Another update to a deliberate abandoned blog.
I haven’t changed. I remain a hopeless autistic first, hopeless romantic second.
I don’t have much goals for 2015 other than to be in a day program with lower functioning people and be in a work program, enough to please the local DHHS. My mother will continue to suffocate with her excessive love to me where I can’t do anything to my heart’s content, other than being probed and questioned and then have my dreams become “death by a thousand cuts.”
I will, however meet with various doctors to get ether a re diagnosis and/or therapy which I hope they will cite my quirks as my mother is allegedly autistic and maybe they will rip her to shreds.
I have no expectations, other than to feel hopeless, being bitter not by choice but emotion of last resort.
I expect to cry more and more as I reach closer to 30 by a couple of years and to realize I have nothing going forward. I think I may actually become a real life Steve Carrell portrayal of the 40 Year Old Virgin, only 12 years away.
I might write a book. I got the content ready to go. I feel that the broken self I am was damaged by a broken society of people who are so careless and so selfish that their narcissism has broken my view on life.
I don’t invest of my work anymore. I know there isn’t a girl out there for me (because of the lack of parenting, the lack of accountability, etc.) and I know many of my “followers” really don’t care because they never contacted me and replied to this publication.
I’ll close it this way, if relationships were transparent, if there wasn’t autism and if there wasn’t so many pompous ass jerks perverting the perspective of relationships, I wouldn’t be a writer. I’d be a happy guy with a lucky girl and we would rule our own little worlds. But that’s not reality. The reality is what I wrote here a couple years ago, and it hasn’t changed not one bit.
Stay Hopeless and Always Settle for Less.
Steven, the humble publisher.