Tag Archives: Autism

What is my disorder?

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Basically here’s a brief timeline of my autism disorder (or disease)

  • I didn’t start talking till I was about 4
  • I struggled through my middle school years (and left the school district within a couple months)
  • I had gotten severely agressive from when I was 12 to before 18 (which I don’t know what causes it for everyone on the spectrum, but disturbing even to this day)
  • I described myself as being 3 years behind most peers, up till when I turned 21 and fell off the cliff,
  • The last 3 years was the worst years of my life however,
  • I moved to a new town for the first time ever in my life in the last year in and a happier area if I can try to get out and stay in this region

Even with the happier news of my life, there is still some bumpy roads. I seem to be “regressing” since finishing school, to the point where I am getting agressive again. People close to me are concerned, and they should feel that way. I don’t know why I would be so angry…oh wait – because I have had a difficult life!
I feel I have other disorders lumped into my existing disorder, but I don’t know if I am really on the spectrum or not. How can the disorder be so different for everyone that has it? I feel sometimes creeped out in my own skin, and rightfully so.  It’s like how can you be developmentally behind, but yet freak out like you should be put into a mental institution and also be somewhat smart?
That’s what I think about on an often basis, how can someone on the autism spectrum have a whole range of problems mixed into one individual?
Its never more confusing to struggle with this disorder/disease in these crazy times.
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Quick introduction

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My name is Steven, I am 23 years old. I’m on the autism spectrum disorder and I have been dealing/struggling with the disorder for my entire life. I have had a difficult life, but I always try to look at the bright side. This blog won’t be entirely my diary/journal, but to journalize the ever so growing number of autism and how the numbers of it don’t add up from someone who has autism
It was only just a few years ago the disorder hogged every media outlet, ether was a lead story or done specials. It didn’t matter if it was a cable news channel or on the web. Now as we go into the teens, the disorders of the 1990s are coming back. Bipolar disorder, Down’s Syndrome, Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or ADHD or Asperger Syndrome. Guess witch disorder has been forgotten in the mainstream media or anywhere else? You guess it, Autism. It got media play just within the last week after the decade long saga if the MMR vaccination was to be blamed for autism. And some of the opinons were not very pretty. Autism is now getting beaten up again, and its just devastating.
I know that this blog can come off as anonymous, but the information that is posted are expected to be an opinion of an autistic that has a high school diploma (allegedly.) I felt it wasn’t worth it with the work I could had done to really earn it.
There aren’t that many voices that speaks about autism from anyone who has the traditional autism, the borderline pervasive developmental disorder/not otherwise specified or PDD-NOS. Many of the voices are women of a certain age and status ranging from middle aged mothers, or ones who work in special education or special needs sector. And most of these women are often liberal and voting a certain party in because the certain party is always [allegedly] for special education or special needs.
Because I lost my innocence at a young age, I have been skeptical ever since. Even if my end of the autism bubble* was truly a legitimate issue, I (and many others) seem to be skeptical of the current number of cases of autism that were born way after me. There is so much bad publicity, and there is a lot of people in the society that thinks that only people who are really crippled should be the only disabled people.
* Bubble – self profilled prophecy (i.e. the dot-com bubble of the late 90s where the Internet stocks were overpriced without any fundamental comparison.
There is much more to discuss, this is a tip of an enormous iceberg.
If no one else with the “real” autism is going to break their silence, I won’t be afraid to speak my mind in my own forum. This blog is the only place where I can express my 1st Amendment on what I think of my own disorder (or disease.)
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