Teresa Bolick’s Dishonest Autism Agenda

Over the last few months, I’ve brought up a reoccurring character named “Doctor” in name only Teresa Bolick, of Westford, Massachusetts and why she is causing the autism crisis in my state. She is a very odd individual that spends a lot of time in both the very racist and ablest state in Massachusetts and the state of New Hampshire, which over the last several years has started to follow Massachusetts’ lead of their ablest agenda (and yes it’s more than just the JRC as many advocates are in a hissy about.)

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Merrimack (NH) Police Department’s “ANTI-Autism” Agenda

2017 Preface: this has been edited to redact names of individuals despite them being public officials. New Hampshire regulations have limited First Amendment protection against anyone under authority as I learned in 2016.

However as of this past April the Merrimack Police Department’s social media pages did not use the LIUB campaign. (But may had a huge impact after mocking the Retweet on a poster sized board outside of my house basically holding the department’s feet to the fire…is that proper to say?)

For outsiders looking in the various parties made errors.

You can fight Town Hall, but sometimes you can win the fight, and sadly you’ll loose and that idiom lives to its name.

As of November 2015, I’ve given up the fight from defamation, insensitive actions by my local police department and have avoided being in my community because of the continued fear of people in uniform.

The situation involved the town  Merrimack, New Hampshire Police Department and an initial innocent interaction of the Chief of Police, in April 2015 who I alleged took advantage of my disorder and used it against me in a police report I had no idea was written.

The rest of this post would be the original narrative I was going to read for the record to the Merrimack, NH Town Council, who had denied my request to go onto an agenda item because of personnel reasons and that they stand by their woman, the Town Manager and their man, the Chief of Police,

I’m here before the Council with deep regret to report what I believe is misconduct by public officials against their own citizen. This is not how I want to start my first public statements in this community.

In about the next several minutes; I’ll be discussing two events that occurred on April 1st and 2nd, and another series of events April 27th and the 28th. I’ll explain myself for a little bit; walk you through the two events and request a call for action – sadly after 6 months of the fact.  I ask for you to please listen through the whole narrative and reserve reactions, remarks or clarifications after. I need to stress the importance that the story will tell itself and all the details need to be explained without interruption. If you do get “lost”, refer to EXHIBIT A* of the Outline of Events. I will refer to the people by their title and not by name, to ensure compliance of RSA 91a without needing to be in a non public meeting. The story will be told in real time, from those two events.

* 2017 Footnote: I did this because New Hampshire is a very formal and legalese state, I basically danced along to get along.

I moved to Merrimack for a number of reasons; a better quality of life and being closer to areas like Nashua and the Mondonack regions for travel and leisure.  I also am one of the many residents in this jurisdiction who has a developmental disability and who’s also not a child ether. I am one of many who had moved ether in town or elsewhere in the Nashua region to receive services as other area agencies have not serve me as I would like to. I’ve had early signs of an autistic disorder as early as a few months. I was in an early education program when I was around 3 and was non verbal before I turned 5. I was diagnosed formally at 7 and was mentioned to me directly when I was 12. I was placed out of district and went to a program in the Seacoast and a program in Massachusetts which made me evolve from a happy, friendly boy to a scared to death, sometimes bitter old man.

The rest of this story is not all “rosey”, it should hit a nerve. I like many others of my type stayed in the school system till 21. Some areas had great “transition plans” between the SAU and the area agencies and some had not. I was the victim of the latter. I had no true transition plan, and the last three months of school put me into deep nightmare. Factor being on the state’s “wait list” for nearly 16 months, I had continued to struggle transitioning to adult life in the community. As a result of a real life nightmare, it has put my life into a screeching halt that has yet to be fully turned around.

For many years I’ve been a victim of prejudice and inaccurate judgment thanks to the general leadership or the lack thereof on the subject on autism – in this little state of New Hampshire. While I am in a “day program” now and trying to get into a work study program; the day to day living and being out in the community is like having an X on my back. Unlike other “advocates” my stories are often the unfortunate realities of an oppressive special needs system, where adults should not be focused, and all resources should be in the special ed departments at the local school districts. And dealing with many stereotypes that all autistics are lost little boys, or very big and fat socially awkward people. You never hear a lot of positive messaging here in this state.

The State of New Hampshire’s Bureau of Developmental Services has believed for adults with all types of disabilities to live in their own community, instead of being in state schools or institutions; services should be provided in their own community and live with their own people.  Federal laws are also going to move to “community based supports” going into effect in a few years.

However, as the cliche goes, it takes community to build a village. If the community has various views that might have bias against the group of developmental disabilities; then this would break the framework of what the state wants out of their citizens. This framework is far from complete, as the system still has lingers of stereotypes and individuals could be getting better treatment and services, but this is not part of the discussion tonight.

With that introduction, I’d like to discuss the events that has lead me to address this to the Town Council.

APRIL 1st (Citizen reaches out to fellow citizens to NOT LIUB and/or NOT support Autism Speaks)

On April 1st, the day before World Autism Awareness Day (and where most of the state was in Concord to protest against budget cuts for the disabled), I decided as a citizen of his own community, he should wake up the locals to not “Light It Up Blue” . LIUB is essentially to get people to buy blue colored light bulbs at the local Home Depot, as they have been a corporate sponsor of Autism Speaks, which in return is the sponsor of LIUB. I went on Industrial Drive literally on the median/island to ensure I was within town DPW or NHDOT right of way and not near any private properties such as the Merrimack Premium Outlets or Fidelity Investments, as such demonstration probably would’ve required permission by lawyers. So as a result, I obviously used common sense and made sure I was within reasonable grounds to practice my constitutional rights.

I used a DSLR camera (which has the ability to record video) to tape me with my iPad with a video message with mostly brief words and pictures in silence in sync to It’s a Very, Mad, Mad World (mixed in post production.) This was originally was uploaded to a inactive YouTube account that I once used.  The three minute “package” was designed to be professional looking including a “roll cue”, chyron like lower thirds explaining why I was doing this, and about myself in general etc. As a result of most Apple products, direct sunlight or daylight doesn’t mix well, and the fall back was to show hand written signs with spiffy wording and heavy on probationary symbols with blue light bulbs or the single puzzle piece to inform the locals to not LIUB. The shots showed me standing up and holding the signs, mixed with shots of people driving by.

The goal was to get people talking, because chances were people would tune to the news, go onto Facebook and then maybe text someone and say “Hey I saw a guy in town with some message about Autism Speaks or to not Light It Up Blue”.

All this was done at the time what I felt was within my rights as well as trying to contribute to his own community and try to make a mark in life.

LIUB was created and fully marketed by Autism Speaks. Founded 10 years ago by an ex NBC Universal chairman, the organization evolved very quickly from good intentions to severe unintended consequences. They’ve framed the autism disorder as if every single individual is like a “tragic burden” (described by self-advocacy groups), or that all people with autism are lost little boys or they just run away and that your kid won’t have a prosperous future and the autistic kid would be responsible for divorce. It is not to say this could be true, it’s messaging isn’t objective. The war on the autism narrative between AS, the National Autism Association (NAA), the Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) would make advocacy groups for juvenile AIDS, diabetes, or cancer groups jealous. The subject of the autism spectrum disorder has a lot of money and power and control up for grabs between these groups. Autism Speaks never has allowed anyone on the autism spectrum (including those who are non verbal) to even speak about their disorder – themselves. They are doing the speaking for them, which really doesn’t allow the disorder to speak for itself.

This type of misinformation caused on a national level is possibly causing an autism crisis here in the Granite State in terms of funding and service delivery for not children, but adults, such as the “first generation” types who are in their mid to late 20s, some even in their 30s

It is very important to know that autism is short for the autism spectrum disorder and is a wide range of abilities or inabilities; some can be verbal, some may not; some will run away, some may not; some may have pre-existing physical impairment or have mental disorders and be dually diagnosed.

One of the signs I also tried to show was for people to go onto YouTube and look for Autism Everyday.  Searching this term online can give you related terms such as “Autism Speaks Murder Suicide” “Autism Everyday Double Murder Suicide”, etc. Why?  When seeing this film; it will give you a chill down your spine. For the time constraints,  I suggest you look up the video online. This organization is basically inhumane, and we have a chief law enforcement officer with a simple retweet and indirectly supported an organization that believes in murder against a human race.

Again, the purpose of this demonstration was to wake people up from believing in the stereotypical propaganda spewed by Autism Speaks.

APRIL 2nd (Run in with the Chief of Police and Twitter interaction)

The following day, on April 2nd, I did a similar demonstration on the intersection at Amherst & Continental and at Greeley & Camp Sargent. Again, I held these signs on the sidewalk which I thought at the time was within the right of way.  Around 12:50 to 12:55, I was at the sidewalk by Burger King and turned my back and my attention was called by a man that looked like the Chief of Police. His tag stated “M. Doyle” and was fully uniformed with firearms, radio, etc. The Chief read a sign out loud passively which at the time I held “Auti$m $peaks Does Not Speak to any Autistics At All!! Don’t Light Your House Blue!”

The concern apparently from the police department’s point of view was my camera as he asked what I was doing with the camera. I asked 2 times if I broke any rules (such as non-compliance of doing the demonstrations or taping drivers or myself in public.) I told him it would be used for private use. ( I would in fact upload the video package on YouTube then later take them down in the fear of legality concerns.)

He asked me if I needed any assistance and to call the department. The exchange was civil, but I was skeptical. When the Chief went back into his car, he got into a gold Ford Five Hundred sedan with a civilian license plate, and not the state mandated Municipal Police plate. I kept one eye on him to show that I was being observant of my surroundings. At the time on April 2nd, that afternoon –  I was under the impression he was off duty, I found out several weeks after on the 28th he wasn’t off duty.

Screen Shot 2015-06-26 at 2.07.36 PM ETAbout an hour later, the Town’s Police Twitter account and the Chief’s Twitter account retweeted the LIUB campaign, time stamp shows it was posted around 2:20. The Police Department and Chief basically did against what I suggested my fellow citizens to do.

I felt this was a slap in the face to me and to everyone who lives in Merrimack with a developmental disorder.

As stated in the title, I attempted to interact with the Department on Twitter, by giving them the link of the day before and showing my dissent in a civil way, seen on the left. Little would I know this would be used against me.

After challenging them within civility (since I thought their Twitter or Facebook accounts weren’t used to monitor crime), I was blocked access to their Twitter. I did report the department’s account to Twitter on the subject of “encouraging self harm” per to the Autism Speaks narrative. The Retweet, at last check has not been deleted.

(For the purposes of the Hopeless Autistic, as of November of 2015, the Tweet still is online and has not been deleted by Chief Doyle’s and the account for the Police Department. Ed.)

Prior to late April, I was gathering information if there was a bias against a certain groups of people (considered to some as “ablism” or even “racism”). Part of this included a recollection from someone I knew from about 3 years ago who told me that the Merrimack PD officers that would play in off duty rec games in town and would say “retarded” very loosely – coming from a source that has zero tolerance for use of the “r-word.” After ascertaining other network of sources, I felt there was a case of bias against the developmentally disabled people in town.

APRIL 27th (Electronic Confrontation with the Chief of Police)

My folks still were not aware of what I had done a few weeks before, because as my own guardian, I feel my maternal family does not need to know every little thing in a day of my life. However, they became aware after the following events.

On the evening of April 27th, I pre planned to send an email to the Chief to confront my concerns with the department. I decided to avoid a telephone call, because I was verbally assaulted by another department head in the winter time. People have complemented me on my writing, and I thought writing a through email a serious complaint would be worthy. (Sadly, the timing couldn’t be worse as I found out the events of the Baltimore riots just before 5:00 that evening, and feared I would be framed as a police hater.)

I wrote the following:

Screen Shot 2015-06-26 at 2.16.17 PM ET

Within 5 minutes, he immediately replied the request on the last paragraph

Steven
Any reports are available by requesting same through our records division, Monday through Friday, 8A to 4P. Please let me know if you should need anything else.
Chief Mark Doyle

He doesn’t address anything else, including improper use of English on an Outlook app. My signature had my contact information, and yet my phone never rang.

I felt this response showed arrogance, because I feared perception that I was a cyber punk by the Chief.  I felt he wouldn’t want to resolve any problems or conflicts and I replied within the next 10 minutes threatening him that I would take this to the Town Council.

APRIL 28th (Failed “Call for Action” request to the Town Manager)

The following morning, realizing the next line of order is the Town Manager, not the Town Council, I escalated this concern directly to the Town Manager by forwarding the thread with the following statement. (A second paragraph has been redacted.)

Screen Shot 2015-06-26 at 2.30.37 PM ET

The Town Manager almost immediately responded back on the redacted paragraph only, and not about the Chief of Police and only replied with a single sentence.  After challenging her to respond about the complaints against the Chief;  by 9:04, a political wildfire occurred electronically.  Within 90 minutes after the initial forward –  the town exploded their side of the bridge.  The Town Manager brought up the off topic subject matter (seen below) yet again, and once more in another reply at around 11am, meanwhile speaking to me like I’m a child or if she was annoyed with me. (Is that unprofessional? 

Dear Mr. Ayotte,

As I stated this morning, I have spoken to [name redacted] and staff with regard to your complaints. I have spoken to the police chief this morning regarding your complaint as well reviewed his report. I find neither of these complaints rise to the level of action on my part.

She ends the email with the following:

Please do not expect any further communication from me on this matter

The Town Manager also carbon copied this thread to your board without my explicit permission, which I find it unprofessional for people to carbon copy others without asking for permission from the sender first. 

At the time, I did not understand what “report” the Town Manager was referring to,  initially thought of a daily briefing with department heads, but as the day went on, I would find out the Chief of Police had actually written me up as a police report even when I asked the Chief on April 2nd to confirm that I wasn’t breaking any rules – two times. As clarified by the Town Manager the following received that evening at 6:55:

There is no report between me and the chief. We spoke on the phone and he told me that he wrote up a report on his interaction with you. Would you like a copy?

I’ve spoken to state Commissioners, department heads and town managers of competing communities and was disturbed how our Town Manager closed this reply with this…

This will be my final email to you on the matter.

The story ends with the police report, according to the report it was filed within 3 hours after the encounter. I have been a law abiding citizen and never thought I’d ever get a report to express my reasonable free speech rights or the basic principal of contributing to the community and be punished with it.

Not only will I say that I never thought I’d get a report, but I will go on the record to say that the report is false I can testify against what was claimed in the report and I’ll quote the narrative part of the report in verbatim as the report contains grammar errors etc.

“On today’s date at approx. 1300 hrs., I observed a subject standing on the sidewalk, holding a sign (that, from the distance I was at, was illegible) while standing next to a camera mounted on a tripod. I noticed this same subject on the other side of Continental Blvd on the sidewalk, adjacent to the Gulf Station, yesterday, holding a sign as well.

I pulled into Burger King, parked and approached the subject, identified as ‘Steven’ who was now standing on the sidewalk on Amherst Rd. I asked him what he was doing and if he needed anything…he explained that he was taking a few selfies (video) of himself holding an ‘Autism Awareness – Light it Up Blue’ hand-written informational sign for motorists. I thanked him and advised that if there’s anything he needs from us to just call

The campaign is directed to ANTI-AUTISM awareness, as shown in this YouTube video:”

He would then would link both the Twitter and YouTube accounts (both defunct.)

The problem was, the sign stated “Auti$m $peaks Does Not Speak to any Autistics At All!! Don’t Light Your House Blue!” the video was clearly not “ANTI-AUTISM awareness” and secondly the term selfies are not used in professional video production.

More disturbing, the report was updated to have the inclusion of the above email on the evening of April 27th as a follow up  including my full name, startup business and telephone number that came from my email “signature” used for business purposes just like everyone else who uses email for professional uses. 

He said the following, quoting the same report

“On 27 April 2015, at aprox 2240 hrs. I received an email from and individual named Steven Ayotte, of Merrimack… the text of that email and my response follows (FYI: only at this time):

The Chief recklessly pasted that earlier email without appropriate redaction or deletion when posting the report and a report with improper use of grammar and cryptic languages.

The Town Manager made a major mistake for making a swift decision about me without me knowing the full story from the Town side, by attempting to shut me up at 9:30 that Tuesday morning.  Do you see how that could be questionable, and why are you continuing to defend the Town Manager by citing your charter as your board “has a vested interest” with her, can you see how there could be a problem?

Is this how Merrimack, NH address “progress” with the developmentally disabled, by targeting the said groups and then taking advantage of their potential inabilities to fight back by writing a false police report and risking his career and reputation by assuming that someone like me is naive? That even if I claim to be autistic that its ok to just take advantage of me? If this is the case, the State’s Department of Health and Human Services’ Bureau of Developmental Services needs to know because “Community Based Supports” can only work if the community is tolerant – most importantly on the municipal police level.

The story ends here and now I am going to ask the Town Council if they can begin an investigation addressing my concerns I have against the town’s Police Department, the following questions are listed below, that can be addressed at a later time.

  • I ask the Town Council to perform an investigation if the Merrimack Police Department currently or historically within the last 5 years of bias against people with developmental disorders including but not limited to the Autism Spectrum Disorder, Down’s Syndrome, Asperger’s Syndrome, Rett’s Syndrome, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) Pervasive Developmental Disorder – Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS), and other disorders related to developmental disabilities, as outlined in EXHIBIT C
  • Does the department considered promoting women to higher force, as they have generally have more tolerance, sympathy with the less fortunate?
  • Are there members of this force who have been trained specifically to be sensitive to members of the public who have a form of the Autism Spectrum Disorder, if so how and who did the training, and approximately how many in uniform or non uniform, such as support staff or dispatchers?
  •  Are there checks and balances (appropriate ones) to prevent fraud (like what I allege)?
  • Is it normal for a police report to have grammar issues and recklessly pasting emails without citizen knowledge and not redact personally identifiable information such as phone numbers on an email signature?
  • Similar to the Town’s Social Media Policies, does the Town have email policies on how town officials should communicate to constituents. Emails seem to be very deflective or require me to make telephone calls or use very de standardized phrases such as “Expect no further communication from me on this matter”. (this was originally part of an agenda item request for the August Town Council, but was rejected because the “chairman” wanted more information, thinking I would use it as a loophole to discuss this subject tonight.)
  • While board members will nitpick spelling and grammar errors when approving meeting minutes (spending hours annually); give time checks to open and close public hearings (when it’s actually not needed); why are details not a concern for town employees as well?
  • Has there been any complaints about “subjects” on sidewalks, similar to the high school kids doing fundraisers on a Saturday morning, putting their lives at risk? Are there reports?
  • Is the Town of Merrimack’s Social media policies apply to town employees, and if so is the Chief in violation per stated rules outlined in EXHIBIT B?
  • Is the Chief responsible for criminal defamation per to the RSA Title LXIII, Chapter 644:11 I & II as he insulted a constituency of the Merrimack, NH residents by supporting an organization that encouraged murder suicide?
  • Is the Chief responsible for violating RSA 641, and if so could he be charged or misdemeanor as outlined in EXHIBIT D?
  • An FTP IP address is shown on the police report I’ve obtained, but the “class” of that IP address is for private use. Is there multiple network cards or “gateways” that could be tied to other networks such as NCIC, a state issued crime database or the NSA? A single computer can be tied to multi types of internet connections, and how do can the public be certain that false reports are not in the eyes of other black boxes?
  • Is the Town Council serving the interests of the citizens or serving the interests of department heads?

I like to reiterate, that I never threatened any Town Employee’s life or property, other than threatening to bring the Chief’s actions to the Town Council in public, because in a sane department head, if you make such threat, you would want to talk as adults to work out a problem, and not risk loosing your career, or face jail time and loose your badge correct?

My support people at my area agency had checked against all emails and have confirmed I was within my rights both in public on April 1st and 2nd and the emails on April 27th and 28th were within reason. My family is now fully aware of the events and sadly I wished I could appear before you in another capacity.

I ask the Town Council to address this issue throughly but in a progressive manner and  update the public of any decisions. I want to prevent another incident if someone else like me wants to do something like I did. I feel like the Town of Merrimack, New Hampshire believes its not appropriate to question government officials of this municipality and will do whatever they want to throttle one’s reasonable rights by picking and choosing various classes of people and equipment they are using on right of ways.  As mentioned earlier I believe there is racism and/or discrimination on the Town’s part, and in the Police Department. The actions are something you’d expect in 1995  not in 2015.

Thank you,

 

A Day in the Life

The other day there was a Halloween party at my local program. I’m still on one partial day because I can’t handle the stress of being micro managed, and the bossy treatment by the staff towards me and others. Before the event, I took an Ativan (to curb off the anxiety and sensory overload.) It’s important to know that I never had sensory issues in my teenage years, because I was heavily drugged.

I got there just before noon and socialized with people. About a year later I’ve gotten familiar of both the clients (the staff is another story.) The Halloween party began around 12:30 and we were in the art room (which is a big garage because its located at an industrial park. About 20 feet of openness and loud noises, one of the leaders speaks very loudly and doesn’t speak quieter if someone is 10 feet vs 30 feet away.

The party was fine. I met a new manager who was hired in September and had doubts. She seems young, and managerial type. She knew about my schedule and never got a chance to meet me. She acts like a heartless manager from my first impressions. She is managing a group of people and managing them like they are numbers or what. (at first blush) She’s a product of that infamous institution in Durham. A lot of millennial types have majored in ether partying, management or what. Just what we need more “managers” to make things more depressing.  I hope this woman is doing things in the best interests of the clients because I still live in the trauma of the mismanagment and the Hackerama of GLEC. If you don’t want to deal with humans, then don’t work in management in this field!

Hopefully I know more about her when I go there for lunch next week before my Tuesday activity and meet with her at least one on one for a few minutes…

I’ve typically go on Tuesdays, but because I went on Thursday instead I was told that in the afternoons is a “choice activity”, well I was surprised because the last time I went on a Thursday afternoon there was already a choice made. In anyways we went to a dollar store nearby the client was explaining the staff where to go. I took over and said “its near [redacted location]” and got through there.

The client said “good” and asked me if I had a girlfriend. I said “no”.

Ten seconds later I muttered, well I have one but she doesn’t exist. I woke up my iPhone and dazed a Photoshop composite image of me and my “wife”, Melanie at the local beach from this past summer.

Then because the Boston radio market is a joke, the iHeartRadio Top 40 station was getting broken up in Nashua, near downtown. The barely legal staff stated “lost service” (I laughed in my mind because one way radio communications isn’t a “service”) but told him to go to the Class B station, another Top 40 station from Worcester, the stick that’s on the state park in Framingham, if I’m not mistaken.

We got to the dollar store and were there for a few minutes before I was dropped off taking the back roads up north.

Today could’ve been worse. I’ve had a number of outbursts and loosing my patience because of a lack of organization. Most of the staff smokes (they aren’t smoking where they aren’t supposed to but more of “is that good for your health and for us if you’re that stressed out” like thing.)

I don’t know what it’s like to run a day program, but I’m not faulting them ether. It’s just they need to have better organization. If the staff isn’t so confusing then won’t be as confused ether.

Uniformed Officials and Autism – Lack of Training in NH

At some point in an autistic’s  lifetime, they will run into an officer of uniform, perhaps in a negative way. Most autistics (if not all of them) will not break any laws or rules (since many know right vs. wrong.) Some with Asperger’s you will have to be a little skeptical on, because not only do they have trouble understanding right vs. wrong, but they will even challenge the norms. If you take out the “creep” factor, they are no different no less than a hippie.

However while many police departments have voluntarily been in training to deal with individuals on all sides of the autism spectrum, some police departments have not been properly trained, or if they have gone through training, only half the department, and say the department head (or the Chief of Police for an example) may not have interest.

I’ve had a negative experience with my local police department earlier this year. Because the narrative is still fluid after 6 months, I’d rather not talk about it yet until the resolution has been completed (NOT in a legal sense.) The town I live in is a very highly regulated, legalese type of local government despite the perceived “mum and pop” operation or coming in from a another town where they resolve the issues with the department head to “keep citizens happy” is not my current town’s priorities only to make them angry so they don’t come back again by stating phrases in email “Please do not expect any further communication from me on this matter” from the Chief Executive Officer of a Top 5 town in this state!

The problem in New Hampshire is that police officers are trained in autism, and some are not. And the ones with inadequate training are getting mixed messages and then they manipulate, take advantage and bully them behind their backs when they press “Control Alt Delete” to secure a login session following in my example a false police report.

Even though I’ve said I have nothing to loose of my reputation, but when it involves police officers (in this case a Chief of Police of one of the largest populated and square milage of communities), I’m waiving this rule because the way they treated the incident (when I broke no rules and asked twice – funny how that wasn’t included in the “report”) and the way they have been acting so arrogant to think I’m the problem, and the fault is all on me is just appalling.

I’m going to reserve my “opinion” until the facts come out, sadly in private. Some recent developments were found out in an intended informal telephone call with one of the ultra conservative councilors, to then have have my back being stabbed more than once.

The local Town Council has refused to allow me to speak on this public safety matter (even after stating I wouldn’t refer to the individuals by name) because they will refuse to allow citizens to speak on “personnel issues”  well then where the hell am I am supposed to go when the Chief Law Officer insults the developmentally disabled population and the Chief Executive Officer blows me off, and so the Town Council needs to listen to their constituents and do something instead of citing off an Ordinance stating you’re going to stand by your woman forever! Give me a break!

Sometimes I feel like I’m in a city, and I feel less safe in a city, and I do not feel safe seeing police officers all over town pulling over people. I fear these officers, and I’ve seen these uniformed bullies in action; and I’ve heard stories from colleagues who work with other special needs individuals who live in the same community.

It’s so bad, I haven’t been to any of the “open houses” since last fall when I started to have bad experiences with the town government – in one of the largest communities in the 603 area code.

This goes back to an earlier post of how the police force is stuck in 1995 while there should be tolerance (or most importantly sensitivity) to these people in today’s modern standards for 2015. But sadly we’ve yet again are “stuck in the past.”

*

Reflecting, Figuring Out My In/Abilities and Moving Forward

I’ve realized in the last 10 years, out of the last 7 I did some massive reflections, but was that a good thing? I say yes.

Why?

Because sometimes in life, you need to look back and see what you done, why things “in the moment” went a certain way to move forward.

Because finding professional help is hard to come by in my state (and as I’ve stated before, I live in a civilized region…) so in the meantime I’ve not self-diagnosed myself per se, but I’ve tried to analyze what’s wrong with me, find a professional, confirm what I’ve been through then report back as a record to my area agency and the state’s DHHS.

My initial plan was figure out, if it was me or something else. Something else could be the system, the people I’m working with or again something outside of my control. These emotions and sensations date as far back as early 2011, and have accelerated especially in the last year, at the time where I’ve been trying to find help. I’ve been previously burned by several significant “experts” in this area, so to rebuild trust with 8 year people would take time.

I also never thought of using a search engine to find out people’s records. It goes back to the upbringing of “trusting the people” or the “professionals”, why would you search someone? Why would you search for your future date? Such actions would be “I think you’re a creep, and I want to be safe” – isn’t that showing weakness or lack of initial trust?

After being burned by the “experts”, I’ve used search engines, Wikipedia, WebMD and compile a network of data, and verify those sources and then have a conclusion. I’m one of information is power, but I also want confirmation of how able I am, how much I am a risk to myself, to others financially, psychologically, a burdon to others, etc.

People say I have a confidence problem, I say I’m borderline, and I don’t make that up. One instance I could be on the level of high functioning, but I could be risky in others. I have done various state required assessments, but it’s not like school with the infamous “3 year” reevaluation. Basically “labels” become illrelevent, but with the Managed Care coming forward to the day services, maybe it will be relevant again.

I’m not trying to shoot myself down, but I also don’t want to glorify myself ether. If I am not honest with myself, then I wouldn’t be honest with you and that not be a good healthy service to you, the reader, or the people in my life. But also I do not tolerate blaintent lies, complete defamation against me with unconfirmed facts. If you do something like that, then you have no business to be in my life ether.

I used to say I’m a complicated PDF document of 8,000 pages, and has gotten to the point I can’t figure myself out – at all. Again, if there is hope, someone will figure me out so I can move on, so perhaps others can feel the same.

One hopes.

Change My Diet – Feel Better?

It is not abnormal for autistics of all ends, to ether be overweight due to being on medication or having a narrow scope of foods (soft textures loaded with fat or sugary content) causing many to have a larger waistline.

Some of these diets could be eating away from Vitamin D, which is the nutrient for energy. I do walk often (well not this year after the 6 month heatwave and other issues with community officials), and where I live, the neighborhood is very open so the 360 days or so is often sunny, so how could I not be getting Vitamin D? The diet could be the culprit?

But why should I change my diet? How can I be magically happy? I do not feel that the context of this blog would go away, and I feel its not a dillusion anymore.

The problem is in order for me to feel better, the people around me need to be healthy and happy, and a system that isn’t oppressive and regressive. Autism Speaks turns 10 this month and yet they caused their own autism regression in awareness. Autism Speaks has made the disorder like a disease (which developmental disorders had existed before 2005. For gawd sake’s alive the Autism Society of America was around for another 40 years before and yet they never encouraged double-murder suicide.

Change my diet and the state will seem to be more accommodating for services?  Change my lemonaid or soda intake and see people wanting work with people like me?

I really hate to say this, but I do fear what I’ve been seeing in this year alone in the State of New Hampshire is so tragic that even I make myself happy, I’d still be struggling to be fully happy due to the ignorance of leaders in our state who clearly are waking up at 5:00am to create unneeded politics and unneeded drama on the autism spectrum disorder. Who hurts? The individuals themselves.

Fixing the ASD Crisis

There are many ways to fix the Autism Crisis. This bullet points can go up to the stratosphere in an instant, but for timing purposes, I’ll keep it brief.

  • Focusing on the individual: What’s “normal”? According to Luria Pertucci (formerly known as “Cali Lewis”), an Internet tech show host, she wore a T-shirt to a professional conference (mostly for women’s issues in technology) earlier this year stating “Normal’s overrated”. Is she right or is she wrong? So what’s normal? Per to her definition, or some psychologist who claims to know everything and prays on the DSM? And why does “normal” have to have a DSM-esque name called nerotypical? Why are we spending so much time comparing an autistic’s mind to one’s who is “normal”? Oh and what if I am smarter than a “normal” person or someone similarly on the spectrum, but I’m dumber than say someone with Asperger’s Syndrome? Why aren’t we doing more contextual (i.e. focusing what works and what doesn’t for that specific individual) If autism is like trees, then why is the metrics assuming all trees must be alike? For god sake’s alive there is no such Internet directory tree alike!
  • Context, Context and dare I say Context?  Ever had a flip phone? Do you have an office phone or an IP desk phone? See those little buttons below the screen? It’s called a “soft key”. A soft key by definition is context sensitive, meaning the buttons can change depending if you are not on a call, or on a call, or on conference because its triggered by the phone’s software. If we use that phrase with everything else, then everything should be based on what is going on in the here and now. For instance, if someone with HFA is struggling with work, and he or she is able bodied and can’t get something done for whatever reason, they need to stop focusing on their intelligence, and more on their anxiety. This is a pervasive problem in New Hampshire, where so many people focus on their “label” or ability and not be able to adjust or “lay off” constant coaching due to pressures against the individual. (do you really need someone without a PhD diploma to tell you that?)
  • Conformity and Assimilation: Why in the heck in 2015 are we still trying to “program” individuals with ASD to “act like normal people”? Do I need to bring the Luria Pertucci reference again? Why can’t these middle aged women who clearly don’t know squat about social media teaching them social skills? Why can we embrace C-listed social media star’s approach of to “be you” and to “be yourself” don’t live in “a [wo]man’s world” (i.e. in my case mothers or teacher’s dreams) and contextually do conformity and assimilation when there is a case (i.e provide some documentation – like we need more) to do so (if say someone who clearly has some “creepy” factor but the student next to him is not as creepy.) I am not on the camp of “nerodiversity” but in the concept its a good idea for the most part.
  • Better training. Silly things starting with “social” is not cutting it. In fact, such professional training courses such as “social capital” or teaching Aspies or autistics the “social rules of the road” isn’t cutting it in 2015. It’s just enhancing an old ladies network of “keeping the autism stereotype alive.” Some expert here in NH or Massachusetts or California or New York must, I would hope know something about “context” with a PhD to confirm this silly theory. In anyways, it is all about context. Notice watching TV these days is such a sensory overload because everything is so literally loud? It’s because of some stupid innovations such as “cost cutting” and “automation” and master control being in remote sites in another part of the country also factor the move to digital TV where audio is supposed to be “dynamic” – (i.e. the audio quality should move with a show or movie’s mood.) Nothing can replace an audio board op who can literally “dial down” when something gets “too loud”. What does this have in common. CONTEXT! Resolving issues relevant to the specific individuals ability or inabilities specific to them and not treat them to the “spec sheet” issued by the DSM!
  • Government Compliance and Accountability: Nothing more disturbing is how municipal school districts and larger agencies are taking a lot of money to spend for special needs and not account for it responsibly. Sometimes the money that gets received by the larger government doesn’t go into the classroom. Is that the student’s business? Perhaps if they are over 18. Why state and local governments (or SL&Gs) feel its a private matter to disclose material financial information to the public? What’s more disturbing “privacy laws” that was supposed to protect information between the “chair and keyboard” or the “chair to the keypad” is being used as a political ploy to not have to disclose information that is material to the tax paying community without going into disclosing student’s names and other sensitive information! Meanwhile many school districts have created a “culture of secrecy” where even trivial things are protected by “confidentiality.” If the Dreaded Private Sector has to abide by laws like Sarbanes Oxley, Dodd Frank, then why can’t the public sector be held to the same level? (Discussions on privacy vs transparency vs. protecting peoples confidentiality will be a frequent discussion.)
  • Self[less] Interest Groups – I will refuse to take any training issued by a University that employs people who have never had a real job. These people never really managed or know operational skills. I can’t stand Venn Diagrams other silly diagrams that took decades to invent. I prefer orgcharts to begin with. If teachers are not proficient in Microsoft Office Professional or Enterprise they should be automatically fired. In 2015, Teachers and special needs managers need to know how to manage logistical operations. They need to learn start and end processes. This is no different than what Mayer Johnson has developed, but the business world is born and dies on processes. If you want students work in the corporate sector (as it seems to be the only vocational option) and you want to indoctrinate uber-levels of accountability, well maybe you should eat your own dog food! Autistics really need clarity, a good start point and a good end point. And Boardmaker can’t cut it. Not any other PECS can do it as good as Visio. Most school districts and area agencies have MS Office Professional (at least a minimum) and Visio (I believe) comes standard in Professional or greater.  I digressed. Special Interest groups need to balance both the true human factor of special needs, but also need to remain professional and serve the public’s best interest of effective and efficient, but human service delivery. In fact one of the best companies is no longer with us, it was called Digital Equipment Corporation. I recommend people strangers to that subject to read up its corporate history.

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The SAU Sector’s Lack of Mitigating Problems

I treat school districts, educational collaboratives and other school, or even adult services, Medicaid, others like any other public sector entity. But a decade ago (or even today) it wasn’t working like any other public sector.

How I view constituent services:

  • The role of an e-911 operator at a public safety answering point or PSAP is to take my emergency call, wether its fire, police or EMS types
  • The PSAP from the state government tells my local fire, police or EMS types respond (hopefully!) within 6 minutes or less
  • If my family’s wheels get damaged by a pothole, I can’t call 3-1-1 but I would have to dig through the phone book and find the number to the local DPW and hope they would honor the request to fill the pothole since “tracking numbers” is too much of an expense of a computer system for the Granite State
  • if I came into an ER with a blunt force trauma or a gunshot wound, they would stop the pain or bleeding ASAP
  • if I had a disagreement with a town official, I call up the executive and resolve the problems like grown ups.

Schools, are totally different. Teachers have zero accountability these days, and paraprofessionals (or just paras) are held to higher standards while the central or corner office suites (c-suites) will just sit around and do nothing. They have no moral responsibility to try to take down flames and mitigate deaths.

Maybe that’s why one school board member of my former town that shares the same name of a famous 49ers player said years back “we don’t have teachers fight flames, and we don’t let firefighters teach”

I think I answered my own question. But it shouldn’t have to be. It’s the horrible truth called reality.

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First Post (of Many)

This is Steven Ayotte (better to be known by Steven Clickford.)

This is my first of many posts hoping to make change in the state I live in, to hopefully followers who live in the same state I live in and waking up any of the one-point-three million residence that I call “home”. The Granite State that one had the Great Stone Face and basically an average of an hour and a half drive/ride to the mountains, lakes and ocean is not as perfect as I was as I was a child – the “first generation autistic” back in the 1990s.

The state allegedly was a leader in service delivery for anyone with a developmental disability. According to one special interest groups, its now at 25, you could say its bet or worst as it is right in the middle.

I label myself as a “hopeless autistic”. Born in the personal computer generation, and remembered how much I hated the Web before I loved it, I grew up in one of the most wealthiest towns in Western Rockingham County. When I was placed out of district in 1999, and was confronted of my autism diagnosis (was dx’d in 1994) – my whole world fell apart. I just entered into middle school in town and lost everything. My friends, my social skills (I wasn’t as “creepy” back then), my happiness, the ability to wake up at 7:30 in the morning and jump on the bus an hour later with positivity.

It all disappeared.

Further in high school and into adulthood, I was starting to feel hopeless, and now in 2015, I made a big statement of publicly saying I’m a “Hopeless Autistic” and made an SOS message on the sand at Hampton Beach State Park this past summer (without my family knowing.)

I feel that my life is falling apart by the second – literally. If you thought an American made car would be so junk, maybe its actually a human being (allegedly, I think I’m human…)  that is more unreliable than a car made from Detroit.

I do have support systems, I am in an area agency, I do live with my family, but other than that – that is my only support. I have professional relations with the state and its leadership, but I disagree with many of their views (because I leave my politics at home and bring systemic politics outside the house.) The limitations in life is out of said control. That control must be deferred to Concord, at the special interest groups, the State’s Department of Health and Human Services, the DHHS’ Bureau of Developmental Services, the Medicaid “managed care” companies, and our governor, our leaders in the General Court  and at the local level at the school administrative units (SAUs) and town officials (mostly public safety.)

If we as state as a whole can’t move forward, expect individuals or even families to start becoming “hopeless” I thought the 21st Century was supposed to bring more hope.

I only wished this was a fictional blog, it is not. I will shut it down once there is progress, because all special interests groups should come and go.  But I am an honest person that wants to tell the story live and uncut. If I ever glorified or over dramatized my narrative, then I loose my credibility. But at this point, my reputation was destroyed in 1999, so I have nothing to loose. I hope?