[Multi Parts] Why Haven’t I Worked?

I want to introduce you to a new feature that I have been contemplating for 14 years, starting with An Alleged Autistic/A Puzzling View on Relationships to the Hopeless Autistic, the story goes back to almost 20 years to the day in March. I’d rather start in 2005, when I was coincidentally turning 18 going on 15, and that still fucked up brain known as adolescence that was often shamed upon the child, the victim, the student.

§504/IEP Meeting, Spring 2005 (Undisclosed Location, Essex County Massachusetts)

Due to the interstate differences, the New Hampshire law required the student to attend their IEP meeting in full, as I was my own guardian. One of the reasons why I didn’t opt for guardianship was I thought I could use that as leverage for “advocacy” (spoiler alert, it failed)

This meeting included my speech therapist, my primary school teacher, the mis manager (er “Program Director” my mother and me including the head of Pupil Services, Brian Balke) and according to me scanning through a piece in the Useleess Leader and or channel surfing against WMUR-TV Manchester in the last couple of years, he’s the head of schools in Goffstown. Something is telling me the Fraud on Broad Street wasn’t in that meeting. I wouldn’t be surprised Bolick’s absence was by pure coincidence and nothing more (sarcasm implied)  in certain IEP meetings that were critical in nature. Other people would be in no show before and after.

At this time the team agreed the next path of my life was to go into a school to work program. I get it now, and possibly back then, but to have my entire day be entirely on life skills (that has become antiquated with the change of technology), social skills that made us extremely avoidant to dealing with superiors oh and the focus on sexual harassment was extremely stigmatizing and the force the birdie out of the nest by the 21st birthday was extremely anxiety ridden, I’d go so far to say this really lead into a turbulent 20s in my life. People who were in this position of authority had no business whatsoever.

By late spring (perhaps) May I caved in to their proposal.

I need to tell you something extremely disturbing about Balke, The head of Londonderry’s Pupil Services had the audacity to say “You’re going to get a Londonderry High School Diploma” in Spring of 2005, knowing I had repeated fifth grade 7 years before, that it was implied would graduate two years after my target year (Class of 2006) and again I was pushed to graduate later in 2008, specifically on my birthday. There was an attempt for me to get out as early as spring of 2007 but that was pushed by abuse of New Hampshire and Federal rights against the Commonwealth of Massachusetts’ own rules, which violates Federal laws.

Leading up to 2005, I didn’t feel intellectually competitive against my own typical peers in education, but I don’t even know now because the millennials are dumb as rocks. In their thirties!

The next series will be those three years where I realized at that point my life was at the point of no return and why I didn’t end my life sooner and not before I was even 20 that I knew my life had passed.

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Depleted to Take Care of His Own Mother’s Shattered Ego

“You can’t teach empathy through forced-sympathy”

QOTD by yours truly

The last three weeks, now on Week Three as of Friday knowing my mother got laid, was the worse thing to imagine, because I was off the last week of January with the hopes my mother would go back to work on site at least Tuesday or Wednesday or Wednesday and Thursday of that following week.

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A Week After Doing Anything for Love…

It was a week ago yesterday that I sent a note to that Front Desk girl who wasn’t at the hotel on the coast. I didn’t share the draft to anyone else. I knew that any word I could say would be triggering. As it seems to be here in this locale, the adult population “have to make it” because no one else has made the best way to ask women out. Wait a couple decades and waste one’s lifespan to prove there’s been a problem.  So yeah I have to be on my own and figure out what’s socially appropriate or not. I drew a faint heart in the background with a vague coloring of “R U My Valentine?” and wrote another note on the bottom of the front/back. I don’t want to share much more.

ICYMI from earlier in the week, when I explained about this journey when I asked the girl at the stationary shop for something “subtle” and I really meant what I said about “something is telling me to do this”. I can’t even name another instances where I really meant what I had said.

The post it notes on the envelope was written to beg to the covering staff to ensure this would go to her because of the importance of a guest/front desk relationship. Anything inside it is not their concern and by no means was I backdooring in the most nefarious ways… I guess it could be seen that way.

I was trying to be truly authentic. I don’t know her situation, it could really be something serious is going on… or she’s taken… or company policy would disallow this because this the 21st Century and love and romance must be damned, and anyone’s heart that gets taken is pure luck.

I am not too worried about ID theft by giving out my phone number, it’s mostly a “work” number anyways. I did what I could with the situation I was in, and the underlying conditions. I do not regret what I did in the name of going deeper into human interconnectivity.

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The Rough Week

On the fifth week of the New Year, I was scheduled to have a week off to recharge and try to replenish my remains of energy of being the second sole burden to the family. The sane one, the one who thinks and talks constructively and the one that asks good questions, not that I am tooting my horn. This story is a long one because it started rough on Monday for my mother, but ended harder for me when Friday came along.

The issues of other family members are are still strong hot spots in this firestorm of a situation for both just over a year in…and I am depleted

I went to Dover for the first time (the second time I went there was on the outskirts of the city when I was at SLC and we went to the Chilli’s on the south end. It was to see my therapist for a session in person for the first time in over a couple years. On our way, a magnitude 3.8 (originally reading as 4.2) off the coast of York, Maine (20 miles to the state line, and about the same distance to Portsmouth of which where I was going to stay for the week.

I heard it on The Sports Hub, and it’s unusual for a sports format radio station to do news, since the FCC since they don’t force every local station to cover news these days. My mother and I went to brunch after, then started to take the long way to the Port City.

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PR Issues

The “self advocacy” world needs some training on PR… you know public relations.

Late in October, there was inklings that the Family Support Conference was going to be the next block where I was staying on the first weekend in November.

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Why I cannot Trust Any New Hampshire Professionals…(Executive Director, ABLENH)

I really hate white collared hacks in this state. They care more about their aspirations than anyone else. Why can I say this state is narcissistic? I’d be bullshitting you!

[…] when the Merrimack Police Department came to my house on that September day, was a middle finger through proxy. It’s not the officer’s fault. It was someone who felt his career was on the line, when this plea had nothing to do with school, or his previous line of work, but he was so obsessed about his 10 year plans. […]

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8 Years and a Week Later – The Ring Leader of ASD in the Granite State Left Us…

As I mentioned before, the horrible person who intentionally scared Granite Staters (as well as Massholes, and the rest of North America) passed away on New Year’s 2017.

I still have no respect for the woman who hated autistic boys as I suspected not only a few years before became a board cert ABA, but i wondered if she was an anti-vaxxer too. Her upper end of clients also included the Middlesex County elite who having an autistic child would’ve broken their ego. Throw in ABA treatment and the parent’s ego won’t be as fractured. On the lower end, well I was reminded I was not- enough, and the only way to fit in was to take prescription meds for fake issues, because the typical peers did illegal drugs. I had to “mask” my social economic “status”, one of the many disregards, gaslighting that Bolick was notorious of doing.

lBut what wasn’t surprising is how much her legacy has seeped into a few thousand people, there’s more feminist ABA professionals, more boy hating teachers, and thankfully less people who don’t weaponize suicide the way Bolick did, because it was people like her who said “autism and depression are separate” . Knowing later on that they do strangely go hand in hand, and because she was taught in the 1970s, she preached it well into the new millennia, but did she ever re-take a study to learn new facts? Of course not.

I am a recovering victim of her narcissistic tendencies of a professional that refused to grow and a subject worth learning wasn’t respected (that is me.) because abuse from people allegedly with NPD is so low, because no one will admit now – or at least in the near future, the level of suffering with imposter syndrome and nuanced based social skills is far from developed. As people say “you have to make it” for the adult population.

I never want to express so much hate, but I knew after my 30th birthday (my family waited as the news broke around February school vacation, that corrupt professional liked to keep her personal life so air tight… the irony!) that my group would still be haunted by Teresa Bolick from 6 million feet down under from hell as her afterlife did get exposed to thousands of other women who lust for power and control using autistic boys as to emasculate (and maybe giving some of these younger boys into trans, even though I don’t believe that’s a causation.)

This blog isn’t about everything on autism, but a subject on antiquated practices from a legacy, pre DSM-V autistic looking in. The systems were intentionally broken with no intention for it to ever be repaired.

Let that sink is as I am closer to 40 with a life experience of a 21 year iold

Back to Reality When There’s Atrocity

Happy New Year, and a somber one for those in the Big Easy.

With those developments in the last couple of days, 2025 is starting off a bit rocky and it’s a bit concerning. There is some late breaking developments after the Eat The Press rant. The man who died from the explosion of the Cybertruck near the Trump Hotel in Las Vegas was from an apparent suicide. It’s believed that the man was so desperate he went as far from Denver to harm himself over what had occurred in New Orleans that was an apparent terrorist attack.

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