Note: This post may contain some content of explicit sexual nature. Reader Discretion is Advised.
As someone who has experienced zero romantic relationships, and just a billion crushes, it is extremely difficult for being single, not able to date people or be sexually active. Not that being sexually active is right to begin with. However, there are times my hormones go through the roof (and of course, being someone with an autistic disorder, I have to control myself or become a Level 3 Sex Offender.) Part of it is because I haven’t felt the physical form of love. I used to hug people in the recent past, but since my social circle has shrunk it hasn’t happened. I’ve only kissed a few girls outside of the lips, and I never had any forms of sexual encounters or anywhere near that. Nor was I ever sexually abused, it may be best that I add that in there.
I see “normal”/”nerotypical” or “typical” or someone that doesn’t have a disability can get away with social norms, but for someone like this writer, its frowned upon. You see this same thing on Facebook, a sexually attractive lady getting attention on a comment of her default image of what would could be considered as sexist statements. I should say reversed sexist comments. If I made a similar comment, I would be a Level Three Sex Offender, but a “nerotypical” (“normal”) person would get away of it. Why is that?
I really wished I could hit on a girl successfully. I don’t. Often I just failover to just be quiet. I often don’t know how to flirt. Lately, I have an influx of testosterone so I often want to flirt in a sexual nature. Often I am just too chicken to really go that far. The other day, I went to a store and the cashier was a pretty sexually attractive lady with cleavage showing with a cute pushup bra and camisole with her bust very aligned. I just got silent, my voice just got too scratchy or way too soft and it goes that way when my sex hormones goes out of wack and she probably thought I was a crazy animal. That girl or lady had a sexy figure, borderline “slender” about 5 foot 6, and well she was blond (and typically I don’t dig for blonds) but she was pretty hot regardless.
Sometimes I’ll go to the preppy clothing stores that aren’t in the “anchor” mall stores, and try to flirt with a few of the hot ticket clerks, but again I can’t do it. One time I saw a hottie with a sexy dress skirt and it got to the point I got aroused, then another time I’ll see a girl with a skimpy top where I start having “fantasies” of wanting to play with the straps, and maybe strip off her bra or her skimpy top and just make out! Often my brain focuses on an object and sometimes it focuses on the girl of interest. Sometimes its the object or the outfit that will do it, and sometimes I’ll just get sexually crazy, but I of course have to keep control of it, again as I already mentioned earlier. Another time, I’ll go to one of those places and see some hottie with a tube top and then a really tight shorty shorts with a sexy inch and three quarter leather belt sitting comfortably on her hips and wanting to touch those fine legs. (Boy, that took guts writing this explicit paragraph!)
While I get sometimes horny and just sexually crazy, I have to say I never had any sexual encounter. Whether you like it or not, or agree or disagree with the morals of ether underage sex, unwedded births or non marriage sex; people do “do it” and some don’t “do it”. And many people my age have done it, and these are privileged people with college degrees with a higher social class and are probably conservative types, but yet they aren’t religious. Kinda illogical huh? Well I am poor, disabled with a disability that about 70% of the people of my age bracket don’t care for, or would never want to fuck with or even want to be friends (again referring to the “normal” population.)
I do subscribe to the notion that girls go past their prime at 25 or their mid twenties, and well I hate to sound like a “cold hearted conservative”, but girls do look hot in their early twenties, and their sexual drive is at their peak, and they seem to be hot to get laid, and I again don’t want to offend anyone, but with that being said – I missed out on that. Its every guys (or girls) dream when they are in the junior year or in their college years to loose their virginity and litter the roads with condoms, and stuff like that.
I don’t want to say that I think lust is an appropriate thing to feel, but jeez in my long 25 years of not ether understanding interpersonal relationships or being accepted in society, its really progressing to be an aggravating sensation. I feel like I am one of the few people that unfairly has been missing out on what could be an awesome thing (or not even that ether!)
I don’t know what “love” is outside a family perspective.
Is “love” invisible like you know software or is it physical like hardware?
Is love touchable?
Is love just about feelings?
Is love about common likes?
Is there a such thing as “opposites attract”?
What is it? What is it? What is it?
