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Vanessa

Clickford, Steven M.

2017 Preface: I had memories of Vanessa, a former para of my high school program. I wrote this as I had developed a special friendship with a staff at my now former day program. She was my sister figure. My only sister figure – ever! Or at least I thought. When I left in November, she has not remained in communication. Vanessa I have not seen in years.

This post is about a paraprofessional from over 11 years ago. Her name is Vanessa and she worked with me over a decade ago. She was an awesome woman. A few years older than I am, kinda of a sisterly figure, a cute looking lady whom I would refer to her as my best friend if only things went a different way. Professionally she was cool, calming, would deescalate my anxiety and was able to have this peer-but-authorative figure only because I knew my boundaries (or at least that’s what I felt back then.)

Well we parted ways as she left GLEC about a year or so after I left my first program there. We had great chemistry and we both got along better than I did with the aforementioned teacher that I previously wrote.

For a while after I was very devastated, it was like loosing a best friend. It was a breakup only because the way GLEC operated wasn’t like other places upon transfers of good professional relations, they follow them. Vanessa was unable to follow me.

As stranger things had happened, it was a couple years ago where my mother and I took me to Manchester to the Mall of New Hampshire to acquire my Mac mini. As we left Best Buy to go and have lunch, we went by one of those photo places. Vanessa working there! But after lunch, we walked by to not see her again. She was working with a customer (a family you know) when we first went by. The following months, I’d try to do walk by. Her name tag and face matched, and she I believed lived in Lawrence.

I’ve known that some paras ether go out of the field altogether and go a 180 in the career sense. That may have happened to Vanessa a couple years ago. If Vanessa was able to follow me to the school to work program, maybe the 21st birthday debacle would’ve been less painful.

There is an individual that kinda meets the above profile in my current day program. I need someone like a Vanessa and I’ve been longing to find a day partner in crime with a multi-year relationship for decades. I hope ether that individual or someone else can fill this void.

It would be an underestimate to say I need someone like her in my day to day life.

🙁

DSPs, the Lack of Money and Passion

Clickford, Steven M.

From the Grapevine from my undisclosed day program in an undisclosed location: I overheard some conversations of one staff talking about money and a possible pay raise (or something like that.) The unnamed staff said something like she isn’t there for the money. I hope she’s happy working with her clients.

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Parents are not good Matchmakers

Clickford, Steven M.

I felt that I needed to state that parents (ether mothers or fathers) are not good match makers. Arraigned marriages is like living in a Communist state where they tell you what’s going to work and what’s not going to work for you.

The argument of the parent’s know you the most is a moot point. Why? Because you know what works best for you better than anyone else.

Parents picking and choosing what which types of people their adult kids choose really is not relevant. Your opinion doesn’t count. If you do insist on arraigned marriages, I’d just say you’re an insecure nutcase who thinks you can use your kids for your own happiness. And when I mean kids, I mean your adult kids.

Confirmed: NBC Leaves WHDH; No Longer in a relationship by end of year

Clickford, Steven M.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAQVGvdMAqh/?taken-by=stevenclickford

Today, NBC confirmed the months long rumors that they would part with WHDH, Boston’s Channel 7 despite a decades long complicated relationship with the owner Ed Ansin’s Sunbeam Television Corp. (The relationship is so complicated, there will be 3 different posts; this one about the local; the other just on Sunbeam/NBC and NBC’s other victims.) The relationship is expected to end by this calendar year and by January 1st, NBC will be on another TV station. Both newspapers as well as competing stations had reports on Thursday. If the local mass media is reporting this; then this really may develop in a once in a lifetime media biz drama.

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Overprotecting Parents – Not Ethical?

Clickford, Steven M.

I went to a workshop on “Code of Ethics” by a couple (for a lack of a better word) New York State snobs from the National Alliance of Direct Support Professionals. There were few things I agree with, many I just found not appropriate for the rank and file. Some staff (even run ins as late as the last month) do act pretty “bossy” and come off as hostile and aggressive.

I do not like a hands-off approach allowing an adult client to do whatever they want, because they have to assimilate to the “real world”. While DSPs (known as “caretakers”, etc.) do have duties to say stop someone from harming themselves to others, the problem is that if we put high standards to the bottom, what happens to the top portion?

I come from organizations (educational collaboratives, school districts, area agencies and day programs) where there is no ethical standards. The lack of ethics were not happening in small 2 people towns, no this was in the largest communities North of Boston and the downstate side of NH. They had no moral duty to protect taxpayers from Waste, Fraud and Abuse from department heads wanting to spend some money but couldn’t explain why because of “confidentiality reasons”. The largest Area Agency in this state for autistics and alike runs a lot like a corporate charity but also runs it like it’s an Enron or a Goldman Sachs, but yet despite the reputation in the inside circles, nothing has been done. The area agency is being the area agency.

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Above is a primer to the ongoing discussion of “ethics”, but now I want to turn the focus to overprotecting parents. The ones who will manipulate children to their grave. The ones who will let their kids be “safe” and protect their psyche over their literal safety. How come there is no parenting standards for special needs? Why are parents exempt from ethical standards? How come the “professionals” (like psychologists) will drool over their parent’s inability to let them be free, and just admire them for their parenting when the child was very young. The kid grows up, and the “professionals” continue to drool over years old decent parenting. They don’t care to understand that the child is grown up, and they are so arrogant to understand the mother or father is overprotecting their kids and they think its OK.

Well its not!

If you have more than one kid, its better than having a single child. You have no rights to protect them so much to make them an icicle! All you’re doing is making the kid not wanting to do anything that they think may be too risky then you get upset at the kid of why your kid won’t grow or be challenged.

This is where the professional should be showing the parents the mirror and have their autistic-like tendencies be put into the child’s “3 year eval” since parents have no capability to ruining a kids brain.

Unless the NADSP or some other organization turns the tables of “ethics” away from caretakers and more towards the real threat, the parents, and the corrupt white collared hacks at the local school districts.

A Good day

Clickford, Steven M.

2017 Update: I was in the eye of the storm, as you can tell in later posts going into 2016.

Today was a good day for me.

I accomplished things and started to find the next path.

One doesn’t know what tomorrow will bring if I fall back into a rock and a hard place.

Or if I am in the eye of the storm.

For almost 10 years, my stability of my life has been unstable. I hope it turns around sooner than later.

Lets hope I get a good night’s sleep.

ABA – What happens when they Become Adults?

Clickford, Steven M.

Applied Behavior Analysis is an apparent practice used for children on the autism spectrum. It consist behavior plans and Excel spreadsheets and possible PivotTables to execute all the data.

I really have no idea because all the questions I’ve previously asked were often given in the same vague fashion similar to your company’s IT Guy You’d Like to Punch at it’s head! They don’t really explain how it works.

It may be because I technically do not have a High School Diploma equivalent to the “normal functioning” people and I can’t understand open ended answers with open ended questions.

But if it works for children, and teenagers, then what happens after their 21st birthday? I seen no day program in my area where they clearly use ABA.

Let’s not let this “good practice” be destroying adults with autistic disorders if it can be prevented.

The Lack of Direct Support Professionals

Clickford, Steven M.

2017 Update: I still have not found a dedicated DSP outside of my program.

For adults with autism spectrum disorders, at least in my backyard; finding good help is one thing; finding help at all is even worse.

Direct support professionals (also known as DSPs, caretakers, caregivers, respite workers, etc.) is supposed to be a growing trend by 2020. The difference between DSPs and the traditional sense, is there is more standards, competencies and even ethics. While it’s good in the abstract, I find it flawed as the c-suite will continue to possibly hire incompetent managers and continue to operate unethically.

For my case, a simple DSP to take me out for fun to get away from the horrible realities of living with autism in a region regressing in service delivery, oppressive special needs systems, etc, took nearly 6 months from concept to a possible new hire. I went through every professional acquaintances  and – nothing! Even my remaining Massachusetts connections – and no luck!

Is it a case of if its too good to be true then it must be?  or is it “I don’t want to work with an autistic, because they are slow childlike boys- I can’t stand those people.”

You know who I accuse this of? Bad leadership in New Hampshire. Bad training standards (because they are taught to find “flaws” with the individuals, glorify the negativity and dilute any positive abilities of the students or clients.)

What’s worse is the training is hard to come by here in this state with the various conferences relevant to special needs. I blame the Granite State being so desperate, they’ll take out of staters who clearly want to oppress the severely autistics and train future professionals the negativity as the headline and any positives as a footnote.

I’m in my late twenties, and I haven’t been active in any advocacy or became an agent of some change till recent years. But from what I’ve gathered from the outside was that the state’s better years could’ve been the days when the Great Stone Face was still up in Franconia Notch – nearly 12 years to the day. But around 2003, remember, many of them just became of age, or would become of age. So in the days of progress, there were few people on the autism spectrum as adults, as so many were children, and in those days many were suffocating of big heavy smoke of destructive political actions of the leadership of the time.

I feel like its worse living in New Hampshire and with autism than years past! Why are we settling to such a low level? I call this Unanswered questions.