family

The F-Word… “Family”, part two

Clickford, Steven M.

Advice for whiney Karens who think they know what’s best for their children and corrupt them into adulthood…

  • Fathers: when knocking up a woman, always take ownership, whether you’re married, cheating, having a bastard child. Avoid a Triple D with a Triple A demeanor. Denying a child’s birth, will only corrupt a child.
  • Mothers: “Giving birth” means you are giving a gift of life to the world. The world (whether it’s the next county over, or the other part of the continent or literally down under) has a reasonable right to be able to allow your child’s gifts
  • Oh and allow your child to have their gifts. If you are annoyed, then that’s your problem
  • The child must have good manners, and set a healthy example, but just because you’re a parent does not mean it gives you the right to fully control the child just because you can in theory. This corrupts children.
  • Be open, but expect the child to be blunt. Your kid may say something in a conversation that may go against your world views. Your kid may challenge you with a “Why” that isn’t about not throwing a ball near your mint Dodge pickup that you are protecting like you love it more than your human offsprings. Kids question bigger issues, but the parents love to control the narrative on preserving a crappy American made truck, than issues like politics, sex and money.
  • If your kid runs away (figuratively or literally) expect to take stock. These damned mama bears and papa bears never seem to take responsibility for corrupting a child. When a child runs away from the parents, they are scared, the last thing they need is to show who has authority. In fact this “authoritative parenting” is likely overcompensating the lack of that with the Boomer>Millenial cross generations. Kids are not objects, they are not your bitch. 
  • Children are children. Do not adult them. A former neighbor had two boys in the last decade. I recall minding my own business, the high pitched, and fast spoken individual was also using 5th grade language to children who weren’t entering in the first grade. The mother for no known reason was treating the children closer to adults then what their brains could handle. I could literally see the puzzled look in their eyes. We thought preserving kid’s innocence was just sex?
  • Likewise, talk to your hierarchal children at eye level. Do not look down at your kids, do not talk down, do not insult their intelligence. Avoid “instructing” children, then they look like they are apparent spoiled brats when it’s far from reality.
  • Family is more than just blood related individuals. Kids need to find someone to reproduce too. But that can’t work if you apply arranged marriages, saying the girlfriend is no good, just because she’s a hippie, or you don’t like her politics. Also, children need to be treated as individuals, not a clusterfuck of generic children in a generic family, this leads into more conflict that could be prevented if hte parent had their act together. 
  • The use of “hierarchal children” means the family unit is more flexible than the “flat” family structure (like the “clusterfuck” analogy.) In my estranged family, it’s very clear the “children” are perpetual youngsters that will probably stay the same.
  • Avoid parentification of children. Kids are not expected to grow up and be parents. There is a severe narcissistic parenting, of which parentification is common. This means that kids are acting as parents to do the work they should be able to do on their own.
  • Stop bragging about your children! That used to be an idiom, but for whatever reason parents who have no self-control , insist they have entitlement they can embarrass, and set a narrative, even if the child is an adult.

Lastly: The world is greater than yourself. Listen, take responsibility, be open, do not hide skeletons. Do not project, reflect instead; set examples in actions, stop using cute words, do not act like a king or queen. Don’t act like your life is invincible. Be humble, don’t gloat about your child. Don’t take your roles too seriously. Allow a child to fall on their own feet. Teach empathy. Only be aggressive when necessary, and let go of the petal when necessary. Embrace individuality, support a child’s own direction of thought. Do not indoctrinate them. Do not experiment mom-club ideas.  Think greater than yourself.

Unvaulted: the Letter to my Paternal Aunt

Clickford, Steven M.

My family is part Japanese, but you wouldn’t really know because they live on the dark side, leaving every family member in the dark in the name to keep people guessing I think?

Regardless, I wrote an email to one of the aunts in August of 2019, while some had critiqued  the email to be legalese (hey that’s the New Hampshire way!), I treated these family members, as foreign members even if they were blood-related. You don’t treat strangers like family… maybe I am the one with  the loose screws.

Names are redacted to protect the innocent:   Continue reading →

I Wish to be in a Singular Relationship Than Being Completely Single

Clickford, Steven M.

In the experience with my paternal family a couple years back, one striking observation was how many partners they had and how many fractured siblings were both in my generation and my father’s generation. There is at least I’d say based on memory 4 half cousins and siblings, and 2 paternal grandfathers, 3 shared one, the other was from the other. I can’t even write properly because it’s so confusing.

It’s ironic because it appears that the family is very traditional, but I do not think having children from from at least more than one partner is the most healthiest thing for that bullshit idea of the “nuclear family”.

But nothing can be worse than a father not ever admitting the creation of this writer.

Regardless, what the Ayottes lack is what I aspire to have. I just want to be with one person who can be treasured, valued, admired with no fears that she’d be disposed.

I do not know what “love” means, because there has been no point of reference of what can be a good relationship.

On Men, Divorce, strong “families”

Clickford, Steven M.

This post is for you, the “Karens” of the world…

One of the things I am concerned about in the future is how women perceive men and how men will be further disposable; while people like Presidant Trump disposes women like toys.

Before COVID, divorces was nearly at a 50% rate, and thanks to loopholes like no fault divorces (meaning there was no need to provide proof of abuse or infidelity.) Sure some relationships were not meant to be; but some may had left them into breakup as the last resort perhaps due to deficiencies of men (lacking empathy, compassion, etc.)

Men and Women are “different” but Men shouldn’t take advantage of it

Biologically women and men are different, there is no disputing it; however using data as a way to justify men being statically apathetic to the point it appears to be socipathic; is not an excuse nor a reason to stay together. If the guy has been heckling and downplaying the Coronavirus as “it’s no different than the common cold” and one of his family members had a really rough case of it; it shows how he doesn’t understand other peoples emotions, by not reflecting the importance of protecting himself, his spouse and or children.

I am not advocating either way if a man should show his emotions of panic and fear, but unfortunately a lot of men are lacking empathy and sympathy. It starts at the top, Presidant Trump.

POTUS is a classic example of an old school man, who appears (or projects fearlessness) but is not adapting his behaviors temporarily due to well documented evidence that COVID19 is impacting his “base” of voters; children are taught to change behaviors if someone in their family is experiencing grief. What did POTUS do instead? Lighten the situation and made jokes such as “Kung-Flu” at a rally in late spring. Remember Hurricane Maria in 2017 in P.R.? Remember Trump throwing a Bounty paper towel roll to someone 10 people back or something like that? I understand if it was some political rally, or something that was more light hearted, but people lost their homes, and lost lives, and he was doing something that was insensitive to sane people.

What does he mean to women and relationships? POTUS acts like a badass playboy to these women, the same men they disposed; and yet love. How many “Women for Trump” signs they hold are ones who don’t have rings or are in a relationship themselves? The magic of technology, the privacy of the film on flat panels “protects” them from being exposed to the real badass vibes. They’ll get a thrill because he’s in a box, whereas a real man whose just as a badass to Trump sharing the bed, they’ll be creeped out and threatened.

“Solar Family Values”?

These “Karens” like badass in name only, but if you put a real life POTUS figure (which there are a lot men out there that act like him); they wouldn’t want him.

I find that the lack of a male figure in children, in adults, etc, are making women more unstable; and the inability to be in a relationship will hurt them in the long run. I can speak with some experience. Wayback when “nuclear families” were pushed, it meant that America thrived on a strong hetrosexual relationships; married till they died; families being close together, and keeping them on a tight leash. Ironically many of these said groups of families did fail, and they did blow up. How many people you knew came from an alleged “nuclear family” that it blown apart?

What makes a solar family you ask? Solar is dependent on the sun, so I thought well if the sun makes you happy… then..

  • Any relationship is better than none. Valuing Long Term Relationships if you can’t feel the urge to get married
  • One values each other; rather than subscribing to the valuing the institution. The Deep South and many of the Trump fanboys and fangirls would subscribe to the latter; not the former. In a nuclear family, you don’t see to much self valorizing
  • That a guy or a girl has risen above the “badass figure”
  • You value families as individuals not a collective unit as a group; because in reality, units of individuals makes the strength in numbers; not just throwing a bunch of 20 people and acting as 1.
  • A Solar-family would defend and protect individual’s happiness for themselves not for the overall good-optics for the country. In the days of the nuclear family; it was done as a civil defense against Communism; because apparently that was a threat to the States in the 1950s and many ol people think the 1950s was so great… but what did it do to the long run?

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No Politics Here!

Clickford, Steven M.

I don’t like to discuss politics. My family have certain views, and some of my other extended family members have apparent views as well. From my subjective view, I see them lean to the right, but often repeating what their media they are consuming are telling them,

Not only that, we don’t talk about issues anymore. The “big picture” stuff. Stuff that politicians don’t control and bureaucrats can manipulate policy.

NOT ONE Member in my family puts their own politics in their own words. It’s often rip-and-read from whatever talking-head on cable news tells them.

This is what I also see on social media, people “sharing” content and remark with what they are instructed to do. It’s really sad.

We as Americans for over a decade are picking and choosing a side and then mock the other one, and what has been forgotten for the last decade is issues! We as Americans who were interested in politics, had a high level intelligence (meaning they were thinking on diplomatic and implicit tone). Now today it has stooped down to low level, emotional and sensational and explicitly telling people how to think, and not use original thinking.

I will not chant #MAGA like some person being directed by  dictator. I think for myself and therefore I believe in a democratic society.

Put Roger Ailes’ manipulation with Joel Cheatwood’s If it bleeds it leads mantra of 7 News and politics in the last decade evolved from the National Review type of conversations to the National Inquirer, of tabloid trash of political chatter, mixed with name-calling, and flashy political news that doesn’t have substance. I also can’t stand the current rendition of HuffPo, where they really rip the right on frivolous stuff.

I have been registered as an Independent since I was eighteen, and I have voted both parties in various offices. Also I can brag that I have voted in Town Meetings around my birthday in New Hampshire because municipal elections enable citizens to have more control on their government than voting for a congressperson and outsourcing democracy and citizenry to a D.C. Office. I noticed that the people who obsess about D.C. Politics in my family are the ones who grew up when my old town was more “rural” where rural governments were non existent and focus on the next largest government body – the Federal system.

Not only that, we don’t talk about issues anymore. The “big picture” stuff. Stuff that politicians don’t control and bureaucrats can manipulate policy.  But low calorie, same day news, mixed with the “happy moment caught on camera” is the norm. And as a result, we as Americans, both left, right and centrists have subjected to ourselves to lower class in less than a generation!

If you believe in holding ALL PEOPLE IN POWER accountable, you also have have investigative journalism. No not “consumer investigative journalism” like how an iPhone protector doesn’t work the way they claim. Go onto YouTube and search for some old News 8 Investigates from WFAA in Dallas, the station that pioneered enterprise journalism for TV, and was once a sister entity the prestigious Dallas Morning News.

I am afraid at times to share my issue- driven policy because I fear I would be painted by my loved ones as a liberal. I am sick and tired of fitting into a political cookie cutter anymore. I am sick and tired of “Liberal Democrat” to have same dirty tone as calling someone a c–t or a Republican that is cold hearted, or whatever stereotype.

Issues, Municipal Affairs, White collared crime… whatever happened to ball busting reporting? It’s been long gone and you can thank the demented POTUS Ronnie Regan who allowed deregulation of the media so you can entertain yourself to death with cable news copying the late Casey Kasem’s AT40 of Liberal Hipocracy instead of serious news.

I watch, FNC barely today, FBN is a joke, because it’s FNC2, and watch CNBC with my fingers to my nose, I barely stand the lefist Bloomberg TV, and I don’t watch the 6:30 news anymore, so after that, where do I turn? On Friday nights, since 1998 (with a few on and off years), I’ve tuned to my journalistic idol, Emily (the daughter of the late Andy) Rooney to geek out on the news media’s coverage of week events, Beat The Press the local WGBH show. Because BTP focuses on issues in the media when the other Sunday Morning shows, Reliable Sources and Media Buzz on CNN and FNC are so flipping polarized.

I will not chant #MAGA like some person being directed by  dictator. I think for myself and therefore I believe in a democratic society.