Category Archives: A Puzzling View on Relationships (2011-2014)

A Puzzling View on Relationships existed on WordPress from 2012 to 2014. The concept was based on search results from An Alleged Autistic “can autistics fall in love”, etc. Back when Google and WordPress could give you those results. Posts from 2011 to August 2012 came from An Alleged Autistic first, since A Puzzling View went live in September of that year.

The Need to Be Happy

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Has anyone watched The Kardashians lately? I watch some reality shows for pure entertainment and to put my life into perspective.
Outside of the sisters the Jenner girls and the Jenner boys, one guy stands out of the bunch lately. That is Robert Kardashian Jr. also known as Rob.
For the last couple seasons (at least) he’s been in a rut. I think last summer it had something to do with his late father and how each one of the kids interaction with him prior to his cancerous death about a decade ago. Rob at the time was about 16 (actually we share the same almost actual birthday – I think he was born March 11? I was the 12…)  and the girls were in their early 20s except for Khloe who is only 2 years older than Rob. That first bout of depression was featured last summer in a 2 part therapy session discussing that specific time with cutaways of him tearing up and crying throughout those episodes.
He was so depressed that same season where he was living with one of the sisters and was sleeping during the day. Totally an emotional wreck you probably thought it was Kim with all this alleged depression.
Now this season of the series Rob’s got another bout of depression. Hes gotten fat. Why am I surprised and shocked, shocked, I ask? It wouldn’t be surprising given his lazy bum demeanor, eating, not exercising (sorry I should rephrase that since I don’t how what hes going thru and I don’t know him) and who knows what else. So now hes depressed about his weight. (I share the same feelings Rob!)
He didn’t go to a family trip to Greece with both the Jenner and Kardashian family. On episode 1 he was planning to go, and actually dragged Brody Jenner to come with them. Brody is kinda like the Rob in the 1st Gen of the Jenner family presently the one of the low self esteem and being forgotten in the bigger family.
Well Brody went – sans Rob. And the 3rd and final episode of the Greece trip will be Sunday night – and I am not a betting man, but I don’t think Rob will show up.
Earlier in the season, Kris Jenner (the mother) was trying to lift Rob’s spirits. (This isn’t the first episode that featured someone trying to help Poor Ol’ Rob – make it a Bakers Dozen – I’ve lost count!) Among the many catchphrases in the theme of Rob’s depression its phrases like “I want him to be happy” or “I want you to follow your heart” or something like “do something that makes you happy.”
I’ll end there with the show and move onto this whole need “to be happy.”
I think there has been an idea floating around for about a generation or so about this need to be happy. Happiness likely comes within. You can choose to be happy, and Rob obviously chose a certain path for quite a while now.
However another argument is that there is something called a “quarter-life crisis” – a smaller degree to the mid life crisis. Some would argue that is making these Milennial types an excuse to not move forward with their life, but  I think there is some validity to that argument too.
I think this goes back to all groups (not just for autistics – but for everyone) of a lot of “mixed messages” that starts in the high school level. According to “experts” the brain now peaks in the mid 20s, as opposed to the teenage years, I beg to differ, but the underlying problem is just how poor communication people are talking to teenage and the young population. You have one side that says “you should do this”  vs. another side “you can do this.” This doesn’t help manners for anyone.
I think people need to realize that the younger population of teenagers and adolescents and then some that when they become the age of being independent they are often confused, therefore causing a depression that can be totally averted.
However, on the flip side of the token, maybe society and as a group of people maybe we need to redefine what is “happiness”, what defines is, how should you be happy, is it a requirement and what do you do if you aren’t “happy,”
I feel the word “Happy” or “Happiness” or “Follow Your Dreams” has hit the cliche level – and whats happening (and its been going on for at least the last 20 years – in the masses) is we are getting people depressed for reasons that might be averted. Its not necessarily self-esteem, or the self-gratification or self-absorbed behavior, I am happy to report that this isn’t has a hot button issue like explained.
Its a systemic issue that needs to be fixed because as a teenager – your mind is very vulnerable. It’s not just growing, its at risk for any damages such as mental junk to go into your brain.
And for the Kardashians? Some of their problems are real, however it is sadly dramatized which I fear that family problems in the real world get dramatized like in the show. That kinda makes me a little on the edge.
However the only suggestion I could give to Rob Kardashian, is to get some help. It doesn’t look good that hes on TV looking the way he has been, that’s for sure.
*

Autism + Relationships + Mixed Messages / Slander = Total Confusion

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Relationships and autism doesn’t always gel well. Some of that has to do with ones wiring of the brain like if part of the brain is missing a circuit board.
In some cases it gets unnecessary confusing in ones’ teenage years.
Why do I say that?
Its because we have people who claim to be knowitalls on autism (using Doctor or PhD) in their names, and sadly because of their status, they think they have an open license to start making blanket statements about that everyone with autism are all boys, they are lost, they can’t talk and if they are high functioning they are all geeks who like computers or gaming and they are all 5 ’10 and are fat bastards because they are given anti depressants out of will in a semi criminal fashion.
What I mean by that is that in any legitimate workshop on autism, the above stereotype is often used, indirectly albit. It’s hard to describe it because there is a lot of subliminal messaging in terms of autism awareness. Some of those cases, can you know come off as scare tactics. Some are just plain ol slander and some are just claiming to tell the “truth” (insert your aging estrogen bias here.)
The problem is instead of trying to act fair and balanced (read: the equal opportunity offender), there is always a focus on the negative, and some cases blaitent attempts singling out these individuals, because of the subject manner. Earlier this year, a workshop took place in my state. February 14th to be exact. Great timing, right?  The workshop was entitled “What Does Love Have to Do With It?”. The pamphlet (which is on the World Wide Web mind you and likely to be indexed forever!) puts a damning catch:

“This workshop is appropriate for parents, professionals, and paraprofessionals who have a working knowledge of autism spectrum disorders and common strategies for teaching social cognition and communication. It is not appropriate for adolescents themselves.” – Pamphlet of this workshop on February 14th, 2013

What sensitivity, if was ever any thought?  The speaker, a well known psychologist, that comes off as  a knowitall on Autism, basically singled out the population just only “adolescent” age group and only for the coldhearted professionals of the autism biz. Who in the hell gave this a green light? Where was the assistant if this speaker even has one? If I were the assistant, I’d be like “what the fuck are you doing?” and smacking the ass! And this speaker, doesn’t give a shit if she is messing up ADULTS with autism with the mixed messages and the fear tactics, since the profile states she only deals with children and adolescents!*
*so she can mess up the younger folks and fuck off the adults suffering with mixed messages with love and relationships, the 25 year olds that got raped by the abuse of liberal union thugs – fuck those bastards they are illerlevent!
If I was the local AG, I’d throw the books at a boatload of women as Level 3 sex offenders. The University of New Hampshire Durham has plenty of anti social jerks and a majority of the college girls there are mostly skanks –and don’t dare you tell me that’s just you know “3%”  of the student population! Hello, Facebook! Facebook exposes the REAL majority of sex offenders! Yes a slut in my opinion is a Sex Offender. I hate using the word “slut” and “skank”, but when there isn’t fathers controlling their daughter’s estrogen and teaching them how to effectively use their sexual power, the degrading words DESERVES MERIT!
Speaking about the Internet Protocol, it is taught to autistic to be careful what you post online? And yet I am assuming this speaker never thought of any guilt or remorse of doing a workshop on Saint Valentines Day, and knowing it was planned to begin with.  If there was another date, it should’ve be done because, yes Virgina – there is a such thing that perception is reality and teasing, YES teasing the fact one is doing a workshop and yet, yet its about autism and love/relationships, but the next breath it says not for the “individuals themselves”?
ARE YOU FUCKING ME!!!??????
So, to make a statement that PDFs do not rot, I’ll post the original tease of the workshop on MY blog to show that people should not only think twice of what they should be posting, but also think before you act. Think before you commit a date and do not, and DO NOT make a sissy excuse like oh it was just coincidental – nothing personal.  That’s the oldest trick in the book in CYA. Some autistics are like Google who will never forget or EVEN forgive your intellectual stupidity! Think twice before you tease the public and think before you paint a slanderous image of autistics, because there are people who are trying to make us like creeps!
If it weren’t for these types of people, this blog wouldn’t exist. I don’t know if I should be thankful or pissed or both. You decide.
*

A Cute Girl – but a Bad Lady

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I went to my local Starbucks yesterday and admired this beautiful girl who took my order. I ordered a tall Frappicino because I only had $4 in cash. However it rang over $4, which I had to failover to my credit card. After that, she got all snooty with me.
Don’t defend this girl, don’t give her the benefit of the doubt, because what you’d be doing is defending her!
And you wonder why I have a hard time dealing with girls?

Birds and the Bees

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I am not a kind of guy who likes to talk “dirty” subjects. I am not kind of guy who acts childish if someone had put a penis into a vagina and laughs about it. I am also a guy who would never talk vulgar to his peer gal friend. I’d never use phrases like “boner” even if its in the common lexicon of the twentysomethings.
I find the subject on sex a very scared subject and a very intimate manner. It’s to the point where I was very hesitant of learning sex from my mother.  I felt like it was very controversial over graphic nature to talk about it. My sex ed IQ might be much lower, though I know the basics about it.
I also don’t talk about it to my primary care doctor (or PCP in the health insurance lingo.) He’s kinda like a brotherly figure, similar to a guy who used to work at my school, but that relationship never went beyond that. (Albeit he left the school the same year his father passed away, which I think messed him up seriously for many years.)  That same guy I felt comfortable talking about, like girls. I know that boundary is very thick to women of course. Even if I am not that close, I do have concerns about my sexual health, but I have kept it secret for so long. At this point, it might not be worth it to mention given how long I have not mentioned about a specific personal issue with me.
However I have stayed away talking about girls to my mother, more in the last couple of years. That has been a sacred subject to the point I built a Chinese firewall. Often it was the SSDD,  same stuff, different day. Another was to migrate any teasing. Also crushes – isn’t that expected for teenagers? Sometimes if a girl at a specific time of my life that was such prevalence, I would bring it up to my mother.  Often I keep that a separate and personal issue.
Presently there was a girl at the local grocery store who works as a cashier that I started to have feelings. Why? Because she shows at least some, some interest (i.e. acknowledging my presence in a friendly way.) I wanted to go on specific days or shifts to see her. At the last time I have seen her was probably a month ago. The last 2 weeks, I had to compromise with my mothers schedule. It might had been one week, but I was trying to push one of the last few weeks.
I’ve tried to keep this crush as secret as possible. Yes, I find her cute, and not only that, it’s because she’s friendly. You don’t see that anywhere south of the Pemigwasett River and north of the I-93/95 split and west of I-91 in Mass. I’ve said this before, you can’t get away from the snobby brats that have infested Central New England.
I’ve learned that in this lawyered up, cry baby,  ambulance chasing society that people don’t comment on speculation, such as if companies are merging, and rumor against a company or person or something else that isn’t based on pure fact. I personally build myself on being the most complaint individual in society with the strongest moral and ethical, and compliance standards. So with that, I find crushes in a legalese way of “speculative relationships“. Isn’t a crush something of a grey manner? Would it destroy your reputation, or the other girl’s reputation? If yes to both of those questions, then it would be some form of a speculative relationship. Therefore, I shouldn’t have obligation to disclose that i am going to the local grocery store at a specific time, because I want to see my crush (even if she probably is a trashy girl off the clock) and any admission could destroy my relationship or hers. (albeit, a “crush” is a one way relationship.)
Again, back to the subject in hand, it is important for me to have a firewall between my different people in my life in terms of sex and specific details about romance. Sex to me is a personal, very sensitive issue. Some times the thought is very glamorous, sometimes its just too graphic and literally messy.  All this of course based on just opinion and not fact.  I’ve asked my self so many questions about sex, and I’ve mentioned this prior to in the “Slutty In the Head” theme.
I am a little more open here, because I try to talk about the subject manner with proper class and respect on the issue. Part of it is because I find it a serious manner, than something more casual. It might be because I am a serious guy,

The Problem Exists Between the Man and the Woman’s Mind

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*Don’t take that title the wrong way, that’s why I used the phrase “mind”
In the information technology or information systems world, there is an acronym called PEBCAK or Problem Exists Between the Chair and Keyboard. Sometimes people will call the helpdesk, or submit a ticket electronically, and when the IT or IS admin comes to the user, and the problem can’t be reproduced, they’ll blame the operator, hence PEBCAK.
Turning the analogy around back to the relationships world, I sometimes wonder the reason why I don’t have a social circle is because of me. I am pretty quick to attribute the problem to women. I guess social standards still are against men, that they are the problem, and women they are just perfect.
I have had been told by strangers on the Internet that maybe it’s just my own fault about feeling various ways about romance, girls and then some. I always try to feel considerate to the naysayers (even if they are anonymous.)
But do I have a case, or do I not? Why is it OK for women to badmouth men, but when men do it its socially inappropriate? Why is it ok for girls to bite boys heads off in high school but if a guy does it he gets in trouble?
Is this a reversed double-standard?
I need to take a cold look at myself in the mirror. Maybe I am just bitter for no reason. Maybe I made it up and not realized it. Maybe this view in society was just a very long and bad dream. I should own up any mistakes I have done in blocking my expansion of my social circle.
Afterall, they say that the woman is right, no matter how wrong she could be. Always assume they are right.

The Twenty-Six Year Old Virgin

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I wear that status as a badge of honor.
I don’t think there are that many 26 year olds guys that are virgins.  Obviously the same can be applied to girls, since many of them, dare I say have “done it” never mind kissing and stuff.
I feel that I stand out of the crowd even if people know it.
I think it can be a good thing because being an outsider looking into a 4 wall glass, and sometimes and outsider can give you a better prospective on a subject similar to this. Sometimes I think the 4 wall clear glass is like the modern day “state school” or an institution for the mentally retarded.  Just because an institution is closed down, it just moves to another place.
Well, I feel as I get older, I’ll be 40 in nearly 13 years. That’s scary, especially when my clock is ticking, and I am not sure if I want to breed another depressed autistic into the world.
I mentioned in the beginning of this blog (the first carnation last summer) that females peak in their sexuality in their mid twenties. And to have a proper relationship of having commonality, that is going to be cutting it if I can’t find anyone my own age. (Yes, because many autistics are creepy like people, we were forced to learn to be around our own type, our own ages, and that the “7 year rule” is stricken out with the “2 year rule” that is an expectation – when you are in high school. What hurts me the most, is that many teenagers are more socially experienced than I am! 
I had to carry the baggage about the understanding of the realization of my actual social abilities for so long. My “social IQ” is very low. I have a hard time at times understanding the others feelings or visions. People especially “normal” people my age are not understanding, but would understand someone who has dark skin. (Yes, people in this society are racist  is it so sad?)
If I want a girl in my life, I don’t even care if she is near my age group. How many people of my or your age group is intelligent, who can speak articluatly, who watches traditional TV, or consumes news from professionals (like the newspapers, local TV, talk or all news radio?) How many of them use computers whether or not they like it or not? How many single girls are out there who love gadgets? It’s always a tease for me to to go to the local RadioShack and see a cutie that appears to be taken. Hell, RadioShack isn’t what it used to be, but there needs to be credit where credit is due when there is a girl out there that at least gives a damn about tech.
I’ve also said this, where it bears repeating: good looking girls are taken, decent caring girls are taken, girls with compassion are taken. Which leaves the hot looking and aggressive attitudes single, the not so pretty girls are single, and motherly types I don’t want to be arms length to!
As painful as it is, sometimes its best to be single and pure and to avoid love at all costs. It has put a huge cost my life, taking away years that were wasted that I can’t get back. The best option is to just move on and try to not engage with ladies, and just be at arms length and run away if they are showing interest.

Catfish, part two

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If you follow MTV’s Catfish, you know the ins and outs of people fibbing of who they are online. I’ve always found the series so interesting because many online relationships (at least featured on this program) begin on Facebook. (you know the full-name mandated unwritten social rule of the social networking road?)
This show was clearly a surprise. As someone who has a hard time keeping a suprise, I was able to not spoil ANYTHING when my mother and grandmother watched this show On Demand last Thursday. As someone who has autism, its sometimes be hard to fib.
Well, the rest is a spoiler alert if you haven’t watched it.
Last Tuesday’s episode was so interesting. The show featured Lauren, 21 year old Texan who met a guy on MySpace (I had to search what was MySpace!) 8 years ago. They also got engaged. Lauren had moved a lot when she was younger and her mother had passed away when she was 6. Lauren tried to authenticate this guy named Derek, a guy that lives in Maryland to offer him a webcam, in which he had turned down every time.
The two on camera talent  met with Lauren, whom of which had a child a couple years ago at her house and she had touted “in her heart” she “knew” that he “was the right guy”. This line alone  “the fact that I haven’t met him doesn’t matter. I know what I want”  was how she was throughout the entire episode. When the hosts Nev Schulman and Max Joseph went to dig up the information, the “Derek” guy appeared to be legitimate, and the real red flag was the phone number. When they looked up the phone number it was another man, and when they searched that person’s identity it was an middle aged black man. The guys were skeptical, and concerned about Derek
Nev and Max brought this up to Lauren and she still believed in what her heart was telling her. The father and stepmother then came to meet with the three of them, which the father was surprised that there was a crew there, and never even heard of Catfish. They also didn’t know this Derek was someone who she met online and the father had some legitimate concern for his daughter and both parents urged caution if she choose to meet them in person.
When Max and Nev went to call Derek, he got nervous too. He explained needing advance notice, a set schedule, etc. What wasn’t mentioned on the air or even at all, could possibly be very well he was skeptical about Lauren. Maybe she was too good to be true too!  As they went to Maryland and on the ride to his house, she started to get very nervous, and Max and Nev were trying to be realistic as she was getting testy of them as she felt they were trying to minimize the legitimacy of Derek.
Well, it could’ve been one the most surprising moments of the series. As they got to Derek’s house, and Lauren ringing the doorbell, she got more nervous and turned her back against the door.  Derek opened the door and came right behind her. I was surprised to see it was really him. This show was kinda like the Friendzone because they had time to kill and featured a few minutes of them in their first actual date.
Her son Mason, did come with a best friend, and the following day Derek met with Mason. They seemed to get along right out of the bat. And about the phone number? Derek had the number as long as he had it, and doesn’t know why that other individual’s name is on his number.  A live (at least on the first run on the Eastern/Central time zone)  follow up program had both of them on, and they are still together, and taking it one step at time. They hope to get married within a year.  Both Max and Nev stated that they were skeptical and they were surprised to see it was really him.
This was so fun to watch, and there were a couple good tweets
@Bunch1402  “One of the best shows ever for catfish! So happy for Lauren and Dereck. We need more shows like that one!”
but I think this tweet is going to be back to reality
@thatoneguydrew: “This last episode of @CatfishMTV brought tears to my eyes. Seeing this come to pass was worth all the sadness from all the other eps!”
This was a nice distraction from the typical depressing experiences featured on Catfish. Out of 99.99% of the such online relationship, that .1% can be a story like Lauren and Derek. Very rare in a crazy world of online relationships. This needs to be bottled up!

Another Match.com Failure!

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I just wonder if people can steal over the air TV signals, why can I can I get Match.com for free? Isn’t that “pro consumers”? (If you are not skilled in current events, I suggest you google Barry Diller, IAC/Interactive Corp and Aereo and you’ll get the picture.)
I was at the beach yesterday and was on my iPhone using my Match.com app. I found a successful 32 year old woman who I thought was interesting. I clicked on the “like button” and within a few minutes she “liked” me.
Well sometime in the last 20 hours ether she got scared of me or what, but she blocked me. A direct link claims the profile is not found. But if you are used to being blocked and being logged in a 404 error is not really an error. It’s because someone doesn’t like you!
What am I kidding, I had the SAME EXACT experience on OKCUPID, which in turn is owned by IAC, which owns Match.com – which I didn’t have to pay for to use it.
Girls hate guys and they do insane things such as using a dating service website and insist they will get a different result of finding someone that isn’t so hateful. I say that because I’m kinda gayish anyways.

Advice on Love

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If you love someone so much, do not show it. To some people, its considered inappropriate and improper forms of affection. This is limited to anyone with a disorder, if you look like a creep or not!
Do not insist on chasing after her. Of course, we are assuming you Asperger Syndrome punks understand that didn’t mean literally. If that is the case, you should sign up to be a Level 3 Sex Offender as we are taught to act like, because thanks to your group that has ruined it for the rest of us! Figuratively, that can be considered as stalking or harassment.
Do not show forms of public displays of affection. It is considered socially inappropriate to some groups, illegal in various jurisdictions. Maybe OK in Connecticut, but probably illegal in England, Canada or some very illtolerant jurisdiction. I don’t think I need to say sexual harassment unless you are socially retarded to not know that excessive PDA is just trashy.
More coming soon as this will be a continuing theme

Lack of Social Class/Status

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One of my weakest skills is a lack of higher social class or “status”. This set of baggage has made me question relationships and this is in part of the over-educated psychologists who have made slanderous statements on autism in a very negative way.
I’ve mentioned here on many occasions, I grew up from a lower middle class family when really my town was really an upper class, bordering on sinful amounts of snobbery. I had to deal with the baggage of a mass amounts of people in my community who didn’t believe in publicly funding special education in the public schools. I also had to carry on with many people who grew up on the idea to think globally and forget the world in their neighborhood. That town also had a lot of gifted people, and not that there is anything wrong of being super smart, but they look down at anyone who isn’t like them.
I was literally the down to earth guy from the small town. The problem is, no one would want to be friends (or a romantic relationship) of a “homely” like person.
I still carry that baggage into my new community, of almost 3 years. If I had it my way, I’d love to stay here for the rest of my life. The problem is there aren’t that many people my own age that would like that because thanks to a company called Boeing, the idea of traveling (or moving) to another place so easily (sans national security delays) within hours (days or weeks ) is something that people like. But such technology has ruined society and the centuries long social norms.
This goes back to what I was writing yesterday of lack of loyalty.
Getting back on track, most people at my age are now driving in ether something above the Honda Civic (yeah I’m being a little stereotypical) or driving an SUV. And because I don’t drive (NOR do I trust anything that is in the “public transportation” family) therefore I don’t have any significant level of social class. Only thing I have is a High School diploma which often gets looked down by the snobby elites of the Greater Boston residents. I must have at least a 2 year college degree or even a 4 year degree to just be accepted to a larger social group.  I don’t have the money to go to college, nor am I competent. I don’t have a father with a fat Rolodex ether.
Sadly I was exposed to such snobbery which effects my future relationships.
Why is snobbery accepted in society? Why isn’t it not refereed as something socially inappropriate? Why is it OK?