I have not shared this to many people, except for my therapist.
The subject is on a complex thought on crossdressing. When I went to the seacoast in the fall, since I was in a more tolerant locale than say the darkest red c*ntservative town, let’s say I did a social experiment. The rest of this narrative is an edited notes I wrote in real time so I wouldn’t forget the experience. I call this Female Cosplay.
No Crossdressing, it’s gender cosplay!
I have not discussed this subject in any detail under any identifying situations at all. One is the controversial and second to prevent any inferences of being trans, or gay, etc. Third I couldn’t characterize why I do it. My mother is aware of this as far back dating from 5-7 years ago. It is believed that no one else is aware, and if they do get aware, this may cause disrespect from the family.
I went on a two day trip to the coast. Given it was somewhat more liberal than say out in the central part. I have many articles of female centric clothing, and that’s how I am going to characterize it. I wasn’t sure how I was going to show off my inner girl in the outside, but I had some plans. Recently I had splurged on a tube dress from The Spirt of Halloween, of which it’s got this nice body con feel with the leather outside. I had a bandeau to act as the bra, with slight pads to show off some fake-boobs, even though I have biological male boobs. Because of the tube dress went down to above my knees and it being a body con, I had worn shorts underneath to have something in case the dress slid up.
This also would act as a backup in case I ran into someone or had to into say a male mode. I put on a near 2” belt I bought online from Urban Outfitters and wore it on my waist. I wore a Hollister male hoodie to cover the dress when I needed to. Once I left my hotel room, I started to take off the hoodie and walked on by. I got a little creeped out by potential onlookers, and I probably corrupted a curious child. I went back to my room for another time to fix up, take a break, then head back out at sunset.
On this second instance I had gotten the attention from a group of guys basically hitting on me, saying something like “are you gonna talk?” I didn’t sense any difference of males coming on to me. Many of the women were taken and when I went into a couple of boutique stores, I showed off my outfit, there was no difference of reax as if I was wearing my native gender attire.
In this self-experience, after the second time, it wasn’t a nuance to anyone noticeably. I felt less lonely in a group of people since I feel that such feminine attire balances out missing neurons or hormones, that I don’t even think native females would feel.
Covert crossdressing is the thought of wearing something feminine underneath male clothing, such as lingerie, negligee, or accessories. I never wear men’s belts. Women’s soft nature is what attracts me to wear them over men’s in years. I also like to wear my pants at my hips as opposed to my waist, it could be because of my stature. In this instance, it was overt crossdressing that I just felt was more of being cosplaying a female. I could fit in, but me more of myself. Before this day, I didn’t think this draft would be as validating than in theory.
I do not think it has anything to do with being falsely queer or anything. The autistic brain is very complex and due to various circumstances, I wished this wasn’t as a taboo subject. Is it right or wrong? I am not in that position to say but in one day alone, I saw a total difference in this ongoing challenges in my life. I wished more people in my life couldn’t be so judgmental and make the situation even more taboo. Female cosplay should not be construed as being a drag queen!
Day Two, to be published later
#