This is Steven Ayotte (better to be known by Steven Clickford.)

This is my first of many posts hoping to make change in the state I live in, to hopefully followers who live in the same state I live in and waking up any of the one-point-three million residence that I call “home”. The Granite State that one had the Great Stone Face and basically an average of an hour and a half drive/ride to the mountains, lakes and ocean is not as perfect as I was as I was a child – the “first generation autistic” back in the 1990s.

The state allegedly was a leader in service delivery for anyone with a developmental disability. According to one special interest groups, its now at 25, you could say its bet or worst as it is right in the middle.

I label myself as a “hopeless autistic”. Born in the personal computer generation, and remembered how much I hated the Web before I loved it, I grew up in one of the most wealthiest towns in Western Rockingham County. When I was placed out of district in 1999, and was confronted of my autism diagnosis (was dx’d in 1994) – my whole world fell apart. I just entered into middle school in town and lost everything. My friends, my social skills (I wasn’t as “creepy” back then), my happiness, the ability to wake up at 7:30 in the morning and jump on the bus an hour later with positivity.

It all disappeared.

Further in high school and into adulthood, I was starting to feel hopeless, and now in 2015, I made a big statement of publicly saying I’m a “Hopeless Autistic” and made an SOS message on the sand at Hampton Beach State Park this past summer (without my family knowing.)

I feel that my life is falling apart by the second – literally. If you thought an American made car would be so junk, maybe its actually a human being (allegedly, I think I’m human…)  that is more unreliable than a car made from Detroit.

I do have support systems, I am in an area agency, I do live with my family, but other than that – that is my only support. I have professional relations with the state and its leadership, but I disagree with many of their views (because I leave my politics at home and bring systemic politics outside the house.) The limitations in life is out of said control. That control must be deferred to Concord, at the special interest groups, the State’s Department of Health and Human Services, the DHHS’ Bureau of Developmental Services, the Medicaid “managed care” companies, and our governor, our leaders in the General Court  and at the local level at the school administrative units (SAUs) and town officials (mostly public safety.)

If we as state as a whole can’t move forward, expect individuals or even families to start becoming “hopeless” I thought the 21st Century was supposed to bring more hope.

I only wished this was a fictional blog, it is not. I will shut it down once there is progress, because all special interests groups should come and go.  But I am an honest person that wants to tell the story live and uncut. If I ever glorified or over dramatized my narrative, then I loose my credibility. But at this point, my reputation was destroyed in 1999, so I have nothing to loose. I hope?