I didn’t ask to be a hermit…it just happend that way

Posted on November 28, 2012 by Clickford, Steven M.

Before my 21st birthday, the last day of grade school for me; I had considered that maybe I didn’t need to work and just live at home all day and all night, and not have any social interaction.
That didn’t go so well!!!
After getting some opposition to such plan, I didn’t do the work thing, because maybe having a social life could be a potential. (As you already know, I’ve had struggles in my life in that department.)
Now as 2013 comes along, I’ve decided the only goal in the next year is to finally find a job and just work. This world is pretty fucked up; and people do judge people by their job, their line of work, or hell even the company they work for. By not having any of that social status, I am a piece of a turd, and I am a non-existent person in society. (That latter statement could be me just being delusional.)
Notice that I didn’t state anything about a social life. This is how I am going to tackle this with my support team:

Society is ignorant
Society is not open minded
Society is narrow-minded
There are a lot of judgmental people, and when I mean judgmental, it’s a negative type
People are used to sensational media driving crime, typically against men (such as WMUR-TV Manchester comes to my mind and other media that synthesizes such crimes and blows the stories out of proportion. Media agencies claim they are educating and informing the public with is bullshit if you asked me.)
Statistically, women are victims of abuse. Same applies to people with disabilities, though that would offend the women’s groups. Women want to be treated with respect, but yet they will cry foul if they dress provocatively and seeking that attention to later deflect.

The following concerns base on my personal experience dealing with autism

Whether or not its seriously an issue with the ASD; there is a strong emphasis on “social skills”. Alleged “normal” people have never been taught formal skills; and these special ed institutions* have drilled black-and-white logic into our brains to socialize. However outside of the institutions; people can look down on their phones, people can cut one and another off; that etiquette can fly out of the window; and most social relationships appear to be one-way. The “normal” or the psycho-babble’s “nerotypical”, “typical” or NT never gets shunned for their anti-social behavior.
Some people do think Autism is a disease. They are just plain creeped out of my group
Society has defined that autistic people are mute and dumb. Some people think they fun to be with in a professional relationship, but allegedly they have a fuck you approach off the clock. So much for being nice with them when you are getting your pay check!
I’ve asked a question online hypothetically if they would be willing to date someone with autism, and there was limited hopes.
There aren’t enough fish in the sea in my case. Except for my fancy goldfish I have had for almost 5 years.

*when you are in a 9 hour school program (depending on the ride times on the school bus) – miles away from your hometown that really isn’t “home” I’d highly bet you would feel you were put into a state institution.
I got a comment on the Facebook Page companion of this blog from a “Sandy Gallagher” (whom of which found my other blog’s facebook page) that I was being too bitter, and giving me advice that was out of line. (That comment was since deleted, because it didn’t meet the standards for responses.) This user must have had perceived me as someone living in my mothers basement 24×7. Well given this record 10 months of summer she’s probably right! This user appeared to be a motherly type, and going back to the subject in hand, doesn’t know the full story, and she probably didn’t read the stories beyond the Facebook hotlinks. And this is how the real world thinks too. People are very quick to judge people, and this kind of psyche is something I am strongly aware of.
I’ve mentioned the reality, so heres the deal:

Get a fucking job! Give me some financial independence (allegedly) and allegedly girls find it sexually arousing when someone works and makes money. That’s from what I heard. Also my day services were originally used for fixed contract of a work program; I will request the budget to focus on the work program and the other services can be reassigned or be cut out entirely.
Kiss my social hopes goodbye. I am well aware I am an oddball, and in order to have a “healthy relationship”, I need to find people with similar interests. Well most females aren’t geeky, and they have created a sexism of tech isn’t for girls. (fuck those feminists twerps!) So with that said, I am not going to waste my precious time finding someone that is likeminded.
Save my energy and wallet! I will not waste time or energy of trying to get someone to like/accept/appreciate me. Remember how I would piss money down the drain just to get the girl to show my presence? The lack of warm relationships with a vast majortiy of people I know, have caused me to exit the narrow-minded/self-centered group aka people with Pervasive Developmental Disorders to go into the wild of strangers and trying to get a lady to like me and not know I am that messed up! For the last five years its failed! Insanity is defined of repeating the same mistake and expecting a different outcome – well I will break it!

I’ve chosen for my application of life, going to a less social environment will help me. And its attributed to the ignorance and lack of affection in society. I can’t say how really severe my autism is, but it has tainted my view of “relationships” and maybe it was poor upbringings, my mother’s lack of love coming from her family and other things I can’t discuss publicly or elaborate.
I am really saddened that people with a wheelchairs are accepted; people with that damned Down’s Syndrome are somewhat accepted, illegal aliens, Indians, Blacks, Asians are accepted in the Millennial generation, but forbids anyone with the former disabilities, or autistic disorders, whether they are severe, or extremely mild like the unrelated Asperger Syndrome. It makes no sense.
I think inter-relational between normal people and PDD individuals will take at least 50 years the earliest. If my prediction is clear (which some of my predictions ring true); I’ll be 75 years old. And I sadly believe this is true.
I am already preparing the worst, and just trying to turn off that switch is the only thing that will be best for society.
Yes, its fucked up. Yes, its a shame. Yes, this is perverted – but it is what it is. I have to accept that being anti-social is the best option for me in the near to long term future. There are types and specific people that I can attribute this to, but I’ll be the nice guy and stay quiet and zip it!

Why I can't Stand Rich People

Posted on September 24, 2012 by Clickford, Steven M.

I was on a walk recently, and I saw a car drive by. It had on its license plate GATSBY – probably as in The Great Gatsby, a common read for many twentysomething punks. Beneath the car, had an Obama bumper sticker, giving away that this person is a rich Moonbat (or is a rich yuppie wannabee.)
I never read The Great Gatsby, and I think I am not missing anything. The book allegedly takes place in some yuppie area of Long Island turing the Roaring Twenties. I’ve read bits and pieces of other summaries, that the book essentially describes rich people who think from what I interrupted pretty liberal. And rich too. And the book also describes the Prohibition Era – again goes back to the alcohol thing
What I have a problem is, people who think they are rich, that money buys them happiness, drink and party like its no ones business, and think voting Democrat is going to solve the world problems. I don’t like how people don’t feel the world around them, but they’ll care for someone in a third world country, and they piss money like its no ones business, and then induce themselves with so much alchies they just loose sight about the rest of the world.
I grew up in a town where there were rich anti socially drunk alcoholics, and alcohol really bothers me, I do drink – but once or twice a year. I never liked beer, and I have family members who have drinking issues. I just don’t like these classes of people. And I do know that this book was very popular on peoples Facebook account, back when the “network” system was in use. I believe it was number 1 in my regional network, so I am not insane and retarded to say that this book has had some impact in society.

The struggles of being me. (EDIT V2)

Posted on June 26, 2012 by Clickford, Steven M.

I’ve had a long 25 years of baggage to wake up every morning and crawl out of my bed and trying to find the “next step” of my life that I have used for exactly 4 years now.
I’ve had more and more let-downs than comebacks. And that has nothing to do with my thinking, its the leadership of the ASD community, the leadership of adult services and the leadership of our political system that hasn’t help the manners. There has been quite a drama, and frustrations in Concord, and the political mess isn’t far from over. Its also not far from over with the the negative influence that people give to the individuals. The years leading to my last day of school on my 21st birthday, was really about the only thing going forward in my life was to work.
And lots of the skills were a decade behind the present standards, ranging from work ethics and how to find a job. I had my teacher saying in like 2007 that she was going to get the local Sunday newspaper because the Sunday editions have more classifieds. Around that time they were extinct in their existing form. Never mind the teachers of my school program were hesitant of teaching the students how to use Monster.com, Craiglist. Facebook was still in infancy to “everyone else” outside of the dot-edu addresses, and LinkedIn wasn’t even popular in the corporate world.
Oh and what drives me nuts, was even before the huge Facebook/MySpace/LinkedIn era, was the teachings of harassment, and the fear that was brought to us about the skeptical society. I wanted to give out business cards to pretty girls but after I was told that “after 9/11, people gotten creeped out” or it would be a “crapshoot in case” she was in a relationship or married.
What if I was doing a double prong approach to not only try to hook up, but you know, the networking word? The old fashioned way of giving cards out to people? Well since i am a “loner” type, I am often in the community by myself (thanks to my friends abandoning me) and you know i have that look that looks like I am the mute and dumb stereotype, I cannot do that. Then, thanks to elitists like Stephen Shore or Tony Atwood or Teresa Bolick, and other Asperger knowitalls of the world they, and including the school teachers also indoctrinate us about various “social” standards, “social status” and anything that has to do with “social.” At this point, it should be a vulgar word.
I can’t even be a salesman. My eBay record has really sucked. My resales of failed tech equipment, often had to be relisted on average of 3 times and a lack of interest. Its really crazy how a generation old technology can go down in price and be a lack of interest in only 9 months to a year! (Some of my Ci$co products were about 6 to 10 years old on the hardware side.) And I am not even sure if my Etsy account will do anything good.
I have been let down so much by various “adults” in my life, and what the hell am I supposed to do? I feel like I’m here without or I don’t have a reason to be here.
It’s a REAL SHAME to be suffering with what’s now becoming a “woman-made” disorder or disease, however you look at it.