I am saying this loosely, even for high functioning autistics, people like me need to have benefits… because I am not enough work wise too.
The annual re-determination process (aka re-de) is in August, where my mother has to file the annual paperwork to say I am totally and permanently disabled and we have to supply the state the last checking and savings monthly statement, etc. Because my mother neglected a certain detail that changed this year, I did not get my bi-monthly benefits beginning in September.
my mother tried to call the office one time in early September but because I didn’t fill the consent to talk, it further delayed. We tried calling the office again later in the month and was on hold for nearly 20 minutes.
Despite the Cisco CallManager on-hold music, it got my mother really anxious. My grandmother was dying to be blunt.
Last Wednesday, we went to our local DHHS office, and much to my chagrin, there was no wait, my name was the only one on the digital display, and for all intensive purposes, we were applying for benefits (aka it was like being 18 all over again with the paperwork.) However that part got expietitied because of the long term supports (i.e. my day services connection.) My mother did apply for Food Stamps because other benefits in a re-de last year shrunk because of a misunderstanding of how the funds were supposed to be used.
Obviously, I do not want to share the details, nor embellish it. I do want to say there is some shame living with a pre-existing autistic condition. That’s explained in a follow up phone meeting on Friday.
No
No
No
No
Um, no
No
No
That was my mother responding to questions to the effect of
Has he received a lump sum in the last 3 months?
Does he pay child support or alimony?
Does he own real [estate] property?
Does he have children?
Is he married?
Does he have student loans?
This was a sample of what I remembered. It was like another traumatic memory of when I became who I am today, just an empty vessel. A piece of nothing. That in order to meet my dreams, I must be entirely perfect, even more perfect than my typical counterparts. It was a sinking of my heart that my life is fading. Yes, most people who are on benefits, or in the system in general typically are renting and are single. I never checked any of those financial boxes once, because I was in the everyday sense (not just benefit lingo) totally and permanently disabled.
My mother said I was unemployed, because asking for Patreons or Substack suscribers wouldn’t even make a dent to just pay to keep the online lights on for this platform and a few other platforms. My Etsy store has suffered for the last five years.
That alone is just a struggle. Just to have a little extra, not just paying the bills to just keep me alive. I always find a deal, and never overpay, but I never cut corners. I keep my finances in a File Maker Pro database (an old fashioned CD-ROM I bought from someone in an enterprise Mac group.) I completely live within my means.
It’s not glamorous. The benefits is basically keeping me alive at the bare minimum because society and other characters have really denied my reality and I carry this proof of invalidation in my life’s experiences day to day.
I didn’t ask to come here – how’s that for an editorial remark while waiting for the benefits?