In less than 2 weeks, on March 12th (or 3/12) it will be my 35th birthday. Flip the numbers around you get 3 1/2 which means I’m in the midst of my three and a half decades of existence. I guess I should say I am a survivor (barely) from all the hell I had to endure.
I do not want to get old for a number of reasons. For one, I do not want to live in the fear of having to deal with old-people stuff. The excessive reflections, the excessive stereotypes (such as time flying) or people putting “life into perspective”. Maybe this ocurrs only to people having children, but I guess if I am just dating someone as the highest goal for an S.O. ,well I can’t understand you.
I am not saying I am living my life recklessly, but I am living my life without to coming off as a jerk. Just because your past 50, doesn’t mean you can disregard anyone younger than you, of their perception of age. Once, I was at a particular store at the outdoor mall, where the girl was apparently 8 years younger than me, and she was like 21 at the time, saying she “was old” wearing a decades old Hollister jeans. I actually took her feelings and didn’t dismiss it either. Because that’s the youth in me, to not dismiss other’s perception of reality.
Older people are extremely arrogant and think because they are old, they got it. Well I live with my mother and I’ve noticed a major change in her attitude where I feel she’s at times unhinged, more reckless than a 20something and not giving crap of any of her responsibilities remaining as an adult. It’s almost like Gen-Xers are experiencing the “Summer of Love”, later in life, whereas the Boomers were coming to age. The Gen-Xers are the CPAC types, and it will be interesting to monitor these 60 million Americans as they age and likely get more cockier than the Boomers or even the Millenials.
One of the reasons why I loved Melanie despite looking like a younger 3osomething, she was acting in the spirit of a perpetual 21 year old, while she looked younger than her age, her maturity emotionally compensated any stereotype. a 21 year old is technically a legal adult, perhaps she was more like a 25 year old, youthful, somewhat mature but not a girl that was ready to go to Ann Taylor or Talbots to wear something so deathly serious. I still fall for adult ladies in Hollister outfits, if she has the body. Melanie freckin did well into her 30s, that in itself was driver in the retention of our relationship.
But yeah, I am not interested in aging to the point where I come off as d!ck emotionally and intellectually. I aspire to be grownup but playful like Melanie. There used to be millions like her even in her late 30s.
Biologically, I am no spring chicken. I am already writing off the idea of having offsprings. I wanted to be a father to be a better version of what “dad” should be, given what my father neglected. I also wanted to be a bit more responsible. Given I have not really had any positive romantic relationships, and the longer I am single…like not getting a job in years; it will take even longer to get serious and settle, if I am so used to being alone.
Ultimately it’s always my fault, and I am just the disgruntled guy who if he just STFU, he would be totally happy. What the hell do I know?
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