A subject only a couple people know…adapted from personal notes recorded in real time back in the fall

Day 2:

When the sun rose, I went out to downtown and wore my Hollister hoodie against my Aeropostale camisole and my junior sized short shorts. Older people were out and didn’t think twice or something like that. Later that day, I went to various stores, boutique and saw the females didn’t take me seriously. By pure serendipity; I had done on my freelance news gathering role for a special report on masculinity, I had stumbled across two young ladies as Prescott Park who I didn’t think I would get a specific answer the way I would expect. One of the questions was on drag queens, and coincidentally I was wearing a mesh bralette underneath my male shirt of which I don’t think the lady noticed.

In late afternoon, when I crossed into a female outfit, I noticed a difference in reactions to other boutique stores who saw me coming in, they saw me as equal. Unlike the day before, I had ladies look at me more than I did before. Now I was careful when I was flirting with ladies, but 9 times out of 10; I tend to often complement the specific outfit anyways, not the girl’s body or what. But with them with their guys they seemed less threatened, as that’s my normal approach. Not. A. Threat.

The biggest litmus test was dining out, where the middle aged bartender wasn’t rattled, if anything she was extremely sweet. The customers beside me noticed, and limited my engagement since this was the second day of full blown crossie. In fact she was so welcoming I had even given her a 25% tip. The younger girl that was working, kinda was uncomfortable.

I’ve noticed that I do not get the same attention or forgiveness if I was wearing a more manly attire, but I suspect given my childlike approach and my lower than average male body structure; other than  crossdressing is the improper characterization of what I wear, in order to fit-in with a female society, one has to be more feminine. For me I had been a covert feminine figure (or a childlike figure that needs a lot of forgiveness) has not helped me at all but after this experience, I’ve noticed being an overt feminine figure has been more empowering; as odd or improper to someone’s tolerances.

This has absolutely no transsexual or other transition other than blurring gender norms, roles or styles and attire as simple as that without changing sexual orientation, or genders. I do not know how this can be approached in the future other than secretly doing something that works. The secret can’t go on forever.

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