Unlike other millennials or peers of my age, I basically lived in a single neighborhood for my entire life till I was 23.  I was born in Derry, raised in Londonderry (the small dot to the right). The first dwelling was my grandparent’s house. I moved for the first time when I was about 5, then back for a few months after I turned 6, the moved again to another part of town (in the same elementary school region) for another 3 years till my grandmother got divorced and we moved back. From 1996 to near the end of 2010, I lived in the same dwelling. By that point of most typical 23 year olds, they probably have moved about a dozen times if you count their college dorm as a form of living setup.

I was raised to believe that Londonderry was this small town, a typical working class community that once was the bedrock of this region. Well, even the Town themselves considered Londonderry as a “rural lifestyle” but many of the people would fake it. I wouldn’t even bet people know what “RFD” referred to, and we even had an RFD stop number, which I won’t publish on this site. In fact, most of the rural lifestyle has been part of a giant wrecking ball. The most lower class citizens were driven out over the last couple of decades. Some of my classmates (of the similar social strata) don’t even live in town, at least more than 5 years ago based on Facebook conversations.

Specific to this site, if it weren’t for my Londonderry residence, I might not be able to have the ability to write this 1,600 word narrative. Some other days I wished I never went to LEEP and would’ve been better off being a non verbal autistic and would’ve had the system spoil me because afterall the system is a paradise for non verbals. And I don’t want to dismiss any non verbals ether, because afterall I was once one (for a few years…)

However the dirty little secret to “Ltown” is that it’s really an upper middle class town despite the constant “rural lifestyle” talking point. Such families were poor enough to buy necessities, but rich enough to buy materialistic items. A lot of people don’t drive Fords or Toyotas in the 03053 zip code anymore. Many drive Caddies, Lexuses, or even Mercedes, or used BMWs to “fit in” to the higher upper class. According multiple sources, the median income can range from over $100,000 to $120,000 pre tax. Regardless that’s plenty of cash compared to an undereducated family I grew up. (I’m not complaining,  just pointing out the realities.)

I grew up in the time where I was out of districted, most of the local millenials would actually not be exposed to this group – my group, just like how their Baby Boomer parents were not exposed to the generation that were at the Laconia State School, for an example. While the Londonderry School District had new management by the turn of the Century, the pervasive problem was to address the out of district students. To be direct, they failed miserably. Around the Class of 2005, (or SY 04-05) about 64 students were at out of district facilities.

I’ve admitted previously of flip flopping staying out or returning and to then decide to remain out of district would be the right one. I started to come to my senses of how “young punks” would perceive me, and sadly it had negative connotations. There really isn’t a valid defense to the district, because they spent so much time trying to build in house programs, and they now use it as selling points today. Management never thought like a uniformed worker, I would start to bleed to death, and they refused aid. The only critical or core “services” they provided was my third mother, psychologist since 3, Teresa Bolick, from Westford, Mass. Her personal snobbish attitudes were mirrored to Londonderry because both towns are no different, no less. If you wonder why I write negative narratives, this specific experiences would cause a scar for life (until it heals once she looses her certification once and for all!)

As this narrative evolves to how I would become a hopeless autistic was between the inept management at the time, and the inept psychologist and the very political IEP team. The best interest at the time was not my mother or me, but a collective agenda by the professional class. “Safeguards for your child’s education” paper that came with the signed IEP, forget it, what a flipping joke! The DRCNH would’ve denied me even in those days!

I started to feel being bullied outside the typical norms – the textbook definition. I was taught by many professionals since being a teenager to respect other social stratas and be a good example – and be a leader basically. About a decade ago, I would start to see how I should not respect people in other social strata. The perceived world-class town would have skeletons in their closets. Many of the popular kids that were of the thousands that graduated over a decade were many (believe it or not) and many of these popular people would do some very inappropriate things, underage drinking, perhaps some drug use, and even better, sex. (As sick as it is, my father – whom I never knew was one of these people in a different generation.)  I think I was around 18 walking on the road I once lived on and my first time seeing a used condom on the road. It was troubling. Perhaps it was some 60something’s used the condom, but since so many young folks lived, it had to be some young punk.

As explained above, the district had an apparent liberal agenda. Great! But what about the people outside the SAU property line? The town has a very conservative constituents and some very liberal. Both cancel out each other so nearly 98% of 24,000 residents (at the time in 2000, where this narrative takes place) would have low tolerance to autistics and/or developmentally disabled people. Some of the most extreme, tight to the right politicians in this fine state – live in Londonderry.

Narcissism is very common in that community, people who use other people to bolster their “social capital” (see how Bolick’s agenda can work against autistics?) I was used on Facebook by a number of ex-friends. They knew who I was, but they only wanted me to boost their friend count. Hey, there is a thing called Linked In, if you want to advance your social count without referring them as “Friends”, you know?

These kids were far from “young professionals.”

As mentioned, they possessed a “too cool” attitude for the 603 area code. A vast majority of people I went to school with in elementary school, don’t live in the state anymore, or have zero intentions to come back (according to Facebook activity circa a few years ago) at least closer to their “hometown” they use to advance themselves. Meanwhile these young punk 30 year olds will never pay back their early education, as the school district is inching towards a $70 million dollar budget and the town government has historically been skimpy and when I moved had depreciated town services, thanks to voting for the interests of the children…which I thought was illegal in election laws…

The trauma of living in Caucasian-class, Upper Crust of New Hampshire was what formed me into massive insecurities such as “I’m not good enough” or “I shouldn’t be friends with someone who has so much education” or because I didn’t have enough socialization, that I shouldn’t be around people who have better socialization. Oh wait, where are all the twenty/thirtysomethings to socialize with who aren’t married?  Right, they abandoned the town while the lower class and hopeless autistic like I was just limped over to the larger dot on the left of the map a few years ago. 

I’m going to be blunt. I don’t hold a grunge against Londonderry per se, I’m against any rich Caucasian that is about my age who has no respect to anyone below their social strata. Many of these people really did major at UNH for partying and sex, and alchies and drugs. If you deny this truth, then you’re just defending and/or protecting these people because you like/love them. Of course, if I did any of this, I’d be thrown under the bus. The town circa a decade ago was racist/ableist, is it today? I’ll be fair and not comment because I don’t know. As with any community of rich Caucasian people, there are good people, but they are hard to come by.

What concerns me is how these people have no realistic idea of the idea of being completely disabled and be so isolated only because someone made a few critical mistakes as such individual in their younger years. Like I said before I had dozens of “Facebook friends” and I saw through it early on. Since I mentioned Facebook, using that caused depression of the Fear of Missing Out or FOMO.

Is that Facebook’s problem? No, the browser window is just another window to “the real world” that existed at Facebook’s original location in Middlesex County, girls, beer, sex and hacking (in the case of Londonderry, “hacking” can be replaced with “the hackerama” of people making large sums of cash for showing up and doing nothing in the private sector!)

Honestly, this could be a delusional view. Unlike other autistics, I’ve avoided self-diagnosis and tried to reach out to a number of professionals for mental health/ASD and few work with adults with autism. Until I have formal conformation of my insecurities, its probably heresy. The struggles of such high class/zero respect town was how my mind, physical, emotional health would be tarnished and for whatever reason I can’t elaborate, I’m still walking and trying.

I’ve made mistakes in my life. One of the regrets, was remembering where I came from, avoiding materialism, having pride and patriotism of my town I once grew up and kept my humble self. Maybe that’s why I started to toss out old pictures or threw some year books into long term storage and going to burn the most painful documentations of my early years of life. And just like any other “Ltowner” just fake the idea I had a life prior to twenty-three.