Tag Archives: Views on Life

Why in the f*** do we need to use "nerotypical"?

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Or hell call it “NT”?
I know its a registered trademark of Nortel (Previously known as Northern Telecom), but Nortel has gone bankrupt and many of their businesses have gone on wholesale, so I don’t know what actual company might own the trademark.  In fact its alleged that might had been the reason why Microsoft didn’t use the NT branding in Windows 2000 (and eliminating totally by Windows XP or NT 5.1) because of a potential lawsuit of Nortel.
I have so much opposition of such techno terminology of the whole hell known as the Autism Spectrum Disorders. For one thing, why in the hell do we need a “label” (for a lack of a better word) to describe the “normal” population. Are we afraid to degrade their potential or are we afraid to degrade the hack psych-o-logists and other “professionals” that had pissed a lot of money into an Ivy League education in the study of psych-o-logy?
This is beyond words like patently absurd. I just can’t get why such groups (mostly in the Asperger world – which is NOT autism) has to make such confusion.
Enough with the acronyms and abbreviations, enough with the technicality of the “labels” enough with having pride with a disorder that is technically unrelated with autism and please for the AS community, dont flaunt your pride that is similar to homosexual population. It’s just plain insulting to the legitimate group who is feeling ASHAMED instead of coming out of the closet as a super high functioning retard.

You know when you are in love…

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when its not “meant to be”.

My hopes for ANY romantic relationships have been severely downgraded to likely to hopefully to hopeful to desperate to severely desperate to to hopeless. It doesn’t help when they all fall into the same damn theme known as crushes or infatuations. It doesn’t help when they are girls that are taken and it also doesn’t help that twentysomething bitches still act like they began puberty a decade before.

It also doesn’t help when ones mother “can feel” for one, when she has the power to act like a leader and try to date for a change. Oh wait, she don’t like change ether.
If you wonder why I have such low self of esteem or standards, it goes back to the grownups in my previous life not acting like real grownups. There has been NO strong leadership in my life in the recent years which makes things not so promising.

Rest in Peace Mark Haines, part three

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I don’t often talk (or gloat) about my blog’s statistics, hits or views, because to me – its private information. I do want to mention at about 8:00pm Eastern, that I have received 150 views today. This is beyond an intraday record, since this blog often traffics on average of 20 views a day.
Every view today was linking the first two posts of the former CNBC Squawk Box anchor. The most interesting part most of the search terms outside of the generics, was specifically, autism, Autism Speaks, if “mark haines was autistic” and search phrases of his kids with autism in different terms.
I can’t confirm of how Mark Haines has a connection to the disorder, other than other CNBC talent have supported the questionable organization founded by ex NBC Universal president Bob Wright. I’m not sure if his one of his kids has the disorder, or a family member or was close to Bob & Suzanne Wright. I didn’t see the donations in lieu of flowers for Autism Speaks till I went on his memorial page on markhaines.cnbc.com this morning, and throughout the CNBC business day, they did mention the donations.
It through me off guard. The original post was just a few blurbs of someone that has autism who followed Wall Street and the markets mostly in stocks since I was about 12 or 13, with specific memories of the Squawk Box.  The snappy graphics, the theme package they used during the late 90s (it had the pre-game feel too) and the goofiness between the gang and Maria Bartiromo’s more humbler days of her walking up and down the NYSE trading floor getting the most up to date news before the bell.
In anyway, I wanted to post some of what traffic that came onto this blog and how surprised what results I was going to get other than a business newsman passed, not to know that people were searching for ASD along with the former newsman.
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P.S. I finally spelled Squawk Box right for the first time after all these years that the show was named after the speakerphone adjunct that the traders would dial in and hear the morning’s calls of what hot stocks to buy and the ones that weren’t so hot. That’s where the name came from 🙂

I can never be happy

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Even when I get told to do whatever makes me happy. It goes back to the f****d up school system in a border community in Southern NH and a fucked up school program in MA, when those retards told me I had to be flexible and think of others and “work with” them. Hell in fact one case manager had to instruct me to “kiss up” to the director who of which was violating laws protecting my rights! You heard that right, but I never (or ever) going to sue them because I always take the higher road.
Autism is just a goddamned fraud, do you know who works in this sector? A bunch of post menopausal HAGS!  Those creepy, motherly types. Those people that want those “young adults” to really be children. You never see a twentysomething tramp working in special needs for her rest of her life… because one they don’t know what the f*** is autism and second they are bunch of sluts that are drunk from vodka 99% of the time.
I don’t know if I can say this because its not P.C. but can the jooish smartasses just think about simplifying the disorder, instead of breaking it up into a bunch of pieces to the point its waaaayyy beyond the understanding?
But no, because it would degrade their $200 piece of paper from their Ivy League university with their obscene degeree with their obscene college loans and their obcscene salaries, etc. etc.
I like to see massive cuts in special education, cuts in administrative costs, DEREGULATE special education (yup that one is for you – MASSholes!) and so when these individuals turn 21, they won’t have that creepy feeling in themselves thanks to the moronic women teachers that make them that in the classroom.
Autism IS A FRAUD!

A word of wisdom…

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I don’t life a life that most people do. While most people “live life to” their “fullest” I am one that is paranoid, concerned, on alert. I can’t enjoy “life.” I can’t relax. When I relax, I forget things, or not expect the unexpected. My life to date has been about the truth, and dealing with it. (one of those examples is about my autism.)
I don’t get much sleep. My eyes get baggier and baggier (and even with my asian blood, it doesn’t do much to my looks) and more and more lines on my forehead. I just fear the unknown and the unexpected because in this crazy, perverted world, like people are getting more and more scrutinized and the way the stupid libs (and the nerds forcing black boxes on everything) that are controlling the world, we may never recover from the financial mess a few years ago. And as much as I am mad and bitter at the libs, I am mad and bitter at the conservatives who still can’t get the severity of autism.
I am still scared to death if the system does fall apart again and I have to be yet another victim of a messed up system.
I am scared if I am going to die in N.H. by a wreckless rich socialpath person, or die in Massachuestts from a wreckless government governed by socialpathic politicians.
I just can’t relax or bad things will happen. I defend this behavior/thought process/feelings.

Sometimes I question…

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How real my autism is
Why did I not do things I was capable of doing, but conciousnly chose to weasel out
Why did I learn to drive at 16
Why I did not graduate high school at 18 and not my 21st birthday
Why I didn’t get passed the closed-minded New Hampshire hacks and just went to college and showed them who was the real boss of someone WITH autism
Could living with Ass-perger’s Syndrome could have been a better label instead of “PDD-NOS”?
Just a few questions I ask myself with one being hopeless, helpless and sleepless of one whose loosing his faith of the whole ever-so-growing woman-made-scam known as autism

What is my disorder?

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Basically here’s a brief timeline of my autism disorder (or disease)

  • I didn’t start talking till I was about 4
  • I struggled through my middle school years (and left the school district within a couple months)
  • I had gotten severely agressive from when I was 12 to before 18 (which I don’t know what causes it for everyone on the spectrum, but disturbing even to this day)
  • I described myself as being 3 years behind most peers, up till when I turned 21 and fell off the cliff,
  • The last 3 years was the worst years of my life however,
  • I moved to a new town for the first time ever in my life in the last year in and a happier area if I can try to get out and stay in this region

Even with the happier news of my life, there is still some bumpy roads. I seem to be “regressing” since finishing school, to the point where I am getting agressive again. People close to me are concerned, and they should feel that way. I don’t know why I would be so angry…oh wait – because I have had a difficult life!
I feel I have other disorders lumped into my existing disorder, but I don’t know if I am really on the spectrum or not. How can the disorder be so different for everyone that has it? I feel sometimes creeped out in my own skin, and rightfully so.  It’s like how can you be developmentally behind, but yet freak out like you should be put into a mental institution and also be somewhat smart?
That’s what I think about on an often basis, how can someone on the autism spectrum have a whole range of problems mixed into one individual?
Its never more confusing to struggle with this disorder/disease in these crazy times.
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Quick introduction

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My name is Steven, I am 23 years old. I’m on the autism spectrum disorder and I have been dealing/struggling with the disorder for my entire life. I have had a difficult life, but I always try to look at the bright side. This blog won’t be entirely my diary/journal, but to journalize the ever so growing number of autism and how the numbers of it don’t add up from someone who has autism
It was only just a few years ago the disorder hogged every media outlet, ether was a lead story or done specials. It didn’t matter if it was a cable news channel or on the web. Now as we go into the teens, the disorders of the 1990s are coming back. Bipolar disorder, Down’s Syndrome, Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or ADHD or Asperger Syndrome. Guess witch disorder has been forgotten in the mainstream media or anywhere else? You guess it, Autism. It got media play just within the last week after the decade long saga if the MMR vaccination was to be blamed for autism. And some of the opinons were not very pretty. Autism is now getting beaten up again, and its just devastating.
I know that this blog can come off as anonymous, but the information that is posted are expected to be an opinion of an autistic that has a high school diploma (allegedly.) I felt it wasn’t worth it with the work I could had done to really earn it.
There aren’t that many voices that speaks about autism from anyone who has the traditional autism, the borderline pervasive developmental disorder/not otherwise specified or PDD-NOS. Many of the voices are women of a certain age and status ranging from middle aged mothers, or ones who work in special education or special needs sector. And most of these women are often liberal and voting a certain party in because the certain party is always [allegedly] for special education or special needs.
Because I lost my innocence at a young age, I have been skeptical ever since. Even if my end of the autism bubble* was truly a legitimate issue, I (and many others) seem to be skeptical of the current number of cases of autism that were born way after me. There is so much bad publicity, and there is a lot of people in the society that thinks that only people who are really crippled should be the only disabled people.
* Bubble – self profilled prophecy (i.e. the dot-com bubble of the late 90s where the Internet stocks were overpriced without any fundamental comparison.
There is much more to discuss, this is a tip of an enormous iceberg.
If no one else with the “real” autism is going to break their silence, I won’t be afraid to speak my mind in my own forum. This blog is the only place where I can express my 1st Amendment on what I think of my own disorder (or disease.)
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