I am going to speak as general as possible, as I do not want to exploit my family, as they don’t pefer me to write about them to the whole world. And given my traffic, the whole world does follow this blog.
Earlier tonight, my mother came home from work. On Tuesdays she works down at the Massachusetts plant. She comes home a little later than usual. I don’t know why I have a mood when she comes in. Maybe its because its a change of environment because she comes home and I’m home alone all day.
Or maybe its because I have sucked at doing chores at home. Maybe my mother sucked at being a mother. Or maybe my mother shouldn’t raised me at a young age.
Within 2 minutes after she came in, she noticed I left a couple plates on the kitchen counter. She  started to point to the dishes and was going to mention it. I felt offended, and I started to get very upset and started to throw things and started to yell at her (and swore too.) I blurted out that she doesn’t fully love me in response of why I can’t do a simple thing such as moving dishes to the dishwasher.  I lost my patience and I felt really hopeless.
She also started to say that for the last couple of years she has tried to discretely hint me of my cluttered style in the dining and kitchen areas. I can’t explain why because a) I can’t articulate, and b) I can’t explain myself.
Unlike my mother, I don’t explain things, in this example, I don’t want to make excuses and another example I don’t want to degrade or come off as condescending.
I got very upset and cried in pain after. She avoided talking to me for the rest of the night (as I did as well.)  My mother also threatened me that she was going to move out and transfer the house under my name.  She things like that all the time during an intense argument  in which they aren’t as intense as they used to be, though I have gotten more physically aggressive to inmante objects. That really hurt, because I am not trying to take over the house or my mother. I feel that this desperate remark makes me come off as a spoiled brat, which is not my intentions. And I am not trying to “insult”, to use her words herself. I am trying to be fairly critical and also expecting the words to come right back as her counter response.
She also said that she wants to live with me, but since my organization is so bad, it bothers her so much that she was thinking of moving out.
I wished I could move out, but I can’t financially.
Given my current relationship with my mother, and my realization of not understanding what she sees through me, its like – what girl wants to be living with me if I am so emotional, fragile and messy? 
A part of my brain is ether dead or not working properly. And it’s so embarrassing  I know I offend my mother, and I feel some remorse but I can’t feel how bad I ether hurt her or how bad I have disrespected her.
In anyway, this story should had explained how I suffer with my autism and how my autism effects the relationships around me.
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