Most thirtysomethings have someone in their lives, whether it’s a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a girlfriend/girlfriend boyfriend/boyfriend or even a husband or wife. Well I am not anywhere close to boyfriend material for any girl (at least around my area.) For February, I don’t just feel like a hopeless autistic, but a hopeless romantic too.

The idea of a girlfriend would make socializing easier because you have that “arm candy” or someone to hold hands and commit public sexual harassment laws and kiss in public and touch each other near private parts at professional gatherings. Not that I encourage this, but this is what “everyone else” is doing. Why be the only single person? I don’t feel “special”…

I’ve not had a serious relationship in almost 29 years of living. (Unless you count Melanie as a real girl, even though she’s a girl on paper.) This type of peer pressure (even though I am not around many people of my type ether normal or atypical) has made my life pretty hostile. I can’t have a real friendship if someone has a girlfriend or a boyfriend. It would make their relationship awkward, or put a burden to their relationships. Threesomes (i.e. a couple + single friends) never work well. Even spending time with my direct support professionals, I try to keep a boundary so I don’t be treading into their personal lives so much I may be putting their relationships at a disruption.

Yup, that’s how much work I have to do with any type of a non romantic relationship.

I fear when I hit thirty next year if I don’t meet my goals (that should be able to be achieved per to the standards put by all the experts on ASD), I should be able to work, and get a girlfriend and then hitting 30 shouldn’t be a crash-land. (Of course my service agreements have always been conservative and goals I can reach without having to go into space suddenly after hitting a single goal. And my service agreements are based on my needs, but not everyone is well aware of my needs, because I have to always advocate for myself 11 times out of 10. That stat was deliberate.)

Notice the common theme of girlfriend, or would like a girlfriend or need a girlfriend. A date or a girlfriend is probably the most I could handle because I do not even see myself getting married or even having the possibility of having children. If I am a such a slow person (despite all the rosy feedback I get from my program, and my “core” support), the idea of a date that leads to a “relationship” (can someone tell me what and when that occurs and how?); and then the time to engagement to marriage may very well be in my mid 30s. Oh and let’s have a couple years of freedom before the offsprings come. And do I really want to mess up my kids even worse with my defective genes with my defective sperm going into dated eggs when my (possible) wife be in her late 30s, hitting forty? One of the risk mitigation to ASD (not that it wouldn’t happen ether way) is to conceive at an earlier age, because you know female eggs do not age like fine wine. There is plenty of cases of developmentally disabled people have occurred when the woman got pregnant close to her menopausal years.

You would be wondering if you have been following my site is if I am so high functioning, why am I settling to low standards? Well I’d say “go find the experts and ask them ‘why the hell are you making up stereotypical lies about the disorder and making all of Steven’s group like a living STD?'” I have no idea why so many ladies run away from me. I don’t smell and I don’t bite. Sure I am a quiet person but I haven’t done any socially scandalous since middle school – isn’t there a statue of limitations? Oh wait, the rules do not apply to people who are hopelessly autistic, oh I meant hopeless romantics since it’s almost Saint Valentine’s Day afterall.