2005-2007 Suicidal Ideations (Content Warning)

There had been multiple ideations, some 1/2 attempts or threats of it in the two years leading from school. Combine it with cognitive dissonance of where my mind and soul with developmental age mixed in with late stage adolescence.

By 2006, I really realized my life I once knew would get really hard, dark and depressing. This was by no means the medication influence I had at the time, because I was able to see the reality and I knew that surviving it would not be easy. Of course all support staff would be quick to gaslight me that I am just seeing this all through some delusion.

Many years later, my fears became more of a reality. While no one really cared after I aged out (because it’s a profession, the student is an object, the teacher is a one in complete power and control) it made me feel more isolating because no one really understood what I was going through, I was singled out by everyone else, so I guess it was an me-problem, right?

While I am on this subject, I like to share a wayback post from late 2023, of Why I Broadcast “Self Desperations” where people get “concerned” (for their own reputation of course!)

Suicide is weaponized the moment someone expresses it to go full DEFCON to ensure their “safety” but more blunt interventions often lead to more isolation and more aggression of which they’ll be quick to blame the individual. I wasn’t the only one to deal with this, and as result of inappropriate  behaviors, the school to work program intervened by flipping morning and afternoon academic/work groups around as a way to punish them

It goes to the logic of if-you-act-like-a-five-year-old;we-weill-treat-you-as-such, said many people in the oughts, but clearly this leads to Adversative Adult Experiences.

Life hasn’t been worth living since…

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