Almost a year ago on the day after Christmas, I was reflecting on what would be happening a year from then.
I was right, I didn’t know how bad it was going to be, between the Bedford Bimbo being platformed to MAHA, to just the unknowns now we know for sure anti vaxxers, anti disability, anti science, anti-atypical people are now dominating policy.
I was just four years off on being permanently “hopeless”.
If you don’t hear from me, Merry Christmas for those who celebrate.
Twenty five years ago, in late 1999, the latter days of the 20th century, I was told the bad news that would change me forever. For most higher functioning autistics (HFA is not used because it’s not a clinical word) they have validation, By fifth grade, I knew I was somewhat different, but as I had the middle school hell that lead into the curse of being Out of Districted, mixed with a toxic/feminist ideals of male students, then I could never really recover because it was years later, years after denying I was really autistic (of which ended five years ago to the day) I felt being so delegitimized that I could never recover.
It was said in recent years by my mother that she had pushed off diagnosis because she was concerned that I’d be defined by “the label” Well I wonder now if FOB had said that to me in 1999 in preparations that the teachers would weaponize my label against me as if I chose to be odd, almost guilt-towards-compliance attitude. In case you forgot my original diagnosis was formally done when I was 7 which was 30 years ago this year, but it was told to me five years later.
I never really recovered to pre early 1999 levels of confidence and self worth. I say “early 1999”, because i have not told the story until five years ago because the women forgot childhood time perception. There was lots of social growth from I say March to June of that year, that clearly wasn’t seen or understood. I do not understand how people with a responsive soul would treat little boys as if they can’t be anything useful. Not to mention that I had pre-ABA treatment that was implemented really poorly and behavior analytics is not good for a program that is supposed to be for individuals.
Sadly for New Hampshire, I don’t think this has changed that much. But don’t expect Dan Habib to produce a serious film on restraint and seclusion.
Upon research this morning before publication, blurb showed about 4 million blogs are online according to BYU, on parenting.
While I couldn’t find a stat on a Google search on so-called “Autism Parent” blogs, there is no data, but let’s lump them into the parenting blogs, without the toxic sullen, covert narcissism of how their autistic child can’t do any damn thing.
While this may be sketchy on the Google side, I did try to find statistics on teenage blogs or abandoned children, etc., no avail.
Let’s put it this way, The Hopeless Autistic is one of the few on the Web that is focusing on crictical view of parents from a child, nearly 40 – that has “failed to launch” and narcissism experts like Dr. Ramani Duvasula would put that type as a narcissist, which I think is a bit unfair looking at how so many Generation Z is really struggling to grow up from the militant culture of Gen X, their parents.
Editorial Note: The title has “Autism/Spectrum Disorder” because I use it interchangeably since many just use “Autism” instead these days
Gonna miss those hated Boomers when they pass on.
The younger generation (when I say “young” I say under 55. The prospects are not looking good for typical minded people as I fear they don’t want me to exist.
Gen X (the alleged Forgotten Generation) 1965-1981
Generation X was coined because they weren’t sure how to name the thirteenth generation. Struggled during the 1970s under inflationary pressures, mixed in with no-fault divorce, and other turbulent times, Xers became adults at 12, and kept to themselves into the 80s and 90s. They loved Ronald Regan’s pro-growth economic agenda (that gave everyone Black Monday, the dot-com bubble and the 2008 Financial Crisis.
Gen X was also the generation where their offsprings were cursed with a vaccine injury known as Autism. Most of this population are in the Gen Z group. Ironically no one really talks about anyone injured with a vaccine in the 1980s babies. Regardless Gen X’s favorite film Rain Man, mixed in with their technical training on the IBM 5150 in high school, these hopeless people thought they didn’t need no stinkin education, it’s all on Google. Xers listened to their sisters like Jenny McCarthy and believed their kids autism was caused by vaccines Continue reading
Content redirected from the About page
My autistic disorder is not an identity, but it has become somewhat of who I am. Ironically people are not flinching when I describe myself as “hopeless”. The URL and title of this blog acted as a warning sign if people didn’t pay attention to see the tears, but then reacted too late after hearing the cries.
I was never into self-advocacy (now in 2024 as “activism” as a group, but more in into my day to day challenges in day programs for adults. As the system demanded me and my group to be in the community more and more, with the overall community (as well as the younger Millennial generation not understanding us) but yet I really do not relate to my group either. However self-advocacy at least in the last decade has gotten into politics, the state legislature, and overall politics. the messaging has gotten worse, and more and more voices are coming from other groups other than mine.
In the post I published before Thanksgiving,,with a follow up over a week ago, there was some loose ends to this story.
One is I may had published TMI, but I had to wrap this story with so much that was going on. In March of 2023, I was going through long bout of loneliness out there, in October of last year, the third time I visited, I felt there was there-there. As I discovered just recently that of all my years existing, that my brain often on the next destination, so while Portsmouth and base is only an hour or so away, when I was checking out, the plan was to go home or eat before heading back, so my brain was already on the Stubborn/Rigid/Core Bedrock of Personality that is the Interstate 93 Corridor that also includes parts of US Route 3, that at the front desk near Interstate 95, I was creeped out in my brain.
Editorial Note: I shouldn’t be sharing this, but obviously i am staying very generic as possible, to the point I am leaving state agencies out just so it doesn’t look so obvious. Second version corrects initial typos
Somewhere in the largest city today; we went to see my family member transitioning from mental health needs to early stage dementia. It has been one year since they were brought in, quasi voluntarily. Ironically this family member wanted to go to this facility prior to and was turned away within a month before.
Last week, my former support staff, whose male reached out to my mother hoping the relationship would be restored. This tested my commitment to say “no” and was going to end the email with such advice below to some young male who probably served in our country and maybe took a post-production job in Hollywood. The reason why he and I parted was “we” do not see eye to eye on the way of life.
This part of the email was removed for the sake of simplicity, but I wanted to share it here:
Ensure your mental grounding-pin is functioning. As the ol Apple documentation said “Do not defeat the purpose of the grounding pin.” That “ground” is your mental sanity protection. Ground yourself in reality based on well-known facts. The best people are the most informed people. Learn something outside your bubble. Get out of the sterile environment and go outside your home be what humans are – social creatures. Respect technology as an assistive device, not to do the work [because he uses tech to communicate entirely with friends]. Mindfulness is a great thing to have. Asking a 5-W word (who what when where why and sometimes how) outside of a sentence is interrogation. Want to really know what goes inside of them, frame as a natural question. Be present. Be emotionally-there. Filtration is a great gift to humanity, however our natural filtration is lousy. Don’t say things out of impulse because you can’t take the words back. Also, too many people break so many things, if you break it you ought to buy it. Take personal responsibility, if you’re going to take down a tree, better plant one in lieu of one. The most powerful people are the ones who regulate themselves emotionally… albeit there isn’t anyone that is well known because they are modest about their super power of self-control. We could use less statues. Admiration is as bad as impulses, don’t try to pull the curtain because you may not like what you see past it.
Editorial Note: don’t you hate it when you hit “Publish” but you still are writing as if it’s November and it’s 3 days into December? opps
The key experience with this chica is she was extremely, and may I emphasize authentically friendly than other guests that would be at desk. Year over year, I got the feels her authenticity was very evident, and not every guest got this treatment. While I said “you have made an impression with me” was never said back, only because I got the feeling that was likewise in verbal exchanges and the facial expressions.
Today’s post focuses on two separate but equally important experiences earlier this month, as feeling hopeless was already a baseline I entered into November and relapsed given the month’s political developments, and even on the state level… it’s an antidote to accommodations to invisibly disabled, and something I think for the first time could be something above limerence. The title of the post refers to a specific female of Latin/Hispanic decent hence why she’s earned a nickname of the “Cute Chica”.
The First Day of November
Portsmouth at this point (unlike the other two times as research for relocating) was a mini getaway, and was anticipated to be the 2nd to last week of October as the weather and other family events may take precedence, given the long year for my family member. In fact, one of the reasons of such getaway I was also really missing my favorite chica, I actually prayed to see if I could get her number or ask her out and hoping no bling on her hands, etc. I can’t confirm if the prayers work as God is never available or comment at any time of publication, as the weekend went on I did feel something “divine” inside of me happening.
What word salad as I was checking out and told the apparent new front desk gal who was only been there for 3 weeks to “protect her at all costs… she’s a keeper”. The Hotel Crush will be be described simply as a “Chica” because I know she’s Hispanic in nature, well I haven’t told you much about my fetish of Latinos, my dream girlfriend would be someone in that realm of the human race. My experience in Essex County, Massachusetts in an out of district program for 3 years says that plus I get really triggered when the stories of POTUS Trump’s Southern Border… so there’s some proof.