Category Archives: Six Degress of Relationships

Socialization with Strangers and the Usual Failiures

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This is yet another problem I have struggled (maybe others can relate.) You try to go out to public places (retail, restaurants, etc.) and the objective is to socialize with a stranger.  The problem is when you realize there is an opportunity, you just immediately fumbled the football.
This problem can be one or more of the following:

  • You were trained as a child, and in your late teens to not talk to strangers
  • You were told to not give out your number, as some girls/guys could consider it stalking
  • You are insecure of yourself
  • You are afraid to divulge too much  information
  • You are afraid to damage such low level relationship

This has happened on several occasions within the last 3 months. One was at the local fast foot joint, where I have a “fake” ID badge.  Its not that fake, I had a IT services operation and while it wasn’t incorporated legally, but I wear it with an accompanied lanyard  to look like I was “busy”. But I didn’t take the business seriously for reasons not worth going. The guy asked me how was “work”? I fibbed and said “good”. For all I know, he was just doing his own personal SOP of being nice to the customers.
Another case was I went to a mall store around the time when the Boston Bruins was in the Stanley Cup, so sometime within the last month. I was wearing my Bruins hat, and the girl at  this store was complementing me about my hat, while I was in the store she essentially was flirting with me and asking me if I was excited about the series. I came off like I was a “casual fan” when in fact I am a true fan. For all I could say in return in complete sentences was that I told her I liked her belt she was wearing and how sexy it looked.
And most recently, a cashier at the local grocery store had shown interest in me. No, not romance or crushes, but just an acknowledgement in a friendly way of my presence. (If you know what I mean, you understand what I had to deal with for many years.) The last time I saw her was about a few weeks ago, because I have missed her on her shifts in the last 3 weeks. Its rare for a grocery store let alone the Northeast where someone is friendly with their customers and not rush to put the pizza in the same bag as the chicken. The problem is how can I go that next step into the “small talk”. I’m not like an Asperger type where I hate it, its really how to execute it, and how could I ask her out (if that’s even possible.)
I seem to never find the right time to act when I have an opportunity to interact with the outside world without having much fear. The problem for me is how chronic this social anxiety almost literally  freezes me up without getting cold hands or feet.
I think it comes from my upbringing of low self esteem, a lack of confidence of my professional interactions, and just the baggage of carrying my autism and all the negativity that the disorder has been wrongfully portrayed in the public.

Busy bodies and busy Relationships

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It’s rather interesting how people today are lacking relationship skills and not just social skills ether.  I blame this on airplanes, the Web and just the acceptation that its okay to screw someone and jump around jobs like its no ones business.
I’ve been using Match.com for nearly a couple of months and I do not like to engage a user that lives in New Hampshire but lived in Colorado for a decade or someone who lives in Boston who came from the Midwest and loves everything about Boston. Simply, I know there is more to New England than the City itself. I love Springfield, Hartford, Providence, Burlington, and Worcester! Isn’t that a surprise!
(Of course, I withheld Portland or Augusta because Maine sucks – I’ve  been there enough to say they are weirdos and hicks – that’s why I don’t visit there that often!)
I digress.
However, this kind of busy lifestyles doesn’t work well with someone who has difficulty transitioning from one place to another. I rarely moved in my lifetime, only about 3 or 4 miles of where I spent most of my first 23 years of my life. When I was 23, it was about 12 or so miles that I moved from the previous town I lived in.
The problem in three words? Lack of  Loyalty.
I grew up in New Hampshire, and traveled around the region, I wouldn’t trade this area for anywhere else. I have some, and I say some pride of where I live. Many of my peer groups does not have such level of some respect.
And this to me is a problem. The Millennial generation (i.e. the synthetically autistic types) are still acting like teenagers as some in this generation are 36 years old. For some reason we have allowed the vast majority of the normal functioning population to act like autistics while my group are expected to function as normal as possible. Which explains why marriage is much later and having children at a later age is happening. Dare I say having a child in their 30s can cause birth defects or even disabilities like autism. Even worse north of 40? These childish people are relying on unreliable technology to have children at a later age.
Again, I am probably making a low educated opinion on this, but craved stability since middle school. Even when I rarely moved physically, I went to several schools in almost every 2 years.  The staff in the schools had a very short shelflife too. Again, they were the twentysomethings figuring their lives out with the most mission critical job required of such lack of responsibilities. On top of the very young age, the other excuse was “they need to start somewhere”.

I feel sometimes I’ve worked in the local TV news business, when one’s job security (historically) was lot worse than other jobs like working in the public sector, the phone company, or corporate jobs, and if someone got randomly fired, their career in TV news was actually “cursed”.  The Special Education world worked much like a particular Boston news station, and to use such analogy is pretty pathetic. Because no individual should feel like their classroom is a newsroom of a revolving doors of producers (teachers) or director (executive management) while the child (student) is like the viewer witnessing dysfunctional news operation.

Though I feel that loyalty the lack thereof is a roadblock to future relationships for me. How can I get “locked into” a relationship if the girl wants to move to California or Houston or some other random place in 2 years?
I can’t live such life anymore. I can’t imagine anyone living like that.

Would you fuck someone who was autistic?

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I know this sounds highly crass and very inappropriate and highly offensive for a title – but really – am I that far fetch to use that?
Maybe in 2075, when autism will be just as normal like every other civil group, but what about the meantime? I cannot believe in 2013 how much the ignorance is still prelevent about autism. People get scared that if anyone doesn’t talk  – they are afraid they’ll snap like the gunman in Newtown, you got advice web lists, where someone asks a similar question and you get one reply from someone who says to stay away. No reason, just telling that person to steer away.
And then you got the professionals and the paraprofessionals of my least favorite generation, the Millenials, and sure its so awesome we got twentysomethings with some form of brains…
…but how many of those people would have “friends” outside of work who have a same disability as someone they work with on the clock? Crickets!
And do you really think after a days work of having students/clients ether flipping out, having crap being literally thrown at you or someone having  a bad day, that they want to come home and deal other baggages of life?
Answer simply is no. 
And there you have it you get simple ignorance  then you have complicated arrogance from people with PhD degree of I Know Everything About Autism, because I bear by PhD –  meaning that in the textbooks all autistics are mute and dumb, and therefore they have no hopeful futures. The sick thing, is they have to defend what the “book” says to show off their 8 years of college. That’s where I call these smartasses dummies. These overeducated snots then choose to be arrogant and not accept the fact that someone like me could have a relationship – possibly – like everyone else – have  the possibility to fuck a girl (or a guy if you are girl with case of half autism like Asperger Syndrome!) (Sorry for being crass again)
I digress.
What do you think? If you knew someone who had autism, do you think you would spend a night closer than another typical night?

Is it Sexist to Ask a Girl Out?

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Would someone get charged for a Felony if he asked a girl out that he didn’t really know? Would it be just because he doesn’t “look” like the other guys?
This is a very confusing task for someone like me to do. There is of course the many pseudo-science things like “social capital”, “social pyramid” and the other cautious practices, because you know we can’t assume that everyone with a developmental disability would appear to be “normal” because we have to stereotype them as big, fat ugly young men.
And of course we got both men and women professionals or others that have to be skeptical to protect each others safety, the fear of course of the other person complaining against us!
The problem is there isn’t any positive social skills teaching us how to get young ladies, only because there are many excuses such as its not the paraprofessionals’ responsibility of teaching how to hook up with someone, and more excuses.  (and I say this gender specifically since many cases of autism and other DDs are 95% males – and of course I feel ashamed sometimes of being a guy since we are easy targets to get bullied by girls.)
I’ve heard the various ideas of places to meet other people like at the grocery store. Sure that’s  a great idea – only if you don’t live in a snobby town and most of the people aren’t walking the carts as couples.
The other theoretical  suggestion is well maybe flirt with the cashiers. Which makes me question at what point do you go forward? How do you do small talk (I have difficulties NOT because of my autism, but I was trained settle of socializing with snobby people.) How many weeks or months would you suggest to ask her out? What if I found her Facebook profile and she appears to be a bad girl but she acts nice on the clock?  Should I assume that shes taken? (since all good looking girls are taken, good girls are taken and bad girls are not) 
The logical response to all of this is to just go on Match or some other dating site since in like 30 years you’d look like you grew up in a sheltered life or that you are very old to remember how people met each other before the Web.
I don’t know because I never had any strong support to do so, only the depressing skepticism and skiddish kinda responses.  This is how I tackle it: no one would want to date me, to assume that girl is taken, and assume she’s a badass. I don’t make an ass out of u and me, because 99% of my encounters involve with bitches who can’t control her emotions or has some excuse to dislike me.  And 1 and 50 occurrences I deal with the opposite gender, I get some positive reaction. And that 1 and 50 cases happen probably 1 in 3 months.
I am simply confused. Trying to find my next best friend should not have to require being taught from someone with a PhD degree and requiring so much freckin structure.

Friends, Girlfriends and Relationships

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As you know – when it comes to almost any type of relationships – for me, its Greek, a foreign language. That’s why there is a blog about relationships published by yours truly!
Some of this has to do with conflicting social protocols. What am I talking about? I’m talking about when a friend of your’s gets into “A Relationship”. I’ve heard from many people that when someone gets a boy or girlfriend their relationships around them start to shutter. Supposedly, they spend a lot of time with their girlfriend, or Significant Other (S.O.)
I cannot personally confirm this since I, myself have never been in any romantic relationships.
What I do know is this: when someone enters into any romantic relationship – they shouldn’t be shuttering the other relationships they had prior to. To me when one falls in love, they become selfish, lack of respect to their friends (dare I say “single” friends) and the whole relationship with the friend changes. Can I say narcissistic?
In today’s society we have already accepted the fact that we can’t fight the mass numbers of selfish, self entitled, narcissistic, me, me, me types.  I have had to deal with these types for so many years, and sadly I have settled to accept the fact that there really aren’t that many caring people to begin with, worse when they become in love.
I can’t run away from the puzzling world of relationships, can’t I?

Dogs

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My family doesn’t like dogs. I won’t say they hate them, but they don’t like them. My folks have a strong case of OCD (as well as undiagonsed cases of ASD) and since dogs are dirty and can sometimes be unruly, I have been raised to not really like them.
On my Match.com journey, there are many girls on there who ether have dogs or demand that their date likes dogs. And some of these girls are probably 70% compatible.
Who woulda thunk that “man’s best friend” would be the dealbreaker finding my future best friend? Oh wait, I wasn’t meant to have someone in my life. I was here for my mother and she’ll probably be around till my dying day (gawd willing) since my mother had me young. And I forgot,  no “normal” functioning girl wants to date a guy with autism.

Confidence

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Match.com’s app tells me that “women are attracted to confidence.”
IMG_2651
 
Oh really? I have found “confidence” to be arrogance. You know like the ol’ MySpace bumper sticker that said “Confidence… is what makes a girl sexy.” That really should had read “Confidence…is what makes a girl slutty.”
I am so tired of how there is so much standards for men as women can do whatever the fuck she wants and gets away with it whether its her monthly period or her “social capital” or whatever freckin excuse that can make her arrogant.
I have gotten myself locked into another 3 months worth of a subscription to find my future friend forever, but that hasn’t gotten to well. Not that my profile is “negative” you see, its always the girls who tease and want the attention but fail it miserably when an opportunity knocks, on her door you see.

The Breakup of my Nero Peers

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In recent years, i have severed ties with any of my friends of my schools I went to. they were all special needs, almost all of them on some form of the autism disorders, some were Down’s. The reason why I had to was the following

  • They had social problems, more obvious than mine, because I tried to hide it
  • They were needy, or looked like they couldn’t be as independent compared to normal people
  • They lived in “ghetto” neghiboods like Lawrence, Haverhill or Lowell, Lawrence typically is the most “ghetto” outside of Boston
  • They were on the lowest end of the social economic scale. Not saying it was wrong, but many were on welfare – which puts them on the lowest end of the pole. They never had a consistent telephone number, they could never remember their password to their email address, and because of that, they needed another Facebook account to access it

Now, I must be an oxymoron because I feel like I been looked down by the upper middle class, but this case is different. The reasons I just explained would make someone like me “weaker” than them. Now an argument could be made, well they might perceive me as a “normal” guy; but that’s pressuring to deal with that perception. I also had problems on Facebook with some of these people befriending people they didn’t know on my other side of the “normal” social circle of mine – of which put my reputation at risk.
It was hard to do, but I don’t hold any regrets. These people held me back instead of moving forward. For me to try to at least have a fair shot, this was the best option. I don’t hold any regrets.

Father’s Day and a lack of a Father in my Life

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Yesterday was  Father’s Day, where many other families here in the States give gratitude and appreciation to the fathers in their lives. Some people, who have single mothers attempt to get another day of apprecation in the form of discounted Craftsman or Rigid tools that typically are given to the fathers or dads. (I can attest!)
In a serious note, this month is often depressing for me, along with that June is a typical graduation month for high school aged people in New England, other parts do it earlier in the year because they start the school year earlier. On point, I haven’t been around my father since my early existance. He obviously was never my dad, and I do not have any memories of him, nor do I even know what he looks like! My grandfather disappeared in my life when I was in second grade.
Both men were negative figures for my mother. My grandfather was very ingorant, and also very arrogant that he knew what was right. Talk about an oxymoron! He was very narrow minded on which member of my family would be the winner and which would be the looser – while he didn’t use that phrase directly, you know what I mean. He never did anything wrong, and obviously this kinda love didn’t go to well with my mother. He didn’t care about her, maybe didn’t really love her?
My mother was puzzled about relationships too. She was trying to find someone that she felt she could love. She thought my father was going to be it. Well about a year into their relationships – my mother got pregnant, he told her that he didn’t believe it, and made some pretty derogtory comment, that he didn’t believe her, demanding her to prove it…I think you can understand the fact that my mother got screwed by this guy. According to my mother he often said “you’re stupid” “you don’t think”, etc. etc.  I cannot understand how hurtful those statements were addressed, but such “verbal abuse” was the catalyst to seperate my father out of my life and her life as well. This period of time from my own expierence with my own mother is what probably caused the emotional makeup of what my mother is today and what made her a lady.
The kind of behaivor shouldn’t been a news alert. He was the popular guy in high school, he also was the typical Southern NH snotty brat from the mid 80s standards, and he was in  athletic clubs at the local high school. He also  had many under age parties at his parents house. *you know, it doesn’t help when one is part Catholic and you know that the Catholics love to party, you know?* The funny thing was he lived in an area of the middle class, not the startup of the upper middle class which accelerated the town by the end of the 1980s, where many of those kids I knew from school would their parents move to.
I knew more about my father when I was older than 21 than I was younger. The very naive self back when I was about 8 (and this is going to sound really lame) but I really thought I randomly came here, untill some kids in school probed about my father to me. And my mother explained honestly that she was with my father for a period of time and both when their ways.
To this day, sans my naive self, I still felt like I came here randomly out of illlogic, and coming here with the intent that I wouldn’t have a father in my life. If you belive that a god or God exists, you’d think there would be logic that given how much a jackass (and I should say that even stronger – a JACKASS) why would he give me life?
What started the real troubles of missing a father was the most illogical places and time of my life. Middle school. I was in a middle school program in another part of the state, and it was my classmates, my peers and a teacher’s assistant who was just new to my program that started to basically pick on or not be discrete that my father wasn’t in my life. The last name I carry in my life is life of my father, and these students and paraprofessionals went out of their bounderies of bringing up a guy I never really knew. This was never challenged because I went to the program in Massachusetts by that July, but one or two of the staff people there did probe me about my father too.
Staff or students need to be very careful if there is no mention of the father, then it might be best to not ask. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell anyone?
And whats really sad is how society is very judgemental about the lack of a father in society. Yes I have done this subject on this blog on an often basis, but I am also aware that fathers don’t always work for all families and yes, mothers that are single should not do both roles. It doesn’t work. I am not going to even touch the welfare issue because it makes me sick. What makes me sick even more is how our newsgathering networks are not even covering inter/national events instead to being the FM/HD Talk Radio for cable news. The Fox News Networks including the Fox News Channel and Fox Business Network have been on a tirade (yes an assault) against single mothers and women being the sole breadwinners and the lack of fathers in families. This kind of content is being aired during what other networks are in a “newswheel” or the “Trading Day”. The talent ranges from Lou Dobbs, Charles Payne, Eric Bolling, to even the Chief Moonbat Commentator Juan Williams in the most recent attacks defending somewhat of the nuclear family values.
I can attest a nuclear family actually causes families to blow up and actually fall part. Maybe it is right to not focus on our families as much, but you will never hear that from FNC. Never mind they won’t hold the family accountable who lost 2 children in an NYC shooting allegedly from their nanny. Even if its an NBC employee, because FNC loves to attack people at NBC – but they won’t because that father was the breadwinner and since he’s an exec at CNBC, because heaven forbid its so socially inappropriate to say that rich people shouldn’t have the right to have children, even when the nanny will be raising the children. You’ll see more blog posts on the Krimm family having their child instead of a public dialogue if parents of all classes should have the same right of having a child. *Cue the crickets*.
Regardless a “news” operation that is supposed to be doing their duty to cover news, should not (and I MEAN SHOULD NOT) be a goddamned soap box by expressing fathers should be fathering every children. Leave it to the Web and the bloggers, and NOT what Payne and Dobbs are telling my asswipe father from the Valley (or wherever he is now) should be parenting me! It is not your GODDAMNED business to be caring about everyone else! Go do your stupid stock picks instead of being the crossdressing narrow-demographic targeted, blue collared man BUT dressed as a classy, liberal* newsman to be taken seriously! 
*Reports and targets to a mass audience of all groups, all races, all civil backgrounds, all minds, and not just the middle class or the upper middle class, unlike Bolling, Payne or Dobbs.
So yea, I miss having a father, but I try to live day to day and not be judged just because I don’t have a dad or have simialar expirences to my “normal” likeminded people of my age.

Distrust in women

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As this year approached, I came to a conclusion that maybe, just maybe its not meant to be for me to be in any form of romantic, sexual or other forms of close relationships. Maybe I’ll be wrong or maybe I am right, who knows.
What I do know is I have lost tremendous faith in women. I’m not going into deep, but it’s really sad how the state of affairs are with women and how they treat men. As I have grown up, I have never looked down at women at such level than ever before. There are a number of reasons why women should be made ashamed for, as it follows

  • Media – I can’t say that enough. The media is very brutal, coarse and just plain cruel. The problem is not the media or the message, is the girl who is watching it and has no editoral judgement whatsoever. Girls and probably every other younger and dumber population is so retarded that they can’t analyze or go into it with a skeptical mind.  They watch Sex and the City and insist that the message of the portrayal of Manhattanites is so true, when its really dramatized. Lacking editorial judgement is real problem, not just the media that’s out there.
  • I am not one who says “take the TV out of their room” like some talking head at 8:00pm Eastern would suggest, but at least ether monitor what your daughter watches or have a dialogue. Media is much more massive in the last 10 years not due to the Web, but social media really just accelerated the coarse content. You could attempt to get away of it, but when MySpace and Facebook came around, one couldn’t get away of an Abercrombie-like photo of soft-porn PDA. I might actually have that pic and I’ll attach it if I find it.
  • Fathers (or lack there of) – I can’t stress this even more. Whether or not the parents are divorced or not is not the problem. I believe its the father that goes dormant as soon as the girl goes into menarche and starts wearing training bras. Just like I have mentioned earlier, while the mothers (and fathers) instruct autistic boys, how to control their hormones when dealing with the opposite gender, girls appear to not be taught the same standards. It’s really bad that these girls apparently aren’t getting the love, the tough love or concern of their daughter, from their father.
  • Girls (young ladies) are really indecent more than ever before, and no it’s not that Facebook and a older mind is seeing things much differently, its because there is huge generation of young and dumb individuals who were raised by dumb Baby Boomers, and this kind of style was prelveant in the 1960s.
  • This same offspring includes a vast majority of narcissistic types who think that being a celebrity pays off.  Not so much if you are Jodi Arias, a woman in Arizona who was recently convicted of killing her boyfriend facing the death penalty. This woman is not only crazy, but pretty psychotic. The tax paying citizens of Arizona had been droned for more than 4 months of testimony factored in with the media sensationalizing the story (although it deserves some merit that Pretty Girls Kill.) She’s a hardcore camera whore too, within an hour after her verdict nearly a month ago, she got an interview of a local TV station, and also got camera time with ABC’s GMA, and so on. I can go on, but simply put I never heard anything about her father, I did hear she was abused when she was younger, but boy, this chick deserves the hell that she had caused with her family, the boyfriend’s family and the tax paying citizens of Arizona which will have to flip a bill on one of the most slowest murder trials in a few years, again it was so she could get all the attention she thought she deserved, not to just have a through trial.
  • Suburban types – Girls grow up at a fast pace in the suburbs. They start drinking in like eighth grade and their behavior goes well into her thirties. They want to act like mature women wearing mature outfits but they never take the responsibilities of a woman when it comes to any aftermath of such hard partying. Drinking clouds the world around you and you only see your drunken peer. These types of ultra rich, lack of responsible people that are often found in the outskirts of the metro area is another form of women I cannot trust. (BTW: not encouraging in “redistributing the wealth” ether – its just a responsibility issue of rich people.

As you can understand now, this is why I have a bias against women. I’ve never met a bitch I truly liked and all the good ladies are professionals to me, already married or taken. I really don’t understand why so many of these bitches can’t grow up and learn to not be such a snobby jackass.
In closing, I have zero respect for women.