I’ve heard a billion* different stories of how someone met their love of their life. Ranging from online dating websites, to Facebook (don’t get me started), even old fashioned medium like the ol’ CB** or even meeting the love of their life at the local turnpike toll booth. Or even going to the same restaurant and starting a relationship with the waiter.
*it feels like a billion, whether or not I counted to a billion is another question.
** Citizens Band 2 way radio if you are product from the 1990s onwards and is generally clueless person about things before your time
I can tell you that all my stories about love is something you expect as a 6th grader, and oh boy when people inquire about me crushing on somebody, it often entails embarrassment, regret and other childlike feelings that you expect for a 11 year old.
The only semi sweet story was that “Jessica” lived up the street from me, and the childish love I would endure, only because she treated me like crap weeks after. But nothing ever happened, just plain ol heartbreaks or mixed messages or plain old shutdowns of one and other. I suppose that story is really just stale and depressing.
In anyway, in 2 months the goal is to find the Search for a Career In Turn for a Girl to Like and Respect me as a Mature Man since He Allegedly has Goals for Himself. What a title for that Search huh?
Tag Archives: Relationships
Take Your Pick – Who would you want to Date?
If you have ether followed this blog, or even my other blog, I have kept my likeness as minimal as possible. First, that people would figure out who I was and secondly, I wanted to keep a humble appearance by not showing a picture of me. (That was inspired by a large market all-news radio station, where some talents didn’t want to publicize themselves on the bios of their websites, since after all the mission of the former blog was to journalize the ASD issues.)
The following graphic shows the face of the blog for the first time.
So as you see the graphic below, which person would you most likely date? One that appears to be “normal” or someone that appears to be “normal” but when he starts talking, he comes off as a socially awkward (read: creepy) individual?
Does this theory really extend on this page? Is this why I can’t find my special someone?
Comments are strongly recommended for this story.
Disasters and Relationships
I am attempting to put a current event that might be a big disaster in the coming days to an area that hurricanes happen once in a generation and how friendships and or other relationships correlate.
I have personally had a crappy year to date in my life (as described in some of my posts.) I just think part of it has to do of dealing with summer-like weather dating back from late February (the ant indicator as they invaded our kitchen) to now dealing with “stink bugs” invading my house. On top of dealing with summer 24×7 and just trying to get through a day to then start feeling a rumble that felt like an earthquake (that was in reference of an earthquake that occurred last Tuesday evening, the first-ever experience for this writer.)
Then I go back to my day to day life, wearing summer attire in late October, and going through other headaches, to then start to read headlines on Tuesday about Hurricane Sandy approaching the Northeast corridor of the U.S. This comes on the heels after a major fall snowstorm hitting my area a year ago to this day (that really caused gridlock); and the 21st anniversary of a “similar” Halloween storm that was the storyline in the major film The Perfect Storm.* The weather people can’t predict this storm, and even the computer models are very conflicting! Talk about uncertainty! Never mind my social circle is small to begin with!
*take that film with a grain of salt, never seen the movie, because I heard inaccurate portrayals of the actors, it was dramatized of course!
these last few years have been pretty crazy in the Bad News Department. I’ll do a quick rundown of what happened in my region in the last 6 or so years alone:
- In May 2006, we had 20″+ of rain falling during the week/end of Mothers Day
- In late December 2008, we had a massive ice storm that paralyzed communities North of Boston
- During late February of 2010, we experienced some record warm temperatures (near 60 on some days) that lead in with a windstorm and a huge coldfront to hit my area on Friday, February 26th. This caused near hurricane grade winds with winter like weather on Saturday and March like weather on Sunday, then another warmfront the days after, with damages that caused widespread outages for power and telecommunications services for many areas for about a week!
- Then, Hurricane Irene hitting the Northeast part of the US, including Washington, D.C., New York, Boston – while the real brunt of the storm effected the Carolinas, and Upstate New York and Interior parts of New England (something the mass media failed to cover.) This happened a few days after a large scale earthquake rocking the East Coast on August 23rd of last year.
As I am dealing with trying to prepare with ether flooding, or huge wind damage, I have a very small social circle. In the bullet point on the 2010 windstorm, I had “friends” in Middlesex and Essex Counties in Massachusetts that got unscathed. Unfortunately I was dealing with that cliche “bad things happen to good people” while the people that don’t get punished for being bad people. The ones in interest both live in cities where they never go offline, one of those cities was blacked out outside of the downtown area and this individual never knew what was happening until this individual went and looked out of their window.
Now granted these people don’t have TVs, they don’t have landline phones and are totally Internet Connected. (and because of their stupidity, things like the Emergency Alert System is getting pushed to cell and smartphones by new FCC rules) And that same stupidity of these people, are like I have described before; self-absorbed and if they did look out for me, it was half-assed anyways.
Then the social media aspect makes me just sick. The Weather Channel has not only dumbed down their website to the point they are attracting the socialites. It drives me nuts when I see the red banner on top of their website to click and “warn your friends”. Then I see the cable channel having graphics like “#sandy” to tweet the storm.
Sure I have family members that we will be looking out each other during the storm, sure I’ll be hanging out with my mother as this storm approaches. But its the secondary relationships that really bothers me. I have had questionable “friends”, and I would logically assume that friends would reach out during times of trouble, whether they are personal or meteorological.
This storm is coming at the worst timing as I am trying to get a break from this stressful year. Now this storm may just cause even more and more stress, and I can’t wait till the end of the storm for the post-mayhem goes away, as we go into the holiday season of Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Christmas and then New Years.
@Work Relationships (and boundaries)
This post might be for the audience that has experienced or knows people with special needs.
As I am looking to start getting a job or going into a work program, I am preparing myself of how to tackle my difficulties known as socialization. For someone like me, allegedly there roadblocks of how to have an retain an “appropriate” “boundaries” with peers, superiors, and other social “status”.
I am going in a mind set of having a [super] professional respect and boundaries with my prospective co-workers. Work is not a place to make friends, its a place where you are expected to perform and do what is expected in your job title. Often, people with autism or other disorders typically do not know what is right and what is wrong. Thats where the “boundaries” comes from.
Now there are places I have contemplating of working. I feel given my educational background of a fraction of a high school diploma* and unfortunately in the mean world of reality, people do judge you by how many “pieces of paper” you have framed. Doesn’t matter what the context is on that piece of paper, its how people judge you. So I have settled with the idea of working in retail in some of those “cool” stores at the local malls. Since I have gotten less and less laid back (for whatever reason, since it would be improper for me narrow it down giving I have been in a real angry mood, and some of my thoughts might be totally wrong) that I might not even gel well at those places where its socially ok to be laid back and casual.
* I got a High School diploma, but I felt that I didn’t work harder to really deserve it. In my view, they overstated my grades just to give me the diploma with the intent to get need services in the future. I wanted to learn more, instead of learning to do vocational work; and I didn’t get what I felt like I needed.
Another issue is some of these work programs for special needs (like autism) have targeted the high functioning population and think they can meet the high standards. Like the last work program I was in was pretty white-collared, putting high standards (since thats how the corporate world is) and expecting to meet those demands, and have 0% mistakes.
Now I have nothing wrong about the corporate standards, as that has been part of my DNA for almost my entire life. My problem is the “high functioning” population that is often misunderstood of having Asperger Syndrome* while most AS individuals are typically normal, above normal and don’t have significant issues. So if I come off as someone with AS, then the standards go through the roof, and if I fail to meet the standards, then I get fucked by the system. Often people with AS come off as a high standards individual, such as dressed in a corporate attire in some cases.
*currently NOT part of the Autism Spectrum Disorder. The disorder has “autistic-like” traits, while individuals are known to have”social difficulties.” Again the focus on the latter, and most cases these people don’t have delays like autistic people traditionally have. Do not believe people when they say they have Asperger Syndrome, a form of autism; which clinically is NOT. Also the official name does not have a posseive noun, referring to Hans Asperger, the doctor that coined this non autistic disorder.
Well that last sentence would apply to me. I often dress up as a corporate attire, because I was taught to be a high class individual, and have higher expectations than his peers because people had pushed me to “go to my full potential.” Today I often dress up, and have a lanyard of an ID badge of what is now a defunct IT consulting firm that I was trying to do before I got a “real job.” Again it has been perceived that there needs to be an “image” to come off as a professional as opposed to his “normal” peers of being inappropriate, dressed over casual, or act immature, as someone like me can’t do things like that and often would be considered as scandalous.
As I go back onto the topic of “relationships at the workplace” there are laws I need to comply (no not Sarbanes Oxley or HIPAA, etc.) but laws like Sexual Harassment, Harassment and follow ethics. Again, while my “normal” likeminded group have enablement of doing things that should be called out on. Ethics is my highest point. I feel that I need to be the “good guy” and expect to have the highest respect in the workplace.
I might be a person that people may hate if I work as a Genius at The Apple Store, or a clerk at Aeropostale or flipping burgers at a Five Guys, because I have been taught to be professional, and to retain full respect of the public and my future co-workers. And I have a conclusion to make sure I put everyone up on a pedestal and respect all my co-workers as a higher level of socialization.
If I didn’t have autism, I’d probably be in Iraq or Afghanistan being in the U.S. Miltary. I seem to have military standards in me.
Call me crazy, but I am a professional with meeting high standards 24x7x365. Because I am expected to be a professional.
Message a Girl…Ask for Trouble, part two
Another (possible) date – with no response yet. (I might have to admit my profile might scare people off – well I have to be true and honest why I can’t stand bitches! I don’t regret if I am making females run away from me.)
Sometimes I wished the Government didn’t invent the internet. I’d rather be severely autistic than being a high functioning autistic.
Message a Girl…Ask for Trouble
I am trying to message to single ladies online…but its really hard when the monopolistic gender overrides the world. Women and their retarded skepticism that all men are creepers and sex offenders, and jerks. Like some women aren’t that ether – right?
If my iPhone doesn’t go off – i’ll know its this “Danielle”. The other day I sent this single a message – cue to the full screen:
Did I screw up? What was I NOT supposed to say? What SHOULD’VE I said to her?
Special Needs “Professionals” = Bad Matches
As I have mentioned earlier on, I am trying OKCUPID for the remainder of the year. I am so sick and disgusted at the many users that have professional experience with special needs. You might be asking why I am bitching about this? It’s because these people often have self-esteem issues, and if they are having trouble dealing with these people during their day job -then why in the fuck do they want to fuck around with them off the clock?
Yes its cool that there are more and more people being open to these people, but the other issue, is that many of these ladies (and guys, but they aren’t relevant for this post) are probably are going to get “burned out” and then some.
I think I have been cursed since my first day of existence for any romantic or hell any possible relationships.
Siblings
I’ve said before, I don’t have siblings (let alone a father) though I do have some cousins I am familiar with. Some of my cousins could have some characteristics of a sibling. I do often wonder what life would be liked if I had siblings. My mother had asked when I was 10 or so years old, and I said no. Part of it was just the fear of being around a baby, and just any additional fear. At that time I don’t think they had those “new sibling” courses they do today.
Though I wonder about them in a relationship sense as a sibling to sibling. I’ve heard stories about how they would be rivalries, they would compete, they would trash one and another, and the other things I see on the TV and watching the Kardashians series of programs.
Another thing I probe and question is are such relationships as a child change as an adult? I am not sure if many get along as adults, I wonder that. I understand (from my own experiences) that dysfunctional families can start at the adult age (and I hate to say I am one of those people too.)
Once I have more thoughts, I’ll post more on this subject
Work
Note: This post was written during the Alpha/Beta stage. I wanted to bump this up so you can read my views on why I am not in a work program yet, and how my (allegedly made up) social skills issues and the ever so confusing understanding relationships at the workplace has put me into a long and screeching halt. At the same time, I am going to take time off to sort out various issues as I noted on my other blog just now. I am hoping to come back and try to calmly write my frustrations on relationships again. I can’t imagine what others like me go through, let alone someone who is “normal”
I’ve not been in a job since early 2008. It had nothing to do with the economy, it was because it was part of my school program and the company was unable to hire me permanently under their payroll. The company was billed by my school and the school program in return would give me the paycheck. At that time, the company had some seasonal difficulties, though now they are doing much better because they are allegedly the suppliers for a famous phone made by a California tech giant.
With that being said, my last day was within the following week to my 21st birthday, which is when any special needs student looses their school services and land into the real and crazy world of adult services, which in the beginning can be very difficult. (Hereto, I’ll leave the rest of the technical stuff for The Forgotten Autistic, since I normally cover these general and personal issues.)
So I have struggled finding the right work program. I’ve dealt with one a few years ago and it was an utter fail. Now I am in a new area, therefore their might be some promising options or work programs.
There are a few issues with work programs outside of a school program
1) is the “image” of the programs. Some programs I had seen were “white collared” like jobs. Sure, white collared jobs are fun, I’ve experienced it a little bit over time
2) with that being said, there is of course a responsibility, accountability, and maturity, and the job “coaches” or “trainers” often have to push and push the clients. I have done very poorly with people pushing me. I won’t go into the details, maybe its something I don’t fully know yet.
3) another issue is, in one of these “startup” programs (and do I love “startups – insert sarcasm) the applications are lengthy and dare I say intimating. My mother probably would say that most places do that, and its what life is and how workplaces work, and blah blah blah. Well, can anyone understand that maybe it has to do with how the label changed my life, most importantly the “social” aspect?
4) whether or not I choose a work program or not, there is a roadblock. Knowing I have social difficulties (whether its real or synthetic) I’d feel awkward doing some even simple blue collared job (something more up my alley!) Or even a turtleneck job! How would I be able to interface with “normal” people in a retail environment? Some of those teen/college age stores are people ether much younger than me or if they are on or close to my age, they probably are perfectly tolerant to illegal aliens, homosexuals, physically disabled, other backgrounds or races but not for developmentally disabled people! I bet there are people in such places that have used the “little bus” joke just like they did in high school!
The deprival of my “social skills” and replacing it with fear, intensive self-doubt and over-thinking is the major road block to a future of a 20 hours or less work program. I have not properly addressed this to my support team yet. Part of it is the lack of listening of some of the people. I still have the office skills from the previous employer, its like riding a bicycle, its just the social part that is severely stopping my life. If anyone is willing to hear me out.
Dreams (That Will Just Exist in my Imagination)
My dream life…
- Working enough hours to make ends meet, to have enough cash to pursue my interests.
- To have a stable social life – maybe up to six “friends” or so.
- To have some girlfriend I can feel its ok to be romantically in love, to touch her, to kiss her to hug her without worrying about registering as a Level Three Sex Offender.
- To have somewhat of a electronic communication (such as a Facebook, phone calls, emails or texts – though I don’t like texting anymore)
- That I can be happy and feel that life isn’t that threatening and the world around me won’t have to really judge me
But I realize that is all just a daydream and when I go to bed, the worst things to happen are in my sleep, because theres nothing to really dream about since my dreams cannot come true for various reasons to just leave out for the general audience.
I get so teary eyed because I have to accept that my life isn’t what I dreamt of. Because I have to make others happy because its all about them and not about me.