I know what I’m looking for in a girl (even if I am totally dissing my hopes for a dream girl, as per to my Countdown, and current beliefs.)
I have an Ideal Girl drawn out and outlined to the detail!
You’ll have to wait till Thursday when I uncover my Dream Girl. Keep Following and Stay Tuned!
If you follow Wall Street or the business news, you probably heard a little scandalous post from Reed Hastings, a pompous ass C.E.O. from Netflix. Hastings used his private Facebook account to disclose financial information, that allegedly the public has a right to know.
His Facebook account (not a page mind you) is private. Allegedly the information he posted, is only visible to his friends. Again, this man is the C.E.O. of an American company that trades on the NASDAQ Stock Market, and a company that has to comply with the Securities and Exchange Commission. This is not a startup company, not a privately held business, and not something coming out of mums and dad’s basement. The man is posting data that would be expected from the latter and NOT the former. This man has a rap sheet of posting “material information” that could impact that NASDAQ traded stock, and using his blog on the Netflix website and in other venues that the S.E.C. prohibits at this time.
Sorry Reed, you can’t have it both ways, keep the general public out of your postings from your PRIVATE Facebook account. Courtesy: Facebook
I’m not going into a political issue, discussing rights and wrongs, what I will discuss is how public officials are using private accounts and using that as a backdoor to a growing world of Destruction of Public trust for a public entity (i.e. corruption.) Corruption is more dangerous to society in my opinion that anything else.
Definition:
“dishonest or fraudulent conduct by those in power, typically involving bribery : the journalist who wants to expose corruption in high places.”
dictionary.app from my Mac.
Key word in this issue is “dishonest”. Dishonest by using something such as a private Facebook account to discuss something of allegedly financial impact to a large company.
Ok, I don’t get this. Why in the hell is a C.E.O. is allowed to have a private Facebook account? If he wants to have something like that for his position, he should contact the PR department and issue a Facebook page controlled by the PR (or in this case the Investor Relations people), to make sure he is in compliant of all laws! C.E.O.s do not have the time to Facebook. Sorry, it is what it is. I don’t care if its 2012 or 2050 when we will allegedly be using wearable computers, C.E.O.s need to be sitting down in an office with a Windows NT issued workstation/laptop and abide by Corporate IT policies and comply with many laws whether you like it or not.
And who in their left minds think its cool to literally befriending an executive elected by company shareholders? It is a lack of disrespect! If you work in the industry or work for Netflix this shows how shallow this social society has become. And all the Silicon Valley boys who should be in jail some way shape or form for being cool, have no opposition.
I’ve said before, I grew up against the Baby Boomer generation, and when I see those people and their Millenial offsprings and how disrespecful they are and how many “friends” they have – as someone who feels that he needs to be a little scared by the big boss for a value of respect is just an utter shame!
I really am ASHAMED for seeing how many people are so “autistic” and the really autistic individuals are your old fashioned, law abiding, respectful “normal” citizens. I can’t believe I am saying that only 5 years ago it was unknown if MySpace was going to have legs or Facebook sustaining. Now there is all these social media all over the place enabling corrupted behavior!
If I was the Federal attorney, I’d throw him in the slammer. If he is doing PUBLIC business behind a PRIVATE Facebook account, that’s a violation of SEC laws in some form. We could appreciate having less bastards in the uber world called Silicon Valley. It is YOU that are destroying the social standards!
SHAME!
A story that is 100% fiction, and is slightly based loosely on my experiences with romance.
A guy has a crush on a cute girl. She’s about 5′ 3″, (taller with various heeled shoes) slender, long dark brown hair, brown eyes, with a nice personality. In the real world, its hard to come by. She works as a store clerk for a random retail firm.
The guy went to this store and saw this girl for the first time. The girl says “hi” and for someone like this guy he got fluttered and was taken off guard. As he was looking around of things he’d love to have, but can’t spend too much or he doesn’t have space for them (he is underemployed, and has to live in a certain amount to get disability benefits.) The guy’s heart started to get warm, and his hormones would start to fire up.
He leaves the shop, hoping he would see her again.
He comes back a week later, and starts to flirt with her again. (Turns out when he isn’t there, this girl flirts with other people.) Repeat that a few other times.
Well he came back one time, got a few things, and depending on the social protocol; he starts to say things like “I like you.” He can’t go beyond those three words. Another time he comes back, he sees her, and says something even more stronger. He blurts out inadvertently “I love you.” She didn’t like that statement, and started to feel threatened. It was then, that he blew it, and that place was cursed forever, he decided to not go there anymore. This experience confirmed to his beliefs that love is too good to be true – if its too good to be true, then it must be.
He goes home to his room on the attic level of his mother’s house (lives in a “cape” type house.) and just cries to sleep because he can’t do anything right. He feels like he doesn’t feel like he has the entitlement of a romantic relationship, and in every previous experience was just a gawddang infatuation.
The End.
I went and searched online why women are skeptical about a couple weeks ago.
This was the result.
Right out of the box, my own blog earlier asking this question came up on the Bing results, as the first hit!
I was searching for other resources because I really don’t get the idea why women have to question things. I don’t know if its a genetic thing or what. The Yahoo Questions was in the context of dating, and why girls are skiddish. That its an obvious answer, they are afraid of being taken advantage in the sexual way. That is interesting, because girls are weird thinking they can come off a as serious person but looking skanky at the same time.
So what about someone like me? Why do women of all types, middle age, young, girls around my age always seem to be generically skeptical? Let me be fair, there are men that can be pretty skeptical too. I felt that such second-guessing or strong skepticism caused me to not be as serious. Its like people judge people guilty until proven innocent, and maybe that’s where I got that logic from.
Skepticism needs to be done at the proper timing, generally questioning someone in my view is like at times being interrogated or even being talked down.
Maybe I am misreading cues, maybe I’ve viewed such skepticism the wrong way. Maybe I just don’t look like I’m questionable because that is something I have dealt with since existence.
I’ve lost my love for Christmas.
I’ve lost it not for reasons like loosing beliefs on various parts of the holiday, its the troubles of understanding the real meaning because of the collapse of my world of relationships.
Let’s start with the family aspect. My family has collapsed under my watch since my younger days, and the days where I was living in a very narrow world. At a young age, I’ve witnessed my family’s depression, the divorce of my maternal grandparents, and my other parts of my family causing “drama” to the most severest degree. I do not want to go into further details, to protect my family’s innocence, and to not dare I say exploit them, and to keep my identity private, if I give more hints.
Regardless, as we have closed that chapter of our lives, it’s still bothersome.
Friends. Now Christmas time isn’t all about family, (although if I was a real practicing Christian, I’d assume it would be at least 99% family focused) but it could be about friends. As I mentioned on this blog before, I’ve dealt with over a couple years of having to sort out the remaining social circle from high school that has been dormant in my life since. I will say my social circle has been very small, and was known to be vulnerable due do the size and my emotional, developmental and social dysfunctions. With that being said, having to deal with a constant change of people coming and going out of my life has made it even more tougher. This is a known fact for people with ASD that they can’t stand constant changes in the social world.
I feel very alone, and I feel so disconnected than ever before in my life. Now, as I said earlier, I know I need to change different things in order to be likeable. But I do understand giving how different I am, and a “true friendship” requires common goals, ideals and beliefs. If I can’t meet those points, then I am doomed to failure, which is why I have attempted by the beginning of next year to avoid social contact.
The faith is another component of the frustrations of the understanding of the holiday. I’ve lost faith with god and christ as time went on. As I noticed disasters occurring in various parts of the world, I started to come to a conclusion that God was attempting to terrorize the respected locations. My mother is a “born again Christan” and such beliefs have caused gridlock to agreement. My mother has said that God does not do such things (one example was the first-known earthquake I had experienced in October.) With such disagreement, I’ve kinda kept religion as a taboo subject with my own mother! I feel the devil had created me, and why would god create misfits of such number (if you believe the Centers for Disease Control’s figures of 1 and 88 children) and why is there a higher number for boys? Does god have something against boys and men? I’m skeptical, I feel like I am under siege, even if not me by-name, but generically being targeted.
The last part is this secular, agnostic, Switzerland nation we are becoming. The War on Christmas has been a haughty issue for quite a while now. I’ve gotten into intellectual arguments about taking away Christ into Christmas, especially in the publicly funded school systems. The States have become an apologist for the minorities, and instead of integrating the Jewish, and now the large growing Hindu religions, we have ether done a zero-tolerance (aka reversed-hate speech) against the Christan population by a) having just a “holiday party” or in some locales, celebrate all other minority holidays and zero-out Christmas entirely. First Grade in 1993, was the only time I had remembered both a Christmas and a Hannakuah party or celebrations. That is what one would call “diversity”.
I’ve learned that “Holiday” isn’t just a Holy Day (as the word derives from) but its a word to sound more sophisticated – ala sounding sexy, because the European movement has sadly gone west to America. Of course, there has been a lot of outrage for using “Happy Holidays” during Christmas, but I’ve noticed as early as 5 years ago, that this cancer has spread over to the Thanksgiving holiday. I would be asked, “how was your holiday”, instead of “how was your Thanksgiving?” I’ve find it more offensive using Holiday for a reference for Thanksgiving.
I am not the most religious person around, but it is sad that the minority of a group of hard working people, who would rather work almost every day out of the year, and a bunch of hateful crybabies would take away a TRUE holiday and ruin it for the rest of the population. Say what you want about the summertime, people take time off here and there, but no place totally shuts down like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and in the olden days New Years. Having a whole village shut down for a day, give an illusion that it is a day of rest from the daily routine. Typically I don’t watch much TV such as news (since I could watch it for the other 365 days) or sports (since pro football has one primetime game that night and hockey takes the holiday and basketball does nothing for me) and typically I’d watch a movie or two. The radio stations play Christmas music all day long with limited commercials during the peak hours, and I’m with the family during the whole day.
I’d be really disappointed if Thanksgiving will be taken away as a true holiday and obviously Christmas as time goes on.
These thoughts is how the crippling self perceives the slow coming of a crippling holiday
I’ve become more and more skeptical about any futures of being in love. I’ve never fallen in love with anyone, because there was no girl that was willing on her part to understand me and accept me for who I am.
Let’s try to see if a random girl could handle the following?
I’ve asked the question, would a girl date someone with autism on other parts of the Web and got disappointing results. I go and people watch, I try to flirt, only 1 and 50 random girls do that, Then trying to talk to a girl – its like – how in the hell can I talk to one and see if there is something? I’ve explained a week ago about another cutie I had written about, and finding out that painful answer.
Oh, I’ve gotten Facebook posts asking why just date someone who is autistic herself? Well, the cases are well male biased, and if there are any, they are likely taken since she will probably be in a relationship with an autistic/PDD counterpart. That doesn’t work out here. Same goes to all the ever so growing jobs for “paraprofessionals” in the twentysomething crowd. If they deal with them on the clock, do you think they’ll fuck with one literally off the clock? Thought so.
There are so many reasons why someone like me won’t be able to fall in love, the love is turning into hate because love can only work for so long, hate can be effectively eternal.
After the disaster earlier today, I would like to find a card for my mother (NOT as a kiss-up) but something of significance. Unfortunately, I’m likely a minority, so there aren’t any cards for someone who doesn’t know why he can’t fully love his mother.
But why aren’t there any? There’s got to be a few confused people out there.
Earlier this afternoon, my day went to hell.
It started this morning, when the mother noticed something on the table. Apparently I am a messy person, or I should admit I am a messy person. Sometimes I don’t clean off the table like I should. In anyway, I felt offended.
My mother was away for today and she came home, and I was still moody because I am tired of being criticized for sustaining a messy dining table, even when I am TRYING to do better, something of which I never get any praise for.
I got impatient after being criticized, and I threw a cardboard file box across the living room floor. I also threw a few uncontrollable f-bombs, but I was really getting offended by being criticized again and again.
At the same time, we were attempting to set up the Christmas Tree. If it weren’t for my mother’s statements this morning, we wouldn’t gotten into a swearing match, dropping things and having to restrain my mother from not throwing the Christmas Tree outside and making a scene in the neighborhood.
I admit, I’ve learned bad anger management skills from my mother.
We made an agreement when we moved over to the new house, we wouldn’t be in such high stress level compared to living at my grandmothers, she’ll be moving in the coming months, and she gets scared by our high strung arguments.
I think the problem is a relationship is broken and it is beyond repair -and it has been that way for a long time. This story doesn’t end yet
Meanwhile as this hell erupted, I have a meeting next week for planning next years services. My mother wants to kick me out and live on housing. Something I do not want to do. I don’t want to live in cheapass housing, and having the fear of the apartment burning down because some retard did something he wasn’t supposed to do. I live in Greater Boston, and you need to make at least $30,000 to live in some decent apartment. My mother has on and off this idea of moving out. For a long time she wanted out, but that was before she bought a house.
I had said on a number of occasions that I wished I was never born, and earlier on today that I wanted to put a noose over my neck. Those two statements I still defend. I have no idea how the world would be if I didn’t exist. I think about that alot. I don’t see the importance of my existence sometimes. My mother threatened me if I made another statement, she would put me to the psycho ward. And where I live, police officers bring people to the psych ward, since in my state it is illegal to kill yourself, and I guess if I attempt to do that, I violate state law. Well I’m surprised there hasn’t been a New Hampshire law prohibiting autistics to exist in this state – at least not yet. If society had it their way, they would make it illegal to have autism.
My mother has made mistakes in my upbringing. I’ve not said that explicitly here; nor do I choose blame her for her mistakes. I know I’ve made mistakes too. Though in the last few months I’ve heard various “statements” that shes said about my upbringing that was very hurtful to me. I can’t think of examples, and I will not disclose this on this blog. Such statements, I wouldn’t even thought of.
Our relationship has been endanger for quite a while now. The last time housing brought up was in August, during a very stressful time. Christmas is depressing and the regular stress has just increased. I’ve lost faith of higher power, since those same higher power have terrorized my area on a number of occasions the last few years. I strongly believe in the devil.
If you are ignorant about ASD or autism, if you read the beginning, you may think I am a jerk, well what really bothers me is why are the real jerks not getting punished? Some of these self-absorbed morons are my family! Such actions have occurred during this time of year. My existence to date, I’ve seen my family fall apart, and some believe that family is more important than friends, but I don’t like how small my family is now.
Another thing that very few people know about is my father, someone who I don’t even know! I’ve heard bits and pieces since I was 15. It was then I found out I was missing something else. My classmates in middle school were the inappropriate group that had brought this attention to me. And as time has gone on, I am feeling more and more that I should had a father, well what did my mother know when she had me at 16? Apparently my mother was under the impression her first love would be the one that lasted forever, and such young ignorance turned out to be quite different. My mother has said he was “verbally abusive” and explained details about that description.
I don’t know if I am better off without him or not. What I do know is my life is ending. There is no hope going forward. The amount of stupid people has made my future looking bleaker. I am planning going into 2013 (if I’m not lucky to die before then) to work, and be a fucking slave, and working my ass off (at least 20 hours a week) and get a paycheck and hopefully it won’t screw up my benefits because my services require a form of Medicaid for them to provide services and live on my own, since my mother has said we might have a better relationship not being closely together. Of course, the pursuit of romance will have to be crossed off depending on the housing, I can’t have her come over. Let alone how there are so many Valley Girls in my area, they are very narrow minded people, they only want a man with money and that can drive. I can’t drive because there so many self-absorbed Boston drivers on the local highways!
I don’t belong here. I shouldn’t be posting this story at all. Given how my mother has admitted at failure of being a better mother, there really is no need for this blog huh? I’m hoping I can exit out with grace from all the alleged mistakes I and my old and current support team and my mother has made.
And they say that autism isn’t caused by lack of empathy from the mother, or a mothers parenting style? That’s a lie, they don’t want to offend the mother. Apparently my mother has made so many mistakes, that lead for me to explain this.
I do know one thing for sure, I don’t care about love anymore. I understand that love should be a dirty word. Its a bad word. Hate is the new love in my opinion. Love has no meaning anymore generically and to my own personal situation. If I don’t understand my own relationship with my mother, and if I can’t grasp that, then how in the hell can I have any relationships?
Hence my title.
Silence is golden. As painful as that sounds, I am doing the people in my life a favor.
I “bite” my tongue because
I don’t want to offend anyone;
I don’t want to set someone off;
I don’t want to ruffle one’s feathers;
I don’t want to come off as crude, rude, hateful or bitter;
I don’t want to create any unneeded hostility
That I don’t want to be one of those crazy minded, “delusional” types
I have “bitten” my tongue for a long time, allowing the pain to go down my body.
This effect has caused my tongue to become “infected” – therefore I can’t
“speak”.
Unfortunately it is best for me to stay quiet – even if it hurts the close people in my life.
I can talk, and I should have the right to speak my mind; but in order to “be nice” its best I just stay quiet, because when I start talking, I set my self up for trouble.
There are so many things on my mind, but the people I talk to are probably not willing to hear me repeat my issues over and over, and the significant troubles of my relationships and the inability to fix them because beyond repairable.
I am doing the people in my life a favor by just zipping it.
Before my 21st birthday, the last day of grade school for me; I had considered that maybe I didn’t need to work and just live at home all day and all night, and not have any social interaction.
That didn’t go so well!!!
After getting some opposition to such plan, I didn’t do the work thing, because maybe having a social life could be a potential. (As you already know, I’ve had struggles in my life in that department.)
Now as 2013 comes along, I’ve decided the only goal in the next year is to finally find a job and just work. This world is pretty fucked up; and people do judge people by their job, their line of work, or hell even the company they work for. By not having any of that social status, I am a piece of a turd, and I am a non-existent person in society. (That latter statement could be me just being delusional.)
Notice that I didn’t state anything about a social life. This is how I am going to tackle this with my support team:
The following concerns base on my personal experience dealing with autism
*when you are in a 9 hour school program (depending on the ride times on the school bus) – miles away from your hometown that really isn’t “home” I’d highly bet you would feel you were put into a state institution.
I got a comment on the Facebook Page companion of this blog from a “Sandy Gallagher” (whom of which found my other blog’s facebook page) that I was being too bitter, and giving me advice that was out of line. (That comment was since deleted, because it didn’t meet the standards for responses.) This user must have had perceived me as someone living in my mothers basement 24×7. Well given this record 10 months of summer she’s probably right! This user appeared to be a motherly type, and going back to the subject in hand, doesn’t know the full story, and she probably didn’t read the stories beyond the Facebook hotlinks. And this is how the real world thinks too. People are very quick to judge people, and this kind of psyche is something I am strongly aware of.
I’ve mentioned the reality, so heres the deal:
I’ve chosen for my application of life, going to a less social environment will help me. And its attributed to the ignorance and lack of affection in society. I can’t say how really severe my autism is, but it has tainted my view of “relationships” and maybe it was poor upbringings, my mother’s lack of love coming from her family and other things I can’t discuss publicly or elaborate.
I am really saddened that people with a wheelchairs are accepted; people with that damned Down’s Syndrome are somewhat accepted, illegal aliens, Indians, Blacks, Asians are accepted in the Millennial generation, but forbids anyone with the former disabilities, or autistic disorders, whether they are severe, or extremely mild like the unrelated Asperger Syndrome. It makes no sense.
I think inter-relational between normal people and PDD individuals will take at least 50 years the earliest. If my prediction is clear (which some of my predictions ring true); I’ll be 75 years old. And I sadly believe this is true.
I am already preparing the worst, and just trying to turn off that switch is the only thing that will be best for society.
Yes, its fucked up. Yes, its a shame. Yes, this is perverted – but it is what it is. I have to accept that being anti-social is the best option for me in the near to long term future. There are types and specific people that I can attribute this to, but I’ll be the nice guy and stay quiet and zip it!