Lacking Self-Forgiveness

Living with a DevDisability is a really painful situation, even if you’re the higher functioning type. You get lumped into the low functioning stereotypes. My group and myself were not taught to love our quirks, we were ordered to look in the mirror and creep the ever living eff out of ourselves.

When someone in the PDD spectrum says “I’m sorry” or tears up on an effup, this isn’t by accident, it’s really by design.

“The system”, the so called collective clusterfuck of Special Education, and adult day programs and support staff are taught by a collective group think, the individual’s support must be on the negative, and not supporting the positive, because for centuries the negativity must always be addressed and be very pervasive.

‘typical professionals are rewarded for enhancing negative stereotypes, calling out the stereotypical behavior and a feedback loop of insecurities.

Because it was so burned-in that I had to catalog all my deficits, that I thought perhaps starting anew with familiar faces would be the trick, or slightly talk to the estranged family part of what I had to go through. Regardless, by late 2019, neither trick worked. Given COVID killing 2020, and the hangover of this year, I start 2022 trying to figure out another challenge of the past, how to forgive my deficits that was so exploited for more than twenty years of my life.

Personalities such as narcissistic behaviors is a major factor in how my group is treated, that will be a future discussion point.

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