“White Rural Rage” – An Antidote of “loosing” a Loved Family Member

The other night, I came down to the living room where my mother was watching reruns of a military law enforcement drama, where that plot was an illegal alien was likely going to be deported with his young daughter hugging him in tears. The episode aired in 2018 (the show was on it’s 14th or 16th season) around the time of “the caravan” drama. She thought it was 2020, but that was the year of COVID and there was lots of domestic issues if you remembered.

I feel like I am going to be “loosing” my mother at some point down the road from all this political manipulation and the rising levels of outrage, hate and resentment mixed with nihilism it’s almost as if she’s a lost cause and I may have to turn away from the very person who created me.

Continue reading

Why are Men Not Speaking Up in Re to Roe v. Wade? (Hint… fear!)

I’ve seen this Tweet recently…

I brought up this individual a couple times on my old podcast The Weekly Zoo (which was a ratings fail of all fails – you can still check out the archives) later tried to get this feminist that touts that she “loves men” to comment via my minifig newsgathering account (the new endeavor as I pivot in my off time), to no avail.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CbI3OL2u4VT/

I guess it’s safe to say that she doesn’t mind her handle being hung out with a burning question and not having having empty tags. Not to mention that I produced a 2 part, 2 minute review on the surface of her 296 page book, entitled For The Love of Men, scratching my head (and TBH hating men even more, so her book backfired) for a minifig all news radio station. A lot of the things I wanted to say was scrapped. In fact the above post got a ghost-like from said individual about a day later.  I think she seems to be a cool person when not being put into heated and heavy topics, but your humble writer is too cool for someone like her (given her background with my types of people) and perhaps not-enough.

Enough of any additional personal reax, onto the point in hand: We are scared of potential reax making my group so bad. What can we say that won’t make us shut out? What if you peeps block us on social? I do not agree with much of Matt Gatez (what is it with Florida pols who just do creepy stuff), but if he agrees with this statement: if you have too much education and you have not enough experience to apply in real life, then he could be right. That’s how I define over-educated and I am not in Rep Gatez’ mind so what do I know? I’ve used this phrase years ago and sadly Rep Gatez has abused the spirit of a constructive phrase as a weapon now you sonofabitch!

I cannot tell you how many bad experiences with toxic masculine tendencies of feminist types that had 4 to 8 years of education and what did they do to men, at risk guys, yours truly? Complete writeoffs! It’s like the worst preachers is the one who doesn’t learn new verses.

What do you do if you’re a so-called man-enough type that…

  • was in a relationship with a girlfriend
  • … that you knocked her up
  • … she doesn’t want the fetus
  • but perhaps he wants the child to be the better man?

I know that’s a wild question because how often would this occur? But to not deny the fact an Uber driver could be criminally charged for being an accomplice and some states that don’t see bounties as a problem; or throw the books at the death-penality against the woman that wants an abortion; or the potential ruling leading into severe regressions of other civil rights legal moments, we may sure as hell become a shithole country as former Presidant Trump used to say about a territory!

#

Thoughts on “Check the Box” Liberals/Moonbats/Democratic Party

So I don’t come off as a “bleedin heaht liberal”, here is my views against the NH Democratic Party, and the national DNC as a whole.

In the fairness of not being titled politically, I thought a followup post should be in order to focus on the New Hampshire Democrats and their rigidities. Despite living a county north of Middlesex County, home to Cambridge, Massachusetts and the universities that plague that region; we are going to just stay local.

I’ve perceived the Democratic culture to be at fault too. No one will ever own up to this. Almost every person I know whose active in the advocacy leans far to the left, and will often recite whatever the “leader” tells them and repeat whatever that “leader” tells them.

The right is easier to criticize because their actions are easier to explain. The left lives on theories, and styles, and they are not as explicit, and in order to understand them you have to get into an overkill of their style to fully get them. (Or not!) The Democrats, liberals, Moonbats have even a more scattered trail mix of ideas, and it’s your job to clean it up!

I have not been in encounter with any of my neurological peers who have an opinion or a challenging view. They repeat their views that seems to be centralcasted over and over and many times over.

Continue reading

The “Auto Pilot” of Conservatives and the Pro “Have-Nots” Policy in NH

Plagiarized, but adapted from my own site, that I rarely disclose publicly because it had been very controversial  to the people closest to me. So I had been publishing it since summer of 2017 to the end of this summer. The focus is on the hard right in New Hampshire that includes my group as an example to their rigid ideals.


Conservatives is rather amusing to witness their complete disregards to people not like them. New Hampshire is one of those states. There is right, then there is far right.

Relative to this site, autism and autism issues are often neglected by the right; the left and Hillary have or do, but exploit them for votes. With other social crises, conservatives wait till it’s too late because it’s in their interest to be low key and not jump and go through an obscene logical process to verify if there is such an issue politicians need to do.

Continue reading

“It’s too like Laconia” – Is Community Based Supports a Reversed “Cookie Cuttered” System?

I’m going to pop a question: Is “Community Based Supports” just a glorified word for a reversed cookie-cuttered system?

I’m not an advocate, but I am active in the special needs community more than I have before. Some families have opted to keep their children or individuals to be in what some will say it resembles of Laconia State School. It’s even scandalous to the point where the Bureau of Developmental Services will question families or agencies because the federal funds are supposed to be used in “community based supports.”

But why in the hell are we telling families what they can or cannot do? Isn’t just as bad if authorities tell every family to put their able bodied child into an institution because that’s a one sized fits all?

The problem with the group-think of the out of state special interest groups, is families can have a “choice” but that “choice” may differ to what the family feels living in their own closed-minded community.

It is very important to focus on the state I live in, and that Pittsburg is very diferent to Salem; just like how Claremont is very different to say Dover. The problem is all the “progressive”, “let’s take down Laconia like places for our own political capital!” doesn’t go well for the entire state.

The progressive movement will refuse to believe any “regressive” agendas (such as lack of training, tolerance or understanding) in actually the largest communities in the state, just an hour north of the Boston, Massachusetts city line.

And that’s the real problem. People can talk all day about forcing other adults to accept autistics, but the problem is you cannot, and will not change a vast majority of adults of how they view developmentally disabled people. 

Also many autistics, or Dev Disabled people, stick to their own group. If they feel comfortable being in their own groups (say a Special Olympics outing/event), then why are you insisting that’s “not good enough”?

Sadly a lot of this agenda comes from the many special interest groups, which I’ll leave nameless, but any of them on US302, NH Route 3 and the side streets of Downtown Concord, which I think you got the picture.

Divided Special Needs “Teams” = Hopeless Autistics

I laugh about how there are IEP “team meetings” because in reality, there apparently is an “I” in the word team.

At least on the special ed level, and least in some areas in the Granite State.

Again in some areas, the culture in the special ed system, is all about silos, firewalls and safety mechanisms to protect each others interest. Unless you have the luxury of having an advocate involved, you’re out of luck.

I really am saddened how the New Hampshire special education and special needs system is all political. Sadly in your child’s live its not like Speaker of the House Tip O’Neil (D, Mass) and President Ronald Reagan (R) where they had differences, but worked in the best interest of the United States. On a very nano level, an IEP team is more divided than a political caucus. What’s more disturbing is the politics are more divisive when the child is in that grey years of 18 to 21.

There is no such thing as unity, unification, a common goal for the individual themselves. It’s political exploitation, manipulation and not enforcing basic IDEA rights and getting away with it only because the family is too ignorant or too poor to take legal action. Perhaps being too scared for recourse by the school systems.

This type of division I am a victim of. I use present tense, because the chars of glass that was broken in the high school years have not been put fully back together.

The system is broken. We need to stop having the professionals think about what they want from the child, and be open to what child or family wants. The disruption to the existing system should’ve began 10 to 15 years ago, but of course, politics stalled this. Now we need to enforce this disruption of service delivery so this nightmare of hopeless autistics can stay as a bad dream instead.

Who Inspires me and What Makes me Happy?

No person I am inspired or is aspired to and nothing makes me happy.

Why?

Because autistics traditonally are not supposed to be happy or be inspired. We are supposed to live by a specification sheet, or in simple terms be judged and perform to what the DSM defines my group. We aren’t people, we are cans having a damned label slapped on us, whether its literal or not. It’s the stigma that enables that literal label slapped on people like me.

I made a really stupid and naive decision to follow the “normal” people in Londonderry, some people I knew on and off since elementary school. The price? Didn’t get funding for nearly 16 months after my 21st birthday and was put on that infamous “Wait List”

I’m going to give Londonderry in general a bad name (despite knowing a lot of people in power in that said community) – they are a “world class town.” It’s a stepping stone community. The rural town of farmers were forced out by the rich Caucasian people, whom always look down at the rank and file class, if that can’t be sinful enough. The stupid Marching Lancers go all over the world and look down at anything in their own community (such as a ribbon cutting of the Airport Access road, one of the competing communities did the marching ceremonies a few years back.) The mostly rich Caucasian parents, mostly Baby Boomers, didn’t keep a close leash on these kids. Any dream, they were entitled to chase after. Any! No joke! And a vast majority of Londonderry High School graduates in the entire decade of the 2000s (I’ll go out of a limb and say 96% out of the thousands)  are not living anywhere within the borders of the 603 area code. These goddamned hipsters think they are too cool for this little state, and I guess I saw something of these rich caucasian brats, but couldn’t verbalize beyond just “snotty people” about a decade ago.

In their defense, many of these kids were bright, some were very skilled in STEM even before there was an acronym. Some of the kids were artsy, some were techie. And I thought well since I was techie, and artsy and wrote well, why can I compete? Well, I always sucked in sports till I was about 18 (if that wasn’t a clear sign of a “pervasive developmental disorder”, then I don’t know what is…)

I never discounted myself. I did feel uncomfortable when people would be so surprised to see how “smart” I was. To this day, I still don’t know what the barometer, if people really expected anyone with an autistic disorder to be completely idiotic or obscenely intelligent. By no means was I “faking it” ether, I was just trying desperately to fit in. Now I’m almost hitting 30, I’ve given up the idea of fitting in.

* * *

Back on “inspiration”. There were few groups of people that I thought it was worth learning from and to aspire their idea of dreams. This included normal people and even people with severe disabilities. I learned one day at the campus of my out of district program was learning something of AP classes and this individual was in a wheel chair. Then I had that friend with alleged case of Asperger’s then my normal “Ltown” friends.

It wasn’t till I was about 20 where I ether had to play dumb, or literally limit my dreams to the “spec sheet” known as my official diagnosis in the DSM IV (since this was 2007 afterall.) Being too optimistic was another bad choice. Looking normal at the largest “area agency” in the state was apparently politically incorrect or I insulted the mission of the organization. (This is the same place I wrote earlier that had fancy office furniture and cloud based computer systems (before there was a “cloud” and a Meridian 1 PBX, with an employee count of 300 people, of only a few would be end users – all with some publicly funded way, would imagine…)

On the interest front, I never am confident of saying what I like. Often because I like what everyone else doesn’t like, and the other’s likes are not the same as mine. If you want to put this into flippin’ perspective, I don’t gel well with my own demented peer groups! So don’t go there with the stereotyping “Steven, go check out a peer group!”

The interests I like do not logically match up to other people like me or even normal people. It makes me look very dare I say odd?

But the other biggest error that I think haunts me to some way, was reaching out to one of the most tight to the right conservatives begging to fund the Medicaid waivers (i.e. the day services) for the wait list. I was overly optimistic. I looked back at it and said How can I be so positive and ask for funding? The liberal psychologist I’ve referred to also would become one of the most negative influences. That was why I fired her and will try to revoke her license myself in the future. I’ve shredded that letter and still retain a Word copy on a file server due to very strict compliance rules, since someone in society needs to keep everything….

I’m not the brightest person in the room. I do come off stupid, and ignorant at times. I am not smart enough to be in college, and if that I could do a 4 year in 8 years. I couldn’t handle the “tolerance” of the local colleges, because they’ll tolerate an illegal alien over an illegal-hypehenated-alien (i.e. I think I was conceived by aliens from outer space type of alien.)

In other cases, I am too smart as well. I know too much of everything and that doesn’t look well in the optics front. I must retain a perfect image 99.999% of the time, because oh my gawd, if I make a mistake, I’lll always be remembered for the error, not the strengths.

When I transferred to another area agency upon moving out of HelLtown at the end of 2009, I’ve tried to move forward. But the scars from the first years of adult life have continued to haunt me.

I do blame a lot of this on a broken support system that didn’t favor the individual, and people having their own political agendas of where I wanted to go. I never ever, heard “be yourself” or “normal is overrated”, I had to “conform” and probably “assimilate” to the normal peer group. I bet 50 years ago, they would literally put a gun to my head. Where did all this hard work go indoctrinated by “Doctor” Teresa Bolick, SAU 12 and GLEC alI go? Nowhere.

Do I want to be writing this kind of stuff on a personal site focusing on my somewhat aspiring profession? No. Because allegedly “my heart” (supposedly  that is a synonym for a “gut instinct”) says it wants “to do the right thing” but the brain is telling me something else. And the brain is telling me to stay on the safe side of living in my house for 18 hours a day, and avoid doing anything “big” since “dreams” really don’t exist.  It’s all illogical in world that was indoctrinated to me there is a right and wrong; black and white with no gray matter. I was programmed to be a person like a spec sheet. I was not supposed to be a human at all. I’m a robot. I’m whatever the DSM says, if I am mentally retarded then so be it.

* * *

(On a side note, I’ve tried to seek additional help, basically a very, very informal “re evaluation” to see how broken I am. I’ve tried to see a genetic doctor, and is denied by my stupid healthcare plan; I’ve tried to meet with some doctors for a psychological evaluation, but that was a backoffice nightmare – they have more people in the back office than doctors themselves there! Then there was another doctor up on the other side of I89 that was recommended by the genetics doctor. I haven’t stepped forward till I got enough information if that doctor is crooked like the aforementioned one off Exit 6 in Nashua. )

When all of this is said and done, I think the conformation that my future has been shattered will come true. And as an autistic to say his life is a tragic burden, cannot be understated enough!

Do I take my life seriously?

Hell yes.
I need to. No regrets. Just doing what I feel is right.
Because there are “adults” that act like corrupted* teenagers. Someone has to be “the grownup” out of the bunch.
*Corrupted in the sense they should be Convicted Felons and the only real job outside of jail should be at a talk radio station on the AM band at 50k clear channel. At least in my area, thats where Felons get a job after.
I don’t feel ashamed acting like a white collared like person. I am sick and tired of so many laid back people who think there’s nothing wrong in the world. From heads of Port Authorities responsible for killing 3,000+ people to teachers who work with retarded people to help retarded people to “friends” who think that being narcissistic and “all about them” is perfectly fine, and not being fully aware about their friends in trouble to living life as invincible.
Maybe I was raised with ultra high standards. Maybe I wanted to “be different”. Maybe witnessing 9/11 and noticing the political aftermath did something, maybe noticing people that have low standards did something.
My blog might not make sense all the time, but at the end of the day, things interconnect someway or another.
But seriously, I think its time I need to look at my notes of finding appropriate therapists to get help. I think I am overly too psycho

Opinion: Abortion

I might come off as a scandalous fiscally right-of-center individual with autism, however I might come off as a liberal.

I believe in abortion. Why you ask? Because some people aren’t meant to come into this society. Some people make stupid mistakes by fucking an woman and then regretting it after the fact? I believe life begins after birth and not at conception. Maybe its my autism that might be messing up my viewpoints.

Some people have came to this planet because the mother didn’t have the best relationship with their father, so they are screw around, get knocked up because someone upstairs started a creation based on the girl or woman who was committing a “sin”* Makes no sense. And why should the child exist if 99.999% percent on the factual intent that the father was going to fuck off the mother anyways? Why should it become illegal? It’s probably a lot worse if you adopt, because in some cultures its messes a child’s psyche even more

*I will refrain from discussing this because its religion and it should be a public discussion as per to the social protocols of staying away from controversial subjects.
I don’t want to be depressing people here, but I have been a strong supporter of abortion for many years now. Maybe its because I am not for “women’s rights” but the “child’s rights” – maybe we don’t hear the child’s voice of not wanting to be here. Maybe the child knows that he will destroy a family or wittiness seeing the world around him through his eyes.

The child is not longer an “it” until after birth. So I am all for it. I’ve been meaning to disclose my views for quite a while, and now I found the time and the place to disclose my views.

Rest in Peace Mark Haines

On Tuesday night, Mark Haines, the long time anchor at CNBC unexpectedly passed away. He was 65 years old. I grew up watching the guy when he anchored the original 7:00-10:00 AM edition of Squawk Box and obviously the Squawk on the Street which impacted more people I suppose. He had a legal background from University of PA Law School, and worked at three stations at KYW-TV in Philladelphia, WPRI-TV in Providence and WABC-TV in New York. He then was the original anchors up the startup known at the time as the Consumer News and Business Channel.
I remember watching the program during the dot-com bubble and how goofy the cast including then stocks editor Joe Kernen, and correspondent David Faber while Maria Bartiromo was across the Hudson at the floor of the New York Stock Exchange when at the time the floor was literally flooded with traders. It was that program that allowed cameras on the trading floor under the direction of middle management of NBC and the then head of the NYSE, Dick Grasso, THE defender of the trading floor and a strong proponent of open markets.
What I remember the most was the goofiness of the program. The crew would silly stuff such as playing sound effects, also poking fun at the ETrade commercials of the 90s, with David Faber doing the “I wanna Dannnceee!” (I’ll post the YouTube link of original commercial later.)
He was known to being not fake, and doing what he wanted to do regardless if the General Electric or NBC execs or middle managers of CNBC felt embarrassed. They got tons upon tons of emails of viewers or wall street types of disgrace of letting CNBC run Squawk Box which has been mentioned during the time.
Mark Haines was the everyman and his lawyer instincts was obvious to me, as one that observes inferences a lot. He was best known on camera for ripping people apart for the defense of the at home shareholder which is not seen that much through other CNBC talent of today.
With his legal background he had the smell for BS. If he knew something was amis, he would say it outright in true honesty. I had noticed that in the crash of 2008 and what led after. I can’t describe it because of the depth of that bubble. When he would have guests on, he would treat them as they were guilty of a crime (the lawyer in him) and the guests had to prove that they were innocent. Especially during the bubbles of the last decade and half. If a guest would blurt out a claim without any data or numbers to back up the fact, Mark Haines would quickly catch on that.
I actually have a lot of respect for journalists as with legal background because of how the best lawyers will go on both sides of the table. (Not the fakey journalists that are on “Court TV” with legal background where they are always on the side of the prosecution and feel for the victim on every trial they cover.) The BS theme that has been mentioned about him is something every person should learn, to always be somewhat skeptical and not believe everything you hear see or read and try to sort it all out and be truthful as well.
I remember watching the clips of September 11th, which was his highest moment. He was calm as any reporter at that time of day can be. I did record 6 hours of live coverage on the markets reopening on September 17th on a VHS tape and again he had that same demeanor. It’s pretty errie that the anniversary of the attacks along with a reporter that was covering that dreaded day happens to be very close.
The local stations he worked at mentioned above were all Eyewitness News formatted newscasts. Those formats included the one liners, the honest laughter and just normal people covering the news for the normal audience. Oh don’t forget the movie soundtracks which was often played back in the early years of Squawk. When I had looked at his bio many years back, I felt that personality that is common on those stations. That’s probably why it was successful – it was the Eyewitness News for business news.
I stopped watching CNBC in the last year, since the looks look pretty fancy, the reporters look like Photoshop-fakey-non human-type of personalities (he was the direct opposite.) As I had mentioned earlier I don’t watch the present Squawk Box or the one he was at the NYSE not as religiously as before because it wasn’t the same as back prior the changes in late 2005 or even when they moved their studios out of Fort Lee, New Jersey in an office building just off the George Washington Bridge. That was also CNBC’s more humbler days. Even when CNBC moved into a very lavish studios that was worth over $140 million dollars, Mark Haines brought his humble self over.
(Edit: I was watching the many clips from CNBC, and one of the reasons why he did the show at the NYSE was so he wouldn’t run into the management!) Also from the clips he loved to dress down and when they relocated to Englewood Cliffs, NJ or started his show at the exchange he wasn’t able to wear PJ bottoms, jeans or whatever else that wasn’t dress pants. Bob Psiani, the floor reporter had kidded around that he looked like a homeless man when going into the exchange and out. Since he was a smoker, he took breaks outside of the exchange to smoke with the fellow traders, and diehard viewers that would walk by saw a different side of him that isn’t shown on the air. In fact producers had to arrange the program’s time to fit his breaks.)
He was also was a family guy and instead of talking about the markets to the traders or his guest, he could “talk for hours” about his two kids. Part of the original Squawk gig was after his program, he would leave CNBC and go home to pick up his kids from school since he would only be in CNBC’s building for up to 4 hours in the early years. He would drive his son throughout the East Coast for his volleyball tournaments and with pride as well.
Often when I don’t pay attention to the day’s news, I miss everything. It was less than a month ago Erin Burnett left to go to CNN. I watched the goodbye online and oh boy, did Mark fall apart on live TV than I had ever seen him do before, if he had done it at all. He was a smoker, and overweight, but regardless CNBC or even the business journalism lost someone that was gone too early.
Its unfortunately that its an end of an era, this time in Wall Street reporting.
I just want to say out of someone who hearted Wall Street in his teenage years, with everything that happened during the times I was watching CNBC, and his personality, that I will miss him sincerely.
*
Editorial Note: Apparently his family is requesting for in lieu of flowers, to send donations to Autism Speaks. Giving his former corporate boss, Bob Wright that founded the organization, apparently on their website, he made the importance of first World Autism Awareness Day thanks to his Squawk on the Street program. (See Autism Speaks’ obit.) I’m not aware of his connection with Autism Speaks, but as of Friday morning, the hits linking to this post are from searches with Autism, Autism Speaks and Mark Haines or all together from the search engines.