I’ve heard a billion* different stories of how someone met their love of their life. Ranging from online dating websites, to Facebook (don’t get me started), even old fashioned medium like the ol’ CB** or even meeting the love of their life at the local turnpike toll booth. Or even going to the same restaurant and starting a relationship with the waiter.
*it feels like a billion, whether or not I counted to a billion is another question.
** Citizens Band 2 way radio if you are product from the 1990s onwards and is generally clueless person about things before your time
I can tell you that all my stories about love is something you expect as a 6th grader, and oh boy when people inquire about me crushing on somebody, it often entails embarrassment, regret and other childlike feelings that you expect for a 11 year old.
The only semi sweet story was that “Jessica” lived up the street from me, and the childish love I would endure, only because she treated me like crap weeks after. But nothing ever happened, just plain ol heartbreaks or mixed messages or plain old shutdowns of one and other. I suppose that story is really just stale and depressing.
In anyway, in 2 months the goal is to find the Search for a Career In Turn for a Girl to Like and Respect me as a Mature Man since He Allegedly has Goals for Himself. What a title for that Search huh?
Tag Archives: Love
Take Your Pick – Who would you want to Date?
If you have ether followed this blog, or even my other blog, I have kept my likeness as minimal as possible. First, that people would figure out who I was and secondly, I wanted to keep a humble appearance by not showing a picture of me. (That was inspired by a large market all-news radio station, where some talents didn’t want to publicize themselves on the bios of their websites, since after all the mission of the former blog was to journalize the ASD issues.)
The following graphic shows the face of the blog for the first time.
So as you see the graphic below, which person would you most likely date? One that appears to be “normal” or someone that appears to be “normal” but when he starts talking, he comes off as a socially awkward (read: creepy) individual?
Does this theory really extend on this page? Is this why I can’t find my special someone?
Comments are strongly recommended for this story.
Love is a Distraction
Earlier today, I went with a friend of mine to the local candlepin alley to keep my skills in check. I haven’t done much bowling, and it happens from time to time. Before I started to get active again, I typically did 60 to 80 – not bad for seldom playing. I have done recently like north of 40 or so. I have to admit I am very aggressive, and that doesn’t help you getting pins down. Nor does it help when the alley is decaying, and never seem to clean the balls, the ground or even replace chipped balls. In anyway, I did well for my standards.
Up until I had a distraction when I started to check out a cutie a few lanes down from me. I tried to keep my eyes away of her (because an alleged b/f was with her – c’mon most cuties are with someone) but I lost my focus.
That loss of focus had me not take down any pins for two turns straight! A loss of 20 points! Bad.
But regardless, I tried to keep my attention away and just try to take pins down.
January 1st is exactly two months away, and I am already pricing in the ideal that love is just a joke and in this case tonight can be very distracting.
Message a Girl…Ask for Trouble, part two
Another (possible) date – with no response yet. (I might have to admit my profile might scare people off – well I have to be true and honest why I can’t stand bitches! I don’t regret if I am making females run away from me.)
Sometimes I wished the Government didn’t invent the internet. I’d rather be severely autistic than being a high functioning autistic.
Message a Girl…Ask for Trouble
I am trying to message to single ladies online…but its really hard when the monopolistic gender overrides the world. Women and their retarded skepticism that all men are creepers and sex offenders, and jerks. Like some women aren’t that ether – right?
If my iPhone doesn’t go off – i’ll know its this “Danielle”. The other day I sent this single a message – cue to the full screen:
Did I screw up? What was I NOT supposed to say? What SHOULD’VE I said to her?
Special Needs “Professionals” = Bad Matches
As I have mentioned earlier on, I am trying OKCUPID for the remainder of the year. I am so sick and disgusted at the many users that have professional experience with special needs. You might be asking why I am bitching about this? It’s because these people often have self-esteem issues, and if they are having trouble dealing with these people during their day job -then why in the fuck do they want to fuck around with them off the clock?
Yes its cool that there are more and more people being open to these people, but the other issue, is that many of these ladies (and guys, but they aren’t relevant for this post) are probably are going to get “burned out” and then some.
I think I have been cursed since my first day of existence for any romantic or hell any possible relationships.
Sex, Attraction, Anger, Lust and the Hunger for Romantic Love
Note: This post may contain some content of explicit sexual nature. Reader Discretion is Advised.
As someone who has experienced zero romantic relationships, and just a billion crushes, it is extremely difficult for being single, not able to date people or be sexually active. Not that being sexually active is right to begin with. However, there are times my hormones go through the roof (and of course, being someone with an autistic disorder, I have to control myself or become a Level 3 Sex Offender.) Part of it is because I haven’t felt the physical form of love. I used to hug people in the recent past, but since my social circle has shrunk it hasn’t happened. I’ve only kissed a few girls outside of the lips, and I never had any forms of sexual encounters or anywhere near that. Nor was I ever sexually abused, it may be best that I add that in there.
I see “normal”/”nerotypical” or “typical” or someone that doesn’t have a disability can get away with social norms, but for someone like this writer, its frowned upon. You see this same thing on Facebook, a sexually attractive lady getting attention on a comment of her default image of what would could be considered as sexist statements. I should say reversed sexist comments. If I made a similar comment, I would be a Level Three Sex Offender, but a “nerotypical” (“normal”) person would get away of it. Why is that?
I really wished I could hit on a girl successfully. I don’t. Often I just failover to just be quiet. I often don’t know how to flirt. Lately, I have an influx of testosterone so I often want to flirt in a sexual nature. Often I am just too chicken to really go that far. The other day, I went to a store and the cashier was a pretty sexually attractive lady with cleavage showing with a cute pushup bra and camisole with her bust very aligned. I just got silent, my voice just got too scratchy or way too soft and it goes that way when my sex hormones goes out of wack and she probably thought I was a crazy animal. That girl or lady had a sexy figure, borderline “slender” about 5 foot 6, and well she was blond (and typically I don’t dig for blonds) but she was pretty hot regardless.
Sometimes I’ll go to the preppy clothing stores that aren’t in the “anchor” mall stores, and try to flirt with a few of the hot ticket clerks, but again I can’t do it. One time I saw a hottie with a sexy dress skirt and it got to the point I got aroused, then another time I’ll see a girl with a skimpy top where I start having “fantasies” of wanting to play with the straps, and maybe strip off her bra or her skimpy top and just make out! Often my brain focuses on an object and sometimes it focuses on the girl of interest. Sometimes its the object or the outfit that will do it, and sometimes I’ll just get sexually crazy, but I of course have to keep control of it, again as I already mentioned earlier. Another time, I’ll go to one of those places and see some hottie with a tube top and then a really tight shorty shorts with a sexy inch and three quarter leather belt sitting comfortably on her hips and wanting to touch those fine legs. (Boy, that took guts writing this explicit paragraph!)
While I get sometimes horny and just sexually crazy, I have to say I never had any sexual encounter. Whether you like it or not, or agree or disagree with the morals of ether underage sex, unwedded births or non marriage sex; people do “do it” and some don’t “do it”. And many people my age have done it, and these are privileged people with college degrees with a higher social class and are probably conservative types, but yet they aren’t religious. Kinda illogical huh? Well I am poor, disabled with a disability that about 70% of the people of my age bracket don’t care for, or would never want to fuck with or even want to be friends (again referring to the “normal” population.)
I do subscribe to the notion that girls go past their prime at 25 or their mid twenties, and well I hate to sound like a “cold hearted conservative”, but girls do look hot in their early twenties, and their sexual drive is at their peak, and they seem to be hot to get laid, and I again don’t want to offend anyone, but with that being said – I missed out on that. Its every guys (or girls) dream when they are in the junior year or in their college years to loose their virginity and litter the roads with condoms, and stuff like that.
I don’t want to say that I think lust is an appropriate thing to feel, but jeez in my long 25 years of not ether understanding interpersonal relationships or being accepted in society, its really progressing to be an aggravating sensation. I feel like I am one of the few people that unfairly has been missing out on what could be an awesome thing (or not even that ether!)
I don’t know what “love” is outside a family perspective.
Is “love” invisible like you know software or is it physical like hardware?
Is love touchable?
Is love just about feelings?
Is love about common likes?
Is there a such thing as “opposites attract”?
What is it? What is it? What is it?
More Broken Hopes with okcupid
I’ve mentioned I live in New Hampshire, the lower part of the state that isn’t the stereotypical area where its not all farms and cows. In fact, I live in the Boston Metro area. Now every follower on this blog, might had their eyeballs fallen out because I live near Boston, in fact put them back in your sockets! Being from New England, the city of Boston is overrated.
Most people can’t stand the out of town yuppies from New York or Berkley owning the City. What really drives me nuts is the city technically has just over 600,000 people, meanwhile the outer areas like Middlesex County, Essex County, the Worcester Hills, the South Coast, some parts of Rhode Island and my area, Southern New Hampshire is the really populated area of well over 4 million people! I’ve been to New York City a lot more than Boston when I was a kid, so I have a different viewpoint. Same applies of going to Southern and Western New England and Upstate New York too. Boston is clearly a city for the out of towners, as the Greater Boston area is metro for the locals instead.
So with the college kids having tight wallets/purses/clutches because they are going for a 6 year study for some lame degree for a useless career, they flood the radius of the match search. I am flooded with these people. I don’t understand why they are so drawn to a city full of panhandlers (or “bums”), a City that has one too many slayings, murders, and sex crimes, a City that is litterly dirty, (and NO I don’t love “That Dirty Water!”), that I can walk in most neighborhoods within an hour and then get bored because I’ve seen everything, a City filled with Modernist buildings that look ugly as hell. Then a city shutting down on odd holidays like “Evacuation Day” (aka Saint Patty’s Day), Patriots Day (Third Monday of April), “Bunker Hill Day” (in June) and another odd holiday for the government workers which I can’t remember. The City shuts down after 8:00pm, and I can’t find the nightlife I see on TV all the time, because well Downtown Boston is always busy after a Bruins or Celtics game in the winter/spring time.
Overrated! Period.
Ok so I digressed, but I think you can understand my point that I’m having difficulties finding people. My other issue is that I don’t want to date someone then screw off back to the Left Coast or some other place leaving me behind. This is why I can’t stand the ADHD twentysomethings, they must have a good process of moving every six months and not be crazy. I moved only 3 times in my lifetime and it drove me nuts just 2 years ago!
Now you know why I am having trouble finding someone who typically is supposed to be “slowing down” at this time of their lives.
The Financial Impact of Being a Hopeless Romantic
I haven’t been keeping tabs on my spending. I do save all my receipts and normally at the end of the month I tabulate all of them. I am trying to implement an ERP (Enterprise Resource Planner) to link all my spending to line item, to the places I go to and do other cool statistical information of my finances.
I was in a day program up until this summer for the last couple of years. In many of those cases, I went to places to try to hit on a girl. I never explicitly said that because I feared I would come off as doing sexist practices. I poured maybe about $60 a quarter (per place) in the places I went to try to impress a girl. This ranged from going to the local used book store, to the local pizza joint, to the local Dunkin Donuts to anywhere to get a girl to like me.
What could even be worse is I have tried a new style going to those fancy preppy stores like Aeropostale, American Eagle or Abercrombie/Hollister, and to spend pretty pennies to only be mute when I try to hit on a girl. My definition of “hitting” or “flirting” maybe different from your definition. That I need to look up the impact
I know its really shallow of me to even mention that I had done these things for the sole sake of trying to impress a girl.
Like I said before, I am closing this unknown chapter of my life by the end of the year. No Discussion. I am doing it whether if people like it or not. My future for any relationships is OVAH!
The Roadmap for this Blog
So to refresh some people, I created an organizational chart of how this blog came to be to what is now to what the future is.
This purpose of this blog was to focus on deeper issues about relationships from the eyes of someone with autism. This blog had to be spunoff from my other blog to to that. My other blog has been very popular for people searching for answers like
- Can people with autism fall in love?
- Why don’t autistic people fall in love
- why people don’t fall in love
- can someone fall in love with an autistic?
- Love shyness (in reference to the Brian Gilmartin’s 1987 book on such issues)
- can an autistic fall in love?
- The problem with OKCUPID (not sure what the person’s issue was), but it linked to a page on that site along with its parent entity, Match.com
These results often come on my search metrics every day. And any of those pages that get indexed doesn’t have answers. They are called “Unanswered Questions.”
So this publisher want’s to get really deep on various issues that would needed to be spunoff from the mothership blog. Here is the organizational roadmap of what this blog came to be, and what its future might be.
Originally there was not an end target. The blog was going to just stories of observations of my life of how I saw love, friends, acquaintances, various degrees of relationships and then some.
As this past month went by, I started to loose patience. I am 25 years old, and fell off a cliff right on my 21st birthday. It will also be 5 years since I had a last job! I’ve also realized that my current programs doesn’t have what I need because its not in development yet, but at the same time the current social skills lessons are okie dokie with no issues. I have barely gotten into any romantic relationships, and I will admit I have sorta kissed some girls more than I have ever been kissed by someone outside my family! Never mind I can’t remember the last time I held hands, the last time I hugged a girl/lady, and I have never been able to get into any relationships where I could go all touchy, and into a sexual relationship of some sorts. I don’t want to sound harsh, but you know there aren’t that many single 25+ as time goes by, and you know a girl peaks in her sexual attraction about this time. Never mind , the social norms of not wearing mini skirts, short shorts and other things after a certain age too. My own hormones are starting to loose its youth too!
With that said, a new feature called a Countdown appeared after realizing the last 2 years of what my realistic future will become. Read The Tell All, and it explains what I went through. Realizing that I really don’t have much of a future, by the beginning of next year, I am abstaining from any socialization, after 5 years of making it a priority. This component will merge into The Forgotten Autistic as other issues will merge to the 12-31-12 deadline of giving up hope for any futures other than to work ones ass off.
So that’s how this blog became and will become.