Tag Archives: Love

Valentine’s Day

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Today is Valentine’s Day. For more than a decade here… or other places, on or off here; Valentine’s Day is really depressing. I don’t like to be angry. I’m as angry as radical feminists and red-pill men that put all of us into a bind and into greater hopelessness of romance. I’ll singe out people like Liz Plank on the feminists and I’ll throw “Myron Gaines” the alleged gay soyboy host of Fresh & Fit, and maybe the tomboy, perhaps lesbo “Women Shouldn’t Vote” Pearl Davis. All these types of specimen are like a kamikaze, whose going to crash first and take everyone down to hell with them?

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Men Scare Me…Part Eight

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2022 was a cringy year for masculinity. In less than a year, a man I never heard of, was detained and arrested at the end of the year for child trafficking.

This man is Andrew Tate and his brother Tristian.

For those who are not familiar of these two, they are Pickup Artists, bragging about all their alleged wealth through apparent multi level marketing pyramid schemes to turn men more masculine and pick up girls. Their masculinity is very traditional… err toxic and they seek out men to be as macho as possible while getting the most softest, feminine, submissive girl in their lives. Whether or not they lean into Long Term Relationships is outside of his scope.

At the end of the year, after a Twitter feud with Greta Thunberg and Andrew Tate, Thunberg believe it or not is autistic (I never knew it formally till a week ago) and Tate, the allegedly typical guy didn’t get the sarcasm from the female autistic making a phony email address on climate change accusing him of “low dick energy”. It was fucking hilarious and after a video reply of Tate denying climate change, bragging about his wheels, a pizza box was delivered to him as the cameras rolled (of which Tate explicitly said to not recycle), the print of the pizza joint confirmed that Tate and his brother was in Romania and the police allegedly took him to custody for alleged sex trafficking.

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Where the Hell am I on the Recovery Scale?

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Let me begin with a few things that drives me nuts online on places like YouTube with regards to human interactions.

I do not hate women (but I barely trust men) This is a result of a couple videos where I’ve heard people say that people “hate women” or women “hating men”. I do not want to say that I have “hated women” to the point I have checked out. This happens on both genders and probably both sides of the poli spectrum. I don’t like women who have a lot of power who are not accountable, and men who are so cocky in their egos, that it scares me. I am in an utter distrust with women, and I strongly dislike men as narcissism and masculinity often gets meshed together.

I never expected someone to “rescue” me – I have not expected someone to “save me” or “come and fix my broken self”. Let me go to that “broken” state, it maybe a phrase I use often to describe myself and even if the phrase was never said explicitly, it was very implicit. The underlying problem is to treat the person with an ASD type of condition to be extremely typical, and statically treat them typically even in a meltdown, if you failed in the meltdown episode, then you are deemed to not be good enough (I am saying that phrase loosely, very loosely. So I was “broken” by proxy, by the enablers that disabled me (ex teachers/paras case managers, DSPs, other managers and those case managers in adult ages.) When you are delegitimized in a small group, and if you can’t fit into a small community, let alone a larger community.

Yet our media, our institutions or worse the community are saying nothing about ASD, and even if they, it’s just passive. The lifestyle is horrible, even for a higher functioning.

The only way to reverse the damage, is NOT self-love, I do not believe that at all. The only way to treat the hopelessness is someone with a big heart that with expectations yours truly would return the favor. I don’t know why I have not found that person yet. CPTSD or not, or trauma wounds or not. I felt my depression and sadness was state not just trait, but that if the state anx/depression went down, then things would’ve turned around for the better, but yet again fucking COVID19 just had to make my life a living hell.

If you can’t even cultivate your own community, hell if I can’t even find self employment because my social network is so brittle, and any attempts to go back to the job market, and hell if I can’t even feel confident to go into college, how can everyone with autism say it’s a blessing and an entirely a gift, that even a higher function guy can’t even function?

I don’t think even for a higher functioning autistic, there is no way to recover.

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Autism in Love: Review, part two

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This Post is All About Lenny and dedicated to him. His struggles deserves its own post. Warning, this may be a tear dripper.

The only single guy featured in this film was on the left coast. Lenny was introduced and closed out the film.  Throughout the documentary, what was very striking was how he appears to be overcompensating and trying so hard to be normal.

The first abnormal sign was he wanted to dress up on camera to decide otherwise. (Was he in a work or school program that demanded him to look fancy?) To be honest, I’d rather see him more of Lenny than someone of who he should be. Second he was very determined  for being the dominant person, that no female should be stronger or better than him. (Well if he had old fashioned people as his “supports”. Third was how should be in college, making a lot of money so he could take care of his lady. He even is in tuned to the trashy Caucasian ladies by stating to the cameraman at one point that African American ladies are “more independent” and was explaining “interracial relationships”. (You can add every non American woman into the mix as I’ve already discussed before.)

For people new to this site, this documentary aired on PBS in early January, following a 3 plus year project. You can see it here till April or go to iTunes, Google Play, etc and search for “Autism in Love”

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Autism In Love: Review

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A documentary recently ran on PBS earlier this month of an independent documentary entitled Autism In Love. (Running on a host program called Independent Lens.) This project was in the works for at least a few years at least following on social media. After being let down of all the teases, I never followed up, till a recent post on a disability blog came to my attention.

After missing the original airing, I saw it Wednesday on my iPad by accessing it through PBS’ web site. (available through PBS till April 2016)

I have watched this three times since then to try to soak all the emotional, and very touching storylines.

Spoiler alert if you continue to read on.

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The Top 5 Heartbreaking Songs

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As dictated by Corporate America, in mid January it’s now the season for Valentine’s Day, despite less than a month away. I’d thought I’d share my Top 5 hearbreaking songs, since listening to the easy-music station in my preteen years, was more than likely an oman of my hopeless romance I’d encounter well past adulthood.

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Love & Marriage (The Lack Thereof)

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I don’t want to sidetrack the discussion on being a “hopeless autistic”, but a reoccurring subject (that I previously wrote on unnamed blog a couple years ago) was on love relevant to the autism spectrum disorder. In 2015, hopeless romantics who also are autistics are very high because

  • Lack of education on the issue. Many youngsters were ether unexposed to ASD, therefore they have no clue. They were ether misguided, misinformed or was told to run the other direction if “a big and fat weirdo” came and approached you.
  • If you don’t believe that stereotype exists, well thank some “experts” in the Granite State that have actually used video and narratives featuring the big and fat weird guy stereotypes
  • Professionals would rather work with them then have a fling at night with one. Even if you met them as a stranger on say a dating service. They have no interest.
  • “Being around people your own age” can only work if there are people begin with! (Notice the reoccurring tone about Millenials and how they are so urban wannabees and how I’ve mentioned they explicitly hate New Hampshire in the past on social media? The hatred didn’t help matters growing up in the largest affulenza ridden communities.)
  • We now go into the moral obligation of marriage. It would be the morally or ethically right thing to marry someone. Then we go into a financial problem. When you become married, it’s no different or less than a merger and acquisition. If you want to use the simple last name metaphor, basically the man buys out the woman. The problem is when one is on Social Security, that the assets are tied as one as well. Which would really suck if your other spouse is all perfectly normal. The legality is your spouse would have to cut their hours or to be direct – be disabled themselves. (Sadly Social Security is a requirement to all those startup, short term work programs – more on that next year, that )
  • Millenials not tolerant to individuals on ASD, it bears repeating

I hope this explains the reason if you see or hear some hopeless autistic also coming off as a hopeless romantic that this may be the reason why.