Author Archives: Clickford, Steven M.

About Clickford, Steven M.

Once I was told I had a Pervasive Developmental Disorder, 5 years after the initial diagnosis, it felt like a death sentence. I was never the same since. I published two wordpress.com pages, An Alleged Autistic from 2011-2014, and A Puzzling View on Relationships from 2012-2014 along with 2020:Hopeless Autistic (related to #NHpoli) from 2015 into 2016.

The Ongoing Unhealthy Family Structures

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My mother and I were “off” today. A bit ago the old woman went outside for a long period of time. She comes back in being a bit snippy. I asked (in a higher pitched/sympathetic tone)  “is everything’s ok?” and she responded with “I’m doing perfectly fine” sarcastically.

Due to my mental stamina today there was a miscommunication on wetting the grass from what happened a couple weeks ago while I misunderstood she “needed help” (translation: she pushed-me to “help” her no less than 10 minutes before the halftime Kansas Chiefs at the 49ers game. I also wasn’t in the mood to be “instructed” how to use the sprinkler or the outdoor faucet. She opted to play passive aggressive to “make a little note to never ask you for any help because you’re conveniently unavailable.”
I just walked away feeling guilty and any showing of ownership make her remark “I don’t know what to say” but then she took the “I’m going to walk away” as a passive/agressive remark so she then * all of a sudden * “wanted silence”.  Ok… Says the person who talks during a game about what happened on the sports talk stations the previous week, in almost verbatim.
Of course because I snipped at her, I have to take that responsibility and sacrifice tomorrow’s schedule because she “shut down” for the night emotionally. So if dishes (which she said she was going to do… perhaps “didn’t feel like it” would come up) and laundry aren’t done tomorrow, that means the house won’t be clean until Friday at the latest because she’ll be on site for Tuesday into Thursday.
Two wrongs don’t make it a right. She’s severely disreg’d and the one who takes the flack has to be yours truly. Her emotions is a grievance and I’m more and more confused on how to “help” her other than tasks she wants me to do, but if I offer any help, well it has to be in her confusing list of expectations.
I’m leaving it at that

Masculinity Monday: Picking Apart Male Behaviors, Attitudes, Etc.

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On Mondays, I’ll write about various topics about masculinity, the behaviors, and other traits of men or boys.

Waaaayy before male/gender dysmorphia, autism and male were both a dually stigmatizing thing growing up in the early oughts. Not to mention having female feminist teachers who also didn’t like boys or alpha men either. The men who were in middle or high school programs where I attended were emotionally-unavailable.

For so many years being ganged up by women, and teachers with feminists agendas, I was really held hostage for my own belief system. Moreover in the many years in the SPED school system, that I had to be a “nice-guy” and “respect women” by bending over backwards. As a result of this to quote DINO “Dr. Jordan Peterson”, “Nice guys finish last”.

But when I would try to get into the real world, I would run into men (albeit on the tech forums, the “IT Professional” forums or even freckin social media, I would notice this crass men, who often would speak directly and also brag about “cheap” stuff they got on eBay or love to use variants of “good” and just noticing how sick these species known as adult males also known as men can be.

Then we have tomboy types of women, who ride feminism but want to act and have the freedom of men then protect women’s sports. Yeah, I am talking about Kelly, that Kelly. 

Since this blog started, the red pill or the so-called “manosphere” really was a niche and fringe group but when JD Vance started to say wild crap and Elon Musk reposting batshit stuff on X formerly known as Twitter, and from what I have seen online that was on the borderline of fringe, lead to mainstream cringe. This lead me to produce a special series of reports at the minifig TV station a couple winters ago.

To say that it’s hard to be a guy in 2024, a reasonable and kind would be an understatement.

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#TransformationTuesday Self Advocacy = Activism

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Corrected on October 4th, to reflect mistake on the name of the “parade” in Concord that occurs on the 5th since the people who lead the organization can’t talk directly!

Because I was out-of-districted in Massachusetts, the only self advocacy I learned was trial-and-error, fumbling and tackling down teachers and management, embarrass them in Section 504 meetings, etc. I was one jaded little teen.

Lots of people I know that vary in this very state are getting ick-ed by the rise of activism masqueraded as self-advocacy

From my understandings, self advocacy was taught on this side of the border more for speaking up for what you need. Self advocacy is an important skill, and sometimes in a political context.

According to people I meet, they often notice my ability to self-advocate, But I can’t speak for others because I used to be a loudmouth ahole, so what do I know?

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A View on “Buddies”

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This came up on my personal Facebook the other day with it trying to turn this post in a “Then vs Now” function. I missed it because it to be posted on the same day in 2017…

I wanted to post me doomscrolling on my phone feeling a false-nostalgia. I guess I could do it manually posting with a hashtag of #ThenVsNow

Without going into much detail, a then-student in 2017, who knew someone in management in my then day program (that was also their professor) at the time had organized a “Buddies” group at SNHU, which surprisingly  is an actual campus despite having an online learning platform. In fact the on campus was growing tremendously pre-pandemic as it borders Hooksett and the fringe of Manchester, in fact you can see SNHU at Exit 10 on 93 – something that was never seen from the highway before.

This, like many other experiences as much as my skepticism was in my mind, the hopeful side of me was hoping to meet people who would’ve been much younger than me to be something more than just buddies. In fact I written a similar title either here or my personal blog (of which the database was screwed up locking me out from viewing any posts.)

I’d rather write small posts from each of the times I went for nearly 2 years before I felt this wasn’t the right place either. The problem was more of when the student graduated, would the other buddy be abandoned?

For it’s time, it was a community organized event with the students that had experiences with people like me. It’s a departure from the Best Buddies which is a rigorous organization. But in fairness, I think there should be more than one type to what can work. The problems that can run into a community organized event is you’re betting on the SNHU buddy member that will stay in touch with you and hope you don’t fade into “busy” and a “post college life” or even bigger things like getting married or even having kids. I finally found one buddy who ghosted me (and she was such a cool-chick) to find out a month ago she’s married with two kids.. and she’s nearly 11 years younger than moi.

This has been mentioned in the prompt of continuous improvement to the IDD system in my annual contract, they are choosing to ignore what they expect us to be anyways in the community? Remember “autism acceptance”, knowing that these things are superficial is part of that list.

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#TransformationTuesday: “Community Based Supports” = Out of Bathwater Services

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As part of adding justa little more time on this blog, to help layman people what people like me exist and why we are out, since I am interested in policy and understanding governance, I feel like I should be the one that can try to help out to extract the jargon to more understandable (or sometimes politically incorrect phrases).

I feel for my peers who can’t really speak for themselves with the force feeding of HCBS… ahem OBS

Since the 1990s, the state had supported adults with intellectual disabilities home & community based supports also known as HCBS in the so-called “advocates” and other related groups.

The services unlike in special education, where one was most likely secluded in an out of district program as the worse case, the individual in this situation would be in the community for a measurable 30 hours a week. The theory – that is by having an active person with a disability in the community would being inclusion and tolerance. The “Out of Bathwater Services” or OBS as I will rename this can be an emotional burden to the individual or support staff. The reason why I say “out of bathwater” is because it’s taking people into uncomfortable and often unforgiving places even in 2024; a lot of this force began ten years ago to be implemented right as COVID brought mass infections in 2020, the regulations put a deadline.

“feeling like I am walking on a four sided Plexiglass telephone booth where I can see things and not touch it.” ironically the plexiglass metaphor couldn’t be so literal after COVID just five years after I mentioned this

Part of these regulations also forced a “code of ethics” for the direct support professionals, known to the people as DSPs and the power structures that would change to make the DSP be extremely Swiss or have sudden strict boundaries. This can make or break an individuals mature experience in society.

From ASAN, the Autistic Self Absorbed Network, to our trio of activism, question the effectively of being out in the community literally for 6 hours a day assuming you’re going to have a job. What if you don’t? What if you don’t have money to shop or eat out food?

In fact the push of OBS was one of the reasons I fought against it, the creation of the Hopeless Autistic was my written accounts of what I had already seen in SPED a decade before. It was the most literal example of Read the F-cking Manual and interpret it yourself, and be sure you  understand it properly to avoid a non-compliance fine.

I went so far to explain my experience to several seasoned professionals at DHHS “feeling like I am walking on a four sided Plexiglass telephone booth where I can see things and not touch it.” ironically the plexiglass metaphor couldn’t be so literal after COVID just five years after I mentioned this. COVID delayed this forced feeding of OBS at least another two years because the pandemic, but since late 2022, things are “back to normal”.

And back to normal of walking around as if one is socially isolated with a group of people and getting conflicting messages whether to be part of it or stay isolated. I feel for my peers who can’t really speak for themselves with the force feeding of HCBS… ahem OBS

Editorial: Kelly Ayotte is an Existential Threat to the Granite State (Abbreviated Post)

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In less than six weeks (my next haircut happens on the day before) Election Day; I have considered if I should risk my life, family and reputation to call out an alarming concern if things specifically happen on Election Day, our state will never be the same. I have waited until I felt it was the right time to call out in fairness  to verify Kelly Ayotte’s dangerous political rhetoric she has done well before she registered to run for governor this spring.

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Please Visit the New Hampshire State House by January…

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I rarely go into politics compared to the past, however I want to say if you are into houses of local government, I suggest you visit the New Hampshire State House (this is the proper spelling by the way) before the end of the calendar year. At the rate for the race for the CEO with the least amount of executive power compared to the other 49 states with over 4 and a 1/2 million dollars in the campaign, certain responsibilities will rise to the most vulernable, and some others will get more “freedom”.

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Stay Work Play NH has a New Director (They Should’ve Shut Down Instead)

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When I was up north, I wasn’t totally disconnected to local news, The Conway Daily Sun, got the scoop that Stay Work Play, the tax evading organization masking as a “non profit” has a new director. Judging by the headshot, the Millennial aged punk looks sinister, seems to have skeletons and dead bodies in the basement, as many millennial are known to backstab to get to the top.

I chewed up Stay Work Play in the past I am not sure what social media account, but I have been highly skeptical of this group for years.

How much as Stay Work Play recruited so-called “young professionals” back home? These people are the most obscene groups to be in the Granite State. These people use the r-word while they celebrate Black & Brown people and the queer community. These “young professionals” (the very few I have encounters with) are 24x7x365 hustlers (because so many are atheists so they don’t celebrate traditional holidays), they will walk over you while they jump to the top. They steal buzzwords they have no clue just to be the corner-office boss biach or ahole if you’re a male. Many of these people are anti American types (meaning they really like more global approaches, they can’t speak in US English anymore other than ending emails with “Best”… how diid these people graduate High School?

The underling issue with many of these born after 1981 to 1995, is they are stunted at college age, as so many are in their mid to late thirties. These people admire their content-based learning, where they their super narrow minded interest they studied for six years; but if we had a “special interest” said phrase was to be used as a slur and to be weaponized.

Is this an overgeneralization? Perhaps, but I have not really had much faith of these supreme narcissists the Boomers pushed out. Of the over than 100 milliton American Millennials, I go so far to say 80% should’ve been sent to the local abortion clinic’s trash can! Of these accidental consequences, if the “red pill” was right, the birth crisis really began 40 years ago, because the Millennials are doing what the Boomers should’ve done in the first place (not having kids.)

But if I had my world, Stay Work Play (again, three verbs as a name of an organization, sure seems “commanding” in the language structure) the Attorney General would investigate their tax-evading status and backpay the State of New Hampshire for the amount of time Stay Work Play didn’t contribute as a non profit as if they were Enron. And whoever is behind the accounting should be jailed and have felony rap sheet. (and if you know me well, I remember the days when the “Crooked ‘E'” really painted a broad brush of white collared crime, behind the Financial Crisis.)

Fair Disclosure the person from an “ABA organization” I referenced to as a source on the theme of “activism” , that individual is an ad-hoc member as a corporate officer type. That individual I have severe professional disagreements with ASD related to the Granite State. So my wounds from the trauma of these badasses keep inflaming.

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Incels attacking Women, Feminism is Under Attack = We Can’t Probe Feminism Ever again

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After Labor Day, Elon Musk’s hyper obsession of manhood has stooped to an all time low. He reacted on his platform, X, formerly known as Twitter from some “autistic” interest account saying the top men should be running the country. As a result of this, the now repost had “interesting” as his remark.

What Musk is implying only men, who make money, own property (which could include women again at the rate of anti-feminism) and is a father of children to be the only ones elected to office or be a CEO.

But that isn’t the low; his obsession to procreation had set to another low, the stuff exclusive to the so-called “manosphere” or the “Red Pill” is yet again becoming mainstream.  Last week, he suggested he could give pop singer Taylor Swift a child and he, as a protector could provide her family and protect her cat.

I help report this, what do I get in return? Someone whose obsessed about something being triggered by algos where I had seek it not the other way around.

Is 3l0n trying to incite forced-procreation against Taylor?

Then on Sunday former President Donald Trump posted a Truth on Truth Social that “I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT”

To be fair, I am not a TS fan by any means, I am not a post 1990s Country Music fan, I love country from the 1980s and before. You cannot force me to listen to WOKQ or WKLB, unless I kill myself first. Even when I was capturing Carolyn’ Kruse’s last air day in late August with a potential upload to YouTube, I tried to ignore what was on WKLB’s air.

However Taylor Swift is a successful artist, objectively speaking as the alpha-Chads would say. Could Taylor procreate as a mother of children? Sure, would she be a great “mom”? I’d prefer to wait that out

These men, ranging as old as Donald Trump to even other bleach-blond commentators like Megyn Kelly are extremely primitive. Women are supposed to be puppets controlled by their masters (the men) and their careers should occur after their prime age to make tons of babies to populate the planet.

The obsession on so-called “evolution psychology” is just pathetic, and sick. When I see a cute college age girl, or someone in their late 20s, I’m like she could make cute offsprings but would I go so far to say “hey lets hook up so I can make you babies”? I think I would be charged of rape. The issue is men, have been obsessed about procreation before this became mainstream. The issue is how it’s just being said casually to an audience that is bigger than the Big 3 TV networks combined, with no editorial standards or legal practices. Anything can go without any responsibility from Mr. Lisa Tom Blieyu, to Christopher Williamson to The Diary of a CEO.  The FCC doesn’t license podcasters but they won’t have to worry about equipment seized by the Feds.

Taylor Swift’s life has been threatened one too many times. Let’s talk about toxic femininity, how women are acting extremely nasty, as bad how narcissistic men once were. Gender needs to stop having political attitudes and resolve the gender gap through better leadership in business, media and society rather than regulate it through a tyranny. I think the current wave of feminism will lead to a complete destruction, but does that make me an anti-feminist? of course not!