This came on On This Day, but I didn’t want this public as my mother has since been on Facebook and it wouldn’t look-good if she saw this…
Deep Secret Coming Out (Facebook Note, 2018)
Reply
Tag Archives: Mothers
May the Fourth of July Bring Personal Independence!
This Independence Day has been interesting to say the least. Banter with my mother has become the usual, and I don’t engage as much anymore as I have previously written.
Today I woke up aprox 7:00 am, and stayed in bed for an hour. I had a couple Toaster Strudels as the dishes haven’t been done for whatever justification. Attempting to not nag, I let it go for the fifth day of not having some cereal. She does the dishes, at least that’s what was agreed upon since it’s been over a year the dishwasher broke, just out of warranty.
I went in to the living room about 8:30 to watch some second rate show on the Science Channel with pretty-boy Mike Rowe doing the sound on tape or SOT for the narrations. I stayed into the 9:00 airing, then went back to my room to take almost a complete nap as I was tired after 3 weeks of my bedroom makeover, that is still not finished, at least 85% of it is.
The Frustrations of Living with a Dysfunctional Mother
The fawns from 88 South Road in Londonderry seem to shriek through my ears. My mother’s ego has been baked in as her being the primary caretaker because I am not able to be my own autonomous self.
It’s getting really sad as I get older this old woman just continues to treat me like a perpetual child. From excessive dialog. Having to “just”-ify things, come right upstairs to the kitchen to “investigate” some sound, and this horrible arrogance of taking control of things just to have domination because she’s insecure in other parts of her life. I am not diagnosing her, but I also suspect she’s a Highly Sensitive Person, where there’s constant self-surveillance, which sucks the people around her, who she feels she needs to “protect”
Why too many dialogue (NOT words) is a bad thing
Earlier today my mother starts with what I used to say she “used too many words”… but the more articulate self in the last couple of years rephrased it as “too much dialogue”.
Concurrently Grieving With a Maladaptive Mother…
My mother has not handled Gram’s death with grace all the time, but what can you expect? Sure it’s going to be a roller coaster, but sadly my mother’s pre-existing, but undiagnosed style of behavior is becoming really apparent in the months that has followed.
The Appearance of a Potentially Deadly Outburst
My mother comes off as short-circuiting, will become extremely emotionally, on the fly basically and earlier this week, I was scared for my life, afraid of becoming a Thanksgiving accident statistic as she was on a road rage of someone allegedly cutting her off, when she was in a mood of a rage of what happened in late summer to her mother. She was stubbornly believing she as in the right as she had the right of way; what really scared me was when she was tailgating, and wasn’t mitigating any potential rear-end collision – no she was so enraged that the other driver didn’t respect her right of way (even when she was in her tunnelvision)
She goes on the highway and literally follows the car, she ordered me to take down the license plate number, and when she decided the car was going towards Nashua, she took the exit past home and tried to instigate reax from the driver as she was staring at them, as if they did something so wrong.
My mother
I am going to speak as general as possible, as I do not want to exploit my family, as they don’t pefer me to write about them to the whole world. And given my traffic, the whole world does follow this blog.
Earlier tonight, my mother came home from work. On Tuesdays she works down at the Massachusetts plant. She comes home a little later than usual. I don’t know why I have a mood when she comes in. Maybe its because its a change of environment because she comes home and I’m home alone all day.
Or maybe its because I have sucked at doing chores at home. Maybe my mother sucked at being a mother. Or maybe my mother shouldn’t raised me at a young age.
Within 2 minutes after she came in, she noticed I left a couple plates on the kitchen counter. She started to point to the dishes and was going to mention it. I felt offended, and I started to get very upset and started to throw things and started to yell at her (and swore too.) I blurted out that she doesn’t fully love me in response of why I can’t do a simple thing such as moving dishes to the dishwasher. I lost my patience and I felt really hopeless.
She also started to say that for the last couple of years she has tried to discretely hint me of my cluttered style in the dining and kitchen areas. I can’t explain why because a) I can’t articulate, and b) I can’t explain myself.
Unlike my mother, I don’t explain things, in this example, I don’t want to make excuses and another example I don’t want to degrade or come off as condescending.
I got very upset and cried in pain after. She avoided talking to me for the rest of the night (as I did as well.) My mother also threatened me that she was going to move out and transfer the house under my name. She things like that all the time during an intense argument in which they aren’t as intense as they used to be, though I have gotten more physically aggressive to inmante objects. That really hurt, because I am not trying to take over the house or my mother. I feel that this desperate remark makes me come off as a spoiled brat, which is not my intentions. And I am not trying to “insult”, to use her words herself. I am trying to be fairly critical and also expecting the words to come right back as her counter response.
She also said that she wants to live with me, but since my organization is so bad, it bothers her so much that she was thinking of moving out.
I wished I could move out, but I can’t financially.
Given my current relationship with my mother, and my realization of not understanding what she sees through me, its like – what girl wants to be living with me if I am so emotional, fragile and messy?
A part of my brain is ether dead or not working properly. And it’s so embarrassing I know I offend my mother, and I feel some remorse but I can’t feel how bad I ether hurt her or how bad I have disrespected her.
In anyway, this story should had explained how I suffer with my autism and how my autism effects the relationships around me.
*
Why aren’t there cards for people who are Love-confused?
After the disaster earlier today, I would like to find a card for my mother (NOT as a kiss-up) but something of significance. Unfortunately, I’m likely a minority, so there aren’t any cards for someone who doesn’t know why he can’t fully love his mother.
But why aren’t there any? There’s got to be a few confused people out there.
Question: How would you change lessons on Social Skills?
I think there needs to be disruption to the special education world. For one there are too many women of a certain age and background. With that said, there is HORRIBLE leadership in this group. If you need a reminder, these people have effectively put scare tactics on my group of people of what I CAN’T DO. Remember, these are the same groups of people who get after the PDD groups on focusing on the negative. And of course, they never stop harping on strict social skills because we have to be 100% accurate and never make 1 mistake.
So with that said, I’m going to ask:
- How would you change the same ol’, same ol’ practice of teaching the autistic/PDD groups on social skills?
- Would you include the “normal” groups to act as the “equal opportunity offender”?
- Would you teach on how to “humanize” the PDD groups, instead of focusing on turning them into goddamned robots?
- Would you focus on the “grey” issues or attempt to teach “black and white” standards?
- Is there a “social standard” and if so, why in the hell is there not a “manual” that most autistic people would looovveee to have and read?
- Would you abolish the “sexual harassment” lessons in the high school age?
- And would you be willing to treat everyone as different groups of people and not attempt to paint everyone with a broad brush?
I know there is a lot of questions, I am just putting it out there because I am sick and tired of motherly women controlling the special education hackerama and not only screwing up these vulnerable citizens; but not only that to ask Uncle Sam to pick up the tab for unnecessary pain and trauma and leaving the adult services programs to reprogram these people of how the “real world” doesn’t work like how Room 112 was teaching for most of their high school years (and I am including the younger ed classes as well.)