Long form notes, emails, conversations:
* * refers to implicit language, ” ” marks are from staff < and > remarks ofs your’s truly.
<No longer going to be as open because I don’t feel you validate me.>
*”Aly” validates *
“It’s a new week, it’s hard to come from a high”
“Optimistic rigidities” (re. email)
“Aly” asked if there was another staff
<I said, do you want me to be honest? Alex>
Asked about that not every day would be perfect, how to resolve conflict
“I was thinking about last Monday, about ideas, it made you upset. Could be situational. I asked about what is your idea, and you blow up. I could ask anyone in any situation. I don’t think you like to challenge you.”
[Hopeless Sidenote, it’s really easy for the DSP to deflect the behavior back on the vulernable client – me]
“How am I supposed to say?”
<I will not change being realistic>
“I think you don’t like to be challenged, you need to realize that you aren’t always right”
[Hopeless Sidenote: Yet again, why does every thing have to be done in a “challenge”, and FFS autistics come off as always-right but that’s not necessary how they think. This is the second instance of gaslighting within a minute]
<well I am a guy>
<I think you are treating me too typically… I think you need to turn down the dial.>
“Wow. I didn’t think of that”
[The staff is reacting when the intention was to shock in a speecheless form. But “Aly” always had reacted and never think silently before speaking
Aly mentioned some staff treat others as “special”, “children”, “and not adults”
<[…]well I do have social defects. Maybe the old bitch was right.>
“Do you think that will change later in your life?”
[Hopeless Sidenote, this could be considered as cognitive dissonance – i.e. doubting one’s self.]
asked about records, and why I looked at them?
<It could change if I had the right supports>
<[perfection] Double standard>
“self imposed” situation “I would rather have someone be real and off check off the box of perfection” “I apologize for being insensitive, I hope to accept my apology” “I wished I can do the opposite”
<It looks like October was the last known time where things went good>
“the same time when you reconnected to your family”
<You’re dealing with someone whose emotions go one way, and the logical side goes the other way. You’re dealing with a hot mess>
“[laughs] you’re also dealing with a program that is not perfect. I don’t come here to try to piss you off. I understand it was a hard week”
[Sidenote: Another example of gaslighting and deflecting the situation, and not even acknowledging the self-discovery.] This was the many, many days I had to put up with in calendar 2019.