There are things I would love to have in my life. But I resort to this quote to remind myself that things might not always “meant to be” or expect the unexpected…
Category Archives: A Puzzling View on Relationships (2011-2014)
My Life is Over
I don’t see a future for relationships.
I look at my mother and its a reflection of how our relationships and the dysfunctions of the two of us is how a woman would not want to live with me for the rest of her life.
The way a woman can get bitchy and bite one heads off and the way she can get frustrated at her partner is clearly reasons why I won’t have any romantic futures.
I can’t say things right, and I have to be held hostage if I don’t get my words put out right – almost to the point where I have to have the right dialectic character spoken properly.
I have communication issues, and obviously communication is the key to a “relationship”.
Why would a girl want to be with me? She would need to be taken to the state school for her to make such decision!
I don’t belong here.
My mother was so selfish to give me life. You can argue if that is a healthy or unhealthy form of selfishness.
From now on, the writer of this blog will come from a voice of a dead soul and a living body And it seems to be that way to begin with when there are more people liking and not commenting ether. I wished the TV or Radio business was doing better, because I don’t have a voice in the virtual world of packet communications.
Until there is a next time, good night
There is no such thing as Love
Reply
I think as we go into 2013, as I am still figuring out what the fuck relationships is supposed to mean, I’m starting a series on how love is a just another 4 letter word that if I was running the Federal Communications Commission, I’d rule that as an indecent word to use on traditional medium.
Love is a joke.
If you believe it, then you need a psych evaluation!
Love is a sin. Try using an online search engine might not yield to any result, but in fact it is.
It’s selfish.
It’s narrowminded.
It make your brain go into tunnelvision
It makes you narcissistic, whether its to your self or the other narcissistic partner.
Italians clearly are not lovers, just look at Rick Santelli, the most hateful Italian-Americans on business news. A guy that yells over the satellite on an oft-basis on the Corporate News & Betting Channel or CNBC, or sometimes called CMSNBC (because of their liberal bias.) If I were his parents and if I knew how much hes a monster at trading pits in Chicago, I’d probably would abort that sonofabitch!
Its not just Santelli, there are other plain ol hateful people out there in society. Politicians, executives, talk show hosts, support groups, you name it. You see it in all walks of life lately! Its becoming the norm.
Hate is the new love!
Over time I will talk more and more about the ideal to switch to hate instead of love.
Merry Christmas!
From the publisher of this blog, I wish you a Merry Christmas!
The blog will return tentatively on December 26th.
Customer Relationships – A Dying Breed
I’m a brick and mortar shopper. Even with my hi (now becoming more low) tech life, I like to do both. Part of the online shopping is that I like think things that were once niche or someone that needed a IRS Tax ID in order to purchase things. With the Web and the online world, things that were difficult to get were much easier to do. I’m no defender of “consumerization” since most “consumers” are stupid, they are casual users like technology for an example, and most consumer stuff is mostly focused on style and not on the substance. I get crazy when people go to Staples and buy a laptop that won’t survive in 6 months, because it has pink casing with heavy glossy paint. Speaking of Staples, their office supplies seem to be “user friendly” (focused on style and again not on the substance) to the point where I try to get some of my office supplies via a catalog-based/web supplier.
Another issue is the decline of brick and mortar due to places like Amazon (which I have been a seldom shopper, but I don’t have to time to sit down and navigate through their offerings) and eBay. The brick and mortar shops could had averted the disaster if the sales clerks would’ve learned to be more competitive.
Best Buy’s customer relations have gone down the drain as the years went by. Best Buy has seen CompUSA and Circuit City bit the dust in the last 4 years. And Best Buy has gone more arrogant and cocky, as the ex-CEO got let go earlier this year for violation of ethics (i.e. weaseling out of potential, but alleged sex harassment case.) You go to the local Best Buy and you see the sales people dumbness right out of your eyes. They could be trained on a specific product, but they now don’t do much training. Also simple mistakes can be very costly. For one example they ring up a big ticket item and forget to ring up a $30 SD card with a purchase with a $700 DSLR camera, and luckily this case didn’t set off the alarms.
Amazon.com was around when Best Buy and Barnes & Noble went on a binge building spree of building large footprint (albeit leasing) in the mid 2000s during the “big box” boom to later find out that Amazon’s pricing were making these stores “showrooms” where someone will touch and feel the product and then go online to find a cheaper price.
These kinds of stupidity is what is bringing down many of big box stores. However, on the flip side (defending) these box stores could do better. They need to shout out that sites like Amazon and other e-tailers do not have free standard shipping. Office supply people have had a nice process of free shipping of any number or cost of orders. Amazon and others require you to have have a minimum and even that some other retailers offer free shipping only during the holidays
Given how pricey gas is, at least you aren’t paying overhead for companies like UPS.
Some people call the Internet a free world and use my state’s motto “Live Free or Die”. Well in this case you also get the customer service you pay for. The e-tailer world is not customer friendly if you have a problem with your order. In fact there aren’t that many customer service to begin with. Amazon doesn’t have a WATS number easily available and if you email you get essentially a systemic response because they only have a finite amount of people dealing with customer service. The humans are essentially using big software packages known as Customer Relationship Management or CRM, but that middle word is actually contradictory! They get so many emails, and to speed up the process, they do actually read your message, but they click on a few checkboxes and you get a reply that appears to be automated.
So lets say you got screwed on a purchase, and you want your money back or get properly credited, in a the real world (save myself using that mouthful of a phrase) , you would deal with humans and it only takes a few seconds to page a manager and then have the manager say “yea sure” press a few buttons to override and wola you got service!
In the virtual world with ordering via the cyber reatilers, its mostly mainframes, robots and other automated processes that does the ordering, the processing and even getting the package into the box! If you got screwed on a wrong order, or got billed improperly or what, you then have to essentially submit a ticket with a short message on the customer service webpage and you get a response back you get a name you can’t pronounce, they’re probably robotic in the real world, and in the message – dare I say they are very systemic, and chances are you won’t get much help if you got screwed – when they say its the rule, it is the rule and no overrides whatsoever.
There is a time and a place for both cyber and offline purchases. Both are good, and both can be bad but in order to have competition, the online world needs to learn to build up their customer service, and the offline world needs to take a refresher on customer service, and build up their knowledge of their products. The packet-based world doesn’t have the warmth an presence of the offline world. It will never happen.
Sadly, there are many people who cut corners (and for right reasons for some) and unfortunately there are more and more people that only grew up in the online world, and to them brick and mortars are for their grandparents.
It is a shame to see many of these larger than life buildings just become vacant. And in this fragile economy its even worse. And the irony is people that go to these places are ones who were considered as socially inexperienced – but its really the “normal” people that have gone onto the virtual route.
Christmas – A Season of Giving?
As I had mentioned earlier, I’ve been struggling to get gifts for only a few people.
I had sent my wishlist by the end of the first week in December. It’s been a hard time trying to get into the holiday sprit for number of reasons. The economy, the “Fiscal Cliff”, if you want to count the Hurricane Sandy aftermath or even the Newtown tragedy could be a considerable factors to not getting into the spirit of giving.
I blame the lack of spirt is not seeing snow on my yard. (I can’t fantom how Australians can be in the spirit with warm climate.) I think this Fiscal Cliff whether or not you follow the politics or markets is making people nervous about January 1st and after that. I think there also is a lack of deals in the retail world (a BIG thank you JCPenny!) Another part could be a lack of motivation, going back to my previous point. And I don’t think its because I am older and I hope for bigger and better presents.
Another issue is how the number crunchers have said the toy business is at its worst year in about 30 years, since keeping statistics 30 something years ago. Some believe the big boy toys like the iPad are hurting the business since there are now pint-sized people using the iPad as the primary toy. (For you Lego users like moi – the construction side of the toy industry are doing just fine. Doesn’t hurt that Lego has a big ad budget to place commercials like a 1:00pm Sunday afternoon football game!) Also there will be less children, births are going down – and that won’t be good for the toy business!
And what is so bad about not shopping for yourself? Sometimes there is need for a distraction. In fact I’ve done this when I had been shopping. I just use that window-shopping (or even actual self shopping) as a way to reflect and rebound to shop for others. I was at the local Dollar Tree the other night and a mother got very testy to one of her kids that they need to shop for others. I guess its different for a kids mind .
My mind might be changing, but I do know for a fact that Christmas is a time of giving (whether they are objects, etc.) but I do know it’s about love and the thought of it. I do know that I’ve been missing “something” for quite a while. I’m missing my other part of my family members that have gotten too self-abosrbed and “overclocking” their brains to death; I’m on my second Christmas without my old social circle, which I have to accept as part of a previous live; and third most guys around my age have someone that is or will become their wife that are probably going to be together with ones family tomorrow – something I (or my mother can “relate”) have not had yet.
Even if I had spent over a $100+ budget that I didn’t have – I’m not too concerned. My favorite belief is what the thought that counts. I believe thats the true value.
Excuse me as I finish wrapping my remaining presents.
Victoria’s Secret’s Redefinition of “Love”
This world is falling apart. Maybe the Mayans were wrong. But our morals, ethics and standards may be at the end. I’m talking about Victoria’s Secret. Since The Limited has owned this entity for over a decade, they have lowered the social standards for America. Outside of the states, maybe people admire them for the beauty, but here in America they have lowered the standards and have made sex the new norm just like kissing and hugging are – yes sex is now in the lowest common nominator for affection!
This ad campaign they use during the Christmas holidays makes me sick. Watch it on YouTube (sinee VS prohibits embeds)
Tell me that you love me!
Why?
Are you desperate?
Do you mean that you want me to “fuck” you or sincerely like to fuck you?
Are you implying that that you are trying to seduce me?
To be quite blunt, seduce me any other time of the year!
The Ideal Girl, part two
My folks have been laxed about neatness and being “neat” etc. My mother and grandmother (to a larger degrree) are very OCD about neatness and self appearence. It drives me nuts how my mother is so obsessive about lets say a new piece of furniture and trying to keep it pristine as possible. I can understand, if you paid a pretty penny, etc. But at some point, it would make one crazy if you are trying to preserve something to “look good”
My mother gets after me if I don’t wipe off crumbs on my face if I had ate something. So bad, she like gets impatient if its been stuck there like 5-100ths a second! Well on the flip side, its crazy seeing my mother clean her face like every 10 seconds and how hard she presses with her napkin at the dinner table!
So my ideal girl would be not so OCD about her appearance. Not saying that anyone should be in a relationship with a girl that’s messy, because no girl wants a messy. I’d love a girl who just doesn’t care. I guess I’m just crazy to find a girl that would understand how complicated it is to be “neat”.
2012 is still here…
Albeit it is very windy and rainy.
The world hasn’t ended (as of yet) though I reflect on this year and realize that
Even if this was a crappy year that,
hopefully there will be a next year
and a better year
But, there is always a “but”
that there will always be rough spots of my life. There may be another 2012. I might have another rough year some day later in my life.
It’s good practice to always think realistic and not be so dreamy.
Christmas, part two
Christmas is a hard thing for me to understand. My autism doesn’t help manners. Part of it is I wasn’t exposed to faith and religion at an early age. Another part is my difficulties of relationships, especially to family.
I’ve mentioned earlier today that I’ve had family issues in recent years relevant to Christmas. Another part of me is I can’t turn-off things i.e. “letting troubles be out of sight”* I also believe given my my strong emotional bond with my mother makes anything tick. I find such chemistry has made our relationship even more difficult. Such emotional similarities would not be an ideal match for any other relationship.
*verse of “Have Yourself A Merry Christmas”
RELATED: Have you seen My Ideal Girl yet?
On top of that, I’m just struggling through life almost being unemployed for 5 years straight and now mounting concerns for me to get that new annual contract for certain services where there is more goals compliance and accountability on my end and I can’t just shut it off on one day.
I think being an adult is the worst feeling to have. I don’t see really anything good out of it other than I have a teensy bit of freedom (i.e. unemployed for almost 5 years) and just having the time to yep about my frustrations of life.
I’ve lost the meaning of Christmas. After what happened to me personally to the last 9 months of this year and seeing the elections going the wrong way and seeing the economy stalling for another 4 years and seeing how social media, “the cloud” and iDevices killing possibly U.S. I.T. or even service jobs, makes me just feel even worse. Going back to micro-view, I feel looking forward, I just don’t see any future for any new relationships. I may get a job and seek professional relationships, and getting a job and maybe loose some services (the system for special needs is totally fucked up here in the States – I’ll leave that part out.)
On top of that, I don’t see any future for “friends” or even a girlfriend. Remember, I live in a suburban area of Boston, and often its a bunch of rich brats or anyone that is underage, since there are so many school age people who live around here. And if there are people my age, then they are like my cousin, taken and happily married. There aren’t that many single 25 year olds – lets be frank. All the good looking (read: bad ass girls) are taken, the not so pretty live with their parents, and the truly loving and caring girls are extremely rare. I’m looking into taking an indefinite break of dating and going into relationships, something that was in place since birth, if you really think about it.
This is coming on the heels as allegedly the world is supposed to end tomorrow. Its all over cable TV right now of the fear of it. I’ll say this I was born on the 12th, my worst years of my life were 12 and 21 and 2012 wasn’t the best year ether. I hope nothing severe happens in my area in the event of a disaster.
But I’ll say this – my life is over. Whether or not I die or not, my life is figuratively dead. There is no way to revive. I was pronounced dead back earlier this year. 2013 and onwards is going be a challenge, and something I have to do, but maybe it won’t be as painful. Maybe its a sign that I won’t have to endure pain as being someone that has a “disability” that only a “doctor” with a PhD degree can treat. Maybe I’ll get paralyzed, and maybe that will be the best moment in my life (as fucked up as it is) and actually have empathy of the masses for the first time. Maybe there will be friends and a possible girlfriend and maybe a future wife that would love me for who I am, since again a disability is typically not observed by society as something in the brain.
Whether or not the world ends tomorrow, I will put more resources into this blog. My plan is to decode what I had experience for relationships and again analyze it. Sadly, I am not getting those beloved search terms like “can autistic people fall in love” “why don’t autistic people fall in love” “could I date someone with autism”. Oh, I make that up with my experiences of ignorant people not wanting to date someone like me.
Well hopefully, I’ll see you people tomorrow. Bye!