etc. and not willing to teach students they think are “disruptive” – well maybe we need some DISRUPTION of the same ol’ same ol’! While they preach on change, they are the last groups to adapt to change.

I’ve made the decision to stop looking into the college thing last year and never looked back.