Tag Archives: Sex

Birds and the Bees

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I am not a kind of guy who likes to talk “dirty” subjects. I am not kind of guy who acts childish if someone had put a penis into a vagina and laughs about it. I am also a guy who would never talk vulgar to his peer gal friend. I’d never use phrases like “boner” even if its in the common lexicon of the twentysomethings.
I find the subject on sex a very scared subject and a very intimate manner. It’s to the point where I was very hesitant of learning sex from my mother.  I felt like it was very controversial over graphic nature to talk about it. My sex ed IQ might be much lower, though I know the basics about it.
I also don’t talk about it to my primary care doctor (or PCP in the health insurance lingo.) He’s kinda like a brotherly figure, similar to a guy who used to work at my school, but that relationship never went beyond that. (Albeit he left the school the same year his father passed away, which I think messed him up seriously for many years.)  That same guy I felt comfortable talking about, like girls. I know that boundary is very thick to women of course. Even if I am not that close, I do have concerns about my sexual health, but I have kept it secret for so long. At this point, it might not be worth it to mention given how long I have not mentioned about a specific personal issue with me.
However I have stayed away talking about girls to my mother, more in the last couple of years. That has been a sacred subject to the point I built a Chinese firewall. Often it was the SSDD,  same stuff, different day. Another was to migrate any teasing. Also crushes – isn’t that expected for teenagers? Sometimes if a girl at a specific time of my life that was such prevalence, I would bring it up to my mother.  Often I keep that a separate and personal issue.
Presently there was a girl at the local grocery store who works as a cashier that I started to have feelings. Why? Because she shows at least some, some interest (i.e. acknowledging my presence in a friendly way.) I wanted to go on specific days or shifts to see her. At the last time I have seen her was probably a month ago. The last 2 weeks, I had to compromise with my mothers schedule. It might had been one week, but I was trying to push one of the last few weeks.
I’ve tried to keep this crush as secret as possible. Yes, I find her cute, and not only that, it’s because she’s friendly. You don’t see that anywhere south of the Pemigwasett River and north of the I-93/95 split and west of I-91 in Mass. I’ve said this before, you can’t get away from the snobby brats that have infested Central New England.
I’ve learned that in this lawyered up, cry baby,  ambulance chasing society that people don’t comment on speculation, such as if companies are merging, and rumor against a company or person or something else that isn’t based on pure fact. I personally build myself on being the most complaint individual in society with the strongest moral and ethical, and compliance standards. So with that, I find crushes in a legalese way of “speculative relationships“. Isn’t a crush something of a grey manner? Would it destroy your reputation, or the other girl’s reputation? If yes to both of those questions, then it would be some form of a speculative relationship. Therefore, I shouldn’t have obligation to disclose that i am going to the local grocery store at a specific time, because I want to see my crush (even if she probably is a trashy girl off the clock) and any admission could destroy my relationship or hers. (albeit, a “crush” is a one way relationship.)
Again, back to the subject in hand, it is important for me to have a firewall between my different people in my life in terms of sex and specific details about romance. Sex to me is a personal, very sensitive issue. Some times the thought is very glamorous, sometimes its just too graphic and literally messy.  All this of course based on just opinion and not fact.  I’ve asked my self so many questions about sex, and I’ve mentioned this prior to in the “Slutty In the Head” theme.
I am a little more open here, because I try to talk about the subject manner with proper class and respect on the issue. Part of it is because I find it a serious manner, than something more casual. It might be because I am a serious guy,

Would you fuck someone who was autistic?

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I know this sounds highly crass and very inappropriate and highly offensive for a title – but really – am I that far fetch to use that?
Maybe in 2075, when autism will be just as normal like every other civil group, but what about the meantime? I cannot believe in 2013 how much the ignorance is still prelevent about autism. People get scared that if anyone doesn’t talk  – they are afraid they’ll snap like the gunman in Newtown, you got advice web lists, where someone asks a similar question and you get one reply from someone who says to stay away. No reason, just telling that person to steer away.
And then you got the professionals and the paraprofessionals of my least favorite generation, the Millenials, and sure its so awesome we got twentysomethings with some form of brains…
…but how many of those people would have “friends” outside of work who have a same disability as someone they work with on the clock? Crickets!
And do you really think after a days work of having students/clients ether flipping out, having crap being literally thrown at you or someone having  a bad day, that they want to come home and deal other baggages of life?
Answer simply is no. 
And there you have it you get simple ignorance  then you have complicated arrogance from people with PhD degree of I Know Everything About Autism, because I bear by PhD –  meaning that in the textbooks all autistics are mute and dumb, and therefore they have no hopeful futures. The sick thing, is they have to defend what the “book” says to show off their 8 years of college. That’s where I call these smartasses dummies. These overeducated snots then choose to be arrogant and not accept the fact that someone like me could have a relationship – possibly – like everyone else – have  the possibility to fuck a girl (or a guy if you are girl with case of half autism like Asperger Syndrome!) (Sorry for being crass again)
I digress.
What do you think? If you knew someone who had autism, do you think you would spend a night closer than another typical night?

Sexual Harrassment Training

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Yes, I’m going to cover my sex harassment class on this blog.
I had actively had an IT services business up until last July. I had to shut it down (i.e. find a real paying job) since I couldn’t function with no business.
Regardless, I still on an occasion do stuff.
But my IT services business is typically sitting down and doing terminal work such as active directory, domains, and other server related stuff. I do get down on my hand and knees sometimes when a ProLiant craps out for whatever reason.
So I consider my business as corporate class. As such, I often do annual things like creating my own Acceptable Usage Policies or AUP to connect to my own network, and sometimes sign other forms like that quarterly and other things you would expect in a corporation.
So as such, I’m going to watch an online presentation and sign off after the fact.
Now I can’t speak to the normal people but in my high school, before the sex ed lessons began, we had to start off  with a sexual harassment video. (We didn’t sign forms unlike my company.)
For whatever reason, special needs people, whether or not they did something “creepy” in the past or what, we were treated as the same.
Here is a few pointers:

  • Whether or not it was intentional or not, it is illegal to harass in a sexual nature
  • Using various phrases can be illegal
  • touching in a spot that someone could be offended is wrong
  • You can look, but you can’t touch someone
  • Hugging should be limited
  • If you want to kiss a single stranger, ask first! Never Push!
  • I believe public displays of affection is wrong, and considered as sexual harrassment
  • Since I am a contractor, I can’t go and give out contact to a prospective customer, as that could be considered as soliciting for a date business relationship
  • Hostility can be very serious, if someone is witnessing (whether its at work or in the public domain) behavior like PDA or other harassing behaviors that could cause threat or harm to the couple or the harasser, it can be bad. Examples like quitting a job, blackmail or even wanting to commit suicide.
  • Such practices should extend to electronic services such as online sites, Facebook and other social media services.

Again in closing, not intended to harass people is not the point.  Sexual Harassment, or just plain embarrassment is that ones perception is the reality. Perception is Reality. Whether or not it was intentional or not, it is illegal to harass in a sexual nature
I hope you are well trained and you sign your annual form that you had been in training and you are now in compliance with corporate policies and state and local laws!
Responses on stories featured on this blog are welcome by emailing the publisher on the contact page. Such responses may be used in future stories.

The $cam Known as Valentine’$ Day

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I noticed right after Christmas, the retail shops started to move the displays of the Christmas goods, after some places had Christmas stuff right after Labor Day, and concurrently selling Christmas stuff along with the Halloween decor and candies.

So what was replaced?

Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day is the worst marketing I find more obscene than Christmas. It’s not a holiday per se, but it is a marketing machine that should make the Catholics upset.
And part of that is just the idea what defines “romance” what defines “love”.

  • Is it candy?
  • Is it cards?
  • Is it just simple admiration?
  • Should I give cards out to my family members?
  • Is it to do with solely on sexual intercourse?
  • Is having crush love?
  • Do we define girlfriend/boyfriend relationships based on the click of the mouse on their Relationship Status on a social networking website?

What is it?

I don’t know.

I do know that in the recent years, Valentine’s Day has accelerated out of control, and the definition has of course been redefined to a non-standard definition.

I will throw some rocks at Victoria’s Secret, Limited Brands, their parent company should be reporting some obscenely high profits when that quarter closes, and Barry Diller’s Match.com (which now touts only 1 and 5 relationships start on the Net) will report another obscene growth (since after all it costs nearly $200 for a subscription all paid in full on a one time bill) and he will never spin off the property, even if the site is well independently financed.
In no means, am I defending any means of welfare, or equality – but as someone who has been unemployed or underemployed, and someone who grew up by a single parent living in a privileged town where he himself wasn’t privileged, it just makes it difficult to find someone that understands my situation.

I do know Love can be a scam, and unfortunately it isn’t illegal by Federal Law to sell goods relating to  love or romance, as per to any regulatory authorities like the F.T.C., S.E.C. or the F.B.I. except you can’t do prostitution.

Wait? Isn’t whoring products about love considered in some degree “prostitution”? Then how come Limited Brands or Victoria’s Secret not getting any Federal investigation? The messaging seems to be clear, they sell underwear just so someone can fuck another – that I find illegal?

I find it illegal that Victoria’s Secret uses modeling agencies (aka subcontracting) that employs models that aren’t even American. Where’s the Feds on that?

I digress

I do find it technically illegal to be legally sell anything to do with romance or love. If only were I a prosecutor, would I love to legally  destroy companies that have destroyed society.

Suck that Alessandra Ambrosio and Mrs. Tom Brady!

Again I digress.

I just hate romance and every freckin Valentine’s Day since like 2003, its just salt in my wounds. I love bitching about this at this time every year to shut up all the slutty defenders of such day.
*

Sex, Attraction, Anger, Lust and the Hunger for Romantic Love

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Note: This post may contain some content of explicit sexual nature.  Reader Discretion is Advised.
As someone who has experienced zero romantic relationships, and just a billion crushes, it is extremely difficult for being single, not able to date people or be sexually active. Not that being sexually active is right to begin with. However, there are times my hormones go through the roof (and of course, being someone with an autistic disorder, I have to control myself or become a Level 3 Sex Offender.) Part of it is  because I haven’t felt the physical form of love. I used to hug people in the recent past, but since my social circle has shrunk it hasn’t happened. I’ve only kissed a few girls outside of the lips, and I never had any forms of sexual encounters or anywhere near that. Nor was I ever sexually abused, it may be best that I  add that in there.
I see “normal”/”nerotypical” or “typical” or someone that doesn’t have a disability can get away with social norms, but for someone like this writer, its frowned upon.  You see this same thing on Facebook, a sexually attractive lady getting attention on a comment of her default image of what would could be considered as sexist statements. I should say reversed sexist comments. If I made a similar comment, I would be a Level Three Sex Offender, but a “nerotypical” (“normal”) person would get away of it. Why is that?
I really wished I could hit on a girl successfully. I don’t. Often I just failover to just be quiet. I often don’t know how to flirt. Lately, I have an influx of testosterone so I often want to flirt in a sexual nature. Often I am just too chicken to really go that far. The other day, I went to a store and the cashier was a pretty sexually attractive lady with cleavage showing with a cute pushup bra and camisole with her bust very aligned. I just got silent, my voice just got too scratchy or way too soft and it goes that way when my sex hormones goes out of wack and she probably thought I was a crazy animal. That girl or lady had a sexy figure, borderline “slender” about 5 foot 6, and well she was blond (and typically I don’t dig for blonds) but she was pretty hot regardless.
Sometimes I’ll go to the preppy clothing stores that aren’t in the “anchor” mall stores, and try to flirt with a few of the hot ticket clerks, but again I can’t do it. One time I saw a hottie with a sexy dress skirt and it got to the point I got aroused, then another time I’ll see a girl with a skimpy top where I start having “fantasies” of wanting to play with the straps, and maybe strip off her bra or her skimpy top and just make out!  Often my brain focuses on an object and sometimes it focuses on the girl of interest. Sometimes its the object or the outfit that will do it, and sometimes I’ll just get sexually crazy, but I of course have to keep control of it, again as I already mentioned earlier. Another time, I’ll go to one of those places and see some hottie with a tube top and then a really tight shorty shorts with a sexy inch and three quarter leather belt sitting comfortably on her hips and wanting to touch those fine legs. (Boy, that took guts writing this explicit paragraph!)
While I get sometimes horny and just sexually crazy, I have to say I never had any sexual encounter. Whether you like it or not, or agree or disagree with the morals of ether underage sex, unwedded births or non marriage sex; people do “do it” and some don’t “do it”. And many people my age have done it, and these are privileged people with college degrees with a higher social class and are probably conservative types, but yet they aren’t religious. Kinda illogical huh?  Well I am poor, disabled with a disability that about 70% of the people of my age bracket don’t care for, or would never want to fuck with or even want to be friends (again referring to the “normal” population.)
I do subscribe to the notion that girls go past their prime at 25 or their mid twenties, and well I hate to sound like a “cold hearted conservative”, but girls do look hot in their early twenties, and their sexual drive is at their peak, and they seem to be hot to get laid, and I again don’t want to offend anyone, but with that being said – I missed out on that. Its every guys (or girls) dream when they are in the junior year or in their college years to loose their virginity and litter the roads with condoms, and stuff like that.
I don’t want to say that I think lust is an appropriate thing to feel, but jeez in my long 25 years of not ether understanding interpersonal relationships or being accepted in society, its really progressing to be an aggravating sensation. I feel like I am one of the few people that unfairly has been missing out on what could be an awesome thing (or not even that ether!)
I don’t know what “love” is outside a family perspective.
Is “love” invisible like you know software or is it physical like hardware?
Is love touchable?
Is love just about feelings?
Is love about common likes?
Is there a such thing as “opposites attract”?
What is it? What is it? What is it?

Marriages, part two

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It used to be back in the days before the whiner generation (aka the Millennials and Gen X) that people would start to settle down in their lives in their mid twenties. So since this writer is in his mid twenties, and one who hasn’t had any positive romantic experiences, it would be of interest to explain why this writer has concerns about marriage.
Cost
The cost of getting married has very little to do legal procedures (unless you want to go forward with a prenuptual – which I find absurd because I believe once you get married, you stay married unless there is an obscene form of an infidelity or death.) I’ll get to that later about prenups.
The other issue about cost, is typically the groom pays for the majority of the costs of the wedding, the reception, etc. Now, my mother is the only parent in my life, whom of which is a single. If you want to put my grandmother in the mix, that’s fine. My mother is essentially a middle class worker, and my grandmother is retired and living off fixed income benefits, so my mother probably would have to put money down on that, which I can’t even think of an average cost off the top of my head,
The other issue is finding a girl who would have accepting parents to someone who is probably going to be poorer than his wife and her parents. I live in a snobby region, (here I go not accepting richer people.)
Honeymoons (and that 3 letter dirty word)
Now a honeymoon is typically a standard after a marriage that takes place. And from what I know a honeymoon is a code word for the first occurrence of a sexual relationship for the first time ever (if you subscribe fully to the New Testament of the Bible) or the first occurrence since marriage. To me, the idea of a honeymoon for essentially a subliminal event is just overrated.
Maybe its still the child inside of me who is scared of sex. (I mentioned about this subject recently.) And where would I go for that? I typically don’t care for warm weather, and I just don’t get the whole idea of it except for just fucking* my new wife (if that ever was to happen.)
* fuck – to have a sexual intercourse [typically with penis to vaginal] – I wanted to explain what that word really means when I say it.
Acceptance of the Wife’s family

Another issue is that dysfunctional families aren’t just isolated in the biological, or immediate family, the in-laws have a contributing factor of potential gridlock of being united together. Part of my frustrations is that I have not found a way to succeed or overcome my dysfunctions with my autism spectrum disorder or ASD as of yet. I’ve struggled with social issues, because I made one too many social mistakes as a kid so I am punished by having to put a gun to my head by not making mistakes. As such, I have basically isolated myself from the “real world” or dare I say the skeptical world. This baggage along with everything else has also made me frozen by not looking at work programs because I feel ashamed of my disorder. So yet again, I am in this vicious circle of “doing the right thing™*” but yet I still am screwed ether way.

*Potential trademark of Dr. Laura Selessenger/Clear Channel Radio/Premiere Radio Networks

So while struggling to “doing the right thing”, its difficult to find an accepting girl in an un accepting society filled of entitled brats and snobby people. On top of that, the girl might have rich parents that might look down at a potential “looser.” It doesn’t help that you are also a guy in his mid twenties that might be allegedly surviving just barely on “welfare” like benefits, on top of that being very busy trying to find his happiness and his future hopes and dreams in between finding a job. So there is so much pressure that’s put to a “lost boy” stereotype or even a “looser” (insert the Bart Simpson tone to that.)

If I wanted to get married to a girl, I would like a healthy relationship with her parents, her potential siblings (which might be a must since I never had siblings and I am not sure if its better not to have or to have such) and maybe her respective grandparents, because typically a mother and a father have two sets of respective their mothers and fathers.

Maybe this paragraph is too Utopian.

The Wedding Vows (and the Interpretation of such)
I don’t typically talk about religion, spirituality or even afterlife because its a conterversal subject, and its best to keep discussions off the Web and in your disconnected living room. Typically the vows goes something like this:

“I [suchandsuch] take this bride/groom
to love and behold
for richer or for poor
in sickness and health

until death do us part”

That last line is actually the dealbreaker. So a marriage is null and void when ether one dies. So basically the spouse goes away and the marriage is all over. So ether legally, or socially, love is not forever or eternal! If one of us don’t die together, s/he is gone! And I won’t be married to her in afterlife because of what the vow states! Why remarry to someone if the same thing were to happen?!
So with that being said, I am still on the fence about “marriage.” That doesn’t mean that you, a “normal” reader to this blog should use this post as an excuse to not get married and still be in a long term relationship and not attempting to tie the knot.

What is Sex?

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I know what sex is.
I want to know what does it really mean? In a macro point of view – the “big picture”?
I’ve lived in a somewhat of a sheltered life, so excuse me in advance if I come off as ignorant on the issue of what I think sex is a form of a physical love.
So why do people do it? Is there a reason? Is there meaning? Is sex the new way of kissing? Why is there a rush to do it at a young age? At the local state university, how many of those party girls have “done it” during a semester? How many partners have the fucked around? Are girls who wear skimpy outfits, like tiny shorts, tight fitting bras, high healed shoes considered for real as “skanks”? Do they shed those outfits off to screw with the hot boy in from the men’s hockey team?
Does a girl who wear Victroia’s Secret outfits are really for them off to you know make some tension in the bed by stripping them down?
Is mastrubation sex? How should that be classified? Fantasy by simulating actual sex? A way to relieve sexual tension, anxiety, and anxiety related to semi imbalanced hormones? Does it mean that while looking at a picture of a beautiful girl while mastrubating, or is it when I am doing that with lusty fantasy considered as sex to ones self? Why do they say its “safe sex”? “Safe” as in a less risky for someone who is socially retarded? Or “safe” to prevent additional diseases. Well then, its still not sex.  Is doing that too much ruining my sexual abilities?
Are “hot chicks” really “slutty” and doing it with ether multiple partners OR their boyfriend at least 3 times a week? How can I tell that someone is sexually active? By noticing the condoms off the side of the road or just how she’s dressing?
Other than conceiving a child, what does a sexual relationship do for the long run? Or is it a one night stand?

The entire tell all about my concerns about “relationships”

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Update: 08-27-2012 @ 10:25pm/Eastern Time
I have created the page that contains items from this post. It has been edited and expanded and I will keep this post intact for the near future.
“RELEVENT” HISTORY
I am 25 years old. I have a form of a pervasive developmental disorder known as having a form of the autism spectrum disorder. So I am 25 (I may come off as a younger person and maybe fall as a minor with my looks and sounds) but I am feeling like I am getting old. I feel sometimes like a teenager with some rebelious attitudes. With my autism, I have had struggled with socializing when I was very young. I started to build some social skills at the second year of my fifth grade school year. Why was there a second? Because I had anxiety moving over to my local middle school, and to elievate the anxiety, the IEP team decided I should stay back so the transition to the local middle school would be easier.
Well it all went down to hell within two months, and I was placed out of district as per to my mothers demands having to go through that pain. At the same time, I noticed that the girl I had the hots for in the second year of fifth grade had treated me like crap by the end of that summer meanwhile an alleged hot-ticket-Itailian type would get away of verbally atacking me and just being very mean as those two months fell apart*
* I admit I was no angel, I remember attacking this girl of interest, but the girl just put a huge scar and those wounds haven’t (or may never) be fully healed
While in high school, I went to school in Massachusetts, an area that is one of the most liberal states on the East Coast.  My teacher was 25 when I came to her program, so this was 10 years ago – same age as I am today. However, she had a 6 or 7 year spread from her graduating her high school and prior to being hired at my school. She had focused on lots of mixed message on romance and friends. By Mass law, she was required to teach sex ed (or at least was supposed to ensure we got it in some way or another) but she opted to instead preach on psuedo science lessons like on “relationships” and “healthy” vs. “unhealthy relationships” and more and more pseudo BS about love and romance. I actally fell for much of her advice about relationships, but actually this came from someone still with a high school mind and instead of a wise and mature professional.
PEER PRESSURE  – EVEN TO THE SOCIALLY INGORANT
Even with my developmental disability, I still feel like I want to be like “everyone else”. I have been ether screwed by my ex friends or had to isolate myself to feel “safer” from being hurt because a) I didn’t go to a normal high school. I also didn’t retain the friends from elementary school, b) I didn’t build newer friends and didn’t go to college. c) I didn’t have a job since my 21st birthday so I haven’t been able to build from there  and d) I don’t have a significant other.
The latter is the one that really hurts
LOVE IS FOR THE SOCIALLY PRIVILEGED
I understand as much as I am different and it may be good to celebrate my differences, its very hard to find people like me. I can be very mature on different interests. Most 20somethings would rather play Halo than to build an Active Directory. Most “kids” would rather mess around with an iDevice rather than using an Apple with a fancy UNIX operating system. While most dumbasses would want to send texts (which has less personable communication than to email which in some ways replaced the handwritten leter) where its so easy to delete a message and is harder to retain compared to email. While most drama queens like their “friends” to be in the know on their Facebook profies, some would like a tiny ammount of a little off line, real world communication. I’m not asking for too much. But a pretty girl to look up or lets say just north of 30 seconds and acknowledge that a guy might be flirting with them by saying shes got a sexy skirt, even if the guy can’t fully say it.
So there is a syhtentic autism that is growing to the “normal” population, which is devestating to the legitmate autistic population. Its like the movie WALL-E happening in the real world less than 5 years after the release.
Onto the flirting, thats a whole other issue. Many people with PDD have experienced some degrading lessons on socializing with other people, in the sexual sense. Now in the PDD or the autism spectrum, you can have normal looking people and some “creepy” looking people too. But of course, since most SPED schools or programs could not do “indvidual” based lessons, they had to paint them with a broad brush that you had to stay restrained. The liberalism/feminist movement had really made issues a lot worse than actually fixing issues such as hostility at the work place. Thanks to the “sexual harrassment” laws, the special ed schools had to teach them because of course, the creepy boys would be the first target. After hearing that phrase over and over, it got drilled into our own BootROM. So since about 6 years ago, after one of my first sex ed lessons, my BootROM has essentially been drilled to stay away from being around girls or women, to avoid excessive (or any) flirting, and avoid using phrases such as “sexy”, “horny”, “hot” whatever, because it can offend women or even older men.
SEX – YOU DON’T THINK AUTISTICS AREN’T SLUTTY IN THE HEAD?
My thoughts on people and sexual types of questions keep popping in my head for my own safety and health (and just for plain ol curiosity). Like when I see these hotties whether or not they are in a group or alone, Is that chick thats with that guy her bf? When did she stop being a virgin? Did she start puberty early? because she look too mature for a 20 year old. How many times did they get screwed during their time at college majoring in partying? Do they have an STD? Should I even touch her? And what in the hell does it mean when you are “In a Relationship”? Does it mean you are a boyfriend or girlfriend? How serious is it? Are you fucking one another every night? Are you doing it with or without protection? How often? Does the girl take the pill to prevent any pre martial knock ups?
Then I think about her physical prefs. Is she dressing to just show off? Why is she covering her lower back if she knows if it exposes her area or her thong or tramp stamp? Why does she just tighten her belt to make her feel more comfortable? Why you are so offended at the people looking at your clevage. Its not my fault someone upstairs gave you a gift to be at least a hottie! Why do girls tease?
Why is it that I am told to be careful to look at girls in case I offend them when they are doing it to themselves? Why do girls get so damn offended on Facebook or MySpace websites of “creeps” “stalking” their profiles when they just pin themselves up for the same type of attention!
So I have some odd turn ons or fetishes – again “odd” compared to the “normal” people. But flirting does entail complementing someones physical looks (even if it comes off as sexual.) So I been so shy (thanks to the liberal establishment) to hit on a girl to say she’s got a hot belly piercing, not only could get worse if a guy is nearby protecting his friend or girlfriend. I’ve had thoughts of asking (again: asking) to kiss her belly I found it sexy. I like some girls who wear short shorts or skirts showing off her sexual attractiveness. I can’t even say shes “got hot legs” or “I like that sexy skirt.” Or what if shes wearing a nice belt, depending on the type. I feel awkward to say I love that sexy belt, or how snug it looks or how comfortable it feels, etc. Or if a girl is wearing a nice push up bra and her bust is nicely lifted (read: I love your sexy cleavage – or your are making me stiffy.) Since those tight fitting chokers are not in fashion, sometimes those can be a turn on and I can only say I like your necklace. I could go further with such sexual thoughts as flirts, but probably they are bedroom material. But of course, that will not happen, because who would want to date an autistic or even fuck with them?
While I am on the sexual note, I feel if I get older and are a heluvla lot less people my own age* that are single, I fear that my dream girl (that isn’t really that far off from reality) won’t be around. Again, I want substance (maybe not in the department of managing office phone systems, or understanding state and local government – again because they arent that many hotties that are smarties) but I also want a strong sense of style. I like the ladies in the Hollister outfits, the American Eagle tiny shorts or the skimpy tank tops from Aeropostale, or some evening dress or dresses from the juniors department at the local anchor mall store – or last but not least a girl wearing cutesy PINK outfits from the collection at Victoria’s Secret. I do like all types, some curvy, slender, but not boney skinny and not any kind of athletic build, as some are boney in some senses too. Girls are not supposed to show bones. And girls** start to peak of their sexual attractiveness at their mid 20s. So their bodies start to change after then. I see lots of couples get touchy and feeley (as I could press charges at them for “sexual harassment” ) and I feel like I am missing something. I’d love to be touchy and feeley (but maybe not in public as much to be modest.) I’d love to hug, kiss touch a part of her leg and get all frisky and stuff.
* It has been preached on many occasions that we should stick to people around our own age (remember the “2 year rule” as a 14 year old? This practice was still pushed in my late teens in the high school program ) because of the creep factor)
** no intention of degradion of such class of geneder is intended.
FRIENDS (“They won’ t be there for you”*)
* The TV Series was so overrated
So as I mentioned earlier, about my “friends” and how they had made me a massive fail. Friends is a vague definition, and it is open for translation. Temple Grandin (the know it all on autism, since she herself is a proud autistic) defines a “true friend” as “…true friendships are built on shared interests, or shared ideas, or shared principals, that you both hold meaningful; there’s always some common thread that binds you together.” Well the hard problem is there is no concrete definition and I can say that the “normal” groups are likely the ones that are abusing the definition.
When I moved to another town almost a couple years ago, whether or not it was by coincidence, my “friends” were starting to drift away. I admit that I was at time a nasty individual, but I also felt felt forgotten. I was still reeling over the mess from the previous decade and the post 21 debacle (thanks in part to inferior over regulations on the state and local level prohibiting the school support staff to be humans instead to be bureaucrats above the law) but even that, they should had understand. About 2007 and onwards, people had no idea on how the depth of a potential Doomsday would happen on ones 21st birthday, other than they are legal to get drunk if they so choose to.
I will use one example, a friend thats now an ex who allegedly has Asperger Syndrome, graduated at his original class back 7 years ago. He’s a bit over confident, admitting he wants to have a triple digit IQ. He has since gone to a local community college, and is getting transferred to the state university. In the summer of 2010, he started to make references of a “girlfriend” which got more and more serious. Recently they had their “2 year anniversary”, something that should be inappropriate for a boy/girlfriend “relationship.” This girl does exist, and she lives in the area, and it wasn’t any of his old alleged “girlfriends’ he had chatted on whatever IM client he was using. So this really was boggling my mind and to this day I still can’t fathom. Meanwhile another friend of mine (who happened to be that high school teacher that we started to become “friends” after her dismissal of the school program) she is an extreme liberal. She still subscribes as of 2010, the pseudo science of psych-o-logy. She had treated me as a mute and dumb person as per to the actual DSM definition of PDD, Autism or whatever current definition mute and dumb is. As I moved to my new town she said on the way back to my old home from a lunch (which was our only get togethers out, since I wasn’t good enough for her for anything else – maybe it was my bitterness) “Now that you don’t live in [XXXX ] anymore… now I won’t see you much anymore”
Wow, what a promising statement coming from such a whiny Valley Girl type! By this time my original Facebook account created in March of 2007 was already purged. By that fall she wouldn’t return constant phone calls and after number of failed phone tags, I started to give up. By that January, I wrote an email entitled in the Subject line “Termination of ‘Friendship'” she would reply back that her father was getting sick and she couldn’t get in touch with me. Well her alibi was allegedly false, meanwhile at that time, she had her public website, mentioning that she opened an art studio for special needs and was in local hyper media outlets during this alleged claim.
So my “friends” prior to the end of 2010 – were not meant to be for today. If figuratively my house was burning, they wouldn’t come for help. They had such attitude of arrogantly being independent, I’d be dead. Friends are supposed to be there when you need them the most. And these people had excuses upon excuses. And maybe I lived too far, but that shouldn’t had been an excuse. So the theme song on the TV series Friends would not ring true for my cases of such social courtships
To sum it up: I came to a damning conclusion that I might not have a hopeful social future in 2010, 2011 came to the realization and in 2012 the acceptance phase that I need to kiss having “normal” people with “normal” interests, having a healthy balance of work, family and friends, and most importantly a “girlfriend”.
Well after 2,400 words in the 1st draft, I think I got some story web of thoughts and emotions, and most importantly, the cement mixed up to start the foundation of this new blog. Lets kick this bitch off and hopefully we can hit many posts well into left field like I did with my other blog, on family, friends, romance, sex and damn the negative bias known as “social skills” to hell where it’s supposed to be! To screw the autism elite! To give the salute to the morons making socializing a pet project! To shut up the damned far-left liberals and their “zero tolerance” and their thin skinned approach of everything being “offensive”!  Let’s upgrade this bitch to Beta stage and open the doors to this blog and do a grand opening, of a go-live, a premiere date of September 10th!