Category Archives: Cyber Friends

Relationships w/ Redundancies & Independencies

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Today’s post can easily be taken as a business, technological or investment advice, but actually – it has to do with relationships.
I come from a small, but pretty tight knit family. That on the piece of paper might sound sexy, but in the reality in the bigger picture, and as time goes on is actually bad.
My mother had me more than 2 decades ago and basically has said on a number of occasions that I was the “best thing that happened to” her. Ok that’s nice and flattering, but that same mentality that went into my childhood, into my teenage years and into my adulthood sorry looses its relevancy. Why? Because my mother has admitted recently that she overprotected me. Factor that, and knowing my father was absent in my life then my mother loosing her high school friend, I guess she started to build her life around me. Then basically my life was built around my mother.
Is there something wrong in that picture?
The answer is “yes.”
As you probably learned in school if you are around my age, you are not supposed to be overly reliant on anyone, or depend on someone to love you or to live them. You shouldn’t be spending your entire life around one person and revolve around you two ether.
What if something happened to your family member, or even your loved one? I knew a guy who worked in my school who actually lost his wife unexpectedly. They went to lunch and said goodbye and I love yous and then got a telephone call from a hospital that she died (something like a heart attack.) He actually got so depressed he actually went psycho. I don’t know what happened to him. My school I used to go to doesn’t employ any of the staff I was close with anymore. They are all elsewheres in life. Anyways He was kinda chickie like guy, depending on his wife to do everything.
Ok, enough with independency what about redundancy?
You should never have just a first tier of social circles. It’s just like baseball or football, you should have second or third stringers and make sure those stringers have enough experience on the field just in case the first tier fails.  Can I say Tom Brady? You’d know what I am talking about If you have watched a few New England Patriots games.
For example: instead not just having one friend, or one BFF; take into consideration to have maybe two or three.  The average in my household is actually 2 – too me that’s unhealthy, but it shouldn’t be like 500 ether. Maybe 6 would be the best. Redundancies come into play in case one of your friends gets too tied up with a girlfriend or a wife, someone getting knocked up and then has to put 100% attention to the kid till s/hes 18, or even a job can distract someone.  By spreading out the risk to other people who might not be in a similar situation is strongly recommended. This requires your social circle to be as diverse and fault tolerant as possible – which goes to your advantage.
Having multiple levels of relationships and levels of backup and social failovers are the best way you can live your life healthily. It’s the same of putting too many eggs in one basket, or a Swiss Army Friend, they can do a lot, but if that one fails, then you might fail as well.

Catfish, part two

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If you follow MTV’s Catfish, you know the ins and outs of people fibbing of who they are online. I’ve always found the series so interesting because many online relationships (at least featured on this program) begin on Facebook. (you know the full-name mandated unwritten social rule of the social networking road?)
This show was clearly a surprise. As someone who has a hard time keeping a suprise, I was able to not spoil ANYTHING when my mother and grandmother watched this show On Demand last Thursday. As someone who has autism, its sometimes be hard to fib.
Well, the rest is a spoiler alert if you haven’t watched it.
Last Tuesday’s episode was so interesting. The show featured Lauren, 21 year old Texan who met a guy on MySpace (I had to search what was MySpace!) 8 years ago. They also got engaged. Lauren had moved a lot when she was younger and her mother had passed away when she was 6. Lauren tried to authenticate this guy named Derek, a guy that lives in Maryland to offer him a webcam, in which he had turned down every time.
The two on camera talent  met with Lauren, whom of which had a child a couple years ago at her house and she had touted “in her heart” she “knew” that he “was the right guy”. This line alone  “the fact that I haven’t met him doesn’t matter. I know what I want”  was how she was throughout the entire episode. When the hosts Nev Schulman and Max Joseph went to dig up the information, the “Derek” guy appeared to be legitimate, and the real red flag was the phone number. When they looked up the phone number it was another man, and when they searched that person’s identity it was an middle aged black man. The guys were skeptical, and concerned about Derek
Nev and Max brought this up to Lauren and she still believed in what her heart was telling her. The father and stepmother then came to meet with the three of them, which the father was surprised that there was a crew there, and never even heard of Catfish. They also didn’t know this Derek was someone who she met online and the father had some legitimate concern for his daughter and both parents urged caution if she choose to meet them in person.
When Max and Nev went to call Derek, he got nervous too. He explained needing advance notice, a set schedule, etc. What wasn’t mentioned on the air or even at all, could possibly be very well he was skeptical about Lauren. Maybe she was too good to be true too!  As they went to Maryland and on the ride to his house, she started to get very nervous, and Max and Nev were trying to be realistic as she was getting testy of them as she felt they were trying to minimize the legitimacy of Derek.
Well, it could’ve been one the most surprising moments of the series. As they got to Derek’s house, and Lauren ringing the doorbell, she got more nervous and turned her back against the door.  Derek opened the door and came right behind her. I was surprised to see it was really him. This show was kinda like the Friendzone because they had time to kill and featured a few minutes of them in their first actual date.
Her son Mason, did come with a best friend, and the following day Derek met with Mason. They seemed to get along right out of the bat. And about the phone number? Derek had the number as long as he had it, and doesn’t know why that other individual’s name is on his number.  A live (at least on the first run on the Eastern/Central time zone)  follow up program had both of them on, and they are still together, and taking it one step at time. They hope to get married within a year.  Both Max and Nev stated that they were skeptical and they were surprised to see it was really him.
This was so fun to watch, and there were a couple good tweets
@Bunch1402  “One of the best shows ever for catfish! So happy for Lauren and Dereck. We need more shows like that one!”
but I think this tweet is going to be back to reality
@thatoneguydrew: “This last episode of @CatfishMTV brought tears to my eyes. Seeing this come to pass was worth all the sadness from all the other eps!”
This was a nice distraction from the typical depressing experiences featured on Catfish. Out of 99.99% of the such online relationship, that .1% can be a story like Lauren and Derek. Very rare in a crazy world of online relationships. This needs to be bottled up!

Busy bodies and busy Relationships

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It’s rather interesting how people today are lacking relationship skills and not just social skills ether.  I blame this on airplanes, the Web and just the acceptation that its okay to screw someone and jump around jobs like its no ones business.
I’ve been using Match.com for nearly a couple of months and I do not like to engage a user that lives in New Hampshire but lived in Colorado for a decade or someone who lives in Boston who came from the Midwest and loves everything about Boston. Simply, I know there is more to New England than the City itself. I love Springfield, Hartford, Providence, Burlington, and Worcester! Isn’t that a surprise!
(Of course, I withheld Portland or Augusta because Maine sucks – I’ve  been there enough to say they are weirdos and hicks – that’s why I don’t visit there that often!)
I digress.
However, this kind of busy lifestyles doesn’t work well with someone who has difficulty transitioning from one place to another. I rarely moved in my lifetime, only about 3 or 4 miles of where I spent most of my first 23 years of my life. When I was 23, it was about 12 or so miles that I moved from the previous town I lived in.
The problem in three words? Lack of  Loyalty.
I grew up in New Hampshire, and traveled around the region, I wouldn’t trade this area for anywhere else. I have some, and I say some pride of where I live. Many of my peer groups does not have such level of some respect.
And this to me is a problem. The Millennial generation (i.e. the synthetically autistic types) are still acting like teenagers as some in this generation are 36 years old. For some reason we have allowed the vast majority of the normal functioning population to act like autistics while my group are expected to function as normal as possible. Which explains why marriage is much later and having children at a later age is happening. Dare I say having a child in their 30s can cause birth defects or even disabilities like autism. Even worse north of 40? These childish people are relying on unreliable technology to have children at a later age.
Again, I am probably making a low educated opinion on this, but craved stability since middle school. Even when I rarely moved physically, I went to several schools in almost every 2 years.  The staff in the schools had a very short shelflife too. Again, they were the twentysomethings figuring their lives out with the most mission critical job required of such lack of responsibilities. On top of the very young age, the other excuse was “they need to start somewhere”.

I feel sometimes I’ve worked in the local TV news business, when one’s job security (historically) was lot worse than other jobs like working in the public sector, the phone company, or corporate jobs, and if someone got randomly fired, their career in TV news was actually “cursed”.  The Special Education world worked much like a particular Boston news station, and to use such analogy is pretty pathetic. Because no individual should feel like their classroom is a newsroom of a revolving doors of producers (teachers) or director (executive management) while the child (student) is like the viewer witnessing dysfunctional news operation.

Though I feel that loyalty the lack thereof is a roadblock to future relationships for me. How can I get “locked into” a relationship if the girl wants to move to California or Houston or some other random place in 2 years?
I can’t live such life anymore. I can’t imagine anyone living like that.

Friends, Girlfriends and Relationships

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As you know – when it comes to almost any type of relationships – for me, its Greek, a foreign language. That’s why there is a blog about relationships published by yours truly!
Some of this has to do with conflicting social protocols. What am I talking about? I’m talking about when a friend of your’s gets into “A Relationship”. I’ve heard from many people that when someone gets a boy or girlfriend their relationships around them start to shutter. Supposedly, they spend a lot of time with their girlfriend, or Significant Other (S.O.)
I cannot personally confirm this since I, myself have never been in any romantic relationships.
What I do know is this: when someone enters into any romantic relationship – they shouldn’t be shuttering the other relationships they had prior to. To me when one falls in love, they become selfish, lack of respect to their friends (dare I say “single” friends) and the whole relationship with the friend changes. Can I say narcissistic?
In today’s society we have already accepted the fact that we can’t fight the mass numbers of selfish, self entitled, narcissistic, me, me, me types.  I have had to deal with these types for so many years, and sadly I have settled to accept the fact that there really aren’t that many caring people to begin with, worse when they become in love.
I can’t run away from the puzzling world of relationships, can’t I?

Confidence

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Match.com’s app tells me that “women are attracted to confidence.”
IMG_2651
 
Oh really? I have found “confidence” to be arrogance. You know like the ol’ MySpace bumper sticker that said “Confidence… is what makes a girl sexy.” That really should had read “Confidence…is what makes a girl slutty.”
I am so tired of how there is so much standards for men as women can do whatever the fuck she wants and gets away with it whether its her monthly period or her “social capital” or whatever freckin excuse that can make her arrogant.
I have gotten myself locked into another 3 months worth of a subscription to find my future friend forever, but that hasn’t gotten to well. Not that my profile is “negative” you see, its always the girls who tease and want the attention but fail it miserably when an opportunity knocks, on her door you see.

Crushes, part two

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If there is a such thing as a relationship status called “crushes” then that’s the only closest relationship outside of my family.
Another word is infatuation, meaning one is foolishly in love with someone. Crushes are well known for someone with ASD, as in some cases
I’ve dealt with it since I was 12. Some of them were highly intense and caused mass devastation in the years that followed. And it can be severe.  In many cases with ASD individuals is teachers, since many students are male and are in a 98% male educational establishment. And of course we cannot date teachers as that is immoral and illegal even when you are in that gray years of 18 to 21.
But I’ve gotten a LOT of grief throughout the years of having a crush on somebody. If I can redact part of my past, I would, but you can’t fully redact history.
I’ve learned to gag myself about talking about crushes in order to protect my reputation, since I am one that gives a damn about his reputation. Obviously I try to not be as obvious, and I’ve learned to try to tone down my feelings. I don’t talk about, just like how I just mentioned (hence the “gag’), and I just zip it. I’m not a homosexual, but I observe the “don’t ask, don’t tell” practice. If someone asks me if I have a crush on someone, I don’t say just like I shouldn’t say I have a crush on somebody.
Why?
Because if I do, then the crush becomes one large superstorm and it just get out of control and then the storm comes by with shame, anger and guilt.
And sure people may pick on me as a form of admiration, but it has destroyed my reputation.
I always happen to like the wrong people, the ones who are married or “In a Relationship” or someone with kids. And I also apparently like to repeat history and never learn from my mistakes, since I keep having infatuations with different people. Maybe because I have been so accustomed to a one-way relationship and having the PDD label tattooed on my forehead that I feel that will be the only relationship I can have, even if its strongly unhealthy.

Facebook – “Real People” + Fake Content = No Social Accountability

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It is no surprise that Facebook is not good for the overall society and of course its the few bad apples of the “normal” functioning population.
The background of this story was inspired by a recent posts of a blog I follow, Once a Month 4 Ladies, I also opined on this post.
There has been studies dating in the last couple of years that using Facebook and having friends who post over glamorous content that is only a snapshot of ones life.
It is hard to try to distill all the drama from the childish adults on Facebook.
One of my pet peeves is how people have locked down their profile down to only “friends” who can see the content. I am not saying I am a creepy and Level 3 sex offender or a stalker, but if you are keeping things private, then should you even be putting promiscuous photos on the packetwaves called the Internet?
Especially when it’s someone who posts a scandalous default picture, then gets all creeped out from all the attention. Well if you build it, people come! It isn’t my fault that someone upstairs made you beautiful! Its not my fault that your father wasn’t doing his job of teaching you how to control your assets!
The rest of the story comes from some heavy personal opinions of being raised from a not so privileged family, and someone dealing with his disorder, of being younger and more neiave than his peers. I started to see the ins and outs of the social privileged world when I was just 21 or so. And coming to such realization really disturbed me, but it was always like that, and in every society there is privileged class.
What has driven me nuts is how people who use Facebook are required to use their “real name”. Facebook has said for a long time that society’s social norms believe if you use your real full name in the real world that it should extend to the virtual world.
Let me tell you some secrets, since I live near the county where Facebook was created. There are some certain locales where people’s egos go above their “full name”. In certain affluent areas like Hahhhvahhhd Yahhdd, or Westchester County, NY, people have certain levels of social class or status. And in these certain privileged social circles, referring to someone like Mark Zuckerberg for an example is proper social protocol to refer him by his full name, because it is the uppity way of addressing someone who has high levels of social privilege.
You’ll also notice in comments, especially on embedded websites like Weather.com, where people will reply to users by their full name. If there is only one Stephanie*   in the thread, some people will refer you unwillingly as “Stephanie Brickenelli*”. Again my theory of uppity and ultra classy socialization is in my opinion just wrong.
*using a random and fictitious name
Since Facebook went live first in Harvard and later to a few other Ivy League colleges (oh, I mean University), it would explain my logic about the uppity class of “full name”. Sure MySpace or Live Journal was a screenname based system, Facebook was trying to eliminate the screen name because allegedly you could be anyone behind a screenname.
Well Catfish has clearly debunked that myth, and the worst offense is people are fibbing behind the real-name sites like Facebook!
So in these real-name social networks, people may be posting things under their real given name, but the issue is how they over focus on the positive! Their lives under their real-name are so rosey, the truth kinda gets a little twisted. And sadly, some people get caught into the over positive, that it causes people to avoid contacting them  (and my own Facebook account was over negative.)
Unlike other people, I don’t fault Facebook. It isn’t the medium, it is the message. It is the people who post things under their legal identity and they hold no accountability; from the scandalous photos to just making their lives comparable to a Cambridge, Massachusetts or Cambridge England of a socially privileged class.
However, if Facebook should deserve such criticism, Facebook opened an offline world of uppity social class and virtualized it and made everyone both online and offline a socially entitled brat, and that’s the sad truth about the [social] world that revolves around Facebook.