Memo to God

If a god does exist, supposedly “he” wouldn’t read blogs (or this memo for that matter.)

Dear God (if there is one to exist)

Why did you create me?

If you were the creator, then why did you put me here? I don’t feel that I serve a purpose. I don’t know why other than I’m a gift of my mother that I’m here. Why did you put me here despite you knowing my family would likely fall apart? Why give me a fractured family? Other than my mother, who else am I supposed to be here for? What am I supposed to do? What have I done wrong? I feel like I’ve done “bad” things. I can never figure out the moral compass, it was defective, just like my brain, I feel partially brain dead.

What did I do so wrong to be punished be treated like a resident third world hellhole?

Am I really the devil’s child? I’m I really a product of something “good”?

I felt like I did so many wrongs in the world, and I’m sorry to let you down, if you really exist. I can understand why I don’t have any friends of romantic relationships because I am a defective human being that also did too many wrongs instead of “right”.

Excuse me while I refuse to pray as that didn’t seem to go anywhere recently.

Love & Marriage (The Lack Thereof)

I don’t want to sidetrack the discussion on being a “hopeless autistic”, but a reoccurring subject (that I previously wrote on unnamed blog a couple years ago) was on love relevant to the autism spectrum disorder. In 2015, hopeless romantics who also are autistics are very high because

  • Lack of education on the issue. Many youngsters were ether unexposed to ASD, therefore they have no clue. They were ether misguided, misinformed or was told to run the other direction if “a big and fat weirdo” came and approached you.
  • If you don’t believe that stereotype exists, well thank some “experts” in the Granite State that have actually used video and narratives featuring the big and fat weird guy stereotypes
  • Professionals would rather work with them then have a fling at night with one. Even if you met them as a stranger on say a dating service. They have no interest.
  • “Being around people your own age” can only work if there are people begin with! (Notice the reoccurring tone about Millenials and how they are so urban wannabees and how I’ve mentioned they explicitly hate New Hampshire in the past on social media? The hatred didn’t help matters growing up in the largest affulenza ridden communities.)
  • We now go into the moral obligation of marriage. It would be the morally or ethically right thing to marry someone. Then we go into a financial problem. When you become married, it’s no different or less than a merger and acquisition. If you want to use the simple last name metaphor, basically the man buys out the woman. The problem is when one is on Social Security, that the assets are tied as one as well. Which would really suck if your other spouse is all perfectly normal. The legality is your spouse would have to cut their hours or to be direct – be disabled themselves. (Sadly Social Security is a requirement to all those startup, short term work programs – more on that next year, that )
  • Millenials not tolerant to individuals on ASD, it bears repeating

I hope this explains the reason if you see or hear some hopeless autistic also coming off as a hopeless romantic that this may be the reason why.

Special Report: Depression & Autism

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The death last Monday of the famous actor/comedian, Robin Williams has opened yet another opportunity to discuss depression.
Robin Williams had died from an apparent suicide last Monday morning (PT) at his Bay Area, CA home. He was 63. He was dealing with financial problems, and also was dealing with his cancelation of his TV show, The Crazy Ones, likely due to low overnight ratings. Other reports claim he was dealing with an onset of Parkinson’s (unable to confirm that here.) He was in many films from Jumanji (which apparently according to the Union Leader, was filmed in Southwest NH), Mrs. Doubtfire, Bicentennial Man, voiced over the Genie in Disney’s Aladdin , and many more movies and will appear in 6 more films ready to be released in the coming year. Older readers may recall him in the 70s TV series Mork & Mindy, which was the catalyst to his career.
Williams had said in the past he was dealing with depression and went into rehab 8 years ago. He dealt with drugs and alcohol. A month ago, it was confirmed he was going back into rehab, citing “tuning up” his sobriety. In any case it was likely too late, as something caused him to kill himself last week.
It would not be appropriate to discuss – or speculate why he did it nor mentioning if he was a coward or not to do that. I’d like to turn the focus on to the topical status of depression.
Whether or not depression is part of autism, or autism causes depression, or it’s a similar but different, or it’s caused genetically (like from your crazy uncle – literally) or not, the fact is depression and autism  can go in tandem. There is no doubt about that, despite how many PhD hacks you talk to. Depression and ASD can be caused by various factors, becoming an adolescent, coming to a realization that you are “different” or just the poor execution of your support system’s ability to help you.
I know people who are in their late twenties in some level of depression. I myself have dealt with this on and off at least for the last 15 years. If you had followed this blog for the last few years, I’ve really held “the system” accountable for lot of the damages caused to me.
There is a taboo in the developmental disabled and the mental disorder community whether or not both practices should merge. Psychiatric, mental disorders and developmental disorders 3 different things traditionally. There are various methods in treating them, but they are all different. That doesn’t mean that they should come together or be recognized as dual issues. Because these disorders are so separate, the delivery system for services and support are separate. Whose to say someone with severe autism is also dealing with depression? Whose to say someone with Down’s could be bipolar? Also why are we so focused on the disorder and so worried about going to the right agency to get services or should I say the best services since in some areas, mental disorders and developmental disorders are handled by two different services?
Also its been a cliche all week long about how mental health services are not addressed properly. I’d go even further and say mental health services for people with autism are also limited too. In my area, there are a handful of psychologists that ether specialize in autism, or has a working knowledge of autism. (The other handful focuses on ADHD and Asperger’s Syndrome, which I’m leaving out because people with AS can choose to not be a odd, weird talking liberal moonbat, and act like everyone else. Sorry I don’t respect people with AS.)
Despite the contrary, New Hampshire in the downstate region is part of the Greater Boston metro region, and even in the most world class cities in the world, this area and probably even the Mass. Merrimack Valley also lacks in mental health services for dual dx’d mental and developmentally ill clients.  I blame part of the Boston snobbery that insists civility doesn’t exist north and west of I-495.
In closing, there needs to be a national discussion with trying to eliminate the stigma of depression; and another track to discuss why so many people with autism or other related disorders are falling into the cracks and why so many arrogant leaders are not realizing there is a depression problem with the autistic community. Especially in the twentysomething crowds, where many grew up in the dark ages of autism being a mysterious and unknown disorder and had parents not knowing where to go and school districts not putting focus on them. If we can’t take this opportunity to discuss this problem, there will be another tragedy that won’t get mentioned because they aren’t a celebrity.

You know when you are in love…

when its not “meant to be”.

My hopes for ANY romantic relationships have been severely downgraded to likely to hopefully to hopeful to desperate to severely desperate to to hopeless. It doesn’t help when they all fall into the same damn theme known as crushes or infatuations. It doesn’t help when they are girls that are taken and it also doesn’t help that twentysomething bitches still act like they began puberty a decade before.

It also doesn’t help when ones mother “can feel” for one, when she has the power to act like a leader and try to date for a change. Oh wait, she don’t like change ether.
If you wonder why I have such low self of esteem or standards, it goes back to the grownups in my previous life not acting like real grownups. There has been NO strong leadership in my life in the recent years which makes things not so promising.

The stupid excuses of why we can’t be in love

The bureaucratic teachers will say to one that they aren’t a “dating service” when they know that 99.99% of the class is male. They can’t do anything beyond their job title, even it its less than a dozen responsibilities.
Harassment, and Sexual Harassment is hardwired into us because guess who would be headed to jail first? You guessed it – the ones on the spectrum!
I don’t know why stalking isn’t brought up to be lectured upon, I have read about those alleged “concerns” from the ones that make the spectrum worse than it should be.
The so called experts, (the one’s with those PhD degrees that specializes in just autism) have to break things into pieces so one on the spectrum can understand, in this case relationships. At some point, the pie will be sliced into so many thin slices, that making something understandable would make the problem worse. Again, there is a negative slant, is most cases about what not to, which always seems to the be “important” part.
Then I could go on and explain how most people with ASD cases are often forced to go to a work program from when they are 18 to their 21st birthday. It’s kinda like boot camp where you kiss your childhood goodbye and become a slave in the workforce, and some work programs you have to learn how to become a corporate slut like in the case of my ex-town, by working, working and working and be a whore to the VP just to make a killing salary.
Again just an opinion of someone who has just been screwed by a system that might had made up a disorder just to employ mothers for a full time job.

The stupid excuses of why we can’t be in love

The bureaucratic teachers will say to one that they aren’t a “dating service” when they know that 99.99% of the class is male. They can’t do anything beyond their job title, even it its less than a dozen responsibilities.
Harassment, and Sexual Harassment is hardwired into us because guess who would be headed to jail first? You guessed it – the ones on the spectrum!
I don’t know why stalking isn’t brought up to be lectured upon, I have read about those alleged “concerns” from the ones that make the spectrum worse than it should be.
The so called experts, (the one’s with those PhD degrees that specializes in just autism) have to break things into pieces so one on the spectrum can understand, in this case relationships. At some point, the pie will be sliced into so many thin slices, that making something understandable would make the problem worse. Again, there is a negative slant, is most cases about what not to, which always seems to the be “important” part.
Then I could go on and explain how most people with ASD cases are often forced to go to a work program from when they are 18 to their 21st birthday. It’s kinda like boot camp where you kiss your childhood goodbye and become a slave in the workforce, and some work programs you have to learn how to become a corporate slut like in the case of my ex-town, by working, working and working and be a whore to the VP just to make a killing salary.
Again just an opinion of someone who has just been screwed by a system that might had made up a disorder just to employ mothers for a full time job.