Two days after that incident, I need backup. The reply negated any concern and wouldn’t allow me to transfer. This manager left during COVID.
I need to be really serious. I have not overstepped authority recently and request to intervention with this high severity. I desperately need your help, you know me for almost 3 years, you have more sympathy to my needs, and you would address them if you were still at [primary office]. I can’t overwhelm your time, but I have to…I need to inform you of what is been going on. It’s time sensitive and I would love a response at the earliest to try to not let the situation from the management continue to fester.
The last thing I wanted to do is send an email. I was going to wait for a reply from you, but Aly responded (on the very bottom) this morning with some pretty strong statements indicating she’s wants to bail out with me. I had to get on top of that subj before things got worse.
I have a proposal I am asking you. After that, I highlight what I had to endure with [primary] mgmt, justifying this request.
· Can you meet with the group (because I don’t feel like everyone is working as a “team”) the last Monday, December 30th?
· Can you be the management of contact going forward if all parties agree?
· That I be transferred to [the city office] instead?
· On the condition of
o Me proposing in writing up to 9 drafts goals/expectations for [city office]. 3 general goals based on working together various ideas you yea/nay or negotiable/non negotiable/ negotiable on condition then revisit up to 6 more times (if there is no agreement on one or more)
o With that being the end result have some expectation mutually with 3 major goals/expectations from staffing, activities, to transportation, etc.
o Be able to work with staff I choose to be comfortable with, transferring them to [secondary office] coordinating their availability, but also with my schedule as well. The clear and apparent misunderstanding of management, is they think I am telling them to tell staff to drop one client and work for me. Despite multiple attempts to debunk their myths, they are choosing to ignore them. This is actually the reason why I am reaching out. The only reason.
o Be able to meet with you on a monthly basis to follow up on the quality of services and provide mutual feedback?
· The end result of the request is that I work with a team instead with all of us working together, I have to give, but [day program] also has to give, and the responsibility can’t be as top heavy as I have been dealing with all year round, that the general interactions on a daily basis as the assigned staff as agreed upon (except for vacations, sick days, etc… the obvious. This is where we negotiate in advance.)
Now an attempted short story of why I am asking all of that:
This conflict has accelerated since November, when I made initial plans to drop 1 on 1 with Aly and planning Respite night. As you can tell…a lot of it was mostly on actions by both Jackass and Aly, mostly reacting to a mildly provocative email last week. (There’s a reason why I did, read below) If there was a perception of being personally attacked, I had kept my professionalism to the best of the ability by critiquing situations and actions and not personalities or persons.
I outline substantial concerns below.
Decisions based on reaction by management
Alex on Wednesdays as a 1 on 3 since July was done on a reactionary measure from [departing manager] with conflicts from Aly and I. Given my communication being sometimes imperfect, we had brought the two (likely on the expense of [day program]) to my therapist in Manchester twice in January and June for them to help me out understand them and them to understand me communication wise.
On Monday, Aly threatened me for a staff to bring me home just after 9:00 after I felt she had triggered me into discussing the conflict last week with Jackass coming in less than 30 minutes, and the thread clearly shows a request to prevent that I just came in, sleep deprived and by no means am I excusing this, but Aly’s tolerance was very low. I wasn’t physical at all, I attempted to self control myself, but was a millisecond too late to respond, as a result, Aly reacts, and now all of a sudden wants me off her caseload. Aly is apparently encouraging negative behavior for a positive reinforcement.
Management is putting all negative responsibility on me
Jackass for the most part has accused me on a heresy matters of various things that they feel they need to “challenge” me. (I can provide details in a future venue to you, to keep on point with this thread. Documentation has been active all year round.)
Management refuses to provide clarity
“Confidence” is something Jackass [is] coaching me/thinks I need to learn, however he doesn’t seem to understand why I am confused as he isn’t being clear despite my communication differences. Both managers are aware I need concrete examples, visual layouts and outcome driven results. Everything uttered by management has been hyopethical, unsourced, unverified, without other people to back it up. I also felt “lead on” with Aly, knowing she wanted to phase me out but didn’t have the stones to say it to me, and as you can see in this morning’s reply, only when things severely go wrong, will she sever ties. I feel like being lead-on is more hurtful than just saying she can no longer work with me. Honesty over “being blunt” (as Aly’s communication style has been, quoting her directly) is something I would like.
“Management” = Jackass, Aly, going for the ride
I am referring “Management” as Jackass, but they believe they are working as peers/team. In fact there is no “team”, but “I”, “we” and “you” being directed against me. Aly, being the now “Program Coordinator”, but has not addressed my needs, but is echoing every opinion by Jackass and failing to learn what my therapist suggested to her to help communicate to me. Most of this has been instigated almost literally by Jackass entirely
[In 2021, I realized “Aly” was basically a brown-noser or just an asskisser.]
Management lacking social skills
Jackass and Aly combined have talked more than listening. Aly has continued to cut me off on any intense topic before the November situation began. I have never cut off any of these individuals till yesterday. I let them have their turn even if I felt they did not deserve it. I sent that email last week knowing that even if I read the email (as a letter), I would be cut off, having to be forced for Jackass and/or Aly to respond appropriately and make what should be a 20 minute meeting be more like 2 hours. Jackass’s meetings with me have been on the moment, long winded, and literally corned, ensuring I have to stay in the room, and potentially tying me up with other engagements whether on or off site.
I have multiple witnesses and have complied notes over the last couple of years and have emails since the beginning of the year trying to suggest ether one of them to listen, and respond. Jackass feels “responding” is more like reacting (immediate, knee-jerk, cutting someone off to interject ones opinion.) There is a power differential between Aly and Jackass, and their maturity in recent meetings are actually half of my biological age. I have described to multiple people that I “have felt like the only literal adult in the room”
Honestly I request you do not share this: but I feel that Jackass has “selectively listened” to me, much like I thought that was exclusive to boyfriends and husbands. While you should be laughing at this, I fear he has taken this to a completely high level, and Aly will believe anyone higher than her power on anything and anyone below her (the clients or DSPs) are lying. This is how immature these people are with me, and I feel so degraded, I had actually canceled programming last Wednesday and it may not be the last one this year. I repeat I feel like “the only literal adult in the room”. Both have disrespected that sentiment through actions.
I appreciate you taking your time to read through what I had to go through all year while I had tried so hard to keep my sanity in check. That’s been the challenge.
~S